"I'm not upset that you lied to me,
I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you."
-Friedrich Nietzsche

"I'm hungry!" Lotte had been sitting in her chair, with an angry look on her face, for already five minutes. Lisa had explained to her, for ten times, that there was no food and that Marianne was soon going to buy something. She had given up and tried to ignore Lotte. Lisa was relieved when Jonathan came in, until she saw the worried look in his eyes.

"What..." He grabbed her by her arm and dragged her along, without hurting her, yet hard-handed.

"Come with me," he said seriously, Jonathan was never serious. She asked what was going on, but he just shook his head. Lisa tried to pry herself out his grip, he was too strong.

"Can I at least walk on my own?" He shook his head again. They arrived at his room and Lisa wondered what, in the name of the Angel, he was up to. He opened the door and she saw Anna. Jonathan threw a meaningful look at Anna and then closed the door behind him.

"What's going on?" She didn't like the way Anna behaved. Lisa tried to look her in the eyes, she always knew when something was wrong with Anna, but she avoided her gaze.

"Lisa, would you please sit down?" Lisa wanted to protest, but Anna's behaviour prevented her. She plopped on the bed and crossed her arms rebelliously. Anna was quietly sitting next to her. Lisa's eyes pierced Anna, no reaction.

"Are you going to tell me what we are doing here?" Anna sighed, then she turned to her.

"Okay," Anna said slowly, with a lump in her throat.

"Anna?" Lisa started to get worried.
"What's going on?" A hundred scenarios went through her head. She put her hand on Anna's shoulder and sat a little closer to her. Anna closed her eyes and deeply breathed in and out. She finally looked at her.

"I wanted to tell you something a long time ago..." Lisa frowned her eyebrows, but looked at Anna full of expectation.
"I haven't told you yet...because I wanted to be sure." Lisa gasped. 

"Anna, are you...pregnant?" Anna gave her an angry look. So that was not it. She actually meant it as a joke. Anna obviously didn't think it was funny, so Lisa only became more worried.

"Do you remember, last year in Idris?" Anna sighed. Lisa nodded in non-comprehension.

They had gone with the whole family, and Lisa, to Idris. When Marianne still thought that she and Jonathan were too young to babysit. Lisa had only been to Idris a few times, but Anna had lived there until her fifth.

"Of course, I still remember," Lisa said. She had always found Idris the most beautiful place on earth. Anna had shown her all the beautiful corners of the small country. Like lake Lynn, which shined like a mirror, the mountain tops and the city itself. They had visited many shops and there Lisa had bought her – old – bow, in Diana's Arrow, a weapons shop

"Do you remember, that girl?" Anna asked hesitatingly.

She immediately knew who Anna meant. One day, Lisa had seen a girl in the Starkweather's house. She had run out of the corridor where Jonathan's and Anna's rooms were, with a flushed face. Lisa had recognized the girl as the daughter of the Montclaire's, who lived a few houses down. She was called Malisse, or something. She had assumed she was an old friend of Anna's. Though she didn't understand why she was running away. Anna never wanted to say anything about it.

The next day the girl stood in front of their door. She was very pretty, with long blonde curls and light freckles. She didn't want to come in. Then Jonathan came and he let the girl in – because she apparently did want to come in with him – and brought her to his room.

"Go do something else, Lisa," he had said when Lisa followed them. She hated it when people treated her like a small child, especially when that person is younger than her. He had locked the door. Lisa had stood in front of that door for two minutes. Then she had gone to the kitchen because she felt sick. Anna was also nowhere to be seen. It was weird, she had thought, Jonathan was always with her and Anna. She had never actually seen him with another girl other than them. But Jonathan did whatever he wanted. He always did. At that moment, she had decided to forget what he and that blondie were probably doing.

She had clearly failed to forget.

"I don't know who you thought she was..." Anna began.

"Jonathan's girlfriend probably?" Lisa said as nonchalantly as possible. Anna seemed to swallow bile.

"No, she wasn't," she said with a little smile on her face, even though her eyes were still dark. Lisa looked confused.

"But, why was she..."

"She was my girlfriend," Anna interrupted her.

"Yes, I first thought she was your friend. But... I thought you knew, she was in Jonathan's room."

"Lisa," Anna sighed, "you don't understand..." Indeed, she didn't...unless.

"Do you mean she's your girlfriend?" Lisa said hesitatingly. She didn't really know what she meant by that. Anna lowered her eyes. So she was right. It all began to sink in. Anna looked at her with hope.
"Anna," she didn't know what to say, "do you mean..."

"Yes, Lisa."

"But what did Jonathan have to do with it?" Lisa asked, still confused. Anna swallowed.

"Jonathan entered my room when we were kissing. He wasn't angry, but he wanted to talk to me and Melissa." Lisa felt all sorts of feelings at once: relief, but also anger because Anna hadn't told her before and sympathy for Anna, because she had cared so much.

"Anna, why didn't you just tell me that before?" Lisa grabbed her hands. Anna breathed deeply.

"I wanted to be sure..."

"That you're into girls?"

"That too, but also that I'm not in love with you." Anna looked away from Lisa. She got a hollow feeling inside and she didn't know why, but she was afraid she was losing Anna.

"Is that why you didn't want to become my parabatai?" Lisa's voice cracked. It was forbidden by the Law to fall in love with your parabatai, another stupid rule. Anna nodded slowly, as if she didn't understand it either.
"And are you?" Lisa swallowed, her throat felt very dry. She wouldn't mind, she told herself and hoped that Anna would still want to be friends with her. 

"No, no, I'm not." Lisa breathed out, she felt like the worst friend ever. How could it that she hadn't noticed? And apparently Anna didn't tell her everything. But she had to understand that Anna hadn't told her this before. She hád to understand that.

"And what happened to Malisse?"

"Melissa," Anna corrected her, "and I haven't seen or heard of her since Jonathan talked to her. We returned to Antwerp the next day."

"Did he tell Marianne and Richard?"

"No." Lisa hummed and looked at the ground. It was as always a mess, although his bed was made for once. This time Anna tried to catch her gaze.

"Are you angry?" Anna's eyes were glassy. Was she crying? Lisa also felt her eyes burning.

"No, of course not." Or at least she thought so. She grabbed Anna's hand and squeezed it, she squeezed back out of habit.

"Do you still want to become my parabatai ?" Something between a laugh and a gasp escaped from Lisa's throat.

"Yes, of course!" Lisa said. Anna rubbed with the back of her hand over her eyes and cheeks. Lisa still had so many questions, but she would keep those for later. She opened her arms and hugged Anna. She cuddled her back, twice as hard. She was still her Anna. It would always stay that way, no matter what would ever happen.

"Could you please not tell my parents yet? I would like to do that myself." Lisa nodded understandingly. Being homosexual used to a big taboo among the shadowhunters: "If it happened, you ignored it." Fortunately, they had become more open-minded. Lisa gave her a pat on her shoulder. They got up together and walked to the door.

When Lisa opened the door, she saw Jonathan was leaning against the doorpost.

"Are you spying on us?" Anna asked in disbelief.

"For the record: this is my room." He pointed to his bedroom. Anna threw her hands in the air.

"I'm going to prepare myself, my hair is a mess." Anna gave her a last smile. Lisa watched Anna marching away. She gave Jonathan another angry look and also wanted to walk away when he grabbed her wrist.

"What?" she cried. It hadn't been her intention to shout, he looked like she had slapped him in the face. 
"What?" she asked again, but softer.

"I just wanted to say I am sorry that I have lied to you."

"It's fine, I understand why you had to." Jonathan almost never talked about how he felt and Lisa didn't know how to react. They both looked uncomfortable.
"So, are we going to give Olivia and Arthur a tour?" Jonathan nodded and together they walked to the kitchen, where they found Arthur. He looked sad at the refrigerator. When he saw them coming in, he closed the door and leaned uncomfortably against the counter. 

"Do you happen to have something to eat?" Lisa and Jonathan quickly mingled eyes.

"We're going to eat something later," Lisa said. Arthur looked disappointed.
"Do you know where Olivia is?" she asked.

"No, I haven't seen her today," he replied shrugging.

"She will be in her room, I'll pick her up," Jonathan suggested. Lisa nodded and sat down next to Arthur.

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You probably didn't saw that coming? Too bad for Anna no one else is gay...
Right?

Come on, read the next chapter! -->
And remember: Trust no one