I remember the first time it happened. It was when I was twelve years old and we lived in Roxbury, MA in a two bedroom run down apartment. My mom and her then boyfriend Ray had broken up and she wanted to get away from him. So once again we moved. We didn't have much since we were poor and when you are born into nothing, you tend to pretty much have nothing for years to come. At least that's how I see it.

My mom worked at a bar to make ends meet and since I didn't have a dad around, well actually, my mom didn't know who my dad was so I didn't know who he was. From what I gathered, she had been drunk and high at a party and that was the night I was conceived...yeah, I know...great story to tell my future kids. That's if I have any.

Anyways, my mom worked at the bar downstairs which was convenient since I had to be left alone at night and at least she could pretend she could keep a watchful eye on me. I had been used to it so I wasn't worried until he was around.

It only took a week for her to meet Joaquin or the PERV which I preferred to call him. He seemed nice in the beginning. Treating my mom and I to dinner or take out when he was around. We would play board games and watch movies. He even took me to the park when it was warm and sunny then get me ice cream afterwards. It was nice to have another Father figure around since Ray had been gone, so I was happy. 

It started subtle with the compliments. "You are a very pretty girl Isabel, you are going to be a knock out when you hit puberty." "I can tell you are going to have an amazing body when you get older..." or my favorite one he would say "If only I was your age..." then give me this creepy smirk after, like he would be thinking of what he could do to me.

I didn't think much of it since I was only twelve years old and all I ever heard growing up was that I was going to be a looker like my mom. I had seen how many men have lusted after her, doing stupid things to get her attention. She wasn't too picky since there wasn't much to pick from. Growing up in the mean streets of Jamaica Plains she had been used to addicts, drug dealers and gang members. So to occupy her time and loneliness she would alternate men. So needless to say when Joaquin would compliment me, I didn't find anything wrong with it...all her other boyfriends had.

Joaquin and my mom had been together for two months when he first touched me inappropriately. My mom was taking a shower to get ready for work and Joaquin and I were in the living room. We were playing around and he began to tickle me. I couldn't help but laugh since I was very ticklish so I had fallen on the sofa while he was on top of me. In the midst of my laughter he grabbed my boob and squeezed it which made me stop laughing and get up fast. I stared at him knowing that what he had done hadn't been right...he was an adult and I was a child.

"Sorry about that...it was an accident." he had said and went back to watching t.v. I didn't say anything since my mom had walked in. I didn't tell my mom either since maybe it could had been an accident not meaning to grab my boob so I let it go until it continued to happen every week.

Joaquin had told me that he wanted to show and prepare me to be a woman so I knew how to satisfy any boyfriends I may have. Since he was experienced he felt like it was his duty as my step dad to show me. As disgusting as it was I didn't tell my mom. Don't get me wrong I was going too...I threatened him that I would and he of course being Lucifer himself threatened to kill my mom while I watched and then rape me before he killed me. So I like a scared little idiot that I was kept quiet...for a year.

My mom came to her senses and dumped the bastard after that. He had shown his true colors and she couldn't take him anymore so we moved...again.

Now at the age of thirteen we were living in Mattapan section of Boston which was as bad as Roxbury but the rent was cheap enough. Again my mom found a new job and you guessed it...another man to make her feel better about the life she's living. Now, if I thought Joaquin was bad...then I should have just runaway sooner or even killed myself when I had the chance too.

After being there for a few weeks my mom met non other than Julio 'Murder King' Lopez. Let's just say that his nickname describes him to a T. Yeah...my mom knows how to pick them.

He was a drug dealer and the gang leader to the Bloods. Yes, a grown ass woman dating a gang member...a killing one. His threats weren't empty...I had seen him kill a guy in front of me before to show me that he didn't play...and he didn't.

Just like Joaquin he treated us nice and bought us things. His members gave us protection so no one messed with me in school or in the streets, not that I was running them anyways. Even though I had street smarts, I wasn't stupid enough to be out there late at night.

I had turned fourteen a few months before that night he was over our apartment while my mom was out. He was high like most of the time he was over so I tried keeping away from him. But that night it was impossible. He had barged into my room while I was on my bed doing homework. Pinning me down on the bed he began to rip off my clothes while I screamed and kicked. Getting mad he slapped me and pulled out his gun "You little bitch...you're going to shut the f*** up and give me that p***y of yours!" he screamed while I cried. I couldn't believe that I was going through the same thing that I had before. I was terrified of Julio...at least Joaquin never hit me or pull out a gun to my head.

I begged for him not to rape me...I was still a virgin after all. I even told him I would do anything else if he just wouldn't rape me! He was so out of it that he agreed. Thank God cause I didn't want to loose the last piece of my innocence to a deranged doped up killer who had a gun to my head. 

"Alright...I will wait until you turn fifteen...then that pure tight p***y is all mine. For now, you are going to blow me dry." unzipping his pants he took out his d**k and shoved it in my mouth until he came inside of it.

I felt disgusting and worthless that night and every day after that. I took a very long shower that night until the water was cold and my teeth shattered from the coldness. My mom had come home and Julio and her locked themselves in the bedroom so they can screw each other's brains out. I just cried myself to sleep just like I had for the past few years.

Julio kept his promise. He didn't rape me, only had me give him blow jobs or let him molest me. That was my life until he had me running drugs for him on the streets with the threat of raping me or even killing me if I didn't. I know what you are thinking, why not just give him my virginity? It's just sex right? Well, it may be for some, but for me it meant something sacred. I wasn't going to just let some perverted, disgusting, evil man take my innocence away for a few seconds of pleasure. I see what sex does...just look at my mom! She gave it up at the age of thirteen to some guy she doesn't even remember then had me! I will not be that irresponsible even though it could be taken from me forcefully. 

Call me naive but if I do give it up, I want it to be on my terms and even to someone who I like, even love. Though I hardly think I will EVER be able to trust or love a man. With my experience I'm surprised I haven't changed to the other team.

So, me being the optimist at that age I swore that I would fight for what was rightfully mine, that being my Virginity and negotiate something else instead. Call me the negotiator cause I became pretty good at it.

My mom continued "dating" Julio which sucked for me cause it only brought him closer to my fifteenth birthday. He hadn't forgotten our deal or his actually cause he would constantly remind me and even had a calendar counting down the days til my birthday. He tormented me and even tried raping me while drunk only for him to pass out on top of me while trying to take his pants down.

It was getting too close for comfort so I hatched up a plan to run away. Like I had said before, I had tried to kill myself by overdosing on pills but I was rushed to the hospital where they pumped my stomach. They kept me for observation until my mom promised I will seek counseling, and by counseling I mean that she told Julio to have a "heart to heart" talk with me so I could snap out of what ever problems I was making up. Yes ladies and gents, that's my loving and caring mother for you! To busy getting dicked down by any man who gave her things that had no value...like addiction, low self esteem, depression and prostitution. Let's give her the Mother of the Year award.

Since my mom was such a big help to my problems I saved enough money to get the hell out of there. Thanks to Julio and his illegal affairs, I borrowed money from his transactions stashing it so he didn't know it was me. For six months I had collected close to five thousand dollars. It might have not seemed like a lot but for me it was enough to live by until I can get a part time job. 

A few weeks before my fifteenth birthday, I waited for my mom and Satan to be gone to the Bloods Headquarters and high tailed out of there. I had decided to go to Dorchester, MA. It wasn't any better than Mattapan but it was away from Julio and my so called mom. I had transferred my school records to the high school over there so I wouldn't have to drop out. How may you ask? Well, let's just say that my mom and I sound alike over the phone and I could forge her signature very well. I had many talents.

I had even found a motel and had paid a few months in advance with Julio's money so a place to stay wasn't an issue. Once over there, I looked for a part time job after school so I could continue to save and hopefully go to college. At least that would of been my hope. 

I didn't ask to be living under my circumstances. Hell, I didn't ask to be born! But I was though my mom tried to abort me and failed having me at six months pregnant making me a preemie. The doctor's didn't even think I would survive, but I did. There must be a reason why God gave me a chance. I should be mad because of the cards that I was given, first being my irresponsible mother and her life choices. Second being Joaquin and his perverted thinking and third Julio with his sadistic ways of tormenting a young girl for his entertainment. I could try killing myself, next time succeeding so I wouldn't have to continue my life as a dirty, shameful whore who didn't stop her abusers. So much I could have done and didn't. But I believe there was a reason for my life events. I don't know what yet but I hope I live long enough to find out. 

I will continue to live day by day even if I don't have a home to call my own or at times food to give me nourishment. I will work as many jobs as I can to survive this screwed up world and try to become something more than just a worthless piece of sh*t. I will learn to love and value myself though others don't and I will eventually learn to trust and love someone...one day maybe. 

But like the motto that I live by says "What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger" and living the life I have been living for the past twenty years has or I will die trying.

A/N: Hello readers. I decided to write a different type of story rather than my usual fan fictions. I hope you like it and continue reading it. You can check out my profile for my other stories...not all of them all fan fictions by the way!

What do you think of Isabel and her past so far? 

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