I slowly turned around in his arms careful not to wake him up, I think it's been more than thirty minutes since I have been awake. I wish I could say I found comfort in the silence but there was no silence with my mind running non stop and my stomach at a discomfort. I don't think I could hold on any longer.

I really wanted to pee but I was ...unsettled. I wasn't really a fan of horror movies unless with my best friend of course. I've been over thinking going to the bathroom for the past thirty minutes, I knew there was nothing there but still.

I shouldn't have watched that movie and to think of all things this man doesn't let me do he agreed to watch the movie with me yet he was sleeping peacefully. I didn't really think he would agree but I needed to be comfortable around him the way he made me nervous and scared I ended up making bad decisions because I don't think, I just act in the name of being scared of him which wasn't good, it would get me killed if I continued on like this. I also needed him to trust me.

Plus I should have some sort of inside knowledge on psychopaths at least I believed I did I have read way too many books on them to be clueless, I at least had to have the upper hand somehow. I needed him to trust me, I needed him to think that I was getting comfortable that I was at least starting to accept this situation. My mind has went through these guards way too many times to mess up. I didn't know whether he was surprised or not when I asked to watch a movie with him, it was hard to read him.

It was a movie that Anele and I said we would watch, we had waited months for the release of the movie and I just wanted to feel close to her, I haven't texted or called her and I don't know if she has because I have too much of trauma to touch my phone I was still building up the courage to do it. Ever since the incident I didn't touch it, I didn't even know whether it was off or on but I terribly missed Anele and the horror seemed like such a good idea at the time.

I saw a very different side to him today besides the fact that when I looked at him looking at me as I prepared myself for the worst before the movie as he looked at me the darkness in his eyes looked ... calm -no- contained. His dark hair restrained, I had looked at the giant man before me, he was in a shirt that did nothing to hide his intimidating figure and sweat pants. Even though the outfit he was wearing should have made him give off a more calm aura it didn't even come close to it.

I remember sitting next to him and looking up at him letting him know that I was preparing myself, he had looked down at me amused but nonetheless waited for me as I convinced myself that it wouldn't be that scary. I was still baffled that when I went to his office and asked him to come watch a movie with me after sometime of stalling and speaking about pretty 'murdery' design of his office I had finally asked.

He seemed like he had a lot of work to do judging from the papers he was working on on his desk but the moment I entered, he ceased everything even as I babbled on about anything and everything he still gave me his undivided attention. I think I lost it when he stood up and came all the way around wrapping his arms around me and asking me what is it that I wanted, I didn't even let myself sit down instead I was very nervous and squirming on the spot.

Not only did I not expect it when he said yes I also felt like my mind was playing tricks on me, it felt very easy. He decided he wanted to shower first so I decided while he showered I would get everything ready. Everything was already set in the theatre room the only thing left was a blanket. I was surprised by a lot of things that the Viking man did which made me realise I didn't know him at all.

The movie was a rollercoaster, and yet above all else he was patient with me, he didn't even complain once. I still couldn't understand him because I didn't believe that this man had any patience but when the movie got too brutal I asked him to pause it and he would and he would wait for me as I would dramatically take my time digesting or he would let me skip some parts that were too much. I was so invested in the movie I didn't even care that I was basically harassing him-tangled to him and I would literally dig my nails into him at the peak scenes I didn't even notice until the movie was over.

He didn't mind, he didn't seem moved at all. I don't think that I hurt him, I was just surprised by the mark of my nails. What I did notice was the look he had on his face that was indescribable, he kind of looked amused when I would pause the movie and count to calm my self down or just remind myself that it's just a movie. These habits would die hard it was some of the things that stuck with Anele and I.

We both watched horror movies for the adrenaline, we didn't necessarily hate them or love them it was for the rush, we would watch them and then we would not sleep unless the light was on. We would literally go together to the bathroom and then hardly sleep. It was that bad. I think besides the rush we watched them because after we got over it we would laugh about it. I looked at his features with his eyes closed his breathing levelled.

He looked like a God. So peaceful but I knew better. Where would I even start how would I even ask him. I didn't know but what I did know was I wasn't heading in that toilet alone or without him awake and aware. The 'night light' really did help me otherwise I wouldn't even have fallen asleep to begin with. Today I was the one holding on to him and I'm a hundred percent sure he didn't mind.

"Why aren't you sleeping?" He asked making me jump startled. I really thought he was asleep his eyes were still closed and I was still staring at him. I hated that he would know how much this actually affected me. I felt weak because as much as I tried to gather courage I couldn't. I was never a fan of the gruesome, I think being forced to live in the dark affected me. Things Serenity and I went through I wouldn't wish on anyone. A trauma that made me afraid of the dark.

"I-I need to pee."

"You have been awake for the past thirty minutes why haven't you?"

"I'm -sc-- I don't know." I gulped not being able to say it. That was when he opened his eyes and looked at me, his strikingly green eyes making me want to just disappear, I couldn't detect any thing as I looked at him.

"Isla you are scared to go to the bathroom." It wasn't a question for the first time since I've met him I saw slight confusion on his face as he lifted his brow.

"No-Maybe -Yes, the movie we watched -" my voice was low.

"You are scared to go to the bathroom because of something you saw in a movie." This didn't sound like a question either, I was scared to answer maybe he would be mad that I woke him up. My mind started to wonder. It reminded me of my sister 'you can easily knock a grown man out but you are scared of going to the fucking bathroom.' I missed her.

"Yes- but I'll just go back to sleep I'm sorry I woke you up Lachlan -" my heart rate was starting to increase because I thought maybe he would be displeased with me, I don't think I truly did think this through and I definitely shouldn't have watched that movie. Aside from that I felt like maybe I was getting too comfortable with him.

"Would you like to switch on the lights?" He asked making everything around me seem to stop of every answer I went through in my head I didn't think he would say this. For a second I searched his face, analysing him. He always looked either serious or nonchalant.

"Really?" I asked amazed, he didn't say anything but just looked at me. I still couldn't believe it it made me wonder why. I didn't know what I truly expected but I knew it got gruesome and it wasn't this.

"No- thank you but please just sit up so I can go- to the bathroom." I finally asked, he didn't complain, he just complied and watched me as I rushed into the bathroom and did my business. It wasn't even like he could see me but just the thought of him being awake and aware squashed that fear. I washed my hands, wiped them before returning to bed, my head on his chest with his arms around me. Lachlan would never just let me sleep with space from him, but tonight I wasn't really complaining.

And I realised when I came back the lights were not dim any more they were on, a sigh slipped through my lips. As much as I said no this is what I preferred I just didn't want to ask too much of him. This was definitely so much better but it also didn't seem ...right. I didn't think the Viking man knew what a kind gesture was even if it hit him in the face. I felt relief immediately flood through my body, I had a better chance of being able to sleep now- not that I was sleepy anymore- but a better chance.

"Thank you." I said. I think my mind was still trying to comprehend everything that just happened. I thought I would be a little embarrassed about what just transpired and I had already told myself there was nothing to be embarrassed about I mean he wasn't embarrassed in anyway about killing people so why should I be embarrassed about my issues but that wasn't what made me feel comfortable- unbelievably so it was the Viking man, he managed to make me feel comfortable in more ways than one.

"I'm sorry about that."

"Don't be. I should have never let you watch that movie." I wasn't going to say anything because now I had bigger problems I had no sleep left and If I wasn't sleeping than I didn't see the need for him to be sleeping.

"So- why did you make me wear that chain?" I asked wondering about it, he wasn't so strict about it anymore now that I had basically 'moved in.' I wanted to laugh at the traumatising sad thought.

"So people are aware of who you are to me." He said, as his hand rubbed slow soothing circles around my back. Undoubtedly so it helped - I wasn't sure yet with what but it soothed me.

"I really like your hair." I said hesitantly touching it. I wasn't lying about it, it was a site to see.

"I noticed that every single one of your brothers have long hair, does everyone just like long hair or maybe it's a 'gangster ' thing." I said chuckling before clearing my throat when I noticed he was looking at me before repeatedly clarifying that I was joking.

"Thank you love- a gesture we decided to do for mother when she lost her grandchild." He said making me peek up at him. There was no trace of sorrow on his eyes or face.

I needed to understand him.

"W-what -what happened?" I asked hesitantly not knowing if he would tell me, maybe he would think I was too 'curious'.

"A woman tried fool us, and then tried to disappear."

"Where is she now?" I asked my brows knitted together.

"Dead." My heart dropped at the word alone but after realisation it started pounding. I don't think Lachlan has ever lied to me and I don't think he ever will he was too much of a psychopath to care whether I thought he was right or wrong all I knew was that he would get his way no matter what. I was trying by all means to act like this was just a normal conversation and that nothing was wrong.

"Did she- um- did she die of natural causes?" I asked hoping for the best my voice small and hesitant, a chuckle vibrating his chest almost making me jump, I was already so deep into my thoughts. I chose to look at everything another way giving him the benefit of the doubt but even so deep down I knew better.

"I cut her to pieces." I stopped for a minute asking myself why am I so surprised it's not like I didn't already know that he murders people, I still couldn't help the shock. I don't know why but I have seemed to forget that the man was a stone cold killer.

"Why kill her and then mourn."

"It's not the woman we are mourning love."

"Who did she-who was she with?" I hated the words coming out of my mouth but I had to be realistic and I just assumed he wasn't the only crazy one. He softly chuckled at my question.

"No one." He said, I didn't like that he never elaborated but he just gave answers he was satisfied with. So I had to ask more questions.

"Who was the father of the child?"

"One of my brothers."

"How did - how did the baby die?"

"There was no baby, but after lying for months with her doctor when we finally learned of the truth my mother didn't take it well. We are all doing this for her. Not only was she given hope but she also grew very attached to a baby which didn't exist. She had been asking us for a grandchild for some time.-" I have never heard him speak for this long yet it didn't feel like it was long enough. His deep accent rich voice captured me in and made me follow every single word. Even if he wasn't giving a command his voice was naturally full of authority, you wouldn't have a choice but to listen.

"When she found out that she was lying, it broke her so in respect of her and this grandchild that never came my brothers and myself decided to mourn with her- her way. As long as she was mourning we would." He said, it almost made me think he had a heart, clearly he cherished and loved his mother but he was still Lachlan. My heart cried for the woman hearing the story.

"Is she okay now?" I asked actually feeling sorry for the poor woman. I couldn't even imagine what she felt like. Losing someone dear to you was no joke. I was so focused on the story and the sound of his voice I didn't even notice that I was now basically on top of him my head on his chest, courtesy to him of course. I didn't fight. I wanted to know more but I didn't want to push.

"She's better now."

"Do you ever think she will ever stop mourning?" I asked thinking about this.

"Yes. After two years we didn't think she would but she claims it's time to move on. Surprisingly she called us and informed us she's planned something to finally say goodbye, I'm not sure of the date at the moment." My mind was still processing what he just said, I had way too many questions yet I didn't want to push him. I decided I would ask another day- maybe tomorrow.

"Lachlan." I called out to him my mind wondering.

"How is it that you don't have insomnia? I mean most mur- people in the - people who take lives do?" I asked trying to put it as lightly as possible. I didn't understand why he was such at peace when sleeping I have never even heard him have a nightmare. None of the lives he takes haunt him.

"-well people who don't have inner peace either have guilt or stress -but there is a lot. Nothing occupies your mind at night when you need to be asleep and at peace."

"You don't think I am at peace love?"

"I mean - don't you feel even a tint of guilt about the lives you take?" Lachlan didn't seem to mind in any way when speaking about his 'profession'. The way he made it seem okay was scary. In fact it was just a profession. I have always wanted to ask him this question, from the books I have read they always seemed to feel some sort of guilt leading to insomnia. That was the way that we knew that they were human but every time I looked into his eyes I questioned his humanity.

"Am I supposed to feel bad love?" He simply asked, And just like that it shone a little light on the man I was dealing with. Lachlan is open about this which I found alarming, he had no shame in discussing this.

"Not even a part of you feels guilty when ending a life, knowing that you are separating that person from their family and loved ones?"

"-are you not forced in anyway-maybe because you know there is nothing else you know but this life. This is all you know and sometimes the situations you are put in forces your hand." I realised I was trying so hard not to make him this monster trying so hard to at least have a little faith in his humanity. Hoping he would soon come to his senses or terms with it and let me go. He couldn't truly be delusional. I had to have faith otherwise what was I doing.

"There is nothing that I do that I do not want to do." Was his only response. The sound around me seemed to be drowned by my heart beat as my thoughts got louder in my head as everything else seemed nonexistent. There was no way out without pissing him off. There was no civil way out of this. I didn't know why I even entertained that thought because it wasn't like the Viking man was civil from the beginning. I just didn't want any blood bath or anyone to die anymore for that matter but I knew how much Lachlan didn't mind spilling blood and taking lives. I released a shaky yet hesitant sigh.

I was no doubt scared of the Viking man, he dug holes in my hands for just eating with another man, he has clearly told me about how unpleasant it would be for me if I was to do anything stupid and run. I didn't want to test this man but on the other hand I have never really been a quitter. At first I figured I would play the long hall than to jump into things making them sloppy and traceable. I didn't know how I was going to do it but one thing I knew for sure was that I wouldn't be here forever.

...

I entered my new 'office' that Lachlan had set up for me after I told him I wanted to continue working and by working I meant writing so he set up an office for me. The man was truly a mystery to me it seemed when he said 'anything my heart desires' he actually meant it- well aside from me leaving him of course. Truly 'moving'.

I didn't believe it when he said yes. I still couldn't believe it, even thinking back about it I couldn't believe all the times he has said yes. It was like I was waiting for him to just say no and then proceed to cut me up and feed me to his dogs. I continued to look around. The furniture and everything else was white, when I told him I wanted everything white I didn't think he would also get me a white computer and laptop- I didn't really need the computer but it wasn't like it put a dent on his bank account or anything. I chuckled looking at the big white desk.

I liked the feeling I got when I stepped in here it reminded me of home, as much as my sister preferred the dark she was a clean freak. I thinks it's her coping mechanism -so majority of everything at home is white and the house is always clean. Especially when she was home it was annoying because we wouldn't sit down carrying out her demands but I understood her. It was my first time entering this space but I could tell I would carefully spend my time here.

The plants on the shelves at the corner added life into this room plus the green against the white looked beautiful.  Of course he would add some green. The build in shelves caught my attention as the covered the entire side of the room. Just the image of the different books neatly in the shelves excited me, a sigh left my lips as I stared longer. Something told me I have found my peace.

As I stepped closer I realised some of my favourites were here. I couldn't help but smile as I picked one up Deluded- I couldn't even tell you how much I have read this book. A knock on the door made me jump surprisingly giving me a shock. As I turned around to attend to the person the book slipped from hands as I realised who was standing at the door, my heart rate immediately picking up and my mind running around.

"Anele." Her name slipped past my lips as I took her in with my eyes trying to understand how she got here. Suddenly feeling chilly as if someone had switched on the air on at full blast.

...

I'm sorry about the progress of this book but when I am writing chapters I want to give this book my full attention.

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Tell me what y'all think.

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Happy belated birthday MaKhumalo.❤️