Every saint has a past
Every sinner has a future.

My past.
Whew. There's a lot there, and some of it still haunts and nags at my present self.

We ALL have a past.

Did you know that I, BananaPieLove, used to have a book here on Wattpad that was a compilation of gay fanfiction love stories between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson?

Yep.

I hate to admit that, but at the same time it brings me hope and peace knowing how far I've come and how far I know God has the ability to take others.

That is the very reason that we should share our testimonies.

All of the people reading this right now - including you, including me - we all have a hidden sin or inner struggle that we deal with daily. Mine right now is simply getting my mind out of the gutter and away from impure thoughts and lusts. Just months ago it used to be maturation and porn, but got has brought me out of that, praise the Lord! Three months clean! And if you're struggling, God can and will save you if you call upon Him and leave it in His hands where it belongs. It's a cause and effect relationship.

But when God brings you out of whatever struggle you're in, you need to share what God has done for you and how He can do the same for others.

I have really been wanting to share some of your testimonies through this book, but no one has been stepping up. And then I realized that maybe it's because I myself haven't been stepping up. I am afraid to share my story, so why should I expect others to?

So that's what I'm going to do today.

Of course I won't hit on everything because everything has a time and a place, but I'll cover the fundamental line of my story so far!

•••

I grew up in a Christian home, my entire family being believers with the exception of one who still isn't to this day. I gave my life to the Lord on October 11th, 2009, but I wasn't truly engaged in my relationship with Jesus until this past summer if I'm honest. I mean, I was never a bad kid, I knew God and I knew right from wrong... I loved God with all of my heart. But I guess I never truly knew what it meant to be a Follower until this past year.

When I was in first grade (I think), I was sexually harassed on the school bus by a boy just barely older than me. We were sitting in one seat next to each other and he just reached his sticky little kid hand over and touched me in the she-who-must-not-be-named.

As a first grader, I didn't really think too much about it. I was not okay with it of course, but I never really understood or cared what this boy had done...

Until I got older.

Around the age of 12-13, ya know when you hit puberty and your eyes are fully opened to the world around you, I finally realized within what this boy had done to me like 6 years before. The scene would just replay and replay in my mind, and I became extremely uncomfortable with people. I was afraid! Like, what was coming for me next? I became so uncomfortable and self-conscious. I became a recluse and shied away from people as best as I could. I even nearly stopped wearing dresses and skirts because I felt too vulnerable.

This discomfort forced me to become what the world would consider an introvert, and I am not an introvert!! But I am STILL learning and trying to get out of that shell that Satan has made me believe I needed to be in. I felt safest in. Sounds dramatic, but it's true!

Anyways, I had built up a wall thinking that no one was ever going to enter, but of course that's not how that works. I befriended the sweetest person alive! Unfortunately I discovered months later that she was a lesbian. Bummer.

She also cussed a bit. But people still scared the heck out of me, so I didn't want to lose the only one I liked, so I stayed close friends with her. I love her so much still today, but I realize now that sticking with her was a bit of a mistake. She ended up influencing me more than I would have ever expected. I began accepting homosexuality a bit and every once in a while I let a bad word slip from my tongue, but I was fine with it. One day, she kissed me on the cheek just to see how I'd react, and the more I thought about it, the more I thought I liked it! I thought I might be bisexual!!

Even though I was uncomfortable with even the thought of people, especially boys, I was still a girl. Hello, of course I'm going to have crushes! So I liked this boy and my friend knew that. Like best friends do, she tried to hook us up and well, it worked.

This boy and I dated for two years and seven months. The only boy I've ever really dated. Crazy, right?

Well, turns out he only wanted me to supply for his sexual, teenage boy desires. He begged for pictures, would imply sexual things, and he would touch me...

Talk about PTSD.

I would have flashbacks to first grade... But this time, Satan convinced me that it was alright. As if God sent him to help me overcome that fear and those negative feelings from my past and to be more comfortable with people.

Well ain't Satan good because I believed that for 2 years!
Along with all of the stuff with my boyfriend, I started masturbating regularly and looking at porn. All while still going to church, writing Christian books for you guys. Boy, was I ashamed, but I didn't want to let it go.

But then things started turning around for the better.

Last spring, I truly began to dig deep into my relationship with God, and for the first time it actually did become a relationship to me and not just some religion. It became real and I knew what God wanted of me - I knew He wanted me to put an end to that sin. So one day I stomped my foot down to my boyfriend, saying I'd had enough with the sexual stuff! He said he respected that.

The next couple of days there seemed to be a lot of friction between us. I told him that "I think we're having issues because we let our sexual stuff become the foundation of our relationship. And since I took that away, we have no foundation at all. We just need to start new again." But he claimed "that has nothing to do with it."

FOUR DAYS after I stop the sexual stuff, he breaks up with me. Coincidence? I think not! (Anyways, not the point.)

But ever since I stood up for myself for real (I had tried to several times before that, but they were useless efforts. He said he'd stop, but then started again a week later.), my walk with God has been the best thing in my life! I have grown so much with Him, and guess what? I'm not uncomfortable around people anymore!! I love people and I love wearing dresses (for the most part... 😂), and I have finally found myself in God.

•••

There ya have it!

When I have a YouTube channel, I am going to make a video with my testimony and it will go into quite a bit more depth then this does. I just couldn't type it all out! Haha! (Sorry, I talk so much about my future channel! I am just so thrilled for it!)

If this was inspiring or touching to you, just know that YOUR testimony can do the same! So if you want to share your testimony with others, send me a message and I'll talk with you on that! You can request to leave it anonymous if you'd like, don't worry!

Thank you so much for your input and support!

Keep fighting the good fight, my friends. Stand up for what you believe in and you will see amazing changes in your life!

•BPL🍌🍕💟