10100

Now that everything was through and the main thing taking place in the field base was celebrations for the fact we'd been successful in getting through our mission, I realized there was no better time to confront Ronnie on what had happened right before our mission.

There was a feeling in my stomach telling me that it was more than likely that Ronnie would probably deny me any answers about all of it...either that, or she would probably manipulate me into doing this or that, which she tended to be very good at. The very idea of confronting her about anything just seemed somewhat bizarre - no one wanted to mess with her, not really, even about this sort of thing.

I supposed I had an advantage over most people - I was her friend, most likely her best friend, and I knew my way around what she strongly disliked...most of the time. Sometimes it was difficult to figure out what exactly was best and what wouldn't end up making her furious.

And I knew that whatever happened with the kiss was something that was most likely emotionally charged - Ronnie had never struck me as the type who would do such a thing without any sort of meaning behind it. She always could think of an explanation for everything, and I was more than ready to hear what she was going to say to explain this one to me.

At the same time, I could sense that it wouldn't be something that I would end up enjoying. It would more than likely end up being something that only made my situation feel worse for whatever reason. Ronnie and I were the types who should clash with one another, but instead we went together well. I was hoping asking her about it wouldn't end up being the thing that stopped all of that from occurring.

These thoughts swirled through my mind as I made my way back to my room, and I couldn't help but release an enormous sigh just in order to get myself a little farther. I felt like this was a proper time to let out a sigh - there wasn't much of any better time to do such a thing, not when Ronnie was around.

I opened up the door, glad to notice I'd managed to beat Ronnie back there. I had a feeling that was the case, but I couldn't possibly be sure after everything. There was always that chance I could be wrong and I wouldn't have any more time to prepare myself to speak to her.

I sat on my bed, knowing that Ronnie would be back in the room at any moment. In a strange sort of way, I was thankful that she had given me such a major distraction from everything else that was going on within my life. It certainly wasn't the best one she could've chosen, but now I was spending less time feeling depressed over Ianto and more time worrying about what the kiss meant.

I decided that I needed to prepare for the entire confrontation with Ronnie - it could either go very well, or things could go horribly wrong. I was certainly hoping that it would be the former, but sometimes it was difficult to predict what Ronnie would do.

Which was precisely the problem I'd gotten myself into in the first place. I hadn't understood what Ronnie was doing, and now I had to attempt to figure it out before things went too far. I could feel myself longing to know why she'd kissed me, knowing that there had to be a real answer out there to explain it all.

Ronnie wasn't the sort who would do something with no purpose behind it - as impulsive as everything might've seemed to any outside, I knew it was far more than that. Anyone who knew her at all knew that she adored having plans and preparations. The main thing that seperated her from others, however, was how she managed to build these in only a few moments.

But that meant there must've been some amount of planning behind what Ronnie had done when she'd kissed me. I'd spent so much of my life trying to figure out what she was up to and what was going through her mind, but it had never felt so important as it did in that moment.

If I were Ronnie, I would choose some moment in a time like the present to kiss me, or anyone. We were in the middle of a celebration. That seemed like a far better time to kiss someone than right before putting yourself into a high risk situation that might hold the Earth's future.

She probably knew exactly what she was doing when she kissed me then, too. She must've known she'd frazzle me - but she didn't want to jeopardize the entire mission. Or did she? Now I was started to theorize about her, and that frightened me.

There was a chance that maybe there was a lot more to Ronnie that I'd never truly realized, even after all the years we'd been together. Teenagers were all complicated people, and as a seventeen year old Ronnie could certainly fit into that particular category. There could be plenty of layers to her, most of which I'd never gotten to glimpse in the time we'd known one another.

The main thing was figuring out exactly what those layers were and why they were hidden to begin with. All I needed to do was find out why she had kissed me that one time, but now I was starting to worry about far deeper things. I quickly got myself back on track and started formulating a plan in order to get myself through this experience with questioning Ronnie.

Then she walked into the room and all of my plans seemed to escape and turn into thin air. I stopped breathing for a few moments, I'm sure of it - and Ronnie immediately noticed the way I was acting strangely. Being herself, she couldn't help but mention it in conversation, which she of course ended up starting.

"What's up with you, Psi?" she asked. "Shouldn't you be out there, celebrating with the rest of us instead of looking like you're being smothered by an invisible hand...unless there's actually a ghost smothering you right now."

"No, no," I said, finally forcing myself to get back into a normal breathing pattern yet again. This was silly - I shouldn't be having any sort of reaction like this. I'd been through large amounts of hell as of late, and therefore this would only be a small bump on the road that I just needed to get across.

But now that she was standing there in front of me, it seemed like all of my planning had been silly. I should've known this was how it would end up turning out. She would appear in front of me and I would end up rendered more or less speechless by her standing in front of me. I knew that I could figure out something once again, but now I had to be quick.

Come on...all I had to do was just spit it out. All I had to was open up my mouth and ask the question.

"Right before we were about to start the mission, you...you reached over and then you kissed me."

Ronnie turned to face me fully, her blonde hair flying out behind her as she whipped around. She stared at me with a curious look on her face for a while, and I started thinking of all sorts of strange possibilities. Maybe it had never happened. Maybe I was just going crazy...maybe...

And then Ronnie burst into a round of laughter, all directed right towards me. I should've known it was coming. She seemed so amused by my statement, like it were something that was coming out of a silly child's mouth that she found rather cute.

"Tell me, Parr, what do people normally mean when they kiss somebody?" Ronnie asked in response, stifling her giggles. I wanted to blubber back and tell her that she wasn't answering my question at all, that she was only replying with a question and making things worse...but then I realized she had a fairly solid point. As usual.

"Listen. I've liked you as a friend for years on end, and I've liked you a bit more than that for a whle too. I know that I flirt with everyone, apparently, so you didn't realize what was going on the whole time. Shame, really. Would've made everything a lot easier for me."

Now that I gave myself a moment to think back on our time together, it really did seem like Ronnie had been flirting with me. I'd just never picked up on it because I just assumed it was the way she always acted, because we'd been such good friends for so long but nothing more...

"That's the only reason you kissed me then?"

"Well, yeah, pretty much - unless you want me to write you an entire novel about why I kissed you."

In a strange way, I would've preferred if she had done such a thing. It would've made things a lot easier for me at the end of the day, but there was little else I could do. At least I'd managed to get myself somewhat of an answer to my initial question.

There were still far more questions floating around in my mind that I was determined to get answered no matter what. Ronnie would answer all of them, I was sure of it - I wanted the answers, and she would have to give them to me.

"But why did you do it right before we were about to do our mission?" I pressed. My thoughts from the previous times I'd run over it all in my head were all spilling out, forming themselves into words and then cascading from my mouth. "You knew that I was going to end up having a really hard time focusing after you did that."

"Don't make this into a bad thing, Parr," she groaned.

"Trust me, Tau, I'm not trying to," I replied. "I just...it's a lot to take in. I mean...we've been friends for so long and now..."

"So you're saying we won't be friends if we end up in a relationship together?" she asks, and her words hit me like a stone. What if something like that did end up happening? We'd managed to make our friendship survive through everything, even through this entire Intel Initiative and Ianto consuming my mind, but would it all change if we started dating?

"Psi - my dads are always saying how they're not only spouses, but best friends," Ronnie continued. "And honestly, I believe them. They always seem so happy together. I think that we could do that too."

"I know," I said, and I did. I did know. I'd seen her fathers and had always been impressed by just how naturally they seemed to go together. To an extent, I'd almost felt jealous of just how close their relationship was. But at the same time I always assumed there was tension I couldn't see, just as any family would try to hide their troubles from outsiders.

"And so why couldn't we be like that?" she asked.

"I don't know," I replied. "But there's always a chance it'll end up being a complete mess. I mean, we fight plenty enough now that we're simply friends, and what if something would happen in a relationship that ended up messing up all of it?"

"Do you really think that'll end up happening?"

"Well, it might," I said, shrugging. I hated to be a negative person, but I couldn't help but think that it was possible everything could end up falling apart.

"Wait a moment," she said. "Does this have anything to do with Alex, by any chance?"

"Alex?" I said, immediately taken aback by her question. "What does this have to with Alex?"

"Oh, come on! You've had eyes for Alex ever since we got here. You can't deny that, Psi!"

"I mean, he's sort of attractive," I said. "But I never thought of him as anything more. I swear, Tau."

She scanned me up and down several times as if she would be able to tell if I was lying by doing such a thing. The fact of the matter was that I wasn't lying - I really didn't feel anything in particular towards Alex. Finally, however, she stopped looking at me in such a way and went back to trying to push me.

"I know it sounds stupid, but hey - it's in the Reforms that all couples will be treated equally, regardless of gender. Shouldn't you take advantage of the Reforms whenever possible because they're so great?"

A small smile cracked across my face. She was trying to convince me to go out with her by bringing up the Reforms because she knew just how much I respected them. It was every bit as much a kind and sweet gesture as it was an inside joke.

"Well, I don't know," I said, looking to the side. "I mean, just because something is there for you to take doesn't mean you should take it. You won't always get what you want."

"Goodness, Parr!" Ronnie exclaimed. "You just won't go along with this, not even for a moment!"

"I...I'm sorry?" I said. "I just don't know what else to do. I just don't know if this is going to work out, and I don't want to risk ruining everything!"

"All of this because you couldn't figure out what a simple kiss meant," she said, a mocking tone dripping into her voice. "I know that you're not a genius, Parr, but I thought you would be smart enough to at least figure out that much."

"I...I'm sorry," I stuttered out. "There was a lot going through my head at that time, and..."

"See, that was part of the reason I kissed you. That, and I didn't want to end up having something happen to either of us and then realize that I'd never gotten to kiss you. I knew you'd be thinking about the kiss so that might take your mind off of other things..."

"Other things like the mission!" I exclaimed.

"But we did it, Psi," she said. "Even though your head was filled up to the very brim with thoughts, we still managed to get everything done and completed the Intel Initiative. Just think about that."

"You always have a point, Tau," I groaned. "And that's one of the things I hate most...I mean, I don't know if I can deal with that all the time, because I know that'll be exactly what'll happen if we get into a relationship together. Everything we don't like about one another is just going to be magnified."

"You just always want to look on the bad side of things, don't you?" she replied, shaking her head. "Come on. You know me better than that. There's plenty of good things to be found, and that'll be magnified too."

"But you kissed me right before our big mission!"

"What does that have to do with our good and bad qualities, Parr?" she asked, scooting towards me. I wanted to scoot out of her way, but for some reason I felt like I was frozen in place - I couldn't move, even though I knew that I wanted to.

"Listen to me. We're going to be heading home soon and that means nothing else has to get in our way. I know that it's 'a lot to take in' and all, but I really think we could be something special together."

I didn't look at her...I couldn't. Not at the moment. As much as Ronnie might mock me for it, it really was too much for me to absorb so quickly.

"I don't know, Truitt," I said. "I don't know if this is going to work out the way you want it to, or the way that I want it to...I mean, with just about every relationship, there's only two endings - either you spend the rest of your life together or you break up. Both are absolutely terrifying, if you think about it..."

"Then what the hell? Let's try it! The Intel Initiative has been terrifying enough, let me tell you..."

"I guess it has been," I agreed, but I still felt unwilling to go completely through with anything. I felt my stomach starting to twist up as things continuing getting stranger and stranger with the two of us.

"I think we should start up a relationship," Ronnie said. "I think that it would be a great idea, no matter what you say about it. Come on."

"I really just don't know about all of this, Truitt!" I exclaimed, finding it difficult to make any sort of eye contact with her at the moment.

"You know I'm always right."

She was right. She was always right.

Usually I would hate her for always being right, but at this particular moment I couldn't find it in me. I wanted this to work out, I truly did - it was just a matter of finding if it would work out or not. I knew somewhere in the back of my mind that it probably would...but the part of me that doubted it was every bit as strong.

"What do you say, Psi?" she asked, scooting closer to me. "Surely you've got to say something about that."

I didn't have anything to say - at least, not with words. Not at that moment. Instead, I pulled myself closer to her and pressed our lips together. I figured that would be as good of a explanation of what I was thinking as anything else. Besides, actions do tend to speak a lot louder than words.

A/N Ronlia is the official ship name. You're welcome.