"Hey,"

Eren looked up from the dregs stirring in the bottom of his cup to see Armin approaching him with a friendly smile. He carried a tray of food with him- bean soup, a small helping of boiled potatoes and a roll of bread- which he set down on the table across from his friend as he took a seat.

"Oh...hey, Armin." Eren greeted him in what he hoped was an offhand, casual manner. The prior night's events were still gnawing at the forefront of his mind; a concept he couldn't shake his subconcious from focusing on. Subsequently he'd spent most of the morning in a daze, distracted and withdrawn. Naturally this had been of much irritance to the Levi Squad- who certainly weren't amused when it took him two or three times to respond to his name and even longer to respond to a command as they went about the morning's training procedures.

Lunch couldn't come quick enough, but even now, he was making a concious effort to avoid Mikasa and crossing paths with her. He'd watched as she waited a good half hour outside the mess hall for him before she went inside, and a further twenty minutes before she left, looking somewhat dejected, before he went in to get something to eat. He felt like such an asshole. He knew he should talk to her, give her some acknowledgement, at the very least. But he didn't know what to say. Not after last night.

Not after how it made him feel.

Armin was quiet for a second or two before he spoke again. "You're eating late," he observed.

"Hm? Late yourself," Eren replied. "What did they give you, the stuff scraped from the bottom of the pans?"

"Haha, yeah, well, Commander Hanji asked me to organise HQ's library, so I was distracted. It was really interesting, to be honest- there's so many documents on past expeditions and reconaissance beyond the walls- even some pieces on titan research. We just got caught up in it all, I guess,"

"We?"

"Oh, Commander Hanji and I. We were going over the old research transcripts and they were telling me about the additional research being conducted by their own team, which isn't really a huge source of interest of mine, but it was fascinating all the same."

"Huh, glad to hear you've been having fun," Eren swirled the remnants of liquid around his cup before tipping his head back and downing it, placing the empty on the table with a soft thump as he wiped away the excess moisture from his lips with his sleeve. "I know it's interesting and all, but be careful what you ask Hanji. I mean...once you get them started there's no stop. Which, isn't a bad thing, I guess, but there's better things to do with your time.

Armin laughed as he picked up his spoon. "I'll keep that in mind."

There was quiet for a little bit as Armin began to eat and Eren dropped his gaze once more.

Mikasa was weighing so heavily on his mind, it was almost unbearable.

The memory of her- bandaged, broken, yet still beautiful- the dim light illuminating her pale skin, contrasting her inky black hair...her supple skin against his; the soft sounds she made in pleasure as the came to be one, over and over...

On paper, it sounded beautiful.

So why was there so much regret lacing his mind?

Everytime he thought back to that evening a heavy weight dropped in the pits of his stomach and his mouth soured. Was it guilt? Or insecurity? Maybe...nerves? No, it was more than that. It wasn't regret, it felt more like...discomfort. Physically, it had been wonderful. His senses had been on fire, his body alive with electric impulses he had never known to posess as he had kissed every inch of her, traced every contour of each well-defined muscle and whispered I love you, over, and over again. But emotionally it had felt draining, and to be honest, a little disgusting.

But maybe that wasn't the right word choice.

"Where's Mikasa?"

"...huh?" Eren snapped out of his internal monologue a second too late for the response to be interpreted as mishearing and an immediate awkwardness settled over the two.

"Um...I just wondered where Mikasa was," Armin said slowly, looking across at Eren from beneath his eyelashes in a cautious regard. "I mean, it's not often I see you eating alone."

"Yeah...yeah, I guess." Eren coughed nervously, rubbing the back of his neck by means of easing his tension. "I...I don't know where she is. I haven't seen her all morning."

Liar. You deliberately waited an extra forty-five minutes so you didn't have to see her. Coward.

"Oh," Armin paused, looking down into his food for a few seconds before he made eye contact again. "Did something happen between you two?"

Shit. "What do you mean?"

"I'm not sure...I don't know, you seem kind of off, if you don't mind me saying, Eren. Mikasa was the same way when I saw her leaving the infirmary this morning."

"Oh, that's right, how's her arm?"

"Still tender, but the shoulder's no longer dislocated, it's properly back in place. The collar bone will take a while to heal, but, Mikasa insisted it wasn't enough of an injury to be a set back."

Eren breathed a small sigh of relief. At least the damage done by his irresponsibilty wasn't permenant. And thank God what they did last night didn't worsen it.

Crap, now he was thinking about it again. The heavy weight in his stomach dropped once more and the guilt weighed down his tongue. Whatever this feeling was, it was confirmation, at least, he hadn't enjoyed one second of what he and Mikasa had done. Not beause of Mikasa, not because of poor performance, nor emotional ties...but it just felt...wrong.

"Eren? Eren? You're zoning out on me again,"

"What?"

Armin laughed once more. "This is what I mean, you're completely spacing out. You're OK, aren't you?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." A second passed as Eren shifted uncomfortably in his seat, a heavy question weighing on the tip of his tongue. "Hey...Armin...did Mikasa...say anything when you saw her earlier?"

Armin regarded him, bemused. "Say anything? Like what?"

"About...about last night..." he was aware his cheeks were reddening as the heat prickled the surface of his face embarrassingly, and, self conciously, he covered what he could with his sleeve, placed- in what he hoped was strategic- across his face.

"Uh...she told me you were both taken into a seperate bunkhouse and you spent the night there. Not much more than that. Why, is there something else?"

"No...yes. Ah, hell...Armin..." Eren quickly glanced around them, surveying the mess hall for potential liable ears listening in. Thankfully, they were mostly alone, save a few recruits sat along the back wall chatting companionably, and one or two officers sat alone several tables off, engrossed in small pocket books or documents of a similar nature over cups of steaming tea. "Armin...if...if...uh, shit. Armin, if I tell you this, you have to swear not to say a word to anyone else, including Mikasa, OK? I trust you, so I...I need to ask you about it."

Armin looked a little lost for words at the sudden increase of integrity in the conversation but he nodded nonetheless. "S-sure. I promise, I won't tell anyone."

"OK...well...last night, Mikasa and I were sharing the same bunk house...and we sort of crossed paths in the middle of the night...and...and, well she kissed me."

"Oh." Armin's posture straightened in surprise as his cheeks visibly pinked.

"Or, I kissed her. Maybe it was both. I can't quite remember. Anyway, the point was, we kissed. And stuff happened, and...and..." Eren could feel his whole face burning at this point and he cursed himself for appearing so juvenile. "And...things just sort of escalated from there."

"You mean...?"

"We...we..." He licked his dry lips, clearly hesitant, befor a sort of self-directed frustration overcame his inability to speak openly. "We had sex," Eren blurted out loud and immediatly dropped into silence after realising the quiet of the rest of the room emphasised his noise. Thankfully, no one, other than Armin, was listening.

"Oh. I...um...oh." Armin put his spoon down almost reverently besides his empty dish and took a good few moments staring into the recesses of his shallow, broth-streaked bowl. His expression remained mostly calm but he didn't meet Eren's gaze as he frantically searched his friend's face for some trace of a reaction. It didn't come for a long while.

"Armin, for God's sake, please, say something."

Shrugging helplessly Armin finally looked up from the table. "What do you want me to say, Eren? Congratulations? I'm glad you have enough trust in me to tell me such...intimate things? You were wrong for breaking extortionate amounts of military codes of conduct? I'm slightly disturbed yet somewhat admire your extroversion which knows no bounds?"

Eren snorted at the last one, smiling in what felt like the first time in a good day and a half, as he accepted half a chunk of broken-off bread roll Armin held out to him. A second later the smile faltered. "I...I guess I was just wondering...I don't know, it felt wrong to keep it all bottled up. You see, I sort of have mixed emotions about it."

"Well, you two, despite your differences, and Mikasa's mother-hen complex, do work well as a team. I'm sure you'll be on the same page in no time." Armin paused, broke a small piece of bread off the half he held in his hand and rolled it between his thumb and index finger before placing it on his tongue and chewing slowly. "Anyway, I'm happy to hear you've acknowledge Mikasa's feelings for you. I'm sure she's over the moon you've reciprocated them as well."

"What!?"

"What?" Armin echoed.

"What did you say?" Eren leant forwards, elbows resting on the table as his steady gaze fixed upon his companion.

"I...I said...you work well as a team...um...you've reciprocated...?"

"No, no, not that- Mikasa has feelings for me?"

Armin stared at him incredulously for several moments, before he spoke quietly. "Eren...what do you think last night was about?"

"About...?" Eren faltered. "I don't know...I guess, some form of affection? And caring? And...uh..."

"Eren...in...intercourse isn't just a function. It's a symbol. A manifestation of a partnership, relationship, and- well, love."

Eren almost choked.

"Mikasa's liked you a lot more than an adopted family member from day one." Armin said quietly. "Surely you knew that. She loves you a lot, Eren. Last night, I'm assuming, she was trying to prove it to you."

"Oh loving fuck," Eren passed a hand over his face in exasperation, looking tormented. Armin silently crumbled bread in between his fingertips without eating it, his eyes lowered to the table once more.

"You weren't prepared for this part?"

"No," Eren groaned. He brought his elbows to rest on the table and grabbed fistfuls of his hair in frustration. "Uh, Armin, why does it make me feel like shit?"

"Sorry, I can't speak from experience. You know that." Armin chuckled softly before he looked up at his friend once more. "Do you...do you love her back?"

"Yes. Wait- no. Sort of...uh...yeah- in a way?"

He tried to remember the part before lack of clothes- yes, the kissing, and the holding, and the emotional, beautiful part. When she took hold of his face and told him he wasn't a monster. When she endured the pain of the broken bones he'd lent a hand in dealing her. When his heart thudded, and he remembered loving this girl, this wonderful being, who'd saved him on more than one occasion- been his friend, his support, his rock.

But the part that followed...

He didn't know what drew him to do it. What let him allow Mikasa to drag away his clothing and for him to act upon instinct, like an animal. He shuddered in horror, withdrawing from his grip on his hair to stare at his callused hands. It had been such a huge mental and emotional disconnect. To have your body doing one thing and your mind screaming another.

Eren sighed, folding his arms on the table and tucking them tight against himself as he looked away from Armin guilitly.

"I...yes, I do love her." he admitted, shame-faced. "But the physical stuff just sort of- I don't know, it's completely screwed with my head."

Armin regarded him sympathetically before he spoke again. "Why don't you talk to Mikasa about it? After all, it happened between the two of you. You're the only two who are fully capable to talk about your feelings with the whole thing."

"I guess." Eren mumbled into his fists. "I can at least stop acting like a complete asshole about it."

"Glad you feel that way. Listen, Eren-" Armin reached out and placed a hand on his friend's shoulder. "It's nice to know you're comfortable enough around me to talk about something so...private. So...thanks, I guess? Haha, well, anyway, you still broke about a million military rules, so, maybe try keep it between you and Mikasa from now on?"

Eren gave him a weak smile. "Yeah, I will."

Smiling in return, Armin withdrew his arm and gathered up his tray before standing up. He went to walk away before he paused and looked back at Eren.

"Don't worry too much about it. I'm sure everything will be fine. The human psyche is a complicated thing."

As he pressed his lips into a grim line at the bitter thought of his potential mental weakness Armin laughed once more.

"Wow, Eren, for a Doctor's son, you're really not the most adept at understanding emotion, huh?"

"My dad was a doctor, not a psychologist,"

"Did someone call me?"

"SHIT ON A-"

Hanji had appeared mere inches from Eren's face in less than a milisecond, who flailed wildly in surprise before steadying himself on the bench and glaring at the Section Commander, trying to calm his heart racing a mile an minute.

"Commander Hanji, you're not a psychologist, either," Armin said gently, chuckling behind his hand.

"Ah, no, my dear boy, but I am of the -ologist profession and have responded thusly to the call of my field despite it being out of the scope of my focus," With a defiant grin at Eren, Hanji straightened up and adjusted their glasses before turning back to Armin. "Anyhow, I came in search of your quizzical brilliance- I've just unearthed some texts about archaelogy from beyond the walls that I thought may pique your interest,"

"Really?" Armin's eyes literally shone in anticipation. "I- I'd be honored, Commander! Let me put my things away and I'll be right there!" And with that, he departed, going to deposit his tray in the to-wash stack.

"Such a wonderful mind to work with," Hanji gloated. "The natural curiosity of a young potential scientist's theorectical mind is truly one of life's greatest sights- your friend is rather exceptional academically, is he not?"

"Of course he is," Eren said, resting his chin in his hand. "He'll definitely be a valuable member to the- wait, why are you still here?" He asked, turning to Hanji who still wore the same wickedly pleasant expression as they stooped and took a playful swipe at Eren's nose with their forefinger.

"I was sent to come and tell you that you've been off-duty for well over your allotted time. Levi's looking for you and I can personally tell you he's one pissed off little anger nugget,"

Eren's eyes widened for a split second before he shot up from his seat- disentangling his limbs from under the bench and stumbling out of the mess hall, bolting across the room so fast Hanji stood back to appreciate the breeze generated. A distinct, distant yell was clearly audible-

"CAPTAIN LEVI I SINCERELY APOLOGISE- CAPTAIN- I...DOn't kick me again...please..."

Hanji's head shook slowly. "What an idiot," They observed, taking off their glasses and putting them back on the right way up.

...

Second chapter, yay yay