Chapter 10
As soon as evaluation was over, an officer appeared before the exhausted recruits in the darkening light of dusk, and removed Eren from their midst.
Without so much as a chance to bid farewell to his friends, he was escorted back to the main building and locked in the same dank, dusty room, with only a small meal of bread and soup, and a cup of water awaiting on the dresser for him.
He tried his best to swallow the trepidation and dread brimming within him, digging the creased summons from his pocket and spreading it flat against the top of the dresser, in a vain hope to ignore it before wolfing down his meagre meal; not really tasting it and collapsing into bed, hoping sleep would pervade his wearied state so he could escape the ever present foreboding he couldn't shake.
But despite the fatigue the intensive evaluation had given him, he couldn't rest. He watched the moon rise high into the inky sky through the slit of the window; and was still awake to see as it began to steadily fall once more. His heart didn't stop hammering at the base of his throat. The anxiety was too great.
Tomorrow, he was going to have to go back to the interior; a place he'd never once wished to visit, and certainly not for a court summons. He'd have to fight- tooth and nail, if necessary- for both himself and Mikasa to escape with their freedom...perhaps even their lives intact. The odds stacked against them were accumulating so exponentially it wasn't even mildly funny.
It was a life or death situation and sadly, death seemed to be the prevailing victor before the battle had even begun.
It wasn't until weak smudges of light began to streak the sky that he finally managed to pass into the oblivion, sinking into a deep, dreamless sleep that would have been a mercy if it had come several hours earlier. All too soon, he was woken by a sharp rap on the door, stirring him from what had been his only solace for those brief few hours.
Weary eyes aching from premature awakening, Eren raised his heavy head, pounding with the effort, to stare at the source of the noise as if completely baffled at its origin.
"Eren? You awake?"
It was Hanji. Suppressing a yawn, he scrubbed his eyes with the back of his hand before sitting up and swinging his legs out of bed.
"I am now," he muttered, rubbing the back of his head and combing through his hair with his fingers as the door opened, revealing an oddly cheery-faced Section Commander.
"Up and at 'em, Eren. You've got a couple of hours before we set off for the interior, so rise and shine,"
Eren nodded sleepily, only half-listening before what they'd said sunk in. "Wait, 'we'?"
"You, Mikasa, Commander Erwin, Short stuff, and me," Hanji said, counting them off on their fingers before beaming at him. If they were even remotely apprehensive about the upcoming trial, they hid it extremely well. "I think that defines 'we' well enough. Obviously, Erwin will be there as Commander, no surprise there. You and Mikasa are evidently required to attend, for apparent reasons. Levi will have to be interrogated, considering he was your designated baby sitter by the last tribunal. And Erwin specifically requested that I attend, I assume, as an advocate for Mikasa."
"Oh," Eren lowered his hand into his lap, eyes downcast as his sleep-deprived mind began to function, and the all too familiar panic began to fill him once more as the events of the past couple of days filtered into his mind. This was it. No more mistakes from here on out could be sustained.
"Don't look so glum, Eren," Hanji crossed the room in a few quick strides and placed a gentle, but firm hand on his shoulder. They gave him a reassuring smile. "Erwin got you out of the last mess. Who's to say he won't be able to do it again?"
Eren didn't smile in return. "With all due respect, Commander, I don't think you appreciate how different this situation is from last time." he said quietly, not meeting their gaze. He stared at the upwards-facing palm in his lap. "Last time, I had a purpose to fulfill. Now, I've got to show them how I've failed to accomplish that purpose, and how I've screwed up in the process. If Commander Erwin can pull us out of this one unscathed, he's a miracle worker."
Hanji faltered, clearly not anticipating such a response. They were quiet for a few moments as Eren pressed his face into his hands, trying his best to suppress the fury-fueled tears again. He was so sick of crying by now, but he really couldn't help himself. There was too much at stake; and with so many conflicting emotions- the guilt, torment, and anger at himself- manifesting themselves within him, it seemed the only way to express the pent up rage battling against his ribs.
"Look," Hanji began again, their tone far more grave as they withdrew their touch hesitantly. "Things aren't looking brilliant, I can't deny that. But you've got to try and be somewhat optimistic. These people prey on weakness. You've seen that firsthand. If they see anyone stronger than themselves, they'll try and knock them down. If you're collected and rational enough, and with we higher-ups' support, you and Mikasa may just live another to see another day. Come on, Eren," they cocked their head, ant amused smile playing upon their lips. "The Survey Corps sure as hell didn't accept any quitters in their ranks, and you're not about to prove them wrong."
Eren swallowed the defiant lump in his throat, sniffing the harsh tears down, and looked up at the Section Commander's supportive stance.
"Yeah," he said. "I'll try my best. There's no guarantee, but I won't let them take Mikasa, at the very least."
"That's the spirit! Oh, speaking of which- I almost forgot- I was sent to come and get you. Erwin wants to talk to you and Mikasa before we leave."
Eren shot a look at the Section Commander. "How long ago was that?"
There was a pause as Hanji raised hand up to their face, poising a finger thoughtfully under their chin.
"Hm...about an hour ago?"
Eren scrambled from the bed, disentangling his limbs from the bed sheets knotting themselves around them and seized him uniform folded on the chair adjacent to the bed, ripping his night shirt off in the process.
With a laugh, Hanji left the room, closing the door behind them. "Don't take too long, we still have to go see if Mikasa's up."
At this, Eren slowed as he pulled his shirt on, stopping completely and staring at the wall. He hadn't seen Mikasa in what felt like forever- it had been nearly two days, but still; for people who were supposed to be expectant parents, it felt ridiculously long.
You could be apart forever after today. You could never see each other again.
He closed his eyes and tried to push these thoughts to the back of his mind, trying to focus on getting dressed as quickly as he could.
Come on. Positive thoughts, like Hanji said. You can do this. You're one hell of a fighter, you're not going to let them take her. You can do this. You can fucking do this.
But, at the same time, the anxiety didn't go away.
By the time he'd finally hauled his boots on and opened the door to find Hanji waiting patiently just outside, all traces of positivity had all but leeched out of him. He closed the door quietly behind him and began to follow Hanji, leading him through a separate wing of HQ. He was right back to dreading everything that they day's events would hold. The short walk into the western quarter was spent in solemn silence, the unease growing with every assertive step.
Eventually Hanji drew to a stop outside one of the doors at the very end of a corridor, stepping aside and looking at Eren expectantly.
"Well? Aren't you going to go in?"
Eren blinked, gaze swiveling between the door and the Section Commander.
"Um...is this where...?"
"This is where Mikasa's been staying."
Eren felt his heart skip a beat.
Hanji gave him a teasing wink, and patted him on the back as they walked past, heading towards the end of the corridor. "I figured you'd want to see each other before you leave, so don't take too long. You've got two minutes before we've got to scram and meet up with Erwin and Captain Squeaky Clean."
"S-sure." Eren could feel his cheeks colour as he dipped his head in appreciation. "Thank you, Section Commander."
"Two minutes, Eren," they tapped their wrist, indicating an imaginary watch. "I'll be waiting at the end of the hallway."
Right.
Eren turned and faced the door, giving himself a moment to collect himself.
He didn't know why he felt so tense all of a sudden. It was just Mikasa. They'd seen each other practically everyday for the past six years, ever since she'd come into the care of his family.
Then again, he'd never had to face her with the knowledge that there was another person inside of her.
A person of their creation.
With a shake of his head, he placed his hand on the doorknob and pushed it open.
The room was slightly larger than his had been; a bigger window arched across the right wall, but the fundamentals of the room were the same. Early morning light streamed in, yellow rays of sun illuminating flecks of dust filtering through the air as if suspended in time. It took a split second for his gaze to land on Mikasa. She was shirtless; wearing only a binder and her white trousers as she sat on the floor, arms behind her head, in the middle of a sit up. The subtle prominence of her abdomen was far more noticeable now without her shirt. At the noise of the door opening, she twisted around in surprise, her eyes widening when she saw Eren standing in the doorway, staring at her in disbelief.
Her mouth spread into a smile. "Eren-"
"Mikasa!" she flinched at his tone. "What the hell are you doing?!"
"...What?"
Eren marched into the room and knocked the door closed behind him, leaving it slightly ajar as he approached her before taking hold of her arm and pulling her to her feet. Her mouth slackened in confusion.
"You shouldn't be doing sit ups, or any exercise for that matter! You're pregnant, you could hurt yourself, or the-"
He stopped himself, his voice trailing away with the unspoken word lingering unpleasantly in the air. The grim reminder of their child's existence soured the moment as Mikasa's gaze fell to the floor, her initial happiness at seeing Eren evaporating completely.
"Please," she said softly. There was no trace of fondness in her tone. "Don't talk about it,"
Eren bit his lip, releasing her arm and regarding her carefully for a few moments. He took an uncertain step forward, before he extended his arms and wrapped them around her bare shoulders.
Despite herself, Mikasa leaned into his embrace, resting her forehead against the curve of his neck as she folded her arms around her midsection and hugged the small curvature of flesh. Not in fondness, but in defense, as if shielding herself rather than the child in it.
"There's no point ignoring it when we both know it's true," Eren said dispiritedly. He placed a hand against her head and stroked her in what he hoped translated as comforting. After the struggle of the past two days, it felt wonderful beyond belief to be able to hold her in his arms once more- a solid, real reassurance of sorts. Of course, it would have been far more of a comfort if it had been under different circumstances, but there was nothing that could be done about that. The grim reality of their own actions rested heavily between them, an unspoken apparition with no intention of leaving.
"That doesn't change anything."
"Guess not."
"I'm not about to let myself go soft because of this. It's not going to hold me back."
"You can't think like that now."
The silence that followed was oppressive, the combined apprehension between the two practically establishing a physical form and smothering them both with misgivings as Eren withdrew a little, leaning back so he could look at her properly.
"Are you...alright?"
"What do you mean?"
"I don't know. You don't feel- uh- sick, or anything? I know that's a thing."
"I'm fine."
Mikasa didn't need to tell him she'd been nauseous almost continuously for the past three months. She'd tried her best to be discreet about it, waking up as early as she possibly could, and sneaking out of the bunkhouse to throw up behind the building in a drain. Of course, there was no way to predict when she felt the need to vomit, and several of her hurried attempts to escape the barracks in time had led to her almost getting caught- twice. Once, when she was creeping back to bed early one morning, and Krista, in the bed adjacent to hers, had stirred and asked if she was alright. The second time, she'd been followed by the same overly-compassionate girl, and caught in the act. She hadn't dared tell her the truth, and hurriedly fabricated some hypothetical illness.
Then again, at this time, she'd been denying the truth to herself, and had convinced both Krista and herself that it was just a passing stomach bug. Mikasa hadn't known what had been happening to her specifically, but she'd known something was glaringly different about herself, and it was all she could do to suppress it for as long as she could. But when the growth came and the buttons on her shirt started to strain when they were put together, she'd known something was seriously wrong. She just hadn't wanted to admit it.
Eren watched her carefully for a several seconds before he leaned forwards and planted a cautious kiss on her forehead. Mikasa didn't respond.
"Did you get a summons as well?"
She nodded stiffly, looking towards the top of a disused dressing table, where it was lying flat, her name and Eren's inked with strong emphasis. The wording almost made her snort. "Recently revealed incident between them". Well, if that wasn't the most tactful way of putting things, she didn't know what was.
"Mikasa," he paused. "What's wrong?"
Her gaze swiveled and met his coolly, no trace of emotion evident in her flint-like eyes.
"Why do you ask?" Her voice was uncharacteristically monotonous.
Eren exhaled softly, his uncoordinated fingers gracelessly snagging at the knots in her hair. "Stupid question, I know. What could be more wrong than this whole damn situation,"
"Mm," she pressed her lips together, interlocking her hands at her stomach. Ever since she found out, even though she'd tried her best, she couldn't refrain from touching it. Every second that her mind wandered, her hands were on her navel, tracing the uninvited curve. It wasn't exactly something she could push to the back of her mind and forget about. It sat, stubbornly, refusing to move from the vanguard of her thoughts.
Although, she supposed, she wasn't the only one with mixed emotions about this. She peeked up at Eren through her lashes, scanning his face thoughtfully. He must've been in turmoil as well. After all, they did this together. The fact she was carrying it didn't make her state more outstanding than his. Well...maybe it did, but at the same time, she wasn't being fair.
She swallowed before speaking quietly. "Eren, I don't blame you, you know."
"Thanks, I guess," he mumbled, not meeting her gaze. "I know I do. It's not your fault this is as serious as it is. If I weren't...you know...like this," his eyes screwed up wretchedly. "This wouldn't be such a big deal. And the Military Police wouldn't want us all-" he stopped abruptly, worried eyes darting to lock with hers for a fleeting second before shooting away fearfully.
Mikasa frowned. "The Military Police wouldn't want us what?" she echoed as Eren's arms fell from her shoulders and he stepped away, shaking his head.
"It doesn't matter,"
"Eren..."
"I'm freaked, OK?" His hands clenched into fists at his sides, his eyes ablaze with agitation. He looked very young and vulnerable, like a fearful kid. "I can't stop thinking about how last time they were completely prepared to dissect you along with me because you might have been a Titan as well. They were willing to kill you based on assumption! Now they have facts. Now they have an actual reason to want you-"
"Want me?"
"They'll want you dead!" he snapped.
An ominous silence surged into the room as Eren's gaze fell to Mikasa's exposed midriff for the first time. The skin was pulled taut, and most of the evidence of her once having a six pack had been erased, leaving only shallow clefts in her flesh, accentuating the unfamiliar rounded stomach. It was easy to see how they'd overlooked it all this time- how no one had noticed- only now, without a shirt, did it become evident that she was pregnant.
Overly conscious of his searching gaze, she shifted her arms over her stomach protectively and looked away, the mention of all of their likely impending fates completely souring any remaining hope left in the conversation. Her heart thudded against her chest as she closed her eyes, taking a few, steadying breaths. She'd feared for Eren's life last night when she got the court summons. The Military Police wouldn't let him walk free after proving to them that he failed to focus on reconnaissance, she knew that much. But it hadn't yet occurred to her she was at heavy risk as well. Still, the thought of her imminent demise didn't shake her like the prospect of Eren's death. That tormented her to the very core. She'd already lost him once in Trost. She couldn't bear that again, and this time, forever.
Eren watched her pensively, his brows knitted together in hapless fury at himself. His throat constricted painfully at the thought of losing her.
"Mikasa," his voice quivered. There was a distinct prickling at the back of his eyes that he couldn't ignore. "I don't want to watch you die."
"What about you?" Mikasa turned to face him, forehead creased apprehensively as she took a step forward so they were only inches apart. "Eren, I've watched too many people die around me. I've lost a family nearly three times. I thought I'd lost you," Her own voice began to waver, her mind flooding with those horrible, blood-stained memories of Trost. She carried on, regardless. "I was ready to give up. I was ready for it all to end. Eren...without you there, I'm nothing."
Eren blinked the tears in his eyes away harshly. "Dammit, Mikasa," he growled, more to himself than her. "It's not just me and you this time," he extended a hand, lingering between them, before cautiously placing it against her navel, not breaking eye contact with her. "You've got someone else to worry about."
He wasn't sure what kind of reaction he'd been anticipating, but when she recoiled at the contact in what appeared to be horror, all but slapping his hand away, he knew it hadn't been that.
Cradling his stinging hand in the other, Eren blinked in bewilderment as Mikasa whirled around and stalked over to the bed, snatching her shirt up from the mattress. She shoved her arms into the sleeves, completely avoiding his gaze as she began to do up the buttons.
The hell?
"What was that for?" he demanded, only to be met with a cold glare and profuse silence. "Mikasa, what the hell did I do?"
"Nothing."
"Come on, nothing doesn't make you slap me,"
"I didn't slap you."
"Mikasa, what's wrong?"
She didn't say anything and fixed the last button in place, tugging at her collar before picking up her scarf from the bed and winding it around her neck far more reverently. Eren watched her tie it into a knot and tuck it beneath the lapels of her jacket after she pulled it on. He was completely disconcerted by her rebuttal. One moment, they had been intimate and terrified for each other. The next, it was this; stone-cold, withdrawn obscurity. He was unsettled, to say the least.
"Eren! Your two minutes are wayyy up!"
Eren instinctively stiffened at Hanji's call from the other end of the hall. His hands dropped to his sides, nails digging into his palms as they curled into fists. They had worse things to worry about at present.
"We've got to go," he said, repressing his scepticism for now and trying to focus on the matters ahead. "Hanji's supposed to be taking us to meet with the Commander and Captain Levi before we leave for the interior."
Mikasa nodded benignly, reaching up to tug her at her scarf to conceal the lower half of her face. She burrowed her nose into the fabric, her eyes darting upwards to make eye contact with Eren.
They lingered on each other for a few moments before he broke his gaze away from her, turned away, and began to walk towards the door.
"Let's get going, we've already kept Hanji waiting. We can't really afford to be late for the comman-"
He was cut off when he felt a warm hand slip into his from behind.
Eren turned in surprise, one hand already outstretched for the doorknob, to see Mikasa gripping his hand tightly, her eyes downcast until he halted in his tracks and she looked up sheepishly.
The way she looked at him- a mixture of contrite, stubborn, innocent, beauty...he could feel his heart throb almost painfully when he thought of the grim circumstances of the day that would follow. He swallowed painfully and gave her hand a mitigating squeeze, before reaching out to open the door with his free hand and step out into the hallway.
They walked on in silence, fingers woven together for precious, scarce seconds before they came into view of Hanji and reluctantly drew apart, resigning themselves to act out a synonymous fraternal existence instead of their already illicit relationship.
"About time," Hanji scoffed, a smile still brightening their face as the couple drew near. "Morning, Mikasa. How're you? How's the baby?"
Mikasa inherently flinched at the acknowledgement of her state and didn't answer, turning away from the Section Commander in a vain hope to disregard the question.
Hanji didn't appear fazed. "We're running just about a fashionable amount of late, so hop to, cadets; go on, downstairs. They're waiting for us in one of the old drawing rooms,"
Eren nodded, pressing his lips together and following in the Section Commander's wake as they led them back along the corridor, past a few other disused rooms, until they reached a larger staircase spilling downwards into what was once a grand entrance hall, its opulence now tarnished with a combination of age and disregard to its state. He and Mikasa were ushered down the stairs and along a separate corridor with a singular door along the left wall.
"Here we are," Hanji said brightly, stepping ahead of them and placing a hand on the door knob. "We're here!" They called out, opening the door with a quick thrust of their hand and a sunny expression only they could muster on such an occasion.
The room lit by the dim morning light wasn't especially big. It was just large enough to fit an awkward, rectangular table surrounded by half a dozen chairs; a handful of empty bookcases and a few miscellaneous pieces of broken furniture forming clutter in the corners, making it evident this room wasn't used all too often. Levi and Erwin were both already seated on opposite sides of the table. Erwin had his elbows resting against the surface, propping his chin on the arch his fingers formed, whereas Levi sat far more at ease; facing sideways in his seat with one leg crossed over the other and his arm resting on the back of the chair. They both turned to the door at Hanji's announcement, at which Levi sneered.
"Took you enough time. What did you do, take them on trip to Wall Maria and back?"
"Oh, if only," Hanji smiled carelessly and stood aside, allowing Eren and Mikasa to enter, one behind the other with heads hung like badly behaved children about to receive a scolding.
Then again, that wasn't particularly far from the truth.
"One order of misfits, as requested," Hanji said cheerfully, closing the door behind them and crossing the room to the table, pulling out two chairs from the closest end of the table. "Sit, you two,"
Eren and Mikasa sat.
"Misfits is putting it rather lightly," Erwin remarked as he eyed the two recruits seated before him, both deliberately avoiding eye contact and electing instead to examine the rough-hewn surface of the under-polished tabletop.
"If we're referring to this colossal fuck up as an act of 'misfits', then the whole underground criminal system are toddlers," Levi said sharply. He crossed his arms across his chest and narrowed his gaze disapprovingly at the both of them. "Quit treating them like kids, Four Eyes. They're here to take responsibility for their own damn actions, not be treated like it's all some petty misunderstanding that can be blown over."
"Enough, Levi," Erwin silenced him without looking away from the recruits. "I think it's safe to assume you both understand the severity of the situation you find yourselves in. We've given you a few days to think on it, after all, and I've brought you here to discuss your...options."
Eren looked up and frowned.
"Options?" He echoed.
"The MP will give you an ultimatum; either they'll let you walk, or you'll be under their custody again," Levi said bluntly, leaning back in his chair. "Without knowing exactly what you're going to do, then you're basically making the decision for them."
"So, Mikasa," Erwin turned to her. "What have you decided?"
A piercing silence rang out as Mikasa stole an uneasy glance at Eren, her lips parting several seconds before she said anything.
"What are my options, sir?"
A collective sigh from the three adults issued, with Levi smacking himself on the forehead.
"They're fucked," he declared.
"Well, it's all up to you," Hanji replied, shooting Levi a chastising glare to little effect. They were lingering behind Eren and Mikasa's chairs, and now leant forwards to rest a hand on the back on Mikasa's seat. "about what you want to do with the kid,"
Mikasa visibly winced again, but this time, seemed to compose herself and cast a fairly collected gaze back at the Section Commander.
"As we discussed the other night, your child has a lot of potential,"
"Yes," Erwin added. He lowered his arms so his hands were lying against the table, still clasped together as he watched the two carefully. "As the child of a titan shifter, it could have abilities resembling Eren's. And that, strategically speaking from a military standpoint, isn't something that we should carelessly throw away. Say, for instance, if Eren did hypothetically fall in battle in the coming months as we attempt to retake Wall Maria. It wouldn't be too tragic of a loss if he did in fact leave a progenitor, of sorts. Even if it's still a struggle for most to admit, humanity cannot prevail without fighting fire with fire, and utilising the power of a titan. Whether it be Eren or otherwise, having a recourse isn't completely invaluable."
Mikasa was bristling at the mention of Eren's potential demise, and Eren, noticing this, reached out from beneath the table and placed a supportive hand on her knee as discreetly as he could.
"Erwin! This is a child we're talking about. If Eren were to die, would you really pin all the hopes and dreams of the regiment of a toddler?" Hanji scolded, folding their arms defiantly. "It would only be beneficial in such a way by giving it a decade or so at the very least. We can't send a child into battle. No, what's far more interesting is the fact it's a combination of you two,"
Eren jolted when he realised the Section Commander was eyeing both him and Mikasa, with what appeared to be a hungry gleam.
"Us?"
"Yes- it's surprising enough that Eren can reproduce at all, considering the titan part of him. Think about it, your child could not only inherit your abilities of a titan shifter; but because it will be born and not artificially made, it could even possess attributes that are more- hm, how to put this- natural than yours. For instance, relating to the accelerated healing; it could have a stronger immune system- or even things like increased muscle mass, intensified strength, larger build. The possibilities are endless. Basically, you may have created the world's first super human."
Eren could feel the blood drumming in his veins, beating a heavy rhythm as he listened to the Section Commander talk. Super human? Again, for the benefit of humanity, that certainly wouldn't be a bad thing...but for him and Mikasa...
He looked over at her to see her staring back at him with distant, cold eyes. It took her a second to realise he was watching her before she stirred and seemed to tune back into the conversation. One arm was resting across her abdomen once more.
"But don't be thinking this shit is all sunshine and benefits." It was Levi who had spoken again, the scorn evident in his tone as he continued to glare. "All of this is hypothetical. Other than the fact what you two have done is a disgrace, there are worse things that could happen to the two of you during the whole thing."
"Well...yes, there is that," Hanji faltered.
"What?" Eren prompted. "There's what?"
"Considering this is such a rare occasion," Hanji looped their fingers together helplessly, suddenly looking agonized. "We have no idea of the drawbacks."
"Which are?"
"This could be dangerous," Erwin said slowly. He dropped his gaze from them at long last and sighed. "Considering, that you, Eren, have something resembling a titan's genetic makeup within you- however recessive it may be- we cannot predict how strong this will come out in your child."
"Basically you've either created a superhuman, or a monster." Levi spat.
Eren's blood ran cold.
"This could, naturally have adverse effects on Mikasa," Hanji added hesitantly. "If the child is more...titan, shall we say, there's no way of predicting whether it grow to regular size or- well, titan proportions."
An icy shard ran through them both.
"There's a lot of concerns," the Section Commander continued hurriedly. "But nothing's certain, so don't let it put you off-"
"Hanji, don't try and bullshit with them."
"Right, sorry." Hanji's head drooped as they readjusted their glasses, expression suddenly far more stern than before. "This pregnancy could really harm Mikasa. Disregarding the fact she's still only young, so naturally it would be a struggle under regular circumstances- but, considering that titans, uh, eat people- we all know that firsthand- but if this child is of the titan persuasion, it could very well be parasitic and...eat her from the inside out."
Eren's stomach lurched at this statement and he cried out before he could stop himself.
"No- no, if that's going to happen, she can't go through with this!" he said defiantly, heart hammering at his chest. "You're saying she could die because of this?!"
"Eren, please, it's just a theory-"
"A pretty damn realistic one." Levi snapped. He got up from his seat and strode around the table, slamming his hand down in front of Eren and leaning forwards so they were face to face. "See why everyone's so pissed, brat? Your kind shouldn't reproduce. I would assume that would go without saying by the time you found out you could become a titan. Hell, shouldn't the thought of this kind of situation be enough to stop you from aiming your dick at anyone?"
"Levi-!"
"Let's look at this whole thing realistically," he ignored Hanji's outburst and the simultaneous flushing of both Eren and Mikasa's faces. "Even if by some miracle you spawn a regular kid, you don't just get to disregard this accident and pretend it never happened. It'll need parents. It'll need raising. That's your next twelve years, at the very least, mapped out for you right there, which means no more Survey Corps for the both of you. This is no place to have a family, and I'm not condoning any child, titan or not, to live a life with the uncertainty of never knowing whether its parents would come home safe everyday. You could try and find a surrogate family," his lip curled. "But think about it. Who would adopt the child of the manifestation of humanity's greatest threat? Some may see you as a saviour, Jaeger, but most still see you as perilous scapegoat. And don't even think," his voice dropped menacingly, and they both flinched. "about trying to give it up. There's enough brats crawling in the orphanages around here, they don't need your spawn on top of it all. And condemning a kid to that just so you can pursue your own selfish agenda is fucking disgraceful. So there are your options." Levi straightened up and folded his arms once more, glaring down at the shame-faced teenagers. "I can tell by your faces you didn't like the sound of them, but that's it, so suck it up, shit stains. Of course, depending on whether the MPs let you make your own choice."
The last note in his voice rang ominously as he turned on his heel and made his way back to his seat, falling back into it and resting into his former position.
Erwin watched him return quietly before he spoke once more. "Of course, there is one more option." he said slowly. There was a remarkable lack of conviction in his voice. "That would, generally speaking, be safest to Mikasa and take the rest of your military careers out of jeopardy."
Eren and Mikasa both stiffened in response, a minuscule drop of hope suddenly glistening before them.
"What is it, sir?"
"You could choose to terminate the pregnancy," Levi interjected as he fell back into his seat, crossing one leg over the other. "Think about it. The MP bastards wouldn't object to you killing something they'd rather didn't exist, there's no risks to your health, and with a hell of a lot of luck you might be able to return to the Corps."
A tremor shook through Eren as he shot a glance towards Mikasa. She was sat very still, her hands folded in her lap, head dipped with her lips pressed together. The blood was completely drained from her face. It was written all over her face that she was considering it.
Despite the initial plunge his heart took, the more he thought about it, the more it made sense. He and Mikasa were teenagers, when all said and done. There was no way they could support a child by themselves- and there was no way to fulfill his ultimate goal that he'd had ever since he was a kid if there was a child to look after. Levi was right, he couldn't do that to a kid- he couldn't be the father who disappeared in the morning only to never return at night. Both he and Mikasa had lost their parents. It felt...criminal to want to do the same thing. He'd never really even thought about having kids before, in the future or otherwise. All he'd wanted to do was fight for the freedom he'd craved ever since he'd taken his first breath in these God forsaken walls. It hardly seemed fair to bring a child into the world he hadn't yet had a chance to change.
It was evident Mikasa was thinking along the same lines. With the knowledge of her potential destruction at the not-yet-fully formed hands of the potential parasite inside her sitting in her stomach like a rock, a small amount of relief broke through. She had been toying with the idea of somehow getting rid of the child over the past couple of days- which, now that she said it out loud in her mind, sounded heartless, but realistically, she was in no way prepared to bear a baby. She didn't know the first thing about kids, let alone have the ability to raise one. There were no positives in this situation for her. It was all going to take a huge toll on her body, her life, her resolve to protect Eren. If he returned to the military at some point she wouldn't be able to join him. She'd be stuck with a child, cleaning up after them, keeping them fed and clothed...it all seemed so dull, and pointless when she should be out, protecting Eren, helping him achieve his goal.
Mikasa hesitated, her gaze falling to her ever so slightly protruding abdomen. Hanji had given her a few slightly bigger shirts that fit and hid the bump better than her own did, but it didn't stop her from feeling like it was ridiculously apparent. Her thoughts drifted back to that day- that gloomy, raining, scarlet-splattered day from six years ago.
One day, when you have children of your own, you can pass it on to them.
I don't understand, how can I have children?
She pressed her lips together, eyes squeezing shut at the memory of her nine year old naiveté. How dryly ironic. The very source of her bemusement all those years ago was going to be her downfall.
Would her mother be disappointed in her? She had a duty, didn't she?
She shifted slightly, mind wandering to the mark etched onto her wrist. Would it be a disservice to not want to further her rare lineage? Then again, she didn't really picture the state she was in now as the preparation to have a baby. All it was to her right now was the physical nausea and swelling of a massive inconvenience and something that would alter things between her and Eren forever. No child, hypothetical or otherwise, was worth that pain again.
Mikasa swallowed her reservations and looked up, a steely glint resolute in her eye as she faced the Commander distinctly.
"I'll terminate."
The tension in the room didn't alleviate.
Eren let out a short breath, something resembling a mild form of grief bubbling within him for a split second. He watched as Erwin and Hanji shared an uneasy glance, beginning to falter.
"What's wrong?" he asked, frowning.
"There's one big problem," Hanji started to say uncertainly from behind them. "See, because there's so much we don't know about this pregnancy and it's toll on you- say, the child has inherited Eren's ability to titan-shift, there is a possibility that this ability is present, even now, in the fetal stage."
Mikasa turned to the Section Commander, a frown etched onto her forehead. "What do you mean?"
"Eren triggers a transformation by inflicting harm onto himself, correct? Here's the issue: if the foetus possesses these same qualities, then trying to terminate it could lead to it shifting whilst still inside you."
Eren's heart dropped like a stone.
"This, naturally would have adverse effects on you- potentially ripping you from the inside out, destroying your body, or worse, taking over your body to use as it develops a full-fledged titan form-"
"That sounds far fetched," Levi scoffed.
"But not improbable." Erwin folded his hands once more, resting them against his chin again as his eyes flickered between Eren and Mikasa. "Losing one of our most promising cadets in such a way would be a tragedy in itself. What're your thoughts on this, Eren?"
Eren jolted to attention. "My thoughts?" he echoed, blinking at the Commander in bewilderment. Hesitant, he snuck a surreptitious glance at Mikasa, who despite sitting very straight and tall, seemed to suddenly have a weakness about her. "I...I guess if Mikasa wants to terminate, that's fine. It's her body in the end. I just...don't want her to get hurt. If this thing is going to kill her, I don't see the point in any of it." his gaze dropped onto his hands, spread open, palms facing upwards on his lap. No matter how you looked at it, his abilities had caused all of this. One way or another, this kid could kill Mikasa at any given time, and they had no idea how or why. It was the worst feeling of helplessness he'd ever experienced- after all, he'd had a hand in dealing it.
"I can do it." Mikasa spoke, her tone nonchalant and cutting through the room like ice. "I'm strong enough. If that's what it takes to get rid of our mistake, I can bear it. I'm willing to take the risk."
"Mikasa, don't be insane-!"
"Eren, I'm not about to die on you," she turned on him, her expression deadly serious, but a gentleness lighting in her eyes as she made eye contact with him. A reassuring smile spread across her lips. "I can do this."
Eren eyed her doubtfully for a few moments before deciding to trust her. He believed in her. She wasn't going to go down without a fight. Hell, he was going to fight every step of the way with her. If that was what it took to repent for his error, then he would fight her corner.
"It wasn't fair of Levi to bring that option up," Hanji said unsteadily. Their eyes darted over to Levi disapprovingly, who looked away, impassive. "Because...well, to put it plainly, Mikasa, I don't think we can terminate."
A stone cold weight plunged over them both.
"What?" Mikasa said, her voice high and, for the first time since finding out, sounded frightened.
Eren's jaw clenched in frustration. "Why did you bring up the possibility if it can't be done?"
"The risks are too great." It was Erwin who spoke this time. "Without the supreme court's ruling, we're under no position to give you the go ahead to make the decision. It's unfair, I know, but in a situation as grave as this one, there isn't much we can do." He shared an uneasy glance with his subordinates before he spoke tentatively once more. "I'm afraid you're going to have to carry it to term."
An eerie quiet settled over them all, as all eyes turned to Mikasa. She was sat oddly straight in her seat, eyes wide and fearful. She was ghostly white; shaking, as her hands met over her middle.
"Mikasa..."
Hanji had scarcely spoken by the time Mikasa bolted from her seat, sprinting across the room and wrenching the door open with such force it banged against the wall. The audible noise of plaster cracking splintered through the air.
"Mikasa!" Eren leapt to his feet- but she was already gone, her rapid footsteps dying away as they echoed down the corridor.
Erwin exhaled sharply and shook his head sadly.
"You'd think she'd have considered this possibility," Levi expressed impassively.
"Go after her, Eren. You've got a little time before we have to leave." Erwin ordered.
Eren hesitated, staring at the door left swinging on its hinges in Mikasa's wake, before he felt Hanji's hand pat him on the back.
"Go on. Make sure she's alright."
He bit his lip and nodded, before setting off at a sprint and following the direction in which he'd assumed she'd gone.
It took him a while, darting down a few branching off corridors before he finally found her.
She stood at the end of a dark, disused hallway, housing only some old wooden crates and cobwebs, she had her back up against the dank wall, one hand pressed against her stomach, the other against her face.
Eren skidded to a halt, breathless at the opposite end of the corridor. She was crying. That much was evident.
"Mikasa-"
She looked up abruptly, her surprised face glistening with tear tracks until she sighted Eren and it crumpled once more.
"Mikasa..." he approached her slowly at first, reaching out indecisively before he placed a hand on her shoulder and craned his neck forward to look her in the eye. "The hell got into you? Why did you run off?"
"Why the hell do you think?" she muttered fiercely. She rubbed at her eyes with the back of her hand before turning to him, the terror and anguish in every lining of her face. "I don't want a kid, Eren! I'm terrified! I'm not ready to have a baby-" She pointed obscenely at her navel as if were of great offence to her. "-not one that's going to tear us apart, or even kill me. How the hell can I protect you if I'm dead?!"
"Mikasa, you don't have to protect me-"
"Of course I do! You know exactly what happened in Trost- if you couldn't transform into a titan, you'd be dead- and if I'm not with you, how can I make sure it never happens again? How can I fight...if I have a child? We're soldiers- we're fighters, not parents! I don't want to be a mother...I don't want a kid...I don't want...to leave you..."
Eren didn't know what to say. Mikasa had been so stoic about it before, but her feelings were plain as day. The aversion to her stomach, her unwillingness to talk about the child, her insistence to terminate it...
She was frightened out of her mind.
He took a step forward and gathered her into his arms, lost for words as she sobbed into his shoulder, the strong woman he had known now a fragile, vulnerable girl who cried in his embrace.
"I'm so scared," she whispered into his jacket. "I'm so, so scared,"
Eren nodded numbly.
"I know,"
They stayed like that for quite some time, Mikasa sobbing brokenly into his arms as he tried his best to comfort her in silence, stroking her head until Hanji appeared to collect them and escort them both to the interior.
...
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