Art by me!

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KRIS' POV:

It was pretty gloomy and rainy today. The rain pored and thunder could be heard. There wasn't much to do in this weather, so everyone gathered around the big table and decided to play never have I ever.

I was probably the only one who wasn't paying attention or laughing. I guess I just found my lap interesting the whole time, my hands placed on top of each other, feeling.....what I've always been feeling. Only it was becoming worse.

I don't want anyone to know. But I'm probably letting everyone know with how I'm acting right now, so I should probably stop. But then I might mess up what I'll say and then that's going to cause problems and I'll just embarrass myself like I always do and they'll all judge me. So maybe I should keep my stupid mouth shut for once-

"Kris!"

I shot up from my daze and saw everyone staring at me. I slightly tense up, feeling a single sweat go down my face.

"I-I'm sorry. W-what are we going?"

"It's your turn to answer the question." Freddy said.

"Oh...um..s-sorry, w-what the question again?" I asked, looking up at the big animatronic.

"Never have you ever...dressed as the opposite sex, meaning have you dressed in girls clothes before?" His voice brought a bit of curiosity as he asked.

I sat frozen. I felt everyone's extremely curious and excited eyes on me. What should I say? Should I tell the truth or should I lie? I mean, they seen me in heels before, but I guess that's not fully clothing. Oh god, what should I say? What should I say?

I squeezed my hands together, embracing for the reaction that I was going to get. I hesitanted, but slowly nodded, looking down.

Everyone was surprised...but I guess...in a good way? That's what it looked like anyways, especially a few of the girls.

"I knew it." Freddy said to himself.

"I-It's weird. I-I know, I-I'm sorry..." I said quietly.

"It's not weird." Sally said.

"Yeah. I mean..Bendy wears a tutu." Cuphead laughs a bit.

"CUPHEAD SHUT UP!!!!" Bendy's face turned a bright red. Everyone else laughed a bit.

"FREDDY WHY HAVEN'T YOU BURNED THAT THING YET?! I DON'T NEED IT!!"

"Bendy, once again, I'm not burning your tutu and besides, it does look nice on you."

"BUT I DON'T NEED IT!!"

"ANYways..." Mae says trying to move away from that conversation.

"When was this!?" She finally asked me with excitement.

I hesitated again, looking around at everyone.

"..w-well I...I don't do it as much anymore, b-but...when I younger I-"

I stopped myself from talking and looked over at the yellow-golden flower known as Flowey. He seemed focus about what was going to say, but also had hatred in his expression.

"I-" I tried to finish what I was saying, but I....I couldn't. I gripped my sweater tighter, getting up from my seat.

"I-I'm...I'm gonna go out for a bit.."

I walked towards the front door, putting my shoes on. I heard everyone shift in their chairs, feeling their eyes at the back of my head. They probably wondered what the hell just happened.

"Kris are-" Monika tried to say.

"I'll be back." I said as I walked out the door. With no umbrella.

^^^^^^^^

I sighed deeply as rain constantly pored on me, wetting my clothes and hair. I walked and walked, not really having a destination, I just needed to think.

I stopped and looked up, feeling the cool rain hit my face. It felt refreshing, even though it was really cold. I continued to walk, until I found a big puddle. I crouched down, looking into it.

I saw myself. My horrible, disgusting, useless self. I sighed again.

I'm so weird too. I didn't even bring an umbrella and now they're going worry about me more because now I might catch a cold from this rain and-

.....

I lowered my head and shivered, rapping my arms around myself.

"I hate you..." I tell myself, looking at my reflection. I swiped the water, making the reflection uncanny for a few moments.

I slowly stood up again. Maybe I should just go back now.

Minutes went by and I arrived back at the house. I was dripping wet and cold, but I didn't care. I reached for the door handle and turned it slowly. I carefully opened the door, so I didn't disturb them. I stopped however, leaving only a tiny creak open when I heard them talking.

"He is really weird." Flowey said.

"His stuttering, his nervous posture, it's like he's hiding something."

"I agree with Flowey." Ayano said, arms crossed.

"That just could be how he just acts. You're really gonna judge him for being himself?" Mugman interjected.

"You can't always trust the ones who are the nicest. And he didn't even bring an umbrella with him. Heh, what an idiot." Flowey scoffed.

"Kris didn't even do anything wrong!" Mae yelled, a bit angry a Flowey's words.

"Oh come on! Ever since he came here, he's been hiding something. Like I haven't noticed his brief glances at me almost everyday. It's annoying and suspicious if you ask me."

I gripped the door handle tighter.

"Have you ever thought that maybe he just wants to talk to you? He probably hasn't yet because how much you tend to be a jerk to everyone you see." Freddy said sternly, crossing his arms.

Flowey rolled his eyes. "Like I care, bear."

Freddy growled angrily at the flower.

"I mean..I think he has been acting weird these past few days.." Madotsuki said.

"Yeah! Liked getting fixed into a daze a lot, which is kind of weird. And he keeps running away from us, like what just happened." Spooky mentioned.

I felt my body tense up again.

"And not to mention that he also has very good reflexes as well. He was able to avoid me completely when he came unexpectedly around the corner. I'll admit, it did surprise me a little." Ayano brought up.

"Yeah! He did the same thing a few weeks ago with the crazy cat guy. He dodged him like he was nothing." Mae mentioned as well.

"So? He could be like that for reasons we don't even know. He probably doesn't want to tell us either. And he wouldn't use it for anything bad." Sal added.

"Maybe not yet.." Ayano spoke up.

"Also.." She said.

"This may not be relating to what we're talking about, but I want to inform you that I found blood on the bathroom floor."

Everyone was froze and looked at Ayano, shocked and confused. I stood frozen with wide eyes.

"Are you sure?" The neighbor asked, rather concerned.

"Well, it wasn't fully there. I dropped my shampoo and smelled it near the floor. I grabbed my blacklight and I was right. There was blood left behind, it wasn't fully cleaned up."

No one knew what to say. They all looked at each other. Flowey raised an eyebrow at everyone, almost saying "See?! There is something going on."

"Well that couldn't be from Kris..could it?..." Bendy asked unsure yet a bit nervous.

"Not sure." Ayano answered back.

"But then...why was that there in the first place?" Fran asked, a look of concern of her face as well.

No one knew the answer to that.

I quietly and slowly closed the door. I kept my grip on the knob, looking at it in deep thought. I was unable to move. I was scared, shocked, angry at myself. I didn't know what to do. What will happen if they find out? About me? About what happened? About what's been happening? How could have I have been this stupid?

I continued to stand there. Hair and clothes still drenched from the heavy rain. I knew I needed to come inside before they get more worried about me. I bit my lip.

'Just pretend you didn't hear anything. Pretend you just came back.'

Yeah...I'll do that. I slowly opened the door, everyone turned their attention towards me.

"Ya really didn't get an umbrella." Bendy said.

"And you're dripping wet! Hold on." The neighbor got up from his chair, getting me a towel.

"T-thank you..." I said quietly, grabbing the towel and drying myself with it.

"Why did do run off like that?" Sal asked, concerned about me.

Why? Why do they care so much? They shouldn't. They shouldn't care at all. And yet they do. Why?

I dried my face gently with the towel, before looking up at Sal.

I hesitated.

"I....I just like rain." That was one of the most stupidest lies I ever could of came up with.

No one obviously bought that and I don't blame them, but that still made me nervous.

I can't say anything to them. I can't. I just can't.

I handed the towel back to the neighbor and took off my wet shoes, placing them aside gently.

"I'll be be upstairs..." I said, walking past the group with my head down, not wanting to face them.

"Kris no!" I heard Mae shout for me. She got up from her seat and ran towards me.

"You're not leaving until you tell us what's wrong."

I stopped walking, but didn't turn around.

"Dude, we know something is up....we just want to help.."

I didn't respond.

"If you don't want to tell them..you always can tell me.."

I hesitated once again.

".......I'm fine.."

"You keep saying that, but you're obviously not fine."

"....I said..I'm fine..."

I was about to start walking again, when Mae grabbed my hand. I was wasn't expecting that and I jumped a bit.

"Kris just talk to us.."

My lips moved, like I was going to say something, but I didn't. I..I couldn't understand this..this.......eagerness Mae was having. She was just so eager and....I hated it.

"There's nothing wrong..."

"Kris, we're worried about you!

You keep saying that your fine and I know for a fact that you're not. I never pushed you about these things because I knew you needed space, but now I just want to know. I just want to help and you always push me and everyone else aside."

"...."

"Not to mention the dreams you keep having. I have to keep waking you up because of them. And you always say you're fine or just make an excuse. But dude; you're not fine."

I still didn't respond.

"Did...did I do something wrong?"

I immediately ripped my hand away from Mae's and clenched my fists.

"You didn't do anything wrong....None of you guys did.." I tried my hardest to compose myself.

"Then what's wrong? Just tell us.. please?"

I clenched both of my fists, feeling myself tense up.

"....Mae...for once...can you stop worrying about me and leave me alone. It's annoying. " I said almost sternly, turning my head to face her.

I then wasted no time in running upstairs and into my room. No one came running away me and I finally felt my tears flooding down my face.

I slammed the door shut and hugged my knees, while my back against the door.

'Wow! I know you can be an asshole, but this? Wow! They just wanted to help you like everyone else that love'd and you hurt them. What are you going to do next? Hurt them even more. I bet that's what they definitely need from someone as pathetic and worthless as you.

Besides, you don't need them either way. You deserve to be alone. And now! You'll be even more alone and judging how much they secretly think of you has earned you a gold medal! God you're so annoying to everyone. I bet that's also why their 'worried' about you too. Sooner or later, you'll be left behind by absolutely everyone. No one will love you. No one will care for you. No one is going to forgive you for what you've done. You're nothing but a burden and a mistake to everyone since day one.'

The crying didn't stop nor did all of the negative thoughts I had bottle up inside me.

A few seconds after, I reached into my pocket and took out what I needed for this job.

^^^^^^^

That night, I couldn't sleep.

My head and body remained under my big blankets, cold and emotionless. My eyes felt heavy, but I couldn't tell if that was from tiredness or the tears that had once again fallen down my cheeks.

With my pjs on, I laid there for another few minutes, before slowly coming up from blankets. I examined the dark room. A bit of moonlight shined from the closed curtains, giving a little light to darkness. I looked over at Mae who was peacefully sleeping in her bed. I didn't talk to anyone for the rest of the day, not even her nor did I even leave the room.

I sighed quietly. Maybe I should splash some water on my face, just to help me feel more refreshed at least.

I quietly crept down the dark stairs and went passed the living room to reach my destination. I turned on the bathroom light, closing the door and turned on the faucet, pouring cold water into my hands and splashing my face. I dried my face with a towel, then stopped when I remembered my arm. I looked at my right arm, pulling up my sleeve and seeing the new several cuts and scars I had made earlier. They still stung, but I didn't care the slightest. I then looked at myself in the mirror.

'You always look awful. Just as usual, no matter how much you try to make things better, you'll always be a disgusting freak.'

I placed my head in my arms, resting them on the sink. My breath was shaky and heavy as I sighed in defeat.

"I-I don't know what to do anymore...." I said to myself quietly.

'What you should have tried to do again AGES ago...'

I lifted my head up.

Should...should I? Should I do it?

I looked up and saw my reflection once again. I gripped the sides of the sink as I made my choice.

I didn't care anymore. Nothing was going to change my mind.

I walked out of the bathroom real quick and went into the kitchen to find what I needed. Once I found it, I raced back into the bathroom, shutting the door again.

I clenched the big sharp object in my hand. I felt my hand starting to shake, but I didn't care. I raised it up to my chest, using both hands that were now both shaking. I took deep heavy breaths, readying myself for what I was about to happen.

My whole body had now started to shake and my hands became more unsteady the more I held onto the knife.

'Just do it...come on!' I thought to myself.

But I couldn't move.

I stared at the knife I was holding as my shaking became more violent and my breathing quickened.

Then memories...

..horrible, awful memories started to play over and over in my head.....

"Y o u  r e a l l y  h a t e  m e  t h a t  m u c h?"

"I, t h e  g r e a t  P a p y r u s, w e l c o m e  y o u  w i t h  o p e n  a r m s!"

"T h i s  w o r l d  w i l l  l i v e  o n!"

"S o  y o u  d o n' t  w a n t  t o  j o i n  m y  f a n  c l u b?"

"Y o u  d i r t y  b r o t h e r  k i l l e r..."

"P-p l e a s e... d o n' t  k i l l  m e..."

"G r e e t i n g s..."

I heard the 'cling' of knife as it fell from my hands. Immediately, I bolted towards the toilet and puked.

I slowly raised my head and covered it with my hands, curling up into a ball on the bathroom floor. I shivered and cried in despair, unable to do anything else.

"I can't do it....I can't do it..." I finally managed to say through quivering sobs.

After a few minutes, I slowly got up and flushed the toilet, then I walked over to the sink and washed my mouth. When I was done, kept my head down.

I stood there....defeated..and..useless.

"What am I going to do..." I asked myself, quietly yet timid.

I was stumped.....until a voice in my head spoke...

'....you know...there might be a way to....get rid of your sadness...to get rid of your...pain.." It said.

My tired and watery eyes finally made contact with the mirror.

"Really?" I asked my reflection as if it was another person. I sounded eager at my own thoughts, desperate to know the answer.

'Of course.' The voice responded.

"How?"

'Remember that night Mae told you, when you were sleeping and she woke you up from that nightmare you had. You were gripping your chest where your heart was so much that you might of actually almost ripped it out?'

"..Yeah..." I bowed my head remembering that night. I remember how horrible it was to see Mae look at me in that state.

'I think you were onto something..' I perked his head up yet again.

'See, what would happen...if you took your soul out of your body, like physically?' My eyes widened.

The voice continued. 'You've never tried that have you? I bet if you do, all your sad emotions will go away'

I...I wanted to believe it. I really did....but...

The idea the voice had, it sounded crazy but...was it even possible?

"I-I don't know.." I stuttered, unsure of my response.

'But if it is true, then maybe..just maybe....people will actually start to care about you. Maybe everything will be different. Maybe everything will be better.' I stayed silent, listening to what my own thoughts had to say.

'All your pain, all your suffering, I bet if you do this, it will all be gone and your family will start to care about you again. You won't be alone anymore; you'll feel accepted and will feel great again. People and the monsters of your town will want to hang with you and may even consider you as...a friend?'

I looked away and placed my dominant hand on my chest and gripped it ever so slightly.

I thought about the ideas and.....maybe the voice was right. Maybe..just maybe.....that would all come true. I of course, didn't know the answer to that...

..but..

...it wouldn't hurt to try.....right?

I looked back at himself in the mirror. 'What do you say?' It said.

I hesitated at first, but soon answered.

".......I'll do it...."

'Are you sure? It will be very painful..' The voice added.

"..I-I don't care.....I'll do it.." My eyes looked like they could be filled with something I haven't felt in a long time. What was it called again?

Determination?

But I was just more than ready. I just wanted to be free from this prison, to no longer be alone in the dark.

I stood back from the mirror, beginning to slowly raise my hand that was on his chest and aimed at the spot I wanted. My nervous actions didn't stop me here, not when I'm so close to leave all of these years of pain behind.

I counted down in his head slowly, preparing for what he was going to do next.

'..Five.......four........three..........two............one'

I screamed bloody murder as I plugged my hand deep inside my chest. I might have woken the whole neighborhood with that scream as I dropped to my knees. The pain was truly unbearable, but it wouldn't last long.

I quickly searched for the soul and gripped it good, then gave a good pull, yanking it out. Blood splattered everywhere as the big bloody hole in my chest stained my pjs and bathroom floor.

But there it was...in my bloody hand...my soul...

...that I've always hated...

But now...It didn't matter anymore...

I did it. I actually did it!

No more pain. No more negative emotions. No more numbness. No more voices. I'm free.

So then...why do I feel so....

...strange?

I didn't seem to react once the soul was completely out of me. My head faced the floor, making my hair cover my face.

Without a sound or even a pep coming from me, I slowly got up on my feet, remaining to look down. I proceeded to walk slowly towards the medicine cabinet with the soul gripped tightly in my bloody hand.

I opened it and placed the now dripping soul inside. The liquid that came off it seemed like blood, dripping off of the red soul as I closed the cabinet.

I then walked over a picked up the knife, but this time.... I wasn't scared.

I didn't fear the memories it brought with it. I felt no fear.

No sadness.

No angry.

No negativity.

No joy.

No kindness.

No emotion.

No love.

Nothing.

It was weird. But...

Nice.

My chest didn't feel heavy. It didn't feel overpowered. My head was completely clear.

And some how it felt...

Amazing.

I can't remember the last time I've felt like this.

I slowly walked out the bathroom, leaving blood trials and the pool of blood behind. Walking into the living room, I heard someone come down the stairs.

He looked at me with so much concern and confusion in his face.

"Kris?" He said. This voice was shaking a bit from the horror he saw upon him.

He stood frozen, only a few feet away from me, absolutely bewildered and in shock at my wonderful appearance. Until he noticed the knife in my right hand, he mustered up the only thing he could say at the moment.

"Th-that's a pretty big knife ya got there b-buddy....ya mind uh...putting it down?..."

I didn't respond. My glowing blood-red eyes watched the little cartoon demon remain frozen in place as I did something I'd never thought I'd do at this moment.

I smiled as blood seeped out from my mouth and down my chin.