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Angrily removing the tears from my face, I trudge through the streets of my hometown and ignore my sweaty palms. The hammering in my heart makes it hard for me to breathe and I will myself to focus on something positive, stiffening my body when my mind comes up short I huff in frustration. Darkness settles across the sky as coldness nips at my cheeks, I truly cannot bring myself to care. The conversation I just had with my mom is etched into my skin and I can't fucking shake it.

Grabbing my dad's most valued items and his clothes for the funeral, I tucked it into my suitcase along with every last thing of mine in this house. This was it, I was leaving and never returning. My heart beat out of my chest by the thought of leaving every memory behind, every person, Elijah. My dad wanted this for me and I damn well will make him proud. My room was completely empty, the photos that hung on the wall were now packed away safely in my wallet, the small decorative items I had had for too many years are gone from the shelves. Nothing in here made me feel anything anymore, except for the pain of losing my dad and having to abandon everyone. 

Controlling the tears, I kept my head up and walked out of the room before giving it one last longing glance. My heart hammered in my chest when I tried to get every suitcase downstairs without falling, three suitcases and two trips up and down later, I looked around the living room and the kitchen. Pictures of my dad and I on the fridge made tears well up in my eyes and I hurried to grab them and packed them into my belongings as well. This was it.

"I loved him, too," Mother suddenly spoke from the living room, I hadn't seen her before. Her eyes were red and there was a slight wobble to her step, she was drunk again. No part of me wanted to be here anymore, a new beginning seemed better and better by every step she took in my direction. I walked into the kitchen and she sat down by the island. "It will be hard without him, but the two of us will get by just fine. This is a phase and we need to get over it. He was the man of my life and I will probably have the hardest time dealing with this."

"You never cared for him. Ever since he signed the will you ignored him, never once visiting him or caring about his progress. You threw the wedding ring away the second you started drinking and now you expect me to believe you love him?" I spat at her the pain slipped through my voice unintentionally. Tugging at the roots of my hair I walked from one side of the kitchen to the other. 

"Kota," She tried to persuade me with widened eyes, I almost threw up by her using that nickname, she never referred to me like that and now she did it to hit me where it hurts. "Your dad wasn't in the right state of mind when he gave you the money, he was sick and delusional. If you really want to grant his wishes for once, since you ensured he died in the hospital after all, then you give me the money. There is no way he would have wanted a reckless teen to carry so much in her bank account," Her indifference shone through and her words drew a knife straight through my heart. I was already in pain by him not dying at home, having her say those things to me made it more real and I couldn't deal with that. 

"You talk like you actually know what he wanted," I scoffed in annoyance and hurt. "If you did you would have been there for us, you would have stayed by his side until he took his last breath, you would have been there for my graduation. But you weren't. Your newfound lifestyle takes first place as always and if there is something dad didn't want his hard earned money to support, it would be your excessive drinking."

"I don't drink, Dakota."

"Now that is just a straight up lie, mother."

She grabbed a glass of wine before sitting down again, proving my point. Her anger and disregard towards me shone through as she glared me down, "Even if I did, the money is mine. He wrote it into the will that day, everything is mine!"

Slamming my hands onto the table in front of her she jumped by the shock, I smirked down at her tauntingly. "Such a fucking shame he managed to change the will afterwards then, huh? He died four days ago and here you are trying to manipulate me into giving you the money he left for me! Are you seriously that fucking dense?"

"You are staying here anyway, might as well support the roof you will be living under."

"See, that is where you are wrong, mother," I tutted at her and she glanced in my direction with confusion written all over her pathetic face. "I will be leaving for college right after his funeral, Barnsley College agreed to my early admission. There is nothing that is keeping me here and you won't be able to either."

My mind drifted back to Elijah on instinct, how his smile would ensure a flutter in my chest, how the little wink he often delivered both drove me mad and provoked a lustful knot in my gut. I tried to wipe the memories from my consciousness. Nothing was keeping me here!

"So you believe you will be able to leave everything behind just like that?" She laughed in disbelief, grabbing her glass of wine and downing it. 

"Rather that than staying here and having my mother slap me around."

Her glare turned icy in the matter of seconds, "Don't mention that again."

"I still have the photo from that day, if you're interested?"

"Shut up!"

"Or the bloody sheets from when you cut me with your bottle, perhaps I can give you that as well?"

"I said, SHUT UP!" She screamed and threw her glass against the counter right behind my head. It broke into a million pieces and fell to the floor. "Do you not fucking understand why he died? He had a pathetic daughter with a constant need to cry herself to sleep, you never once showed him strength. He died to get away from you and your weak ways of coping!"

I couldn't bring myself to care as I smirked at her and leaned closer to her face, "Cute how you so desperately try to pin it on me, if there is one thing I'm certain of, it is how much he loved me and appreciated me for being there. That is the one spot where you can't and won't be able to hit me."

"Get out!" She yelled and pointed her shaky finger towards the door. "GET OUT!"

Grabbing the necklace from my pocket, I threw it onto the table in front of her. No emotion appeared on her face and then I knew she was gone, this was the way for me to realize if I truly had lost my mother. She bought me this necklace when I turned ten and it had always been a big part of our conversations, she had one similar but I hadn't seen it on her in months. It was the token of our love, a love that clearly had left us during this period. 

"I'm so fucking done," I spat at her and left the kitchen, grabbing my suitcases I forced myself to balance all three as I ignored my mother. She grabbed another glass of wine never once talking to me, roughly grabbing my dad's shoes and all of mine as well, I left the house and placed it in his car. The one he ensured I would have now. Grabbing the keys from my pocket, I sat down in the driver's side and gave my childhood home one last lingering glance. 

My mother came outside and made an obvious show of throwing my necklace into the trashcan, she downed her entire glass of wine and walked inside again. The lack of maturity made me roll my eyes as I started the car and drove away from the house. My heart felt heavy in my chest and I willed myself not to cry. 

Now I'm walking through town and the car is parked a few blocks away, I need some fresh air after that encounter. My mind refuses to believe that she tried to manipulate me into giving her the money, some part of me saw it coming but the other had hoped for a more motherly reaction. Opening the door to the local florist shop, I spot Mrs. Valentine immediately and she gives me a big smile her wrinkles appearing. She is the sweetest lady and I fear she might close the shop down soon because of her growing old.  

"Hey, Dakota," She says in delight. "What can I do for you?" 

"Hi, Mrs. Valentine. Can you arrange a funeral bouquet without the fanciest flowers?" I ask her and tilt my head to the side, there is a small question in her eyes. She perches her glasses onto the top of her grey hair. 

"Sure thing, dear. Why do you not want the fanciest flowers?" She asks and checks her computer for possible choices of mine. 

"He wasn't the biggest on flowers, but I love them and I want to give him some," I explain and she nods her head with a smile on her face. 

"Oh yeah, you always managed to escape your parents and came in here to look at flowers for hours when you were younger, do you remember that?" She reminisces while showing me a couple of options. 

"Yeah, my mom hated my passion for it," I laugh and shake my head by the memories. I loved running into this shop and I often helped Mrs. Valentine with binding a lot of bouquets, she appreciated the help. Pointing at my favorite flower on her screen, "Those are very simple and beautiful."

She nods her head to the white lilies and agrees with me, "Your favorite as always, I will make the prettiest bouquet for you. Who should I address it to and what do you want to be written on the card?"

My smile vanishes immediately and hers does as well, the pain clear in her eyes, "I only want the words 'To Dad', nothing too overwhelming."

"I'm so very sorry for your loss, dear," She tells me and holds my gaze, people are afraid to look me in the eyes so having her look at me like this makes me feel normal for a second. "Will you bring a bouquet of my own to the beloved Mr. Moore? He truly has been an amazing help with this shop."

"Of course I will," I nod my head at her. 

She smiles at me, "And I want to give you yours, as a gift."

"I can't possibly accept that gesture, Mrs. Valentine," Waving my hands in front of us. 

"Nonsense, dear. See this as me giving a little to your college experience," I hug her before I know what I'm doing and she returns the hug with all her might. Visiting her is the best decision I have made in a while, she is always ready with a shoulder to cry on and no matter what, she never makes you feel weird about your predicament. She understands, listens and loves.