Our conversation started with a small debate on feminism but we became friends within a few days. He was taking interest in Talia Zia, without knowing my real identity. Each text from him was enough to make me smile, I was in the ditch of sorrow but his presence in my life started fading away the darkness. I didn't realise when did I forget that Good Girls stay away from Boys. I was not a Good Girl anymore. This boy was doing some kind of magic on me, and I was going towards him like a lifeless puppet. My days began with texting him Good Morning, followed by the afternoon routine for asking him if he had his lunch or not and ended with a Good Night text as well as a secret prayer.

Yes, I did pray for him every night. The teenager Urooj never included any boy in her prayer other than Khizr. Even, the 28 year old Urooj still prays for him every night.

I was a girl who never thought about a boy but when khizr came to my life I forgot everything. I didn't know the reason behind him becoming special for me. But he became one for sure. Slowly I realised that maybe the emotion I felt for him was love. I wasn't sure but maybe!

Once, in a random chat I tried to give him a hint about my feelings for him and he understood my hint. However he clearly told me that I was just a friend of him and he already liked someone else. The confession was no less than a dagger for me. That was the first time when I cried for a boy. I cried for many hours and promised myself to not talk to him again but... My heart wasn't in my control. I tried my best to stop chasing him however couldn't. We still talked almost every night. All the questions were from my side, and all the answers were from him. He was the one to motivate me to write articles for college magazine, That was the first time when Talia Zia's words reached to public, all credits goes to him. He wasn't an stranger for anymore. Or maybe he was... Because he never shared anything about himself, I was the one who was talking to him crazily. I was the one holding the open end of the rope of this relationship, he had nothing to do with me or my emotions.

Everything was constant. No change occurred. He texted rarely and I avoided texting him rarely. But one day suddenly he stopped replying to my texts. In the beginning I was not really affected as I thought he might be busy but minutes converted into hours, and hours into days. There was no text and no reply from his side for three days. I heart was pounding fast with numerous unpleasant thoughts. I missed college on the third day of his no response because I was unable to get my mind off from him. If he wanted to get rid of me then tell me directly, what was the need of this ignorance? I felt insulted but... My heart was not ready to believe that khizr could ignore me. He could never. He never did. Then why didn't he respond?

My sixth sense was telling that he was in some kind of trouble but I didn't want to believe it. I constantly prayed for his well-being when a text message appeared on my mobile phone.

'I'm sorry for the late reply but three days ago I met an accident, still in the hospital with a fractured hand.' I could reply to him with a small text reading 'Take Care' but I cried out hard. He managed to reach that stage in my life where his pain was killing me.

'which hospital?' I asked and waited for him to reply. As soon as he told me the name of the hospital I took the bravest step of my life. I went to the said hospital. Alone. Without informing the warden. After asking the receptionist about Khizr I reached his room and I was shocked while stepping in the room. Not only on his hand but Khizr had a bandage on his head too.

"Khizr..." I muttered. He saw me without blinking. His friend was sitting next to him, he saw me with questioning eyes and I realised that they didn't know me by face. I was a faceless figure on facebook. A girl who never uploaded her pics to look cool.

"I... I'm..." I tried to introduce myself, "Talia Zia-" I muttered but it seems khizr didn't hear me, he blinked blankly and I saw a little smile crawling to his lips.

"Are you Talia Zia?" Khizr asked. I wanted to give him a nod but for that moment I was unable to explain anything. My tears had no limit to saw him on the hospital bed. Blood spots were still present on the bandage of his head.

"What the hell have you done with yourself?" I tried to ask but no words came out of my mouth, only tears came out of my eyes, however I wiped them without wasting a single jiffy. I wasn't a girl who wanted to melt others' hearts with the warmth of my tears. I was the owner of a good amount of self-respect, I didn't break down in front of anyone, even in the difficult situations of life only my god had witnessed my tears then how could be so weak in front of khizr to let him see my tears?

He didn't reply, he was only seeing me, just I was doing. "He slipped from the skateboard." His friend informed me. My eyes again pooled up but I didn't let the tears ooze out.

I wanted to touch that bandage. I wanted to ask him how he was feeling now. I wanted to ask him if I could do something for him or not?

I wanted to ask him so many questions but only one question popped in my head.

Kis haq se ye sab sawal puchogi Urooj? Wo tumhara nhi hai.
(Urooj, What right does you have to ask all these questions? He is not yours.)

The teenager heart present in my frame felt broken. Why did I came so far in the love of a stranger that now it felt difficult to forget him?

Why do we love a person who doesn't love us back?

Why do we make imaginary world when our real world is shattered?

Why do we want to gain what is out of our reach?

I had no answer to all those questions. "Take care, Khizr." His name felt heavy on my tongue yet I managed to whisper and turned back without spending a single second in that room. A single second and I would be crying in front of him.

At least I could not break down openly, my self respect didn't allow me to do so.

That night I didn't sleep, I only cried. There was mix emotions in me. I was sad to see him in pain. I was happy as he was fine. I was broken because he was not mine, he loved someone else.

Why with me?

I didn't take steps towards him... He was the one to come to my room then to my heart and dreams then why did it happen to me?

Jo qismat me nhi hai wo dil mein bhi kyu aata hai?

(Why the one who is not in our destiny come into our heart?)

That night I wanted to cry aloud but controlled myself. My silent sobs were absorbed by the pillow. I didn't even used facebook for the next two days. I wanted to forget khizr, if only his accident was making my condition worse then what would happen after a separation? He already loved someone else so there was no point of running after him, sooner or later separation was our destiny.

Few days went in silence, there was a few texts from khizr. Surprisingly he was texting me for the first time and asking my whereabouts but I took another brave step by deactivating my facebook account. I was unable to sleep for many nights, days were restless, my mind was in fog and my heart was trying to kill the feeling that took birth inside it. Love.

I was seeing Tevy taking drugs every night. Different drugs, different effects. Sometimes sue slept for 12 hours like a dog, sometimes she stayed energetic all night and sometimes she didn't sleep but stayed sleepy all night.

She was so nice but so destroyed.

"Tevy." I whispered. The room was dark, only a glowing red dot was visible in the darkness of the room. "Hmm?" A whisper echoed and the red dot glowed a little more. My eyes, which were already settled down in the darkness, noticed a cloud of smoke hovering over the glowing dot.

"Tevy, is this true that love is like a drug? Kya sach me mohabbat ek nasha hai?" I asked without knowing if she had an answer or not.

"Hmm..." Tevy smiled. Though I couldn't see her face but I could feel. "Nasha hi to hai Jaani, love is the strongest drug." She muttered with a sarcastic dry snigger.

(It is just an intoxication, my love)

"Lekin nasha to buri cheez hoti hai na, Tevy?"

(But drugs are a bad thing, isn't it, Tevy?)

"Nhi Meri jaan, nasha bohot achhi cheez hai... Ye har cheez ko khubsurat kar deta hai. Banjar zameen ko bhi hara bhara bagh bana deta hai. Duniya ki thokaro ko aasmaan ki uchaiyo mein badal deta hai. Bohot khubsurat cheez hai ye kambhakht." Tevy was smiling with half closed eyes, maybe she wasn't in this dark room but some beautiful place where she was getting whatever she wished for. But I felt sorry for her. She was in delusion.

(No my love, drugs are good. It makes everything beautiful. It even turns barren land into a green field. It transforms the stumbling blocks of the world into the heights of the sky. This damn thing is so beautiful.)

"No Tevy, drugs ruin lives." I asserted. For a moment I forgot the main topic of discussion, Love as a drug, and felt concerned about Tevy's condition.

"Nasha nhi jaani, nashe ki lat buri cheez hai. Nasha sab kuch khubsurat bana deta hai, lekin nashe ki lat barbadi laati hai." She puffed on the cigarette again, I again saw a cloud forming and vanishing in the air. 

(No love, not drugs but addiction to drug is faulty. Drugs intoxicate which brings joy and beutify everything. It's addiction to drugs that brings destruction along.)

"To kya mohabbat bhi barbaad kar deti hai?" Fear conquered my shivering voice. I had seen people gone to rack and ruin due to drugs... I was already not a Good Girl anymore, now I didn't want to be devastated.

(So, does love also ruin people?)

"Haa... Bilkul (Of course)." Tevy puffed on ciggerate again. "Agar lat lag jaye to mohabbat bhi barbaad kar sakti hai. Jis tarha ek addict ko har haal mein drugs chahiye hote hain wese hi mohabbat ki lat lagne ke baad mehboob chahiye hota hai."

(Even love can ruin if one gets addicted to it. Just like an addict needs drugs at all costs, similarly after getting addicted to love, one needs a beloved.)

"Tevy." I pressed my lips together to control myself to cry. "Main barbaad nhi hona chahti... Main kya kru?"

(I don't want to get ruined... what do I do?)

"Stay away from your drug before you get addicted because there is no antidote for this drug." She replied as if it was a theoretical answer that needed no practicality. I saw the red glowing dot going towards the floor, smashing again the marble floor. My breath was hitched. I did not know for how long I held my breath, eventually a sob left my lips.

"And what if I say that I'm already an addict?" I asked controlling my tears to come out of my eyes.

"Then..." Tevy bounced the pillow in the air, caught it and tittered. I was confused and soon she was laughing like mad until she forgot to breathe. She covered her face with the same pillow and kept laughing. I saw her and cried out hard. I didn't want to get ruined. I didn't want to get destroyed.

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Kya kaha ishq kar bethe
Kya kaha ishq kar bethe...

Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi rajiun.

_Joun Elia.

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Next chapter is on the way...
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Bye Bye...

_Naaz Jamal