My father was still unconscious in the hospital when we went to visit him. Ben drove us back to New York that afternoon so that I could make my session Sunday morning.

What was the point of the therapy when nothing seemed to be helping. Everything just got worst. Seeing faces so clearly, smelling rust and salt in my dreams.

I knew exactly what I was smelling. That potent stench could only be blood.

My senses in my dream state enhanced. I could feel the temperature of the places in my dream. I could feel the blood soaking through my clothes and drying on my skin. I could feel the excruciating pain of my fresh wounds burning but the most unbearable pain was the emotional pain of watching the life leave Nick's eyes night after night.

Therapy couldn't help me. If it could I'd be getting better and not worst. I tried everything. Science was not going to help me but maybe religion could and that was the reason why I wanted to go back to the city.

I wanted to feel that inner relief I felt a week ago when I sat in that cathedral. I didn't know how to tell Ben I wanted to go to Church. Ben was a Christian. I remembered his mother taking him and Brandon to Church Christmas mornings.

Mrs. Evan's wanted to take me along with them a few times but my father refused being a man of science. I never really asked my father why he didn't believe in divinity but I knew there had to be a story behind it.

How could he not been even a little curious. My siblings and I knew better than to push for answers. My father is a man of great patience but everyone had their breaking point and I could feel his patience running thin when we asked questions he couldn't answer.

He couldn't hide his emotions well it showed on his face when he was deeply irritated and it also showed when he was extremely happy.

He raised us to be practical. People are not perfect and they need to stop making excuses for their imperfections, his words not mine. People need to stop blaming the devil for misdeeds. Maybe the idealism of a forgiving God is what gives monsters hope of salvation after their so-called sins.

He became a different man when it came to the topic of divinity. I wondered if it was because of his childhood. My mother once told me and my siblings that he had a rough childhood. He never spoke of his childhood. I wasn't even sure if my grandparents were alive.

Due to this being a touchy subject with him it resulted in me not knowing much about divinity. But I was willing to learn. To understand it if that was possible. I promised myself on countless occasions of desperation that I would give my soul to have peace.

And I would give it to religion first. I knew my family wouldn't stand by this decision. Seeking miracles is a fool's errand! I smiled. I could hear my father's voice in my head.

I loved my parents but they couldn't find out about this. Especially my father. He couldn't get all riled up in his condition. I'd have to go in this without my family's support.

"Huh, who knew a bowl of cheerios could be so fascinating," Ben said bringing me out of my thoughts. "Val spit it out," he smiled and I shook my head. He knew me too well.

"I want to tell you something but it's going to sound weird but I need you to trust me," I started and he sat front in his chair.

"Anything Val."

"Ben science, I mean therapy and medicine can't fix my problem. All the tests I went for said there was nothing wrong with me mentally. I have stress because of these nightmares. But what if science is not the answer to my recovery but religion is?" I questioned and Ben looked at me considering my words.

"Val I'll support whatever you choose to do. If it means I get you back in one piece I'll do it."

I smiled. Pleased with the one good thing in my life right now. My friendship with Ben. "Take me to church Benjamin."

He scrunched his eyebrows, humor dancing in his eyes as he thought for a second. "My mother would be so proud." He finally grinned.

I shoved him. "Shut up. Let's go." I smiled and he stood.

I put the empty cereal bowls in the sink and filled them with water so that I could wash them later. We walked out of my apartment and I locked it.

"Fuck," Ben gasped in terror from behind me.

I turned around and saw Ms. Rhiamon standing at her door staring at the both of us. Her grey hair was sticking out of her loose ponytail and she had pale red rings under her murky eyes. "Sorry, you surprised me," Ben gulped, immediately apologizing.

"Ms. Rhiamon are you alright?" I asked.

"Just peachy," she said but it sounded anything but. She went into her apartment and closed the door behind her.

"Honestly Val you need to move out of this place."

I laughed. "Nice places cost money, Benjamin. Money I do not have at the moment. Trust me I'm saving up whatever I can so that I can move out. Now keep your voice down. I don't want my landlord to hear us," I whispered.

We made our way out of the building successfully without my leach of a landlord hearing and coming out of his apartment to siphon money out of us. I got into the passenger seat of Ben's car and he started it pulling off from the side of the street.

"So which church are we going to?" He asked as he looked down the street.

"Make a left at the next turn," I told him. "It's a Cathedral. I think it's catholic... I'm not too sure."

Ben nodded and gave me a sympathetic look. My lack of depth on religion was no surprise.

"Where do I turn next?" Ben asked.

"Left again."

He finally stopped outside the familiar grey building. He parked across the street and unbuckled his seat belt. "Wow it's big," he said and I moved to get out of the car.

The man I saw last week was standing at the door. He was wearing a blue suit this time and he had two women behind him. One was a teenager and the other was elderly and in a wheelchair.

"I haven't been to church in ages," Ben whispered from next to me.

"I've been just last week," I teased and he rolled his eyes amused.

Finally, the line got shorter and we came to stand in front of the man and two women. "You back," the man smiled. "And you brought a friend."

"Hi my name is Valerie and this is my friend Ben," I introduced since I didn't get a chance to learn the man's name the last time.

"I'm Samuel, this is my daughter Mindy and this is my mother Marianne."

"Hello," Mindy greeted and looked down again blushing slightly at the sight of Ben.

I smiled at the shy girl. I could remember being her age and carefree. Those days now feel distant as if they happened an eternity ago and weren't just a few years ago. It was as if it was a different Val and not me.

What I wouldn't give to be that carefree young Val again.

The elderly woman in the wheelchair looked at me in something I could have mistaken as fear. When she made the image of a cross by touching her forehead and shoulders I confirmed that look to be one of fear.

But why.

"My brother Peter is the priest," Samuel said and I nodded tearing my gaze away from the frightened woman. "Let's go inside," he said checking his watch.

Samuel wheeled his mother into the church and the woman muttered something under her breath and kept her eyes on me until the chair crossed the threshold. The teenage daughter followed after them all the while keeping her eyes on the ground and blushing furiously.

"Why was she looking at you like that?" Ben whispered from next to me and I shrugged.

"Beats me," I whispered back.

Ben and I took our seats at the back of the church and the choir walked in all dressed in the same white clothes. They began singing a beautiful song and I felt at peace instantly. I imagined this is what Angel's sounded like.

As they sang I could feel a pair of eyes watching me. So my head naturally turned in the direction I could feel it from and saw that it was Samuels mother Marianne. She immediately turned away once I met her curious stare.

I was suddenly very conscious of myself wondering if she didn't like me because of the way I was dressed. Jeans, a t-shirt, and sneakers while the rest of the ladies in the church wore skirts and dresses.

Even Ben was under dressed so that didn't make me feel all that out of place. After the choir finished singing the priest began his sermon.

After he preached he then prayed. The praying part stumped me. Everyone immediately closed their eyes and then there I was again lost and not knowing what to do or say. I turned to Ben and even his eyes were closed.

"Ben," I whispered and he opened his one eye. He looked so comical that I had to bite my lip to stop myself from laughing. "Are you praying?" I asked and he smiled.

"I was. What's up?"

I looked around nervously the priest was still praying and I didn't want anyone to catch me and Ben whispering. It was like we were in school again, whispering answers to each other. "I don't know how-"

Ben nodded and then he leaned into me and took both my hands. "Put your hands together like this," he said holding my hands together. "Close your eyes." I followed closing my eyes immediately. "Now have a conversation with God."

I sighed. I didn't know how to start. God knew who I was. I didn't need to introduce myself. So I just started talking to God about the first thing on my mind. My father.

If the man ever found out he'd be outraged. His daughter in a Church asking the divine to heal him.

After I prayed for my father I spoke to God about my nightmares. I begged him to help me figure out why I was having them. It felt good to talk about it. To ask for help.

Once the priest said Amen I took that as my cue to stop talking. He dismissed everyone and everyone started moving to the door. Due to my leg that turned numb, I fell back and Ben was ahead of me.

I felt someone tug my hand and when I turned around it was Marianne. "Death stalks you, child," she said and her voice was grave.

"Wha- what do you mean?" I stuttered and she looked around at the people moving around us.

I felt her put a piece of paper in my hand. He tugged my hand so I was closer to her. "We cannot speak of it here," she whispered and the urgency in her voice had fear rising in me. "If you want answers meet me tomorrow at this address. It will be best if you come alone."

The line in front of us dispersed. "Val," I heard Ben call and the old woman gave me a serious nod before she wheeled herself ahead of us.

"Hey what's wrong?" Ben asked and I casually slipped the piece of paper into my back pocket.

"Nothing. Let's go." I told him and smiled to reassure my words. He took ahold of my hand and we walked out of the church together.

"Want to go back to my apartment?" He asked when we were in his car. "We can order take out and watch movies."

This had become my weekends. "What happened to us, Ben. When did we get so old."

He laughed. "You want to go partying after you just went to church?"

"Point made. Can we stop at the store before we go to your place. I need red bull and Advil."

"Yeah I need some stuff too. I hope you not taking the red bull with the advil." His voice was disapproving.

I had a headache and I was sleepy. I didn't know what else to do. I knew the headache would go if I slept. But I was scared to sleep. The dreams were just too much to handle.

"I'm not," I lied.

"Have you tried sleeping tablets?" He asked and I shook my head. That was the world's worst idea. Being knocked out and unable to wake up for a while. Stuck in a nightmare.

"I'm not tired." Another lie.

"Tell that to the dark circles under your eyes." I pulled down the car's visor and looked in the small square-shaped mirror. He was right. The bags under my eyes were now purple.

"Remind me to get cucumber while we at the store." Ben didn't say anything he remained silent. He could see right through me but he was giving me the benefit of the doubt.

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A/N

I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter. My next chapter may be a little late I'm knee-deep in college assignments right now so I'm unsure if I'll have time to edit or write anything in the coming days.

That star button is right there are you seriously going to not hit it. Come on you know you want to.😉

💜P. A