I didn't have the wits for a simple action as hailing a cab. Somehow maybe divine intervention I found myself wandering down the right path to my home when my eyes failed to pay attention to where I was going,  my legs lead the way working without my command.

Growing up atheist left me blind to anything supernatural. I didn't understand and as human nature dictates we fear what we don't understand.

And I was terrified of myself. I had things, memories that were being unlocked. I was going to see and hear things I've never before. This was cruelty begging me to ask the question what did I do to be cursed this way.

Like in those scientific movies Ben always dragged me to watch were me and Nick adventurers that stumbled into a witch's clutches unknowingly. I wish I paid more attention to those movies now.

I entered the building and the light wasn't working. It was flickering again. I wouldn't be surprised if my building was haunted. I stumbled up to my apartment and put my key in the door only to find that it was unlocked.

I pushed open the door and found Ben sitting at the edge of my bed with his head in his hands.

"Ben," I said and he looked up at me and stood.

"Val, what happened?" He asked taking in my hellish appearance. It was hard to lie to your best friend especially when they had a key to your apartment. "Where have you been?"

"Ben not right now please," I said and the keys fell out of my hand and to the floor. I didn't bother to pick them up but peeled the jacket off my body.

"Val it's three in the morning." I didn't have an answer for him how could I tell him without him thinking I was crazy or pulling him into this whole new world of Gods and monsters.

"Ben I need some space to think please." I raised my hands in front of me to prevent him from coming any closer to me. I wasn't just Valerie twenty year old struggling writer. I was Valerie born again hundreds of times due to a curse.

"Val you can talk to me about anything you know this. I feel like you hiding something from me constantly. Whatever it is you can tell me."

I looked at Ben and he looked anxious he looked scared and if someone was coming for me I wanted Ben no where near me. He couldn't be collateral damage. I wasn't getting him involved in my mess.

"I think it would be better if you go," I said and his eyebrows scrunched together. He looked like he was speechless. Not once did I ever ask him to leave and it pained me.

"Are you even listening to yourself," he said taking a step towards me, "this is not you."

"I don't even know who I am anymore Ben." Tears rolled down my cheeks as I told my friend one truth. I didn't know who I was. This was far from a normal identity crisis.

He came over to me and pulled me into a hug the scent I smelled so much and his warmth that could calm the heaviest of wars in me made it all that harder. My body shook as I cried. I didn't want to stay away from Ben, but he didn't deserve to be pulled into my mess.

"Ben you have to stay away from me," I choked the words out.

"I'm sorry Val but I can't," he said and pulled away from me.

"Please."

"I love you." My heart stilled even though I heard him say it thousands of times this time was different.

A hot tear rolled down my cheek as I shivered against my wet clothes."And I love you that's why you have to stay away," I reached out and touched his face, "you have so much of this life to live and see and I'm done being the dark cloud that rains on it. Ben, you should be doing things Zane does. You should be going out and having fun instead of worrying about me all the time."

"Please Val," his voice broke and he took both my hands in his.

"Trust me, Ben. Just let me sort my mess out."

He let go off my hands and stroked my cheek with the back of his hand. He  leaned in towards me slowly and kissed me. It wasn't like the first time we kissed. I didn't feel it funny and it wasn't something we were just doing to get out of the way. He was serious. He kissed me as if it was the last time he was ever going to see me. It was slow he didn't rush. He just held me savoring the moment.

I placed my hands on his chest and he pulled away slowly. "If space is what you want I'll give it to you," he rasped, "but I can't leave you alone forever."

I was astonished by his actions I've never seen this side of Ben before. He dropped his hands from me and took a step back. He moved to grab his jacket and keys before moving to my apartment door. "Do you still want to ride with me to work later?" He asked and I shook my head. "Okay, I'll see you around."

After Ben left that was a core piece of Valerie breaking away. I instantly regretted it. I couldn't go a day without Ben. I loved him and we were each other's pillars of strength through everything.

I loved him and I couldn't bring him into a world of witchcraft, curses, and death. I was not going to allow him to walk this path with me.

I had to rely on myself. I was stepping into uncharted territory. The first thing I had to do was research but after a hot shower because I smelled like something that washed up on shore.

After a long tearful shower of dreaming of scenarios where I told Ben everything and he comforted me and made me ramen and coffee. I cried even more draining my body of all water until there were just dry sobs and cries with no tears coming out of me.

I dried myself off and changed into clean clothes and drank two glasses of water since I was severely hydrated from all the crying I did. I got my laptop and started it. The sooner I cleared up all this mess the sooner I'd get Ben back and my life would return to normal.

I typed onto my laptop reincarnation. I didn't know anything about it just that the soul comes back all the time. Of course Wikipedia a student's best friend gave me an answer.

Reincarnation, also known as rebirth or transmigration, is the philosophical or religious belief that the non-physical essence of a living being begins a new life in a different physical form or body after biological death. Resurrection is a similar process hypothesized by some religions, in which a soul comes back to life in the same body. In most beliefs involving reincarnation, the soul is seen as immortal and the only thing that becomes perishable is the body. Upon death, the soul becomes transmigrated into a new infant (or animal) to live again. The term transmigration means passing of the soul from another body to another after death.

As I read chills ran down my spine. It also raised more questions. Nick and I were cursed to be killed. I wondered if reincarnation was apart of the curse.

I needed to talk to Nick. Maybe he knew everything and if he did and was my supposed lover according to those very vivid memories I saw then he was going to get it from me.

Without care, if I looked professional or not I ran out of the apartment. A big part of me hoped I would see Ben's car parked on the side but he wasn't parked on my curb and I just felt lonelier.

I hailed for a cab and one stopped. I got in and gave him directions to the publishing house.

Once the cab stopped outside the building I ran for it. I ran for the door and then the elevator. I didn't bother to check in with Camilla and went straight to Nick's office.

Tatum wasn't at the front desk so I didn't have to deal with her resting bitch face. Nick's office door was open and he was talking to Tatum. He gave me a cautious once over almost surprised to see me. "Tatum can you give me and Mr. Ortega a few minutes," I asked and she glowered at me.

"It's okay Tatum," Nick said and she rolled her eyes and left.

"What can I do for you Miss Hudson?" he asked and I slammed the office door shut.

He walked towards me and before I knew it I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. Maybe he would understand what I meant. He kissed me back with the same amount of enthusiasm if not more wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me closer to him.

In my life, I've only kissed two men. Ben and my ex. None ever compared to this though Ben did leave me breathless it wasn't the same. I pulled away from Nick slowly and opened my eyes. His eyes were still closed. "How did you figure it out?" He asked his chest heaving and I brought my hand up and slapped him across the face.

He touched his cheek and his eyes widened. "You," I said pointing an accusatory finger. "You have no idea the hell I've been through!"