Y/n Pov

Y/n: " So... what now? Celebration? "

I ask

Sora: " Of course! Let's celebrate! "

Suisei: " Ahaha, there's no need for that you know "

Y/n: " Say... where is Roboco-san? I haven't seen since some time ago "

Sora: " Ah she was... kind of broken? So she was send back to be fix "

Y/n: " Oo... "

Y/n: ( Broken huh... )

Sora: " Alright, I'll go get A-chan and V-kun, be right back in a sec "

Sora went to where A-chan was draging V-kun

And now I was left alone with Suisei

Y/n: " So... Congratulations on coming here "

Suisei: " Thanks, hehe "

Y/n: " So with this you won't have to stop dreaming or thinking you hard work going to waste "

Suisei: " Yeah before meeting you, I was so stuck in what if all my hard work going to waste "

Y/n: " Well you did look like you were giving up and lose hope in everything"

Suisei: " Yeah, talking with you... Helped mr quite alot, also you're quite a good listener "

Y/n: " Well I tried,I'm happy that I can help "

Suisei: " Yeah you helped me, thanks "

She hugged me again

Y/n: ( ...why do the friends I have like to hug me? It feel nice... but why though? )

After sometimes Sora is back with A-Chan and the pale V-kun

Also Ceo Motoaki-san is also with them

Sora: " Alright! Now let's go and eat somewhere nice, so Suisei-chan what food do you like or want to eat? "

Suisei: " Hmmm.... "

Suisei was thinking quite hard, and after a while we went to eat at a family restaurant that Suisei like

After we were done eating and talking, or well the other talk while I just stay silent unless someome asked me

Ceo then say something to me

Yagoo: " Ah, right Y/n, you can start streaming again next month if you want to of course, if you still feel sick or tired you don't need to, you can focus on taking a rest "

Y/n: " Ah, I'm fine, I can start streaming again next month "

Yagoo: " I understand, don't force yourself okay "

Y/n: " Yes "

Ceo smile, understandingly

Suisei: " Oh right, you're going on Hiatus weren't you due to health reason, are you okay now, Y/n? "

Y/n: " I'm fine, and I can't just keep going on hiatus, I'll be troubling everyone if I do "

Sora: " Well, you don't need to worry about that, no one is troubled, it's not like you done anything wrong okay "

Sora pat my head

Y/n: " nn... "

Suisei: " Yeah, don't worry about that, if you still need rest then rest "

Suisei start poking my cheeks

Y/n: " Nyuu... "

Y/n: ( Is this... what it feels like if you were the younger brother that have two big sisters, that like to play with you and dress you up? )

Time skip brought to you with a meme

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After a while it's getting late so I went back home and do the some chores cleaning up the place, and then went to sleep without taking my sleeping pills as doctor said I need to try not too heavily rely on sleeping pills

Which lead me to having nightmares about stuff of the past and keep waking up unable to sleep

Y/n: " ... is it cause of the medication? Maybe just some side effects... "

I try to sleep again, but I can't

Y/n: ( I can't sleep now after the nightmare... )

I lay down on the bed looking at the ceiling

Y/n: ( A lot has happened... Everything still don't felt real somehow... and do I truly earn this kind of comfortable life, someone like me... sigh... )

I felt my chest hurt, As I spend the night thinking lot of stuff... not really good stuff about myself

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Next morning

I was unable to sleep until sun rise probably because I was so invested in thinking and also just because I can't sleep

I went to brush my teeth and wash my face

Y/n: " Such an expressionless and ugly face as usual... "

I pinch my cheeks trying to make my lips to form a smile, aftera few sec I let go of my cheeks

Y/n: *sigh*

I change my clothes, eat some bread, and went to school

I spent my time in silence as usual with Aqua, and talk a little before going back to silence and either play with phone or just do other stuff

Y/n: " .... "

Aqua: " ... "

Y/n & Aqua: "........................................."

And so well there was nothing exactly awesome or anything just normal, and with me not understanding most of the lesson other than English and basic math

Well at least it was a pretty normal day until the school end, and I was on my way home

On my way to home, I see Sora and A-chan agruing with a group of boys two human and three beastman

And so I approach them

Y/n: " Sora, A-chan, are you two okay? "

Sora: " Ah, Y/n! "

thug 1: " Hey! Hey! Another gil arrived"

thug 2: " No that's a guy, he has male school pants "

thug 3: " whatever! Just get the girls "

They about to grab Sora arm, i grab the guy arm stopping them

Y/n: " Could you please stop that? "

I got hit on the head from behind

Y/n: " Despite your body size, you rather weak huh? "

Thug 2: " Wha! yo-ghock! "

I hit him on the throat using my expression board

They guy fall down hard, and having hard time breathing

The other thugs also start attacking, with a few hit with the board to the throat or stomach they all pretty much down

I got quite a lot as well thought

Y/n: " Down with a few hit to the stomatch and throat... I guess I win in term of pain tolerance... "

Sora: " Y/n! Are you okay!!? "

Sora was panicking

Y/n: " I'm fine "

Sora: " But you got hurt! "

A-Chan: " Yeah! Is your head okay!? "

Y/n: " I'm fine... It's just a few hit, I already used to being hit a lot more "

I change my expression board to show a smile

Sora look at me sadly thought...

Not long after police come, and arrest them all and I was bring in for questioning as well

Well... I did seemingly beat the thugs a bit too much that they need to go to hospital

I also went to hospital to get treated even though I feel quite fine... I'm used to being hit a lot more...

Sora: " Are you really fine? " Sora ask looking worried seeing the bandage around my head

Y/n: " I'm fine, this is pretty tame either way, already used to got hit more, so I'm fine don't worry"

A-chan: " That is not something you should get used to... "

Y/n: " I guess... but sadly I am used to it "

Sora: " Alright, let's quickly get you back home! "

Y/n: " It's fine, I can walk back home by myself"

Sora: " No! "

A-Chan: " Yeah! Wait a bit, I'm gonna call V-kun to pick us up and drive you home okay "

Y/n: " ... okay "

And A-chan called V-kun, and then we wait for about 10 minutes and V-kun arrive with his car

V-kun: " Yo! You're personal Taxi driver has arrive " he said trying to look cool

A-chan: " Right right, mister please get out friend here back home "

V-kun: " No problemo "

We get in to the car, A-chan sit on the front while me and sora sit at the back, and V-kun start driving

V-kun: " So... what happened? "

Sora: " Ah, well we got hit on and about to be forced by a grouo of thugs "

V-kun: " What!? "

A-chan: " Well Y/n helped us before anything bad happens, but he got hurt instead"

V-kun: " Oh, you should have called me, if you do, I'll be sure to show those people the power of running back ace! "

Sora: " Haha, you probably will "

Y/n: " Running back? "

A-chan: " Ah, V-kun used to play Football when he was in high school"

Y/n: " Ooh "

V-Kun: " Well I don't do it anymore though, its a pretty taxing sports, and I kind of got tired of it "

A-chan: " And that is why he look even more feminine since he stop doing sports, well he always look feminine "

Y/n: " I see "

Sora: " You should see when V-Kun was in his high school day where he was so focus on sport and cut his hair short, lot of girls liked him and chase him around the school"

V-kun: " Haha, that was kind of embarrassing, well thankfully I have a shield to protect me from the other girls called A-chan! "

A-chan: " Haa! Are you calling me flat? "

She said while pulling V-kun ear

V-kun: " Ouch! That's hurts! I'm not saying you're flat okay! And there's nothing wrong with flat chest! I like them flat "

A-chan: " Haa! The hell you saying!? " A-chan say angry while looking embarrassed

They agrue

Soon we arrive at my apartment, and so get out of the car

Y/n: " Thank you very much for driving me home"

I thank V-kun who has a red ear, and half crying

V-kun: " Its fine, and good night "

Sora: " See you tommorow, good night "

A-chan: " Please have a good rest and good night"

Y/n: " Yes "

They start to drive away, and after I can't see the car anymore, I get in the apartment and greeted by a worried Marine Onee-chan

Marine: " Y/n! Are you okay!? Is your head fine!? "

Marine Onee-chan hugged me, as she start checking me

Y/n: " I'm fine, just a few hits "

Marine: " Well that's good if you're fine " she sigh relieve

Korone and Okayu jump on me licking me and looking worried as well

Y/n: " I'm fine you two "

Marine: " alright, go change your clothes, eat dinner and go to sleep okay "

Y/n: " Okay "

Time skip brought to you with a meme

A/n: this is probably what my family think if ever tell them I'm depressed and injuring myself
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The next morning, I visit Hololive office, just to show my face so Sora, and A-chan wouldn't worry too much, since Marine Onee-chan tell me to rest for today anf not go to school

When I went to the office, I went there a bit too early, and meet Suisei-san

Y/n: " Ah Suisei-san, good morning"

Suisei: " Morni-what happend!? "

She hurriedly went and check

Y/n: " I'm fine, I just got few hits on the head whe-"

Suisei: " What!? Who did it!? Who!? " Suisei shouted angry

Y/n: " Uuhhh... a-a few thugs, but they already got arrested by the police"

Suisei: " Oh... tch... That's disappointing, I would love to have a talk with them " she sigh

Y/n: " I-i see... "

Suisei: " So are you gonna do anything special on your first stream after so long? " she ask changing the topic

Y/n: " I don't know, maybe a song? "

Suisei: " Well that's okay, I guess, oh right I've been curious"

Y/n: " Yes? "

Suisei: " You're a boy right? Then how do you sound like a girl did you train to do it? Or it's just your natural voice? "

Y/n: " Ah,I train to do it, my real voice do sound like a boy, it's pretty deep voice I think? I keep using girl vouce because it's just fit my current look a lot more "

Suisei: " Ooh, can you try talk with your real voice? I want to hear it "

Y/n: " Eeh... i-its kind of embarrassing... I haven't really talk with my boyish voice for so long... "

Suisei: " You can talk to my ear, if you affraid of other hearing you know "

Y/n: " O-okay... then "

I get close to suisei and talk close to her ear

Y/n: " Is this okay... "

( A/n: well he sound somewhat like Towa-sama early morning or handsome voice, or you know what even sebastian from butler is okay too although it would sound weird )

I speak, and I see Suisei-san flinch a bit, so i move away and see Suisei-san have a red face

Suisei: " W-woah... y-your voice sound... s-sound... "

Y/n: " Sorry if it's sound bad " I said as I went back to using my girly voice

Suisei: " No, your voice is... really sexy... haah... haah.. "

Y/n: " Are you okay? Your face is red and you're breathing quite hard "

Suisei: " I-im fine! I-i need to go to the bathroom a bit, excuse me "

Suisei-san went to the bathroom

Y/n: " ... That was weird...? "

I was confused

I then just sit around spend my time writing lyrics, while waiting for Sora to arrive

After awhile Sora arrive and see me

Sora: " Y/n! Are you okay now? "

Y/n: " Yes I'm fine "

Sora: " that's good, oh, are you writing another lyrics? "

Y/n: " Yes "

Sora sit beside me

Sora: " So are you writing another depressing lyrics... "

Y/n: " ... sorry "

Sora: " Its fine, well... as they say music is one way to tell a story, and your story has always been about sadness and struggle... "

Y/n: " ... yes... "

Sora: " But you know... one day I want you to tell a happy story "

She said with a smile as she pat my head as usual

Y/n: " ... I still don't know if I can really write a happy story... even now I still kind of doubt that I deserve happiness... even after all the thing that has happened... "

Sora: " Well it's fine for now... there still lot of time... no need to rush, for now let's try enjoy the day and moments okay... and don't forget that I will always be by your side, so don't try handle everything alone... "

Sora pull me close to her, as she gently pull me and making me lay my head on her shoulder

Y/n: " Yes... "

And so we enjoy some silent yet comfortable moments in the empty office while illuminated by a warm sunlight

After sometimes Suisei-san come back from the bathroom, and looking a bit upset seeing me and Sora, before she greet Sora with a smile

Time skip brought to you with a meme

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And so time pass by, and soon it was time for me to start streaming again

And today is the day!

I stream my comeback, and a lot of the original subs, and viewers come! Although I also lost a lot of subs

Y/n: " Welcome back everyone! I am officially back now! And I will alsp release my new original song to celebrate my comeback! "

I say on the stream, I got a lot of supachat saying 'welcome back', or asking 'are you okay'

Well most of the one asking are overseas viewer though

( A/n: I mean from what I see most of the time overseas viewer tend to be nicer and care about the people behind the vtuber models, although they also can be the most degenerate, but they usually don't force things like ideals and stuff, unlike some Japanese viewers... )

Y/n: " Thank you everyone! I'm fine now more or less, well moving on! Today at around 6 Pm, I will also release my original song! To celebrate my coming back! So be sure to watch them okay! "

A lot of people was excited, while most are still worried

And so on today stream it was chatting, and talking about what I would stream in the future, talking about game, and game that they want me to play

Time pass, and soon night come which is time for the premiere of my new song

And its called

Kienai rakugaki
(Scribbles that won't go away)
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A/n: Prepare for another super bad song lyrics sorry if it's bad! And it doesn't make sense! As before I try made the lyrics in Japanese and there also the English translation as well! And enjoy!
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Jinsei o hon ni kakerunara
(If life can be written in a book)

Sōnaruto watashinojinsei ni wa atarashī monogatari o kaku yochi wa mō nokosa rete inai
(Then my life has no more space left to write a new story, With every paper I have is scribbled all over )

Kami no ue ni supēsu ga nakunaru made nando mo kurikaeshimashita
(And over again until there was no space left on the paper)

Hontōni atarashī pēji o hajimete mo īdesu ka
(Can I really start a new page )

Mō hakushi ga nakunattara
(When I don't have any more blank paper left)

Subete no hon wa kotonari, onajide wa nai
(Every book is different and not the same)

Soshite watashi no pēji wa sore hodo ōku arimasen
(And mine don't have many pages)

Watashi no hon ni wa atarashī pēji ya kūhaku no bubun wa mō arimasen
(My book has no more new page or a blank spot)

Ashita wa atarashī hida to kimi wa itta
(You said that tomorrow is a new day)

Shikashi
(But)

Hontōni sō naru nodeshou ka? Ashita mo onaji ni naru kanōsei wa tsuneni aru
(Will it really be? There's always a chance that tomorrow will be the same)

Mō hotondo subete ga hashirigaki sa rete iru no ni, hontōni betsu no pēji ni idō dekimasu ka?
(Can I really move to a different page when everything is pretty much already scribbled all over)

Kūhaku wa mō nokotte inai
( I don't have any blank space left )

Pēji o mekuru tabi ni itsumo onaji rakugaki ga nando mo kurikaesareru
(Every page I turn always repeats the same scribble over and over again)

Ashita ga atarashī hi ni naru nante kake-sō ninai
(I don't think I can even write that tomorrow will be a new day)
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Jinsei ga hon ni kaka rete irunara
(If life is written on a book)

Sorekara watashinojinsei no subete no pēji wa nandomonandomo rakugaki de ume tsukusa remashita
(Then all the pages in my life have been filled with scribbles over and over again)

Pēji ni nando mo rakugaki sa reru made
(Until one page was scribbled over and over again)

Hoka no pēji mo dōyōdesu
(And so is the other page)

Mitsukaranai yōdesu, supēsu ga nokotte imasu
(I can't seem to find, a space left)

Ashita wa atarashī hida to kaku tame ni
(To write that tomorrow is a new day)

Moshika shitara watashi no yōna ningen wa hontōni atarashī ashita o nozomenai no kamo shirenai
(Maybe someone like me truly can't hope for a new tomorrow )

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Subete no pēji wa supēsu ga nakunaru made nandomo nandomo rakugaki sa rete imasu
(All the page has been scribbled over and over again until no space is left)

Yomeru no wa hobo onaji tango bakari
(All I can read are pretty much the same words)

Hon no subete no pēji ni nandomonandomo rakugaki sa reta
(Over and over again scribbled on every page of the book)

Atarashī ashita o tanoshimini nante kotoba wa shinbun ni wa osamari kiranai
(Such words like looking forward to a new tomorrow can't fit in the papers )

Kami no kotoba o ikutsu ka keshite moji ni awaseta to shite mo
(Even if I were to erase some of the words in the paper to fit the words)

Tatoe hon ni kaketa to shite mo
(Even if it were possible for me to write it in the book )

Itsumo no yō ni rakugaki-darake ni naru made dore kurai kakarudarou
(I wonder how long it would take before it was covered with scribbled like always )

Ichi pēji-oki ni onaji kotoba ga kaka rete iru
(With the same words that appear on every other page)

Hoka no subete no pēji ni hyōji sa reru onaji rakugaki
(The same scribble which appears on every other page)
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Itsumo atama no naka ni ukabu onaji kotoba
(The same words that always appear in my mind)

Nandomonandomo kurikaeshita
(Repeated all over and over again)

Dono pēji ni mo nandomonandomo kaka rete iru
(Written over and over again on every page)

Soshite, arayuru kotoba no ue ni nandomonandomo
(And on top of every words over and over)

Rakugaki wa ikura keshite mo... kotoba wa
(No matter how much I erase the scribbles... the words)

Karera wa itsumo mata arawareru
(They always appear again)

Rakugaki o kesu no ni dorekurai jikan ga kakaru ka wakaranai
(I don't know how long it would takes to erase the scribbles )

To iu kotoba ni osamaru yō ni
(so that I can fit in the word that)

Ashita wa atarashī hi
(Tomorrow is a new day)
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Mata onaji rakugaki de ōwa reru made dore kurai kakaru ka wakaranai
(I don't know how long before they would be covered by the same scribble again)
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Song end

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A/n: Ayee! Sorry for the bad lyrics! And thank you for reading!

This time the lyrics are going to the route on how easy it is for words encouragement to go away or more like covered by your own negative thoughts, even if that person take that word to the heart just how long would it take for those words to be eaten away

Scribbles and words here can mean many stuff like a bad past that can't be forgotten, or to Y/n who have a very low self esteem, is pretty much haunted by the negative thoughts that won't dissapear, well I don't know how other is

But for me who have a very low self-esteem and depressed, even when I got a word of encouragement, within few days or maybe even hours those words would be eaten up by my low self-esteem that won't allow me to be happy or arrogant because someone like the story I made, negative thoughts won't go away, they would only go away like for a few hours before it come back

That's why it's like scribble that won't dissapear even if you erase them, they will always appear again