I hadn't left my bed for four days now and I was honestly considering making it my permanent home. Everything else just reminded me of what I'd lost and would start the tears again that had taken all of my efforts to quell.

Marlene and the others had been taking bed shifts to keep me company so that I wouldn't be alone. Mary had reluctantly brought me the Potions homework despite hers and Professor Slughorn's protests. She said that I needed to relax but what I had really wanted was anything to take my mind of the dull ache that seemed to be ever present inside me.

James had stopped by too a few times but he couldn't get into the girl's dorms due to the charms which could be a blessing and a curse. It all seemed so far away all the stuff that was happening with us. Part of me wanted to rush outside and through my arms around him making me feel safe and warm but I just couldn't find the motivation.

"Lily?" I heard Alice's soft voice say behind me. I hadn't even noticed her come in but I had been very lost in thought, "How are you feeling? I can bring you some food back for supper again if you don't want to go for supper."

She sat down beside me, kissing my forehead.

"I haven't decided yet." I said, cuddling up to her, "I don't want to be a burden -"

"You're one of my best friends, even if I was carrying you on my back for miles you wouldn't be a burden." She said which actually made me laugh a little for the first time in a few days.

"Sometimes it feels almost okay and then the next moment I just feel like I'm never going to stop crying and the world feels all off." I said, feeling my eyes begin to well up again.

"I get it, Lily, I can't even begin to imagine what it feels like." She said stroking my hair, "I don't want to add anything else onto your mind but James is threatening to camp outside. He said he doesn't want to pressure you to talk to him and he'll leave if you tell him but he does want to see you and he said he'll only go if you say so. Do you want me to send him away?"

I shook my head slightly, slowly pushing myself up.

"I look so awful though right now," I laughed slightly, "He'll probably end everything with me on sight."

"Your Dad just died," Alice reminded me, "You're allowed to look a bit awful. Although I must say for a girl who has barely left her bed in a few days, you don't look too bad."

I smiled at her gratefully even though it was a total lie. My hair was matted and insane, my eyes were all blotchy from the frequent tears and my acne had worsened thanks to all the emotions. I'd been wearing these awful yet comfy 60s floral pajamas that my Great Aunt had bought me which really completed the look.

"You forget too, he's been chasing you for years. He'd be an idiot to give it up because of a bit of bedhead." She said, guiding me to the door.

I shuffled outside to see James leaning against a wall. Usually when he did this he looked at ease and casual but right now there was a certain edge to him. His hair was messier than usual and judging by the patchy stubble growing, he was behind on shaving.

"Hey James..." I said shuffling out of the door. Before I could say anything else, he wrapped his arms around, almost picking me up. I buried my head into his shoulder and I could feel my eyes watering up again.

"I've missed you." He whispered and I began to cry again because I missed him and for my dad and because I had never felt so sad before and I was scared. He didn't let go of me for a few minutes until the tears had died down and I actually felt like talking.

"I'm sorry for crying on you -" I began, rubbing my eyes in attempt to get rid of the redness.

"Don't be sorry..." He said, his arms still resting on my shoulders, "I'm just happy to see you. You still look... amazing."

I laughed slightly at this and stuck out my tongue, "Liar! I look like such a mess right now. I haven't changed pajamas in days."

"I mean it, Lily." He said and for a second I thought he was going to start crying too but instead he reached into his pocket, "I've got you something..."

He pulled out a crumpled bouquet of poppies from his pocket and handed them to me.

"I remembered that you said you liked poppies over lilies so I went and bought these." He said looking a little sheepish, "They're a little dry, I bought them a few days ago and they sort of crumpled up."

"I love them," I said, "Hold on, I'll put them on my table."

I walked into my room, putting the bouquet in a small jug next to the ever-growing pile of poppies next to my bed.

"More poppies?" Alice said a little too loudly, which made me smile slightly.

"I've put them in a jug..." I said, coming out of the room again.

"How many poppies do you have now...?" He said smirking slightly. I contemplated whether to lie or not but I figured I'd take Sirius's advice and be honest.

"... Quite a few." I said carefully.

"Damn I thought everybody would get you Lilies." He said and I couldn't help laugh at the awkward look on his face.

"I'm famous for my Poppies are better than Lilies rant. I think that's how I introduced myself to people in first year." He laughed slightly at this.

"How come I don't remember this famous rant?" He said.

"Maybe you were too busy hexing first years?" I teased.

"Even in hard times, you can still be the sassiest witch around." He said, "Also I thought I'd warn you, Sirius has a gift coming too and I don't think it's poppies. Apparently it's a card that 'makes death fun' so just be warned."

I couldn't help but laugh at this, it was very... Sirius. Even if I was sure the card would definitely be inappropriate in some way, at least I had something to look forward to.

"How are things between him and Marlene going? She said she doesn't want to tell me until I'm better and it won't just give me more to think about." I asked him, hoping he'd finally reveal what was happening.

"It's complicated, don't know how much Sirius is okay with me telling you. He does like her, more than he's ever liked anyone. He's met his match in her but I don't think he's really in the right place to date anybody right now. With all the troubles at home, it's affecting him more than he lets on, you probably our three person date for instance, and he doesn't want to mess things up with her." James said, carefully selecting every word.

My mind immediately went to Remus and I wondered if anybody else had found out since he told me. He'd done so well at hiding that I guessed nobody else did. Sirius was so fooled that he was setting him up with Mary.

"So they're not dating?" I asked, feeling a little sad about it. I knew that Marlene had liked him for a while but at least he did actually like her and she wasn't just another one night stand to him. He also did need time to focus on him, he had so much on his plate.

"No, I don't think so... not now anyway." He said. His expression suddenly became conflicted and I could tell what he wanted to ask me, "I don't want to give you anything more to think about, I'll take it all from you but what do you want to do about us? I don't want it to be pressure on you or anything..."

Most of my thoughts had been on my dad that past few days but I couldn't pretend I had thought about it all. I didn't want to lose him at all but at the same time I didn't feel like I was in the right space for a relationship with anybody. My dad's death had rocked my world so much that it would take a while for me to actually be able to spend a day out of bed.

"Can we put it on hold? For just a bit until I'm feeling better, I don't want to mess you around or anything. I still like you so much, James, I just...can't right now." I said looking down at my feet feeling guilty even though he had just said it was okay.

" I understand, Lily." He said, leaning down and kissing my forehead,"I'll leave it all up to you."

"Don't just dissappear, I'd miss you. " I mumbled, unsure of what I was actually trying to say, "I know it might be hard for you and I don't want to make you wait for ages for me so if you wanted to see other girls you -"

I'd never head somebody scoff so loud as James as I had said that.

"Lily Juliette Evans, that's right, Remus told me your middle name," He said bending down so he was eye level with me, "I have waited for you for almost six years now, no round it to seven actually, this one is almost done -"

I couldn't help but smile at his sudden passionate speech as well as his success in finding my middle name.

"- I have been chasing after you for seven years and if you think for even a second that I will see other girls when I have you, you are an idiot. I'll wait for seven more years if you were at the end of it."

I wrapped my arms around him, holding him tightly to me.

"I love you, Lily." I heard him whisper.

Without even having to think, I replied, "I love you, James." Because it was 110% true.