(ALT. Title: A tiny rant pour vous!) Y'all don't have to read this if you don't want to.

welp. So, I know I am not a good person. I know I'm going to need anger management when I'm older. Hell, I have a tiny counter in my sticky notes that counts how many days I've gone without wanting to brutally muder someone, or at least attack them. (Right now the counter's at 0.) But put simply, I've have three/four main things I ask of people/ want them to know so it makes both of our lives easier. And recent events have had people going "lol fuck that" and it makes me want to scream. So imma tell you these and also rant because I need to get all of this anger out before I start studying for french and H bio.

1. Do not force me into things. it is literally that simple. There are three ways to get me to do things: ask me so it sounds like a favor or my own choice, I have a high amount of respect for you so you can tell me to do something and I'll do it, or that thing you want me to do is an obligation. Literally all I am asking you. Is to not dunking force me into things. Do not force me to try hard in something I don't want to, do not force me to deal with all of your shit, do not force me to help you. If you want me to get something done, I would do it if you met those requirements. Honestly, I don't know when I picked up this stubborn/passive-aggressive trait or maybe it's always been there, but trust me. It makes things easier for both of us if you don't force me to do things and let me make my own decisions.

2. Don't shit on my self-esteem/pride. I'm not asking you to never critique me or knock me down a few levels if I'm getting cocky, I'm saying don't pull the whole "I'm better than you; you guys need to try harder" card that teachers love to pull. This goes along with don't force me into things. Do not force me to try harder, do not force the motivation onto me. I am probably smarter than you, and every time you do that, your level of respect drops and I'm more likely to do something we'll both regret. Yes, you do need to critique me for me to get better, but you have to understand something: For me, life is about enjoying things. I don't like school cuz of all the homework and stress, but I like learning things so in a sense, I enjoy school (plus obligation) Why am I not super competitive in sports? Because I'm doing it for enjoyment, not so much for winning. So don't pull that stupid "Haha, we're the teachers, so therefore, we are better than you and what i can do, you have to do better." and definitely. DEFINITELY. DO NOT. SHIT ON MY FAM'S PRIDE AND SELF-ESTEEM. MESS WITH MY FAM, I KILL YOU. (seriously,  want to take online martial arts when tennis is over so I can kick someone's ass)

3. Y'all need to understand, there are some days where I literally don't give a shit. A little bit of everything's going in one ear and out the other, a little bit of I just don't give enough of a shit today, a little bit of I have a train of thought in my mind and I'm not slowing it down for you. Sometimes, this just means I want to listen to music, sometime it means I'm on a roll with a thought or story, sometimes it means I just don't care enough about your life problems. Either way, I do not care, don't strike up conversations with me, i don't care about your blithering bullshit. Usually the effects only last about a day, so you can probably wait that long to tell me whatever it is you wanted to tell me. Unless it's important, like you're moving. In that case, yes, tell me everything!

4.  I know I'm a very paradoxical person and I'm sorry. I know I like to blame it on my split personalities because what one might like, the other might be the opposite, but even still, I know I contradict myself. A lot. I try not to let it affect how I act, but that's not always the case. So if you wanna get to know me, you're going to have to put up with my bullshit  standards. And one of those standards is don't get hypocritical on me. I wish i could say exactly why this pisses me off so much, but I can't. Maybe because of the unnecessary drama? Maybe because you signed up for this? Maybe because I try not to be a hypocrite and your doing exactly what I'm trying to work against? Maybe because... Maybe because I'm an asshole with bullshit standards. Yeah, that's probably it. This is the one I'm iffy on. It really depends. I don't like unnecessary drama, and I know I cause a lot of it. I'm sorry. But if I'm being honest, you signed up for it. In return, i put up with your bullshit as long as there's a decent ratio between our bullshit. Basically, try to be chill and not be an asshole, and I'll try to do the same. 

I feel better now. Thanks for reading if you bothered to.  For real, thanks! Oh, and the Melanie Martinez song that described my life? Play Date.

"I don't give a fuck about you anyway. Who ever said I give a shit about you? You never share your toys or communicate. I guess I'm just a play date to you."

"I wish i didn't care all the time."

...You can't lose what's already been lost. But it's not quite lost yet, just hidden. I wish it would make up it's mind. It's toxic here, but the smell is so sweet it can't help but want to stay. Deep down it knows it should run, but can't bring up the courage to break away.

~Edit: Wow, I'm really friggin hypocritical. Just forget the last two sections. -w-