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∽ m i r a c l e ' s  p e r s p e c t i v e ∽

"I'm already dead, Miracle." he tells me silently, "And so are you."

That makes me chuckle on my throat. May be he's right. Then I notice his cheek, it is bleeding. I wounded him below the eye. I immediately lift my hand and caress it. It smears more. Ah, right, my hands are both wounded and tainted with blood.

"I'm sorry, it got worse." I apologize, pertaining his stained cheek.

"It's all right," he mutters as he puts away a strand of hair from my face and I almost close my eyes. "I'm sorry if I kissed you."

I snort, shrugging off. Then he caresses my cheek, and this time, I fully closed my eyes under his touch and open them shortly. I saw him leaning in, my mind told me to move away, "Leave my lips alone, you ugly."

"I'm sorry," he answers silently and then the bed moves, lying beside me. "What made you go berserk, if I may ask."

I heave a very deep sigh and stay silent for a while. There is a wide gap between us. He is just near, but it feels like we are ocean apart.

"I . . ." Chance trails, finding for words. "I didn't mean to upset you."

Another sigh was drown out from me and decided to answer, "When I was still a child, my parents would often bring me to a psychiatrist . . ." I prompt, "As a child, it hurt for me, because they thought that their daughter is a psychopath.

"I wouldn't be like this, if they wouldn't raise me in a battleground. I never wanted to kill, but they forced me, lumping the dumb thought inside my mind that I wouldn't be killed, if I killed them.

"One time, they gave me my first mission and forced me to kill some wicked people. After killing them, I could not take the stench of the blood and the hideous sight of their deaths. It terrified me and cried myself out. It burdened me, to the point that I was preoccupied of the thought of me, being a murderer."

I pause on explaining, giving myself a time to breathe. And I start again shortly. "My parents distinguished that I was a weak child, and weak people have no place in the Mafia Community. So as a solution for this, they decided to bring me to the neuroscientist. The reason why they were bringing me there was to have a brainwashing session."

I feel myself to quiver. I touch my head, because I still remember how painful it was. "And in every waves of high voltage electricity to my brain, they were telling me . . . s-some, extremely evil words! They said: "You are a monster's child! You should act like one! Kill your weaknesses, kill your human side. Kill everything! Kill the idea of being happy; kill the idea of beauty! Just live and carry the name as a Sinful Miracle."

I never knew not until this time, I'm crying again. Tears are flowing as I tell my story and identity.

I just felt Chance scooted me over as he wraps his arms around me. He nuzzles my hair and whispers some soothing words. It feels warm. His embrace is kind and comforting. At the same time, it is nostalgic. "Shh . . . I now know, Miracle. Enough now . . ."

The people I grew up with made a monster in me. It made me kinda mad when my father ordered me to live here in the Philippines to change the course of my life, because I am still young.

Why only now, though? When the monster have grown beautifully evil.

Gradually, I'm starting to calm down. I'm tired now. I hold his arm and close my eyes once again. "Since I stayed here, something changed in me . . . that I'm becoming a human again. And every time that my human side is starting to take over my life, my mind will defy what my soul's desire. But I always listened to my thoughts and obeyed the things that stuck eternally to my mental attitude . . .

". . . And like what you have said, I'm always at all war to myself. My thoughts are stronger, that is why I killed myself . . . every single time." I breathe heavily. "As I'm out of control, busy breaking things into many pieces, Nate would come. He is the only one who can calm me down and bring me out of my despair. He is my remedy. Ah, as well as Kuya Mike. They are both my remedies." Then I slightly kiss his arm and continued, "And you are the third one, Chance."

The last thing I did was to smile weakly before I lost thoughts and started to drift into a dreamless sleep.

I was awoken when I smelled the morning breeze. I moan silently, awaken by the sunlight striking through the window.

I open my eyes. And there I find no Chance beside. As I sit down, I look to my palms. I slept with the stains of blood.

Ah, I really need to take a bath again.

I get off to bed, then go to the dresser and grab some clothes. This time, I assure that my clothes are complete. It is the same routine.

When I exit the bathroom, I noticed how messy is this room. There are some blots of blood on the floor.

I chose to ignore it and head outside the room. Once I'm on the first floor of the house, I sight Chance on the porch, talking to someone over the phone. He looks good this time. There's no sign of blood in his visage this time.

He catches a glimpse of me as he turns the call down. Chance enters inside.

I only offer him a small grin, "Who was that?" and question him.

"My sister." he answers simply. "She's asking me where am I now."

"What did you tell her?"

"In a resort and I explained a lot."

I nod, "Okay. What time is it, Chance?"

"Ten minutes passed ten o'clock."

I slept long. It is unusual. "Ready to go back?"

"Sure." he answers.

Then we settle everything and climb into his car after. Chance is the driver now. I feel lazy to drive, though. And if I'm on the driver seat, the trip would be uncertain.

Chance and I decided to drop on a fast food chain and ordered some snacks while on the road. I haven't eaten anything since last night.

He also offered that he will drive me Nathan's manor. I don't have a car, so.

Two hours is the travel time before we can reach the house. He is just driving smoothly while I open the side window.

The resort is located on a province. The wind is cold and fresh. I like smelling it. It smells life and peace.

I place my arms on the windowsill of the car, then put my chin on the back of my palms.

I just stare in the view the whole time. Sometimes, we are talking; avoiding to ask some personal questions.

And then, eventually, we reach the house.

I climb out of his car. "Chance" I call him and he gazes back to me. "Goodbye. I'll talk to Kuya Mike about the car."

"Copy that."

"And . . . thanks, Ancy . . ." I say out of gratitude while lowering my gazes. ". . . for everything."

He smiles thinly. "It's nothing, Miracle. It's my job to keep you my company." Right, Nathan carefully asked him to guard me.

But I don't need it. When someone is with me that causes me to bring smile on my lips, those people will die.

Shame for me to say, but I don't like that to happen.

I give him a goodbye look, then when I'm about to turn around, there is a car beep elongated behind.

I look at the car, it is a Cadillac Elmiraj. And probably, it is Mikhail. Lahat na yata ng brand ng sports cars, nabili na niya.

Then the car's door opens and shows Kuya Mike. "Baby girl! Happy meeting you here!" he greets and I just give him an empty-headed look.

Parang hindi kami nagkikita araw-araw.

"Ah, yeah." I return.

"I missed you, little girl. You were missing the whole day yesterday. I was so worried about you. You didn't even call me." then he chuckles coolly. "What's the sense of having a phone if you're not going to inform me what happened to you? I like that."

My brother's sarcasm is so crafty. He's grinning right now but deep inside he's mad.

"Oh, I'm sorry." I apologize. Right. I forgot to call him.

"As I thought, Miracle. I am not important to you." And he gazes at me, trying to make me feel guilty. "It is Nathan who's only important to you."

"Kuya Mike." I say as I try to object his plea. "What made you think I can do that to you? It's just . . ."

"It's okay, Your Highness, I understand." Kuya smiles at me and pats my head. "Anyway, whose car is this?" He asks while checking the damaged car. "It looks so horrible."

Pagkatapos, lumabas si Chance sa kotse. "Kuya Mike." And he addresses.

"Oh, Chance!" he muses. "How are you? And wait . . . You were with Chance, huh?"

Dang it. This will be hell.

"Kuya, I'll explain later. Chance needs to go."

"Hey, Chance, yah busy?" Sabi ni Kuya at hindi man niya ako pinansin.

"Not really." he shrugs, "Why?"

Ngumiti lang si Kuya, "Tara sa loob muna." at yaya niya kay Chance.

"Ayos lang ba?" Chance inquires.

"Of course, c'mon."

"Kuya!" I call him in a warning tone.

Kuya Mike gazes at me while smiling so mischievously. "What? He's my visitor. Ikaw naman, baby girl, pinapa-uwi mo na itong si Chance."

"Yeah, fine." I reply dryly then inakbayan niya kaming parehas ni Chance at sabay-sabay pumasok sa loob.

"Teka, bakit ang aga mong umuwi?" I question Kuya Mike.

"You don't know?"

"Seriously, I know." I answer sarcastically while plastering a smile. Making face, I mean.

"How sad, you don't know." He laughs after that, at inalis niya ang pagka-akbay niya sa amin.

"Ano ba kasi?" I say impatiently.

"Umuwi sina Mom and Dad," he smiles, telling me.

"Eh?" I exclaim, "Really?"

He plans all this? Sheesh. That's why he invites Chance inside?

Screw you, Mikhail.

"Welcome back, Miracle." I hear my Dad's voice.

And Dad is in the second floor of the mansion with Mom who is giving us a warm-motherly smile.

"M-Mom, D-Dad." I say as I bow my head, paying my respect.

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