"So then, in exchange of taking Lady Natsumi's life . . ." Clint utters in slow, scary manner. "How about I kill you instead . . . Den?"

"Heh, heh." Dennis chuckles on his throat. "Is that so . . . You sure are merciless, Clint."

"Of course. I will get rid of everything—even you, Den—just to attain my happiness."

"How selfish." It's Den's answer. Sadness is in his voice. "But sure, I would accept your proposal."

"Just how heroic you are." Clint returns.

"Right? Haha." chuckles Dennis, "Hey, Clint . . ."

"Yeah,"

"I hope we had a real conversation."

"What do you mean a real conversation?"

"I mean, a conversation that filled with truths, not lies."

"Come on, Den." Clint scoffs, "So you knew that I'm lying to you?"

"Stupid." a mock that Dennis answered. "Yes, I know when you're lying to me. Just who am I to you, Clint? We've been together for a very long time. We're brothers, right?"

I couldn't contain the aches and I just ended with a silent uproar.

Brothers . . . huh? Really.

"Yes," with a shallow smile, Clint says. I can see his smile rendered by pains. "We're more than a comrades. Yes, we are brothers, Den."

As Clint lets go those words, a gunshot was freed.

"NO!!"

It's my initial cry.

I want to run towards Clint to steal the gun from him. It's because Clint shot Dennis!!

Accepting the bullet, Dennis falls on his knees. "A-Argh . . ." he groans painfully loud. But he still have the grin on his face.

"I'm sorry, Den." I hear Clint utter, "But we're brothers, aren't we? I know you would forgive me."

"ENOUGH ALREADY!" I shouted. "Enough . . . please. These things shouldn't end like this."

"Keep quiet, Nat. Don't interfere."

"Don't joke around!!" it's I who said that. "If . . . this matter is caused by me . . . then kill me instead! Not him! Not Dennis!"

"Aa-ahh . . . how lame," Dennis says in a breathless tone, "Getting shot in front of the woman I love, it's truly a shame."

"Dennis . . ." I sob. My heart hurts so much. It's painful. It is something that could kill me.

"N-Natnat . . . Please stay back. I can handle this."

"But, this can't be!!" I object. With all my might, I make myself stand.

And I successfully did it. But in just a nick of a time, I'm on the ground again. I didn't notice at all, but I just discovered that I was shot on my right leg, causing me fall back helplessly.

"I told you not to hurt her, Clint." Hearing Den's breathless words, I felt pain, guilt, anger and hopelessness.

"But she tried to interfere. It is all better now. At least, she can't stand."

I move my head, looking where Den is. Blood is flowing on the floor. His skin is pale as white. And he's almost losing his consciousness. "Ah . . . Clint," Dennis sighs and involuntarily lands on the ground. "I hope we talked more about of your sorrows. But if this bullet you gave me is the way of your talking, then I would gladly accept this. Even if you do not know, I can feel your loneliness with this bullet that sinks in to my flesh. I know how hurtful is your emotion right now, Clint. But don't get guilty of it. This bullet of yours . . . is telling me that I'm stupid to be a hero of this ugly story. I deserve this bullet."

"You never changed, Den. Even if you are already dying, your kindness never falters." Clint is lonely saying those words. I can obviously see his eyes are sparkling, and even in just a slightest move, his tears will fall down. "You're the kindest person I have known, Den. You have the most sincere smile of all. And I remember the time we first met when we were young, you saw me in my broken sides. You understood my sadness so well. At that time, I was truly grateful of you."

"Ha-ha . . . Really, Clint?" I know it is hard for Den to talk, but still, he's still doing it. "Hey, Clint, do you still . . . r-remember the time we talk about our lives? You asked me that what's the meaning of my life . . . T-To whom I will die and give my life with. Then now, I will give you my answer . . ." he inhales hardly, and coughs blood. "I live . . . to die for a miracle. I-I've wanted a miracle would happen to my life . . . I t-thought . . . life is harsh to me, b-because no matter how I tried, I can't search for it."

"Live to die for a miracle, huh?" answers Clint, "Sometimes, I hate your ideals, Den. You sacrificed yourself for her, just to make her stay alive. How pathetic." then he laughs full of sneer, "You tried to save everyone, her, or even me, but . . . have you ever thought that who would save you?" Then Clint pulls the trigger again, and the bullet goes to Dennis' heart.

Damn. That tears me apart, as though I'm stupefied in a second.

Who would save you?

Ah . . . I want to save him, but I can't do anything. The shot on my leg is refraining me to stand. Not just that. Slowly, I can feel a sting coming from my abdomen. Damn. The drug that Den injected is kicking in.

"Why are you doing this, Clint?" I questioned him, "I thought, Den is your brother, but why are you killing him?"

"You're the reason, Nat." He replies coldly. "Your desire to live a beautiful life is what pushes Dennis to do this."

"So . . . it's my selfish desire, huh?" I am now shut.

"Correct."

"If my greed to stay alive will cause everyone a cataclysm, then I would choose to die instead."

"I never knew that you're this dramatic, Nat." Clint sighs and turns around. "Good grief. I'mma take my leave now."

"Leaving just after you caused trouble?!" I exclaim and manage to kneel on my one knee, "Don't screw with me, Clint!!"

"Heh," he smirks, "Will you do me a favor, Nat? Try putting this thought on your dumb brain . . . that you and I are the same. Running away after causing some trouble. Right, Natsumi? So then, see you if I'm still alive."

I only watch him go. Huh . . . just like that. But that doesn't matter to me. I need to save Den.

I avert my attention to him. He's still conscious, having a hard time chasing after life.

"Dennis . . ." I say silently. Although my right leg is useless, I still tried to go next to him. Even if it hurts, crawling and moving my body closed to the ground.

"Hey, Den . . . Is it true that you're doing this for me?"

"Y-Yeah . . . Pathetic, r-right . . ?"

Crying, I'm slowly closing the gap between us. "Den, your life is not worthy for me."

I hear him chuckles, "Y-Y'know . . . Natnat, I've always wanted to be a hero . . . I'm tired of playing the bad guy. T-That's why . . . once in a while, I want to save someone. And the person I want to s-save . . . is you, my Miracle."

"Idiot," I snarl.

Den lets out a small laugh. "Hey, Natnat, about your name . . . please don't hate it. Even if you do not know, you do miracles. A-And . . . I really like your name, M-Miracle . . ."

"Y-Yes . . ." And at long last, I reach his place. Immediately, I caress his face. I smile at him. "I like my name, too." I reply, even the half of it is a lie.

Then, he reaches his hand that smeared by his blood to my cheeks. "Your name . . . gives hope and light, and I'm a hopeless man with dark sides. It's a guilt for me to call you that . . . where I know to myself that I can't change t-the . . . world of my unfortunate life . . ."

I'm still holding my tears, and hide to my lonely smile. I hold his hand also. It is cold . . . Bloody and lifeless. "Can I save you . . . Den?"

"Ahh . . . Y-You can, Miracle. B-But it's all too late now."

I sniff uncontrollably . . . "P-Please . . . don't die." Then I started to cry and bit my lips, preventing to let out any sobs.

"S-Stupid . . ." and he laughs again, "W-Why are you crying . . ?"

"Because of you . . ."

"N-Natnat . . . have you forgotten that dying is only normal for us? It's . . . time after time."

"I know . . ." I mutter breathlessly. "But it still hurt. You're dying . . . because of me."

"It's fine, Miracle . . ." he chuckles weakly and he's losing out of breaths. "Miracle . . . What a beautiful name. The miracles you did, they give me sights in this world full of darkness. A-And . . . I'm thankful for the miracles you gave me . . . Miracle. That's why love your name. And after ceremony of losing, please continue to live."

"No!!" At this point, all my distress are just pouring out. "How?!" I shout at him while catching my breaths. "How! How? Tell me! How to live? How to survive?"

"I don't know, Miracle, haha," he answers hoarsely. Even he's slowly falling into the other world, he still has the amused grin on his face. "B-But . . . you must struggle to live. Y-You . . . received a life to struggle . . . a-and t-that's the meaning of life . . ."

I only stare at his at eased smile. I think this hallow face of him would be the last face will mark on my mind. I hold his hand tightly while shaking. I'm out of words. Hot tears are all flowing on my cheeks. And little did I know, I'm crying silently full of hopelessness.

"Dennis . . ." It is only the word that I utter.

Den collects an another batch of air and lets it out, "D-Do not . . . be afraid. I know you can overcome this. . . Y-You know why . . ?" and he smiles again, "because you are Miracle."

Those . . . are his final words. Then, little by little, his eyes are starting to close; his heartbeats begins to disappear . . . until it becomes none.

I just nod my head down, as though someone slices my neck with a sharp sword.

"What's this . . ." I say silently. "Care to explain? Why something happened just like this . . ?"

It hurts a lot. And it is extremely hard for me to digest all the happenings.

"Huh . . ? You've just died . . . ne, Dennis?" I ask blankly to myself. "What's this . . . So you're just one of those people who leaves me behind . . . It tears me really apart, seeing those people who are dear to me leaving, vanishing quickly like a vapor. It-It's like . . . a blood slipping down to my fingers. Heh . . . you're just like them . . ."

This parting game is the hardest thing for me to accept. I lose . . . someone who's important to me again.

"I . . . I promised you, right, Den? That . . . That next time, I'm the one who's going to save you . . . You said yes," I heave sigh as my jaw is jerking. "But . . . you lied to me."

Closing my eyes, I quiver in pain. "And now . . . you're all gone. Dennis . . ." I call out his name while stifling a loud wail. "I don't want you to die!! Dying in front of me, I don't want that! You idiot, come back to me!"

I demanded, weeping like a child who's lost in a dark, desolate place. I don't know how loud. All I know that it hurts to be here. I feel so tormented. The grievance is too hard for me to handle. I feel so broke, that I have no idea on how I collect all the pieces on the ground.

I want to disappear already. I want to exit this world. I want to run away. I don't want to be hurt again.

Without knowing, I scream. A scream of suffering.

Pulling my hair with my two hands, I make a high-pitch sound! "Is everything my fault? All I wanted is to live! Was that wrong?! Then what should I have done?! I deserve to suffer because I kill people? Don't give me a fuck!"

Ahh . . . Too bad. I have gone mad.

With a heavy breathing, my throat itches and causes me to cough. A small drop of blood falls on the floor. Pathetic. I look so pathetic.

"Hey . . ." I utter in a low voice. I look behind, and see all the faces painted with surprise, pity, and fear. "Tell me, is it wrong to live . . ? This is the life that the heaven gave me, then no matter what, I need to live this kind of life, right?" I question all the people watching me suffer. "Hey . . . do you understand? What I'm trying to say is . . . this is my only life, right? That's because . . . when I lose this existence of mine, then it's all over. I can't get it back."

I laugh like a lunatic person. I mess up real hard. I feel like a trampled flower. No matter how I cry 'Save me!', still no one heard me.

In the midst of my great distress, I pull myself to stand. My leg is bleeding, but I don't care. It isn't like I feel pain, I just want to escape and run away. Actually, I gradually feel pain in this scathed body of mine. If I were to compare the pain between my body and emotions, the weight on my heart is still heavier. Guilts, regrets, and condemnations are pulling me down so that I could not stand.

"Hime," I heard Nathan calls me.

"Don't come near me." I warned, before he can reach me. Nathan, being considerate, he stays standing on his whereabout.

"Hey, let's talk." he prompts.

"Sure," and I reply that fast. "Let's talk, alone."

Then after a few moment, the other people starts to leave this place. As soon as they left, I face Nathan with a plastered smile. "Isn't it tragic?" and ask.

"Yes," he smiles back, feeling sorry.

I stare at him with tired eyes. Then putting my sights above the dark sky. There's nothing to look upon. Gray clouds covers the moon and stars. Ah, it's about to rain.

"Nate . . . why can't I be happy?"

"Don't be so ridiculous, Hime." he answers, "Even once in a while, you experienced happiness."

"Ah, you're right." I sigh, "But I want a genuine happiness. An unending happiness."

"You know the law of our world," says Nate, "The fruit of our unethical doings is the reason why we can't be happy. And worst, the payment of our sin is death."

"So you're telling me to suffer as I live? That there's no need for me to happy?"

"That's right." Nathan replies with a wry smile.

"But on the second thought, death is not an ugly thing." I say, "Death . . . is the end of everything—my despairs, lies, and sins. Everything will be forgotten. And I think, death is beautiful."

"Aren't you afraid of death, Hime?"

"Of course, I'm afraid." it is my weak respond. "But I can't change the fact that I'm so drawn to death. Especially now, it's a perfect time to give up."

"Figures so," and he sighs. "Say, Hime, have you forgotten the promise that I made you?"

"What promise?"

"That I will make you happy."

Ah, now he mentions it. I remember that time. A smile forms on my lips and gaze at Nate. "How can you make me happy?"

Then, in all of a sudden, Nathan . . . points a gun to me.

"Oh . . . so what's the meaning of this?" I question.

"Ending your sufferings." It is his cold answer. "I understand your feelings right now, Hime. Instead of getting hurt, you choose to escape it, though. I know too well, Hime. You are not the only who knows this pain."

"I see," I grin as I look down. "The question is . . . can you do it?"

It is just a matter of second when I hear a loud gunshot, and it passes to my cheek. I sense a small gushing blood flows on my skin. I smirk. He actually did it.

"What's that? Did you miss it in a purpose?"

"I'm just proving you that I can." a bold reply of Nate.

I glance at him. I notice him shaking. Heh . . . I know that he can do it. And I admire how brave he is. "Hey . . . Nate, are you crying?"

"Crying?" he returns with a broken voice. "Of course, I am. Who would not be afraid of killing your own sister? No one."

"Then why are you doing this?"

"Because . . . Because if I did this . . . it will make you happy!" He says loudly that makes me froze in surprise. "In just slight press of my finger to this gun, I will grant your desire to be dead. You don't like to get hurt again, do you, Hime? That's why . . . once you are dead, you won't be hurting anymore."

Looking at him, droplets of water is slipping from his eyes. This decision is immensely hard for him. Having a dilemma between death and life is truly hard to choose. Yes, I have chosen death over life. If having my freedom through death will be caused by him, then I don't want that. I, who is an epitome of grief, also know how fathomable is atoning sins for others.

"Ah, this is so lame." I whisper, "Way too lame. The look on your face, the words you spat, this conversation is way too lame."

Then it becomes silent. Why can't be? This has gotten so ugly. "Did you just have a death wish, Nate? If you did that, then despair will be on your memories." I breathed. "But rest assured, Nate . . . you don't need to kill me . . ." and in just a second, it's like I saw the view becoming vague with a fading breath of mine. "B-Because . . . I'm already dying . . ."

And just like that, I collapse.

I don't know what's happening, but my consciousness is still; I can feel, see, and hear everything. I look above, moving my sight at the top. There, I see the light.

It's a beautiful light. It's attractively glowing over me. But . . . why does the light is slowly weakening? It's becoming dark; slowly fading.

I blink powerlessly. Gradually, the darkness is consuming me. It's only not the light what is attracting, but also the darkness.

If I let this darkness penetrate me, will I be fine? My body hurts. I can't move a single muscle, just even my fingers. My heart hurts; it's still breaking. I'm bleeding; suffering from different kinds of pain.

I have decided. I'll accept darkness. Yes, I choose to rest for now, for good.

Am I going not to regret this? Maybe not. I'm just going to sleep. I mean to sleep forever. I just need to close my eyes, and let the darkness covers me.

Losing my sanity, I saw myself floating on a sea. A pitch-black sea. I'm just doing nothing. I don't care wherever the waves will take me. It's comfortable . . . peaceful.

Suddenly, a big wave comes, resulting to drown me to the sea. I still do nothing. I keep on falling . . . falling deeper. I sense my breaths starting to fail. I'm closing to suffocate.

"Hime!"

Huh . . . A voice.

"Hime!"

Where it is coming from?

"Hime, please! Can you hear me? Open your eyes! I beg you, Hime!"

I know. That's Nathan's voice. I don't know where is his location in this vast sea, but my subconscious stays awake.

"Hime, I know that you can hear me. Can you open your eyes?"

Without thinking, I follow Nathan's command. As I open my eyes, Nate's face is close to mine. He's crying. He's not crying out of pity. It's because of anger. Frustration. Fear.

"Hime," he calls my name with a hoarse and shaky voice. He's caressing my hair with trembling hands, fearing that he may break a very fragile thing.

Managing to smile, Nate sniffs while wiping his tears. "Hime, I'm aware of your condition as of now."

Ah, that's right. The death is coming to pick my soul.

"I know that you've seen death many times. And I also know that you're already tired of facing life. But please! I'm begging you, Hime! For the last time, please choose to live."

I feel something stabbed in the middle of my chest. My heart squeezes in too much pain. I want to burst in distress. I want to scream and curse the life I have lived.

Why? Why? Why?!

Why I can't find death? My peace?

I'm tired of living. Struggling. Lying.

Someone . . . Tell me. Does death is easy or hard? Does living is easy or hard?

"You received life to struggle. That's the meaning of living."

I stop thinking when I hear Den's voice on my mind. That's right. Struggling is the only way to conquer this life. Life is not kind to anyone. It's a demon. It will let you suffer first before it grants your wishes.

I gaze weakly at Nate. I hardly open my lips to talk. "I-I . . . will, l-live." Even with my little voice, I know he hears me.

But the question . . . will my body survive? Little by little, this flesh of mine is withering. It's like the flower is reaching its peak.

I don't know what to do. And I can't decide. All I know is that close my eyes, with tears falling, and then saw a blank future.

↭ ♡ ↭

Hi, guys~ did you listen to the song? Personally speaking, I love the song so much! Plus the fact that it is so relatable to this chapter. I hope I made you feel the pang.

About the ost up there, it is not mine. Credits to the rightful owner.

Lastly, all I can say is . . . THIS IS THE BEST CHAPTER EVER!