Izuna

There was an amazing and unbelievably big Japanese garden in the back of Hakka-san's hotel. It was full not only of greenery, but of beautifully made ponds with koi, bridges and pavilions. There were bushes of flowers I had never seen before and, of course, blossoming sakura trees heavy with red paper lanterns. 

For this special evening, the only other source of light except those lanterns was strings of fairy lights going from tree to tree. It created a magical atmosphere that wasn't ruined by the fact that the garden was full to the brim with people dressed-up to their teeth. I smiled shyly where I stood, alone, a glass of champagne in my hand. Tobirama hadn't wanted to share Uber with me. 

"I want the agony", he had murmured into my lips, one hand beneath my chin. I was trembling beneath his hands. "To arrive at the party knowing you're already there. To walk around pretending everything is fine while in reality, I'm desperate to find you. And once I find you, I will be so filled to the brim with longing I have to use every ounce of will-power I own not to drag you along with me and fuck the life out of you in a bathroom."

Which was why I was now, obviously, trembling in anticipation. 

I walked around the party, trying to take the atmosphere in as I waited for my lover. It was full to the brim with glamorous people in cocktail dresses. But even among them, I felt like the most beautiful creature on the planet in the dress Tobirama had bought me. It was made of grey silk going to my knees, with a layer of tulle on top that went to the ground and even beyond. The dress was long-sleeved, the silk going past my knuckles. It was all covered in an exquisite glitter that shimmered in gold, blue and magenta. My hair was loose for the evening, and I had straightened it. I had some powder, mascara and lip gloss to go with it, but no jewellery. 

I sipped my champagne as I took in the magical, forest-like garden, snacking on canapés. Hakka-san had set up a barbecue for vegetarian grilling by the chefs of his restaurant, as well as a buffet table filled with cheeses, fruits and bread. It was heavenly, especially since I wasn't the type to lose my appetite when I was nervous.  

"Izuna, my boy!" a voice boomed. 

I turned round, and Hakka-san came and gave me a bear-hug. He was wearing his usual black suit, but he had exchanged his tie for a bowtie. In his hand was a glass of champagne, and he was a bit red in the face. He looked very happy to see me, and I was happy to see him. 

"Hakka-san!" I greeted. 

"You look lovely. Where is that hunk of a lawyer of yours?"

"Tobirama? I mean, Mr Senju? You haven't seen him?" 

"No, my boy. There will be dancing soon. Get ready!"

And he walked away.

I loved dancing, and decided I would join while waiting for Tobirama. A traditional, instrumental Japanese band was setting up, and they started playing what I could best describe as Japanese folk music but with a lot of power to it. The party-goers grabbed one another, and they started dancing around an open space in the garden as if it was a Scottish ceilidh. People of all heights, sizes and nationalities had come to celebrate that Hakka-san would be allowed to keep his hotel and preserve the surrounding wildlife, and I was itching to join. 

And suddenly, someone grabbed my hand. I turned around and saw Hashirama, more handsome than ever in black suit pants and a mint linen shirt, his hair back in a high ponytail. He smiled at me, and I laughed, happy to see him.

We turned round and round together. He spun me, grabbed my waist and lifted me at times. I had never had so much fun in my life. I had no idea how many minutes had passed; the fun and the champagne had gotten to my head, dimming my ability to judge the passing of time. But I was warm and flustered in the spring evening, my cheeks hurting from laughing and smiling so much, my heart buzzing with happiness. I love my life, I thought. 

And then, my eyes caught the unmistakeable icy eyes of Tobirama.

He was standing a bit away from the dancing mass, arms crossed, watching my every movement. My heart leapt to see him. I smiled at him seductively, kept dancing with his brother, twirling, catching his eyes over and over.

But Tobirama didn't smile back, and I couldn't read his face.

I excused myself, leaned in and kissed Hashirama on the cheek, whereafter he went to dance with a group of Hakka-san's hotel staff, and I went to find my man.

But he was nowhere to be seen. 

Tobirama

I had been late.

I had been very, very nervous, but I didn't know why. I had walked back and forth in my hotel suite, trying to find the courage to go to the Goddamn party, but I couldn't make myself open the app and order a Goddamn Uber (there would definitely be drinking involved so I couldn't rent a car). Why was it so hard? We had spent so many nights together, Izuna and I. 

I had phoned Mr Swanson my therapist.

"I believe it's because of pressure", he said.

"What do you mean?"

"You have only been with him alone before. No matter if you were in your suite or out, it was just you and him. Now, you face the challenge of being with him in a social setting. What are you afraid of?"

I thought for a bit. I thought about this extroverted little man, so easy to like, so interested in other people. And then, there was me, an eremite, trusting hardly anyone but myself, with hardly any interest in anyone else, not because I was self-centred but because I couldn't handle conversing with people to find out what was interesting about them.

"I'm afraid I won't be enough", I confessed. 

"There we have it", Mr Swanson said. 

We talked a bit more after that. By helping me figure out what the problem was, I finally found the courage to leave for the party.

But I had not only been late. I had been too late. 

As I saw Izuna swirl over the grass of the garden, his dreamy dress flowing after him, his laugh making his face glitter just as his dress did, in the hands of my brother, I finally understood. I finally understood that Izuna needed more than me, more than I could ever give him. He didn't need a broken man such as myself, nor should he want one. He needed a whole man such as my brother, who could lift him to the skies. When Izuna caught my eyes, I saw how happy he was without me.

And then, as I had decided whether I would leave or not, Izuna leaned in towards my brother, his lips reaching...

And before I could see the kiss, another pair danced in front of me, and obscured them from my view.

I left and took an Uber to the airport.