Now, there are two types of people in this world-

Queen Saralee: Villains and losers!

Ahem! I'm trying to talk here! Please return to your designated abode in the dark recesses of my brain, my lovely Ice Queen. As much as I enjoy your sarcastic presence, I am trying to get a point across here. 

Queen Saralee: I'd come up with a comeback for that which would result in an array of comments containing messages to the effect of "BURRRRRRN!" However, you requested that I withdraw my "sarcastic presence," and if I disobey you in the presence of our respected readers, I may scare some of them off with the world-shaking timing of my masterful roasts. I shall return to my place of residence, the luxury of which greatly exceeds that of yours. 

See? Even her declaration that she will not roast anyone contains a subtle roast. But then again, what can I say? She's Queen Saralee, the Ice Queen of Lessaenes and Sarcasm (not the Ice Queen of the Plot Twists- that's me). Moving on, I apologize on the behalf of my inconsiderate Imperial counterpart. If you don't mind, do allow me to start over. 

Now, there are two types of people in this world: planners and doers. 

At first sight, it appears that I am indisputably a planner. I keep detailed to-do lists which I update as frequently as possible. The names of every event I will attend or participate in from today until the first week of June are written out on the decorative wall calendar that hangs on my refrigerator. Surprises make me more nervous than pleased, and I write schedules for myself to follow during breaks, in order to avoid feeling unproductive. 

Yet, in some instances, I lean further to the doer side of the spectrum. Writing is the prime example of this. 

Who hates outlines? 

I do!!! 

That's saying quite a bit. It's rare that I even mildly dislike anything related to writing, let alone what some educators consider the "legs" of a piece of writing. (Because animals stand on their legs, and essays are supposed to 'stand' on their outlines? Get it? Yeah, neither do I.)

Outlines aren't legs at all. In fact, they're more like appendices. They're just pointless little afterthoughts, and sensible people really have no idea why they exist. 

(I feel the need to point out the fact that autocorrect wanted me to use the incorrect plural "appendixes." I, an unexceptional high school student, know more about grammar than the tool that's tasked with fixing the grammatical errors of people across the world. Just think about that for a second. It's a little scary, in my opinion.)

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that outlines serve no purpose at all. In fact, they can be great for helping struggling writers organize their thoughts and produce a coherent piece of writing. I've also noticed that they're very helpful when writing magazine articles, dry, structured expository essays for school (the ones that require you to exactly follow a rubric that's usually longer than the actual essay) and other short pieces that are intended purely to inform. 

However, I am a Sci-Fi author. I write to entertain (and to make people slam their heads into walls, desks, and tables, but that's usually unintentional). I'm far from the kind of person who needs an outline to copy off of in order to produce a marginally passable piece of writing. In fact, if anything, despite how much of a planner I usually am, planning when no planning is required can actually make things worse for me. Some great writers can use outlines, and use them well. 

I am not one of those writers. 

Allow me to demonstrate. For a moment, picture me, a generic girl sitting at a generic desk in a generic English classroom. I've got my iPad or a piece of paper and a pencil (probably my iPad) in front of me, ready to write an essay. The prompt appears on the screen in front of me: 

"How do you define culture? Why do you define it this way? Provide personal examples to support your argument." 

(There is no specific reason as to why I chose this example prompt, other than the fact that I'm currently learning about culture in at least three classes.) 

Below the prompt is a detailed outline template, complete with everything I'll need to get an A on the essay. Yay? Not yet. 

I begin writing, following the outline template exactly-

Introduction: (In case you didn't know, this is the beginning of your essay)

-Hook (list of cringe-y, overused hooks provided below for your convenience)

-Thesis statement (make sure to list the subjects your three body paragraphs! After all, in the writing world- the real one, not the dumb, fake online one- unpredictability is a crime!)

Of course, the things in parentheses aren't actually part of the template. That's just what I think (or what Queen Saralee says) when I see such templates. 

At the end of the class period, my iPad contains a document that reads something like this:

What brings all people together and pulls them apart? You got it, it's culture. I define culture as the arts and other manifestations of human intellectual achievement regarded collectively. I define it this way because that is how it is defined in the dictionary. I have three examples to support my definition of culture, which will also be my three body paragraphs: my definition of culture can be seen in music, social customs, and general ethics. 

Okay, maybe that's a bit of exaggeration, but I hope it got my point across. Just to give you something to compare it to, allow me to show you the kind of introductory paragraph I would use if I were to write an essay on culture, just for fun:

Race, ethnicity, and culture often go hand in hand in the contexts of sociology and human geography, but it is clear that the latter term is the shadiest when it comes to definition. Race and ethnicity are often easily identifiable and expressible once one has asked a person a few simple questions about his or her lineage, but culture could not be more difficult to evaluate and summarize. What is one's culture? Is it one's religion, the food one cooks and eats at home, or the kinds of things one focuses on in life? In my humble opinion, one's culture encompasses all of these things and more. It is a broad portrait of a person that stems from one's heritage, the environment in which one is raised and the unique traits that make one stand out from the crowd.  

See that? There was no plan behind that whatsoever. It still contains all the essential elements of a good introduction, but they aren't as...forced as they were in my first example, if you know what I mean. They flow more naturally, and the paper does not sound like something a half-asleep student scrawled in thirty minutes at the end of a standardized test. It sounds like the beginning of a work that could turn out to be half decent, if I do say so myself. 

In conclusion, though I exude the outward appearance of a planner, I've definitely got a more spontaneous side to me- a side that is, as of now, expressed solely on the page. Feeling claustrophobic inside the little outline box your teacher has given you? I'll tell you my favorite trick: write the essay first, and use it to fill out the outline.

Don't tell my English teacher I said that. 

............................

I hope you enjoyed the latest installment of The Ice Queen of My Brain! I certainly had fun writing it. The Queen Saralee interludes were completely unplanned, by the way. I simply inserted what she was saying in my head as I was typing this up. I've never directly shared the Ice Queen's unfiltered words with anyone before, and it was a rather...interesting experience. 

Anyway, that's enough about me and my pet supervillain. 

Queen Saralee: You are my pet human, ignorant child. 

*massive eye roll*

I've decided to start a Q and A section to go with this book. One of my favorite things to do on Wattpad is interact with readers and help out other writers. After all, that's what the Wattpad community is for, right? At this point, after six or so years of serious writing, I think I've racked up enough experience to give you a decent take on how I fight authors' greatest problems. 

Ask away in the comments below, my humans/dragons/other beings! I'm willing to answer all questions about writing, publishing, teen author-hood, and life in general, no matter how crazy they may be! I'm looking forward to answering your questions in the Q and A section of the next chapter. 

Signing off,

Saralee