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Chapter Thirteen: "Lost Feeling"

Mark pulled his gloves closer to himself and was about to put them on but stopped himself. Glancing down at his hand, he tried to imagine wearing his gloves all the time. Setting his gloves aside, he told Nate in a heartfelt voice. "Being without them must be liberating. To be able to feel things that the gloves disassociate you from. I can imagine it is a shock." Nate's finger traced the rim of his cup, mumbling out grimly. "I don't feel free... With or without them. I'm still a prisoner to my powers. I'm a danger to everyone. All because I want to feel things..." Mark watched Nate's finger trace the rim with interest. He kept waiting for the cup to frost at his touch, or for the contents to freeze. Yet, they didn't. The steam from the hot chocolate still wafted up from the cup and around Nate's hand. Pulling his own cup closer, he removed a small marshmallow from his bag and tossed it to Aputsiaq. The tiny marshmallow bounced off her noise, causing her eyes to widen from the surprise of being hit. Then sinking into a bow on the table, she batted at the marshmallow like a cat. Turning his attention back to Nate, Mark told him casually. "I don't believe that's true. I think you have more control than you think." Nate glared at him, grumbling out. "Arendelle is struggling with a harsh winter in the middle of summer. And you think I'm in control?"

Mark shifted in his seat to straighten up, telling him his thoughts openly. "Have you ever used your power before then?" Nate rolled his eyes, muttering out guiltily. "Yes. And people have always gotten hurt..." Mark leaned over his cup a bit more, his voice sweet and caring when he replied. "I'm not talking about whenever it happened randomly. I'm asking you. Have you ever tried using it for fun?" Nate scoffed, leaning a bit closer to him to state back. "Magic isn't a toy. What I do... can kill people." Mark smirked, telling him a bit smugly. "I can kill people and I don't need magic to do it. Hurting people is a choice. We can do it accidentally... but there is always some reason we did it." Nate smirked a little, asking him a little flatly. "No. I never played with my powers... until... recently. So, what do you think my reason is?" Mark looked to Aputsiaq, who was licking the marshmallow between her tiny claws. Then looking back at Nate, he told him honestly. "You've seen what happens to a balloon when you fill it too far, right?" Nate nodded, not understanding what he was getting at. So, Mark continued slowly. "Imagine that your power is the air building up inside it. Power like yours. As you grow, it grows more powerful. It builds up more energy. Energy that has to be released to keep you from suffering what could be devastating results."

Picking up some marshmallows to put in Nate's cup, he added seriously. "These incidents that you've suffered through. It's because your body is trying to release the pressure of your power. As you get older. Your power only increases. But if you refuse to use your power... you reach your limits and... accidents happen to adjust it. The incidents getting wilder and more out of control as your power gets stronger and has to release more energy to keep you, the vessel, from being destroyed by it." Nate swallowed, turning his hands over to look at his palms. Trying to lighten the mood, Mark happily asked him. "Tell me. Have you had an incident since building this castle? Making Aputsiaq?" Nate shook his head, before wincing out. "Well... not until what happened upstairs." Mark slid his hand across the table slowly toward Nate's. Nate jerked his hand back off the table, uttering out uneasily. "How do you know this stuff? Why did the Trolls tell you that and not me?" Mark kept his hand near him, answering honestly. "I've seen how the Trolls use magic. Mastering basic control over the elements. Although, I've never seen them control ice. Just water. So, I think they weren't prepared for you." Nathan stared blankly into his cup, mumbling out softly. "You mean that even they were afraid of me."

Mark tilted his head a little trying to meet Nate's evasive eyes when he said warmly. "I didn't say that. Not knowing how to deal with something is not always the result of fear." Turning his hand over to face his palm up, Mark asked him curiously. "Touch me. I'll prove that you have some control." Nate huffed, staring off at the kitchen counter as he said dryly. "Now you really do have a death wish." Mark smirked, asking him a little teasingly. "Are you afraid?" Nate's eyes finally met his, his eyes fragile when he answered in a broken voice. "Yes... Every time I touch someone... They get hurt. My own parents were afraid to touch me. You should be too." Mark slowly pulled his hand back. Nate wasn't ready for that. So instead, he told him gently. "When you were making this before... How did you do it?" Mark removed the little ice cube with the snowflake inside it from his pocket to set it on the table between them. Nathan shrugged, answering under his breath. "I just... pictured it in my mind and made it." Mark tapped the cube, telling him nicely. "When the Trolls are young. They are told to do things to prove they have mastered their element. Then they earn their crystal. They take on the responsibility of it. While I'm a master of nothing... I'm a good listener."

Picking up the ice cube, Mark stated out softly. "The young Trolls are told that water is an element that reflects emotion and imagination. Because water can take on any shape. It adapts. It can be hot or cold. It can smooth down the sharpest of rocks and yet, can be as peaceful as a trickling stream. It is a home for sea creatures and is a part of everything that one needs to survive." Nathan rolled his eyes, grumbling out. "So? I can't control water." Mark smirked, holding out the cube to him as he told him. "Can't you? Ice is just frozen water. Young Trolls are told that their emotions effect how their water behaves. A calm mind makes flowing graceful water. Anger creates raging water. Sorrow makes water fall, keeping it from holding its shape. Joy makes water shine, causing it to take on a splashing playfully personality. The question is... what emotion is turning your water to ice?" Nathan rolled his eyes, pulling his cup closer to take a sip from it. Mark couldn't help leaning on the table to ask him. "Are you hiding something?" Nathan stiffened in place, locking eyes with him over the cup. Mark folded his arms on the table, casually telling him. "If water is controlled by emotions. Then ice must be controlled by emotions that hurt. Things like... Secrets. Pain. Loneliness. Detachment. Rejection. Feelings that leave you cold and numb."

Nathan lowered his cup with a slightly guarded look that promoted Mark to solemnly add. "I know those emotions well. What I don't understand... is why they took such a strong form in you from the start. Unless you were already struggling with something." Nathan set down his cup and stared into it with a torn expression. Mark glanced at Aputsiaq that had bits of marshmallow stuck to her icy lips. She looked up at Nathan, letting out a soft whine as she inched toward him. Getting up to his feet, Nathan picked up his cup and moved to lean back against a wall by the door. Mark straightened up, feeling like he'd crossed a line with him. Staring into his cup though, Nathan exhaled softly and answered in an undertone. "I don't think I was ever meant to be king... I've never had an interest in what other royal boys liked. I only went hunting with my dad the day I saved you because... I was trying to be what my father wanted. I've worked hard to hide things... to bury my unusual feelings. I thought I'd done a good job... Until my coronation." Mark sipped his drink to keep himself quiet. He wanted Nathan to tell him on his own. Tilting his head back against the wall, Nathan's voice sounded drained when he told him. "When I was in my early teens... I'd listen to the other boys talk about girls that had blossomed over the summer. Including the guy that I just suddenly had feelings for. Feelings that... scared me."

Nathan shifted on his feet, exhaling heavily like he'd never said those words out loud before. Bowing his head, he mumbled over his cup. "What are you supposed to say? How do you tell your father that you are attracted to the brother of the princess he's thinking about betrothing you to?" Sniffling a little, Nathan mumbled out in a broken voice. "My mother always said that she was so happy to have me because despite being a miracle baby... nothing was wrong with me. But I could feel that something was. I told myself to bury it... don't feel it. I'd worry about it when I was older. Now look at me..." Nathan took a sip from his cup to strengthen his straining voice, before saying under his breath. "My parents caged me because they thought of me as a monster. Leaving me to live my entire life alone in isolation. I'll never know what love is because... I recently discovered that even a kiss from me can kill someone. I'm hurting people that I never wanted to hurt... but they want to hurt me... and now you're telling me that the reason I can do this is because I'm an emotional disaster?" Mark winced, getting up to his feet as he saw Nathan drop his face into his hand to cry. Walking up to him, Mark took his cup before he spilled it or dropped it. Setting it on the table, he put his hands on Nathan's shoulders and told him in his most loving voice. "Hey...? I didn't mean it like that."

Nathan hands covered his face as he cried harder and shuddered out. "What's wrong with me...? Why am I such a mistake..." Mark grabbed Nathan's bare wrists, pulling them away from his face as he blurted out seriously. "Hey! Stop. There are no mistakes. You are exactly who you are supposed to be." Mark looked directly into his watery eyes, telling him in a much softer voice. "I don't know why this happened. But there is always a reason for it. It's ok to be scared and unsure. Take it from me. Don't worry about anyone else. Focus on loving yourself. In the end... You're the one you have to live with." Nathan stared into Mark's eyes, seeing the same image that he had seen before play out across his vision. He saw the people Mark had hurt and then saw Mark's skin shimmer with the color of the Northern Lights, before he reached out to him in a field that was frozen over. The image confused him. He saw the worst in Mark, but something about the vision was different from the others that he'd seen in people's eyes... He could almost feel the warmth of Mark's fingers on his cheek that reached from his vision. When the vision faded, Nathan stared only at Mark's soft brown eyes that held the same look of warm comfort.

Looking away from Mark's eyes, he looked at the way he was holding his cold wrists with his bare hands. Mark's grip loosened, starting to let him go as he said in a low whisper. "Sorry, Highness... I didn't mean to be so rough." Nathan moved one of his hands to brush the backs of his fingers across Mark's palm. Feeling his warmth felt nice. He couldn't remember the last time that he'd touched someone without his gloves. Mark stood still, his fingers straightening up to let Nathan touch him. Nathan's hand shook a little as his fingers moved along Mark's palm before stretching out to put his hand to his. It surprised him that his hand was a little smaller than Mark's. Releasing the breath that he'd been holding, he stared in shock that he was touching Mark and there wasn't a hint of frost. It made his heart skip. Was what he said true? Did he just need to use his power more to stay in control? Mark very gently took his hand with both of his and turned Nathan's palm up. Holding the sides of Nathan's hand, he told him fearlessly. "Make something small. The first thing that comes to your mind." Nathan blinked, trying to take his hand back, but Mark held onto it. Closing his fingers, Nathan nervously told him. "Let go. My hand could-" Mark lightly shushed him.

Cradling Nathan's hand, he told him calmly. "Don't focus on me. Focus on what you want to make. Picture it like you said... and make it." Nathan closed his eyes, picturing something in his mind. Mark felt Nathan's hand get colder, watching the icy mist leak from between his fingers but didn't let go of him. When Nathan finally opened his hand, Mark chuckled at the small diamond made of flawless ice. Nathan opened his eyes when he heard Mark chuckle but was more impressed that Mark hadn't frozen from touching him during it. Giving him a smirk, Mark told him in a confident whisper. "Told you. You have more control than you think." Nathan removed the diamond from his hand to look at it. It was detailed and strong to the touch. He hadn't slacked off to make it. While he was distracted, Mark turned Nathan's hand over to rest it on his own palm. Then leaning closer, he told Nathan coolly. "Try again." Nathan inhaled slowly, realizing what Mark had done. For a bit he hesitated, until his mind drifted to how close Mark was to holding his hand. Even his own mother couldn't do that. Absently stroking Mark's hand, he stared at Mark's shoulder and tried again.

Mark tried not to wince as he felt the cold air swirl over his palm. Despite his mind drifting to Mark's overwhelming kindness. He managed to focus enough to make what he wanted. When he finished, he moved his hand enough to see the ring made of pure ice with prominent snowflakes along the outside. Mark's excited smile pulled at Nate's heartstrings. It meant so much to him that he liked it. Mark looked over the ring, chuckling out. "Must be nice to make your own jewelry." Nathan smiled a little, telling him honestly. "I never tried until now. You're not hurt?" Mark showed him his slightly red palm from the cold, but otherwise it was fine. Handing him the ring, Mark told him warmly. "You can do some beautiful things, Highness. I envy you." Nathan placed his hands on Mark's hand to curl Mark's fingers around the ring, telling him sweetly. "Keep it. It's my gift to you." Mark easily slipped the ring onto his finger, telling him a little emotional in return. "Thank you. I'll wear it until it melts." Nate smirked, telling him with a shrug. "You'll have to tell me if it does. I, ah... tried something new with the snowflakes on it. I'm hoping it won't melt."

The ring felt cold on Mark's finger, but it was bearable. He really hoped that it did last. There was nothing quite like it and being a fan of ice, it was perfect. Nathan inched around him, clearing his throat as he said in an anxious voice now. "I guess, I should show you and your reindeer to a room for the night. I don't know about you but... I'm tired." Nathan wiped his eyes of any remaining tears, then finished off his hot chocolate. Setting the cup down, Nathan chuckled as he wiped the marshmallow pieces off Aputsiaq's lips. Seeing she had missed some pieces, she grabbed Nathan's hand in her little claws to lick his fingers. While she did, Mark moved back over to the table to finish off his drink, before asking him lightly. "Would you have a problem if I went up to that balcony to see the Northern Lights? I bet the view from there is inspiring." Nathan scooped up Aputsiaq, blushing when he turned around and told him over his shoulder. "Just for a little bit." To Be Continued... 

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