So.....Hello there. How's it going? It's been awhile. I apologize for that. I hope all of you are safe and healthy. I've been working on this chapter for some time while struggling with work, the pandemic, and writer's block. I'm trying to write a little more but I unfortunately can't commit to any schedule even if I would like to as my job is very chaotic.  As I've always said I will continue to write as it's something that has brought me a lot of joy in my life even if I have less time for it now. I am committed to finishing TICM so please don't worry about me leaving it unfinished. I have a lot of love and passion for these characters, they have a very special place in my heart - even more so than my characters from my other works. I hope you continue to love them just as much as I do. Thank you for the love and support you have given me I will always appreciate it. Please take care of yourselves out there. The world gets more beautiful and more terrible everyday. 

XOXOXOXO 

            - Rayne

WARNING: The following chapter contains language, and sexual content. Don't like? Feel free to step out - no harm done. To each their own!

Theo POV:

Work is hell.

It's not as if work wasn't boring before but as I sit at my desk all I can manage to think about is Chip's naked flesh in my bed this morning - tan, creamy, unmarked. A blank canvas. I didn't wake him up when I left. I had to deal with my guest and I'm sure Chip would not appreciate it if I woke him up at the ass crack of dawn. Regina, my secretary, comes in and out of my office, her heels tapping against the hardwood floor. I'm vaguely aware that there are words coming out of her mouth but I don't hear any of them. My mind is consumed by static made entirely of Chip's moans. Leaning forward I grab a pen and idly flip through a document that needs to be signed. Regina stands next to my desk waiting patiently, fiddling with her curly red hair. Presumably, it is important that this document is signed immediately as she hasn't left yet. Usually, Regina is in and out as quickly as possible either because she has too much to do or because she doesn't like my company. It's a toss up. I attempt to read the documents in front of me but my mind continues to wander and I find myself clicking my pen against the desk obnoxiously, my leg shaking as I try to focus.

All I want to do is be with you, look at you, touch you, please you. How is that wrong?"

"Uggghhh" I groan rubbing my palms into my eyes and clear my throat bringing my attention to the document again. Regina shifts awkwardly as if she wants to help me but doesn't know what's wrong or what she can do. Blinking exaggeratedly I resume pretending to read the documents in front of me as I try to clear my head but the image of Chip writhing on my coffee table flashes through my mind.

Please Theo. Do it harder. I know you can. I know you want to.

"Fuck!" I snap, throwing my pen across the room in defeat before turning my gaze to Regina. She appears shocked and a little afraid, her eyes wide but she doesn't move from her spot and straightens up when she notices my attention is on her. "Regina, did you read this?"

She hesitates glancing at the documents. "Yes sir."

"What is it?"

"It's the final budget for the art auction charity event that is being held at the hotel. It needs your approval so that preparations can start Sir."

"Oh" Swallowing, I reach over my desk to grab another pen flipping to the signature page and signing it quickly before handing the papers over to Regina. "Could you please call Fane in?"

"Yes Sir." She scurries out of the office stopping only briefly to pick up the pen that ended up on the floor. I spin my chair around pulling at my tie frantically as I stare out the wall of glass windows. The sun hasn't gone down yet and evening traffic is still bustling. My thoughts wander again to blue green eyes and soft skin. If I thought I was obsessed with Chip before, it's even worse now. Intrusive thoughts of his voice and his skin won't give me peace for even a moment today. I am completely engrossed with Chip and having the ability to touch him when I want to is twisting the knife of greed even deeper than before. When something you want is in reach it makes it that much easier to possess. That possessiveness is what I have been trying to avoid and it's rearing its ugly head. Closing my eyes I rub my temples as I sink further into my chair thinking of Jules.

Let yourself fantasize about him more.

"It's okay to think about him. It's okay to want him. It's okay to touch him." I flex my hands phantom sensations of his naked flesh underneath my fingertips. A spark lights up in my stomach as I imagine pulling his hair, swollen lips, and my hands on his throat.

"Boss."

I jump in my seat spinning around haphazardly to look at Fane. I must look like a fifteen year old kid who got caught looking at porno mags because humor lights up Fane's eyes and he steps back a little as if to give me space to pull myself together.

"Fane," I acknowledge. "Do you have eyes on the house?"

"Yes. Konstantin is there. Should I check in with him?"

"Yes please."

Fane nods and pulls out his phone. He speaks in hushed tones with Konstantin as he paces back and forth. I observe tapping my nails against my chair as I wait. Here it is - like a high - the compulsion to constantly know where he is. What he's doing. Fane ends the call and approaches tucking the phone back into his pocket.

"So?"

"He's at BluePlanet boss."

I sit up. "BluePlanet? What is he doing there?"

"Working Sir."

We never did finish the discussion about him quitting and going to CRU. It got sidetracked by Chip saying he wanted to get me off and that sex was a bigger priority than his education. My mind wanders to a depraved alternate reality where all Chip does is live in my bed. I don't have to work, he doesn't have to work and all we do with our time is drown in each other. Groaning at my own shameless imagination I reach up and slap myself in the face as hard as I can. "I need a fucking smoke."

Fane reaches into his pocket and pulls out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter unphased by my unexplained violence. I hold out my hand to stop him.

"It's alright Fane. I quit a long time ago. It was just a slip of the tongue." Fane puts his cigarettes away and stands stoically awaiting any further orders. "Shift?"

"1:00 to 9:00."

Biting the inside of my cheek I glance at the clock. It's 6:30. "When is closing?"

"BluePlanet closes for customers at 9 and then there is cleanup."

"That's hours from now." Even to my own ears I sound as if I'm whining. But this means the whole day will have gone by without me being able to lay my eyes on Chip. When he was at school he got out at the same time everyday and I would pick him up. Now that I don't have that excuse I'm leaving work later in the evening. On top of that he has a job so he could be gone for work at any time. The mature and responsible side of me says that this is part of life. Things can't always stay the same. The childish part of me - the real part of me - says that Chip doesn't need a job. Maybe he doesn't even need school. "Fuck me."

Right as I'm about to request that Fane take me to the gym so that I can torture myself into submission my phone rings. "Get me out of here." Is the first thing that I say to Kello. I don't even care that he's obnoxious. I just need to be distracted.

The other man chuckles. "Work bringing you down today Mr. Wayne?" I roll my eyes at the nickname the other man has given me based on my financial status. He's an entirely uncreative person.

"Isn't it always?"

"Touche. How 'bout dinner at the usual place? I'll even invite Luce and Ange."

"Are you sure that's the best idea? You three bicker as if the world will end if you don't."

"That's what makes things interesting."

"It's your funeral. I'll meet you there." Fane already has his keys out and is waiting at the door ready to go. I hang up on Kello and stand straightening my suit and gesturing towards Fane as we exit my office. "Make sure Konstantin keeps an eye on him."

"Yes sir."

The usual place that Kello referred to is a high end sushi bar on the outskirts of town by the business district. Jade Lantern. They have arguably the Best sake in town which is why Kello and I love it. Ange and Luce are sushi fanatics and usually inhabit the place at least two nights a week. Creed is often just along for the company, though he joins less often these days for obvious reasons.

When I arrive at the bar around 7:30 Ange and Luce are already at a table. They went ahead and ordered the sake and an array of colorful sushi. As per usual they look like lovebirds - Luce has his arm around Ange and she's looking deeply into his eyes and beaming at him. I hate to interrupt.

"Hey." I greet sliding into a chair across from Ange. She smiles looking away from Luce and reaches over the table to pour me a drink.

"Hey! How are you doing Theo? I feel as though it's been a little while since we saw each other. Of course circumstances have been better." She states pointedly scrunching her nose.

I nod, drinking and grab a set of chopsticks. "Truer words have never been said. I think we've all had a lot going on lately."

"Mmmm I sense trouble. If there is drama in your life you have to share the details. That's what friends do." Ange leans forward plopping sashimi in her mouth. "When I say drama I elude to Romantic endeavors of course. Please entertain us." I roll my eyes glancing at Luce who smiles at me and then continue to ignore her stuffing some sushi in my mouth. Ange always likes to have spicy information that she can stew on. "Of course, how could I forget? The great Theo Tetera does not do romance. Only casual flings with supermodels and playboy bunnies."

"That's an exaggeration." I throw back, finishing off my first glass of sake and filling my glass again.

"Is it though?" She teases glancing at Luce for affirmation. Luce appears to be mildly entertained by her teasing as he nods.

"Oh come on," We turn to see Kello approaching. He arrives with his signature smirk and lilted voice. A key ring hung on his pants jingles with every step and his long blonde hair is tied back in a messy bun at the nape of his neck. "Mr. Wayne doesn't do casual flings. Right?" He sits and pats my back once with a harsh slap.

"Where did you just come from?" I question gesturing towards his messy jumpsuit covered with grease, and the ridiculous amount of keys on his belt. I don't think I've ever seen the man carrying keys before.

"Been repairing my truck. Also got into key making." Kello jingles the keys obnoxiously before pouring himself some Sake. He's tight lipped when it comes to himself as usual. Both he and Creed have always been like that. The introverts of the group. Well Creed is the introvert - Kello is the asshole.

"I didn't know you were so handy Kello." Ange muses, picking some wasabi of her sushi and putting it on Luce's plate. Ange doesn't do well with spicy food but Luce loves it. A match made in heaven.

"There's a lot ya'll don't know about me." He grins then sits back against his chair comfortably. Wherever Kello goes he manages to make himself at home. I still haven't decided if it's an admirable skill or annoying. "Like I am a notorious beast in bed."

Ange rolls her eyes and makes a gesture as if she is shaking off a spider. "Ew. Nobody asked Hugh Hefner."

"Don't be intimidated Ange. You ain't my type."

"Isn't anything with legs and a hole your type?" She simpers, sending him a withering glare.

"Ouch" He mocks, placing a hand to his heart. That's the extent of the response that he gives before he starts getting himself some food. "Where's Chip?"

I glance at the man through the corner of my eye. I have noticed that more often than not there are always two people in particular that Kello wants to know about when we get together - Bobby and Chip. Something about his interest in the two younger men rubs me the wrong way but really who am I to judge? I had my cock in Chip's mouth yesterday. "Work." I finally say, taking a drink.

"Work? I didn't know Chip got a job. I guess he did graduate recently, didn't he? Shame we didn't celebrate. " Luce chimes leaning forward with interest. "Where is he working?"

"A coffee shop. To be honest I didn't think it would last. He has the attention span of a goldfish." Luce laughs and nods, putting some sushi on Ange's plate. "Contrary to what I thought, he has been fairly consistent. Though he has prematurely decided that he doesn't want to go to college."

Ange makes a face of understanding and reaches over to pat my arm. "Hey. He's young. It might take some time for him to get why college is important."

"Not everybody needs to go to college." Kello inserts, gesturing at himself with his chopsticks as he chews obnoxiously. "I didn't go to college."

"Hmmm." Ange winces and sends a scrutinizing gaze in his direction. "Bad example."

Kello scoffs and shakes his head, continuing to eat.

"Well, does he like it at the shop?"

"It seems he does. It's hard to tell. It is an adjustment. We both work so we don't see each other for longer periods of time which is....different." Translation: It fucking sucks.

"And how does that make you feel?" Kello asks out loud in a mocking voice but he continues to eat his food as if he's not a part of the conversation. Count on him to always be ready to start something.

"Ignore him." Ange whispers but she gives me a look that tells me she is also curious, only too polite to ask.

"Can I ask you a question?" Kello turns to me, throwing his arm over the back of his chair and setting down his chopsticks.

Please don't. "Sure."

"What is the deal with you and the kid? Is it just me or is there some tension?" I feel my muscles freeze at the question. Being romantically involved with Chip is still new to me and I'm constantly fighting an inner battle between the part of me that wants to be a caretaker and the part of me that wants to plow him into my mattress. The last thing I need right now is extra attention on our relationship when I'm still feeling it out. I down the rest of my sake and pour myself some more. "If I didn't already know you liked pussy I would've thought you were looking to fuck him."

Ange blanches at Kello's language but keeps quiet probably because she's equally as curious. I can tell from her quiet glance and Luce's silence that all of them have noticed the same things that Kello has.

"What a strange thing to be curious about. Why do you ask?" I question, careful to keep my tone casual even though I have the sudden urge to punch him in the face and run. I don't want to deal with the questions and on top of that something about Kello's crass attitude tonight is really managing to fray on my nerves.

"Well looking at Chip objectively he is a fine piece of ass. If you weren't straight I would be surprised if you haven't already bent him over."

My body heats like a live volcano at Kello's words. This confirms my initial speculation that he had been eyeing Chip in an obscene manner. I try my best to stomp out the fire building in my gut because I've always done my best to be the reasonable one. I'm the one that puts a little more thought into his words and actions, especially given the all out war that always seems to be simmering between these three. Of course my holding myself back right now is because I know that I would really love nothing more than to respond by shoving my chopsticks down his throat. It would be so easy.

"Kello are you fucking kidding me?" Luce snaps glancing at me. "Speak with a little more respect. That's Chip you're talking about."

"Well Lord, Ya'll know i'm undignified. I'm just pointing out the obvious." Kello gestures widely across the restaurant. "The world appreciates beautiful people and Chip has a grade A set of come-hither bedroom eyes that beg for it." I keep my gaze on the table in front of me and purse my lips. Hold it together Theo. We just have to get through dinner. I down my sake again and pour another glass.

"It's disgusting that you've been looking at Chip that way. Leave him alone and go find a tree to hump." Ange snaps.

"Call me disgusting if you want. I'm not ashamed to admit that he's attractive. There's a mouth on that one but when they give you lip it makes them more fun to tame."

"I'm going to need you to shut up now." I say it quietly with an even tone - trying my best to keep myself in check as I drink more sake. Maybe this will help mellow me out. How many glasses of sake have I had?

"Oh hold on. Am I making you angry Mr. Wayne? I didn't think I'd ever live to see the day." Who am I kidding? The sake is just feeding the fire. "Seeing how you are simmering you must've noticed how fuckable Chip is. No shame. You ain't his daddy. Even better, his daddy laid him out for you on a silver platter."

"Kello." Luce warns.

Fucking breathe Theo. Just breathe. What was that mantra Jules taught me the other night? I am that I am. I am that I am. I am that I am.

"But hey Mr. Wayne. If you don't want that piece of meat, send him my way. I bet he looks real pretty spread out on bed sheets."

I am that I am. And I am about to kick this motherfucker's ass. I'm standing without even realizing it, loudly flinging my chair back as I lunge for Kello. He looks elated to have fostered chaos and I should take that as a sign to hold myself back but I don't. It will just feel too cathartic to rearrange his fucking face right now. The first punch is easy. Kello is sitting at perfect fist level. My knuckles smack straight into his jaw and he flies right out of his chair. Multiple people at tables around us gasp at the sudden violence. I stand over Kello and get down on my knees pistoning my fist into his face again and again. There's something very primal and satisfying about the violence and it makes me feel like I did when I was young - binge drinking, brawling, and liberated. Kello manages to fling me off and backs away a couple feet on the ground massaging his face. He leans over and spits crimson blood onto the ground before looking back up at me - a cut on his nose, cheek bone and lip. My knuckles burn but I embrace the pain as I step forward to punch him again.

"Hold on Mr. Wayne, let's not cause a scene." Kello smirks. There are a couple families at surrounding tables holding their hands over their kids eyes to save them from witnessing my violence.

I nod. "You're right, let's not." Quickly, before he can get away, I lean down, grab the back of his collar in my fist and pull him across the floor toward the exit.

Ange yells for me and I hear Luce tell her to pay with his card as he chases us out of the bar. "Theo! Theo! Calm down!"

We make it out of the building and at this point Kello is struggling to get to his feet. I shove him and he stumbles across the sidewalk. The asshole is fucking laughing.

"Shit! who knew pissing you off could be this fun!"

"Fuck off Kello!" Luce yells grabbing me as I lunge for the other man.

"What is it Mr. Wayne? Are you angry because I want to fuck him or because you do?"

"Get the fuck off of me Luce! I'm going to kill him!" Luce shakes his head and holds onto me tighter.

"He's not worth it man. You already fucked up his face. Just let him go."

"Run away! That's what you do best!" Kello jeers.

As if on cue Fane pulls up with the car and hurries out helping Luce wrestle me toward the vehicle. Ange bursts out of Jade Lantern tugging her purse over her shoulder as she flips Kello off. He makes kissy faces toward her and skips down the parking lot chanting an unidentifiable tune.

"Fucking maniac." Ange snaps as she comes to stand by the car door. I sit in the back seat inebriated and fuming. "He's just a pervert who likes to start shit."

"As of today he is no longer allowed around Chip. Period." I snarl, pointing in Kello's direction."If you see him around Chip, call me."

"Of course man." Luce reassures and Ange agrees watching Kello's retreating silhouette.

"I think it's fair to say we will no longer have to tolerate him. Thanks for my early birthday present Theo."

Luce turns to Fane and thanks him. "He had around 3 or 4 glasses of sake so he's not blitzed but he drank them real fast so that could change." Fane nods and Luce pats my shoulder before shutting the door.

"Home boss?"

"Take me to Chip." My heart's still beating incredibly fast so I put my hand to my chest and lean back against the seat as Fane starts driving. I would hope that my nerves would calm but as I sit in the quiet I keep replaying the things Kello said and my blood boils.

"There's water in the mini bar." Fane offers. I open the latch in the back seat and pull out the mini bar. There are two bottles of water and a couple of small bottles of alcohol. I glance at the water briefly before shoving it aside to grab a small bottle of vodka. Fane glances at me through the rearview mirror. "Are you sure that's a good idea, boss?"

I raise an eyebrow at the older man and open the alcohol, lifting it to my mouth and downing about half of the small bottle. Fucking Kello. I don't need anybody to remind me how disgusting I am, least of all a self righteous nutcase who is constantly looking for a hole to shove his dick into.

There's a mouth on that one but when they give you lip it makes them more fun to tame.

"Fuck!" I punch the seat in front of me Imagining that it's Kello's taunting face. Pain shoots up my knuckles and I wince. There's blood on my hands, something I failed to notice earlier. It looks to be a mixture of mine and Kello's. Good god I would give anything to punch him in the face again.

No shame. You ain't his daddy. Even better, his daddy laid him out for you on a silver platter.

That's not what was supposed to happen. I was supposed to take care of him. I was supposed to be with him at his graduation, send him to college, get him a car, and pay for his motherfucking wedding. Kello was right. I'm angry and disgusted with myself. Kello didn't say anything that I hadn't already thought. Chip does have beautiful eyes, from the moment I first laid eyes on them those eyes haunted my dreams. I have lusted after him endlessly, stared into multiple cups of coffee, newspapers and dish filled sinks as I tried to eliminate the part of me that desperately wanted to take advantage of him. What makes me any better than Kello? The reality is that I just got a glimpse in the mirror and it wasn't pretty. I down the rest of my vodka trying to push away the unfamiliar sting behind my eyes.

But I already touched him. I already felt him tremble in my hands, heard him cry out in pleasure. I don't want to stop but I don't want to keep feeling this way either. I want to be as shameless as Kello. As unapologetic as Creed. I want to cast out this self loathing but I don't know how. It sneaks up on me when I least expect it. But last night when I had Chip on the table...I didn't think about anything else but him. In the moment nothing else matters. It's when I'm alone...when I'm away from him that the doubt sets in. Kello was right. I want to run away. Just like I did before. Just like I promised Chip I wouldn't. So I'm doing the opposite. I'm seeking him out. I'm putting myself in the line of fire.

By the time we get to BluePlanet it's around 8:30. I am warm all over both from my heightened emotions and the alcohol. I've completely emptied the bottle that I had and I can tell that the drinks are catching up to me when I turn my head and my vision blurs. Fane pulls the car into the parking lot and I open my door a little too roughly stepping out onto the sidewalk. The alcohol bottle rolls off of the seat and shatters against the street. Fane exits the vehicle and closely follows me toward the door to BluePlanet. I can tell from the way he studies me that he is worried about what state I'm in. I wish I could offer him some reassurance but unfortunately I don't even know. There is a reason that I usually sip wine. Alcohol and the storm of emotions that constantly live inside of me do not go well together.

As I enter the shop the planet bell above the door rings announcing my arrival. There aren't too many customers left this late at night - just a few groups of college student's working on assignments as well as a couple in the corner flirting over their drinks. There is a small line at the counter so I make my way to the table I sat at the last time I was here and crumble into a chair. Chip is at the counter smiling at a girl who is ordering before passing the order to the other employees behind the counter. Chip charms his way through the line of customers easily before he disappears into the back of the shop and emerges with a broom. He doesn't notice that I'm there, too preoccupied with his duties as he sweeps the floors and returns abandoned coffee cups back to the kitchen. The bell above the door dings and in walks a familiar face.

Sweaty gym rat.

The trio of employees has been running around completing their nightly duties and Chip appears to be the only one who notices the man so he hurries to the register to assist him. I can tell immediately from the way that the man leans against the counter that he's flirting with Chip. It's all in his body language and the amorous grin he sends in Chip's direction. Chip smiles back at him, his cheeks filling with color as he glances away from the other man. He's flattered by the attention. Of course he would be. How often has he been romantically pursued? Especially by someone so young and good looking. The guy is practically bursting out of his top, he's tall and has bright eyes. What am I compared to that? A washed up, middle aged man with anger issues and a historic drinking problem that just might be in the process of rekindling given my current state of mind.

I'm drunk enough that an atrocious urge to stand up and flip the table crosses my mind but instead of following through I hold out my hand to Fane. "Smoke."

"You quit Boss." He recalls, glancing at my outstretched hand.

"That was this morning." I mumble.

He nods hesitantly before gesturing towards the door. "We can't smoke inside." I glance back at Chip who is bantering with the other man as if they are old friends. I'm overwhelmed by conflicting thoughts. On one hand I want to stay and watch - chaperone the interactions between Chip and this man. On the other hand I want to stomp over and rip the gym rat away from the counter - away from Chip. Finally, the defeatist part of me wants to get in the car and go home to drink whiskey until I knock myself out. Instead I stand up and lead Fane out the door where we end up propped up against the trunk of the car watching as bright car headlights drive down the dark street. Fane holds out his cigarette pack and I reach for it with shaking hands. Jesus, I haven't smoked since I was in college. It took so much persistence to quit. I flip the pack in my fingers as Fane lights up and takes a drag. I think back to Raid and our conversation that morning when I made him breakfast. I preached to the younger boy about how it was bad for his health and he left his pack at the table. I promised Elan I would quit.

They shouldn't have believed in me.

I place a cancer stick between my lips with trembling fingers and Fane leans over lighting the end with a quick flick of his thumb. I take a drag and surprise myself with how naturally I release the smoke through my nostrils. Fane is still watching me as if he's chaperoning me.

"What is it?" I slur. I don't think the full extent of the alcohol I drank has quite hit me yet but I'm already too inebriated to care.

"Are you ok?"

I let out a quick laugh and take another drag transfixed at the medley of colors that stream together from the car headlights as they pass by. "No. I'm not okay." I flick some ash onto the ground watching as it falls heavily. A part of me wanted it to float to the ground and land gently. A part of me wanted it to be beautiful. Reality is a little more harsh than that. "I don't know who the fuck I am...or what the fuck I'm doing anymore."

Fane blows smoke into the night and nods before looking back at me. It's dark and the light from BluePlanet illuminates the side of his face. "Who do you want to be?"

I consider this for a second thinking back on my life. A spoiled child with little attention, a delinquent teenager with poor models for parents, a man controlled by vices. I remember the little art store on the corner where I would paint with Elan for hours. The natural light in the studio was bright and the windows were always open - the curtains blowing back and forth with the wind. Elan and Anna were tender, loving and understanding and they made me a part of their family. I think that might be the happiest I've ever felt in my life. If I close my eyes I can almost smell the paint, feel the wind on my face and hear the sound of their laughter. I feel the tears well in my eyes and I take another drag of my cigarette. "I want to be twenty-one years old again." I admit and my voice shakes at the confession.

"What was different then?" Fane asks, staring at the ground. I follow his gaze and observe the wet asphalt. It rained briefly on our way to BluePlanet and because of that the lights around us reflect off of the puddles of water.

"I think...I...I felt warm." I stumble over my words, careful not to move from my perch against the car. I'm not sure If I have balance or not. " I didn't have all these things that controlled me." I gesture at Fane with the cigarette. "I wasn't drinking or smoking anymore. I had a family." I flick more ash towards the ground, follow it with my eyes. I look away with disappointment at the result. "They planted a garden in the parts of me that were angry and cruel." The bell to BluePlanet rings and Chip exits with the gym rat. They're laughing, standing close to each other. I take another deep drag and look back at Fane. "That garden died with them."

Fane drops his smoke and stomps on it before stepping around me to catch Chip's attention. "Mr. Masaya." I retreat back to the puddle in front of me, the night breeze causes the slightest ripple on the surface.

"Fane." Chip's voice is music to my ears. He's a songbird. I want to cage him and make him sing for me, but I also want to set him free. "Theo? Theo, are you smoking?"

The tone of his voice is accusatory. It almost makes me want to hide it, makes me feel ashamed but when I'm inebriated I'm even more childish, combative and detached than usual. So instead I look towards him and take another drag blowing smoke in their direction as if to say what does it look like?

"Who's your friend?" Chips head tilts at the way my words slur together. His eyes somehow manage to be both fierce with anger and gentle with worry even in the dark.

"Is he drunk?" Chip ignores me looking at Fane like an angry spouse. Fane bows his head slightly in the affirmative.

"There was an incident earlier and he hasn't been well since then."

"Incident? What kind of incident?"

"I'm not -"

"Kello wants to fuck you." The words spill out of my mouth uncontrollably as I push myself away from the car and step forward. I've managed to maintain my balance despite the influence of alcohol. I don't look away from the gym rat as I find my way over to Fane. He doesn't look away from me either. I flick the ash off of my cigarette again and for the third time watch its journey to the ground hoping for something different. "Kind of like how your friend wants to fuck you."

"Theo!" Chip snaps, sending me a surprised glare.

"Am I wrong?" I respond but it's directed at the other man as I take another drag and release it through my nostrils.

Chip clearly isn't pleased by the display as he stomps up to me with an irate expression on his face. "Put that out right now Theo!" He reaches up to snag the cigarette from me and I grab his wrist harshly in my free hand holding it out of reach. Chip hisses in pain and moves to pull away but I don't let go intrigued by the spark that lights up in his eyes at the interaction. "Let go Theo." Chip orders. I raise an eyebrow at the request, studying the look in his eyes.

"You sure?"

Chip hesitates, his cheeks filling with color. Before either of us can say anything else Gym Rat is grabbing Chip's wrist and ripping him away from me. The man pushes Chip behind him and puffs out his chest like a bird during mating season.

"He said let go, asshole."

"Liam No!"

I inhale another deep lungful of smoke as I approach the other man. He doesn't move away which makes it all the more satisfying when I exhale the smoke right in his face. He cringes as it stings his eyes but keeps his chest puffed. His preening gets on my nerves. "Please piss me off," I sneer. "I've been wanting to hit someone else tonight." I lift my cigarette to my mouth again. Chip moves around the man when he catches a glimpse of my bloody knuckles.

"Did you fight Kello?"

"Fight is a loose term." I respond glancing at the gym rat - Liam. "It was more like he laid on the ground and I hole punched his face"

"You can't fight." Chip states as if the idea of me fighting someone is completely foreign. An impossibility.

"I choose not to fight. Doesn't mean I can't."

Chip stares at me a moment as if trying to assess something before he turns to his friend. "Liam, you can just bring the application in whenever you get a chance. I have to go now. Have a good night and drive safe." Liam nods and gestures goodbye with his coffee but he doesn't move. Chip turns and grabs my arm tightly gesturing towards the car. "Get in the car Theo." I nod, turning and opening the car door for Chip while Fane hurries towards the front. Chip slides in and I move to get in with him, cigarette hanging from my lips but Chip puts a hand out - blocking me. "Put that out."

I briefly debate arguing with him but decide that I don't want my car to smell like smoke anyways so it's not worth it. I throw the cigarette in a puddle and stomp on it before sliding into the back seat. Chip has his arms folded over his chest and he is staring out the window not even bothering to look at me. I can see that his eyebrows are furrowed and he looks as though he is trying to push himself as close to the door and as far away from me as possible.

There it is.

I knew it would happen. I told him it would happen. It's been 24 hours and I've already managed to become everything I hated. He wants to get away from me.

It's Chip that says something first. "Why the hell were you smoking?"

I resist the urge to roll my eyes. "Why were you with the Gym Rat?"

"I ask the questions Theo."

Fane's eyes meet mine in the rearview mirror and I feel like a child being scolded by his mother in front of his friends. I can't tell if I'm embarrassed or turned on by Chip's attitude. Neither option is something to be proud of.

"Since when do you get to ask the questions Chip?" I throw back aggressively.

"Since you suddenly decided to start self sabotaging."

I scoff. "Self sabotaging?"

"Yes. Self sabotaging. What else should I call smoking, getting drunk and fighting all in one night?"

"Call it who I am Chip." My words come out forcefully and a little angry. I've warned him about who I am multiple times and he just doesn't get it.

"The choices you make are not who you are, Theo."

"Sure they are. I knew this would happen, remember? I knew you would be afraid of me."

Chip looks in my direction, his expression bewildered. "Afraid? I am not afraid of you!"

I gesture towards him, my eyes wide. "Oh really?"

Chip glances at the door and how he's pressed up against it, the distance between us. The younger boy lets out a wry laugh and shakes his head. "Theo. I am this far away from you because you reek of alcohol and smoke. It has nothing to do with being afraid of you." As if to emphasize his point he slides closer to me jerking his seatbelt along the way. "See? I'm not afraid, but I am fucking pissed off."

"Language Chip." I snap and the words leave my mouth even without me thinking about it. It's become second nature. I'm almost embarrassed by how unintentional it is.

"Fuck." He responds almost immediately, blatantly ignoring my warning before turning towards the front seat. "Fane. Don't give him any more cigarettes."

"Yes -"

"Don't tell him what to do!" I snap sitting up straighter and gesturing towards Fane. Chip raises an eyebrow at me before looking at Fane in the rearview mirror.

"Yes Sir." Fane finishes glancing at me before looking back at the road.

"Hm." Chip sits back and gazes at me with satisfaction as if he doesn't have a care in the world. "Looks like I can do whatever the fuck I want." I feel an urge to grab him and kiss that smirk off of his face but instead I look away from him and take a deep breath. " No more smoking, No more fighting and you can only get drunk around me."

"I will get drunk around whoever I want. I'm an adult man."

Chip nods, staring at his knee. "Okay. I guess if that's how it is Raid invited me to a party he's throwing and I told him no but since we are both adults who can do whatever they want then I will go ahead and join." He pulls out his phone, seemingly texting Raid. "Oh that's right Liam will be there too."

I don't need to hear anything else before I'm reaching over and snatching his phone from his hands, lifting my hips and shoving the device into my back pocket. Chip watches me as if he expected no less. "You manipulative little -"

"I'm what?"

"You're using Liam to manipulate me." I correct, carefully folding my arms and leaning at an angle against the door so that if he attempts to take the phone back it will be near impossible.

"You're the one who's letting me." Chip straightens out his shirt and rubs his thumb against a coffee stain as if he's bored. He then holds his hand out in my direction. We have a minute or so of a stare off before I surrender placing the phone back into his palm and folding my arms turning towards the window. The emotional part of me is overwhelmed, embarrassed, angry and at this point I just want to go to bed so that I can stop feeling anything. Chip doesn't say anything more as if he can sense the dip in my mood and doesn't want to agitate the atmosphere any further. Surprise, Surprise. Usually we keep going there's an explosion of anger or sexual tension. This time we both chose silence for the remainder of the drive.

Fane is the one who breaks us out of our silence. "We've arrived."

"Thank you Fane." I exit the vehicle barely sparing a glance at Chip as he remains in his seat. Instead, I hobble my way up the steps to the door, fumble with my keys for a moment before finding the right one and entering the house. I glance back only briefly to see Chip still in the car talking to Fane. I don't have any more energy to worry and I'm starting to feel nauseous so I stumble up the stairs ripping off articles of clothing as I make my way to the bathroom. By the time I close the door I'm naked and ready to shower the events of the night off of me. The water feels like heaven and I take my time washing up watching as the blood from my hands swirls down the drain. I feel my body heat up again at the thought of Kello but push it away before brushing my teeth and finally plopping into my bed. I'm so exhausted and drunk that I barely even notice that Chip isn't there as I close my eyes and fall asleep.

"Wow, It's beautiful Theo."

I jump and turn around, paintbrush in one hand, palette in the other. Elan is walking in through a pair of double doors - rubbing paint from his hands with a rag. I can see bits of paint stuck in his dark wavy hair - curled around his ears. Smiling, I shake my head and turn around. Elan always has to find the beauty in everything, even if it's something that I can't necessarily say I'm proud of yet.

"It's alright."

Elan steps up beside me and his eyes roam over the blue hues of the painting as if following an ocean wave. "It's more than alright. When are you going to stop telling yourself you aren't good enough. You worked hard to convince your father to let you go to art school and now you're doing it. You've been doing it - for three whole years Theo. Your professors are singing your praises." Elan puts a warm hand on my shoulder and rubs comfortingly. "You've worked hard. Stop selling yourself short."

I smile again and look away at the various paint stains across the floor that have accumulated over years of Elan teaching classes and creating breathtaking art himself. There's always been something so graceful about Elan, so connected and aware of the world around him. He's always known how others were feeling - always had the right things to say.

"What's wrong Theo?" I glance up at the older man again but he isn't looking at me. He's looking at my painting as if that's how he knew to ask. He looks into my eyes and smiles gently before gesturing towards the painting. "Something's wrong isn't it?"

Sighing I walk away, setting my palette down on the table along with my brush before turning to look at Elan. I feel the angry tears welling up in my eyes. "I - I heard my father talking to the board on the phone last night. He's....he's only giving me until the end of the semester to continue with art school. I'm done. I'm fucking done!" I slam my fists down on the table and grit my teeth as hard as possible to keep my tears at bay. Elan is silent standing with his arms folded - just listening. "I...I don't want to work for that stupid company. My father is a narcissistic, boastful, domineering asshole and...he just wants to turn me into him. I.... I just want to find some fucking peace and quiet and he won't let me."

The tears are falling now. I can't control my emotions - the feeling of loss that's opening a pit deep inside my chest. Elan ambles over leaning against the table next to me and nods his head. Still just listening.

"It's like...he gave me what I wanted most and then he just ripped it away. I thought we were good. I thought everything was okay between us but he doesn't care. He doesn't care about me or what I want. He just pretended to in order to make me more pliant, obedient." I rub my paint stained fingers against my cheeks and turn towards Elan looking into his deep brown eyes. Eyes that felt to me like a father's should. Gentle, caring, and understanding. "This is my home Elan. Not just this place but with you, Anna, and Chenoa. He'll take me back to the city and I won't be able to come here anymore."

The sound of footsteps draws our attention and Anna peeks her head in with an expression on her face that tells me she's heard everything. Elan holds his hand out to her lovingly and she hurries over taking his palm and pressing it to her heart before looking at me.

"Theo baby." Her words make my chin tremble even more and a sob rips out of me uncontrollably. "It will be okay. If this is something that must happen then it will. You're young and there is so much for you to learn in this world. If you have to go to your father and learn how to manage his company then take that as an opportunity for more growth. You don't have to be like him. That is up to you. Take what he knows and be better than him. It may feel like you live underneath his fingers now but it won't feel that way forever."

"But what about you, and Chenoa." I sob.

Anna looks pointedly at Elan and then grabs my hands. "Theo...we may be closing the shop up in a few months anyways. Just for a little while."

I look between the two of them and something in their eyes unsettles me. "What do you mean?"

"Theo...Anna is sick so we'll be taking a little break. I might be able to run the shop every once and a while - maybe teach some classes but it won't be the same around here for some time."

My mind won't get past Anna being sick. I had noticed during the last few months that Anna had appeared more fatigued, she had gotten thinner. She couldn't even handle Chip like she used to but it was only now that I could see the dark circle's beneath her eyes and how frail she truly looked. "What do you mean sick?"

"It's cancer Theo." She said gently reaching out and rubbing salt from my cheeks.

I look at Elan and he smiles gently but his eyes are sparkling with unshed tears as he rubs Anna's thin shoulder with his palm.

I find myself shaking my head silently as if I can barely believe it. It feels like yesterday that I was helping provide a distraction for a six year old Chip while Anna took the chance to get some things done around the house. She always wore fluttery dresses and flowy skirts - danced around the kitchen barefoot with Chip while they listened to beautiful music. Chip would try to drag me to dance with them but being a young adult - only 21 years old the embarrassment always had me fighting it and wrestling with the child. "No." I mumble shocked by the news.

Anna nods and ruffles my hair. "Yes. Things aren't going to be the same around here. It's a perfect time for you to go home and learn from your father Theo. You can call us and tell us all about it. We will always answer our phones for you. You know that."

"What about Chip does he know?"

Anna nods softly. "He's a smart child. He knows. We didn't even really have to tell him."

I nod, rubbing my palms into my hair and looking across the room. "When are you closing?"

Elan sighs and looks around the room rubbing his palm against Anna's back. "About a week or two. I planned to tell you today but you looked like you had a lot on your mind so I had to ask. It's...." Elan trails off.

"It's time." I whisper in affirmation staring down at the ground. Too afraid to look up. Too afraid to face the fact that today is most likely the last day that I will come to see this place, to be with these people. My family.

"Oh Theo." Anna whispers lovingly, her hand touches my face but I refuse to look up.

"Theo." A soft caress of skin "Theo wake up." I blink open my eyes and find myself staring directly into the doe eyes of Chenoa Masaya. His lashes are long and his eyelids sleepy as if he just woke up. My face feels wet and I shift in confusion. It seems that the sun hasn't even moved over the horizon yet as the sky outside the window is still dark.

"What is it?" Chip scoots closer to me pressing his body against mine and wiping my face.

"You were crying in your sleep."

"I was?" I mumble looking over the younger man. Chip shifts again tucking his right leg between mine and leans his head against my shoulder

"Yeah. What were you dreaming about?" He wonders, reaching up with his fingers and wiping my face gently as he looks up at me.

I swallow and stretch a little considering how much to tell him. It's one thing for me to feel the pain of losing them but they were Chip's parents. "Uhh...I was dreaming about your father and mother."

"Really?" His voice is soft and I realize that we are both speaking in whispers, the dark room silent around us. Our bodies are pushed together as if we are the only source of warmth for each other.

"Yeah." I say this with finality. Not sure if I should continue.

"Tell me more?"

" Uh...sure." I wipe my eyes clearing my throat as I stare into the dark. "It must've been the last time I saw them together in person before the funeral. I only talked to them over the phone after that. Your mom didn't want me to see her getting sicker."

"How old were you then?"

"I must've been around twenty-one years old. After that I went to work for my father and things just went downhill from there. I saw you and your father once at the funeral and I got so busy after that. Your father and I had finally started to have the time to reach out to each other again during the last year or so. We were planning to meet up...but then..." I pause pushing down the sudden urge to cry because I'm supposed to take care of Chip. These are his parent's I'm talking about. If anyone should be comforted it should be him.

Chip isn't crying at all. He continues to stroke my face gently and I think I see him smile gently through the darkness. "It's okay to cry, Theo."

I feel some more tears that came out in my sleep spill from my eyes and I let out a tired shuddering breath "It's just....I never had anyone to talk to about it. I couldn't talk to my father because He never knew them and frankly I didn't think he would care. When Elan....I locked myself in here for days before I got to work trying to make sure I was ready for you. I don't think I ever fully....processed it. I've just been going for the last year or so trying to be someone you could lean on." Chip's fingers slip into my hair and he scoots even closer if that's possible.

"I never had anyone to talk to about it either. Everything happened so fast and I didn't know much about you. I had small memories of you but that was it. The funeral we had for dad was awkward and I felt strange because I wasn't sure how to act in front of you. I felt like I had to hold it together." Chip's voice is getting thicker and I can tell that he's starting to cry, his nose sniffling through his tears.

"Chip. I loved your parents more than I have ever loved my own. They were the only people who ever knew who I really was. They were the only people who knew who I wanted to be. After everything...I felt like I lost that. It's like...without them here I can't be that person. I became this...disgusting thing. I became angry, and hateful. I stopped caring about other people and only cared about myself." I stroke my fingers against Chip's head gently. "I am so sorry that I am not able to be a better person for you."

Chip shifts moving himself so he's resting on top of me, his elbows on either side of my head as he strokes through my hair and leans down kissing my forehead. "Theo. You are exactly who I want you to be and I'll remind you everyday for the rest of our lives if you'll let me."

The peak of the morning sun at dawn barely brings a little light into the room but with it I can see into the eyes of the young boy above me. Maybe it's how sensitive I'm feeling from my dream, maybe it's the talk we've been having but I don't think Chip has ever looked as beautiful as he does now. His eyes are sparkling with unshed tears and his hair is all messed up from sleep. He probably sees it in my eyes. Chip always seems to know what I'm thinking, even before I do.

He leans down slowly and presses a sweet kiss to my lips before he pulls back and gazes at me. "I have something for you. If you don't think you'll go back to sleep." I nod indicating I am no longer tired and he grins jumping up from the bed and running to the couch grabbing some plastic bags. I pull myself up to sit against the headboard as Chip scurries over dumping the contents of the bags out. I find myself staring in shock, my heart beating fast before looking up at the younger boy.

"I want you to paint." Chip gestures towards the bottles of paint in my lap and tugs multiple brushes from another bag.

"Why - "

"I talked to Fane." Chip reaches up and fidgets with the hem of his white t-shirt. "You're struggling a lot right now. I don't know exactly how you feel Theo. I can't know that, but from what I can tell you have too many thoughts floating around in your head." Chip's blue green gaze meets mine, "The last time you were truly happy - when you were truly yourself - was when you were with my parents. When you were painting. They were your happy place and your safety net. I know our relationship is confusing to you and you feel like you're betraying mom and dad....but Theo...you're my happy place right now. And I want to be yours. I don't want the fact that we love and want to hold each other to hurt. I want it to feel safe." He picks up a bottle of red paint, grabs my palm and places it there. "I guess...I was hoping this would help."

I glance down at the bottle reading the label, my eyebrows slowly lifting in confusion. "This is body -" My sentence dies as Chip reaches down and pulls his shirt over his head. The light of dawn is slowly creeping through the window painting the dark bedroom with slivers of warm orange glow. Chip looks gorgeous sitting in front of me naked but for his white briefs.

"I'm okay with making a mess if you are."

My heart beats faster at the thought of holding a paintbrush again - especially with Chip as my canvas. I don't even notice when I start nodding. Chip smiles and gestures towards the paints. "Why don't you get ready. I'm going to wash up since I forgot last night. It's probably best to paint on clean skin right?" I keep nodding. I don't even think I've stopped nodding this entire time. Chip hops off of the bed and hurries to the bathroom while I stand up and move towards the balcony doors - pulling the half closed curtains fully open to bathe the room in the early dawn light. I go downstairs to the kitchen collecting plates and bowls to use for the paint as well as water to clean the brushes. I set a chair across from the balcony opening the doors to let the air in before I sit down and begin washing the glue off of the brushes. By the time i'm done preparing the brushes and paints Chip comes out of the bathroom with a small white towel around his waist as he dries his hair with another. He beams at me coming to stand in front of me as he works the towel against his scalp. I study the flesh of his chest and belly. He's smooth with a handful of small brown beauty marks sprinkled over his flesh.

"Do you want the towel on or off?" He asks nonchalantly tossing the towel he was using for his hair haphazardly across the room. I freeze at the question, not quite sure what I want. Chips tilts his head curiously. "Theo?"

"Um. Let's keep it on for now." Chip nods and steps closer.

"Are you ready?"

Am I? I haven't painted in years. I don't even know where to start. Chip senses my hesitation and reaches out cupping my chin in his palm. "It doesn't have to be perfect Theo. Just start. It comes off and we can always do it again." I clear my throat reaching over and grabbing a paintbrush. I dip the brush into paint to start the colors of sunset on Chips chest. He lets out a breath when the paint touches his skin. I glance up at him from my seat and he smiles. "It's cold."

I grab his waist in my other hand, holding him steady as I lean in closer to his skin. He's unbelievably soft and his waist fits my palm perfectly. As I paint the beginnings of a sunset I wonder when I transitioned back to being such an angry and violent person when I spent years in school learning how to be patient, take my time and be gentle but intentional with art. I guess it's what I learned from my father when I went to work for him. I learned how to be a perfectionist, how to only accept the best. I learned that everything needed to be in my control and that I could have or do anything I wanted as long as I had money, power, and influence. The only wants, needs, feelings and opinions that mattered were my own. That's what I learned from my family. The time I spent with Elan and Anna taught me how to be better than that. Ultimately...I returned to my roots. I became what I hate the most and now I have to live with myself everyday.

Living with myself has been both easier and harder since Chip came into the picture.

Chip stays still the whole time as I move on from the sunset painted with hues of yellow, orange, and red. He watches me closely as I paint, studying the way that I move the brush and the expression on my face as I concentrate. I can feel the heat of his gaze on me - adjust my stroke to the pulsing of his flesh as he breathes in and out. When I'm finally finished I reach up and rub my palm against my face unintentionally smearing flecks of paint across my skin. I sit back and gesture towards my standing mirror next to the wall. "I'm finished."

Chip moves over to the mirror and looks at himself, his eyes enlarging. "Holy shit Theo."

"Language." I say but there's not much force behind it.

"This is.... I didn't realize you could paint like this."

"Didn't think I still could." I add looking at his reflection. His eyes are sparkling and his hair is dry and messy making my stomach tingle with the familiar sensation of attraction.

"When you were in school, what was your specialty?" Chip shifts a little as he looks at the painting, his eyes focused.

I sit back in my chair allowing myself to get comfortable. "I specialized in abstract art and landscapes."

"Really?"

"You sound surprised."

Chip eyes meet mine in the mirror "Abstract art doesn't surprise me but I am surprised about the landscaping." He admits lightly running a finger against the edges of the sky.

"I started out with landscaping. Landscapes and vegetation are things that you can paint from reference when you start out. Once you do it enough you learn the basics and then get a hold on the anatomy of different trees, grasses and water. It's peaceful. Abstract art was...difficult for me to learn but your dad helped me. He told me that it was a way to freely express myself with shapes and color and that I wasn't confined to the basics of an existing object. I loved it but at the beginning it was challenging. There's something about freedom that can feel like a cage. Especially when you are so used to being under someone else's control. Freedom can be suffocating."

Chip watches me for a second before he walks back over to me and turns around gesturing toward his back. "Again?"

I don't even have to think this time. "Yeah."

Chip leans against the door frame of the balcony and I pull up my chair rubbing my fingers along the flesh of his back. Goosebumps prickle on his skin and he shivers. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Just tickled is all."

I nod to myself before taking a paint brush and dipping it in blue. I begin laying the color onto his back adding different shades and hues to create something akin to an ocean.

It would seem that my feelings about abstract art mirror my feelings for Chip. I want freedom but the reality of freedom has a lot of weight to it. Weight that only exists because I'm allowing it to. That's what Elan would tell me. I felt confined by the thought that I could do anything with abstract art, felt that I needed a starting point, a frame of reference before I could do anything and if I didn't have that I couldn't paint. Elan told me that it was only my own self doubt in my ability that restrained me from being able to paint. All I needed was to let go and feel. My inspiration to paint only needed me, my emotions, my thoughts, worries, pains and joys. If I fed it those things I would be eliminating any boundaries.

And I did it.

I'm the only one putting up the boundary between Chip and I. In reality the boundary doesn't exist. All I need to do is give everything to him. Why is it so hard? I suppose doubt in my ability to paint and doubt in my ability to be a good lover are two very different things.

But...Chip already thinks highly of me. Ultimately it boils down to my opinion of myself again. And we come full circle. Liberation can only be achieved by recognizing that I am my own prison cell.

Isn't that right Elan?

Hesitating, I place my paintbrush on the floor, less interested in the painting and more interested in the canvas. Carefully, I let my palms rub slowly over the flesh of Chip's waist and he becomes stiff aware of my attention before relaxing, allowing my hands to explore. Chip has dimples of Apollo at the base of his spine, something that I hadn't noticed before. I guess I hadn't taken the time to really look. I massage my thumbs into the indentations and Chip's breathing picks up, goosebumps sprouting all over his skin. Before I can overthink it I lean forward and kiss his spine, tucking my fingers into his towel and feeling the space between the fabric and his flesh.

"Is this okay?" I ask pausing to glance up at the back of his neck. His ears look flushed and I can still see the hairs on his arms standing to attention.

"Yes." Chip nods his voice thick and breathless. I feel my groin swell. With his permission I continue kissing his back as I lower his towel letting my lips stray to the soft skin on the globes of his ass. I let the towel drop completely as I suck at the flesh daring to bite at the skin there with my teeth. Chip jumps trembling in my hands, holding himself up against the open balcony door as he watches the sunrise. The breeze from outside brushes against the hairs on my arms and I massage my hands against his flesh just feeling him. Chip moans quietly, turning his head to look at me over his shoulder through stormy blue green eyes.

"Theo."

"What?"

"I..." He trails off as if he lost his train of thought, his eyes traveling down my face and stopping at my lips.

"Turn around."

I don't wait for him to obey and instead force him to turn, twisting his body so he's back against the balcony door, evidence of his swelling in my face. His cheeks are flushed and his eyelids grow heavy with lust as I lean in taking hold of his member with one palm to pump it a couple times before I place the head in my mouth. The sound of Chip's voice guides me, the sensation of his fingers digging into my shoulder stirring my stomach. Before I can bring him to climax he's pushing me away leaning down and catching my mouth with his. His palms massage my jaw and down my neck gently, a stark contrast to the violence of his tongue against mine.

"Take off your clothes." He orders running his thumb underneath the collar of my shirt and tugging. I nod obediently and gesture for him to get on the bed with a quick jerk of my head as I stand up. He all but jumps onto the bed turning to look at me as I follow removing my top and quickly dropping my pajama bottoms and underwear. "Shit!"

I glance up at Chip - he's gazing down at orange and blue paint spreading onto the sheets. "Your paintings." He mumbles sadly holding up a blue finger.

"Fuck the paintings." I reach into the bedside drawer and grab a bottle of lube and condoms.

"What about the sheets?"

"Fuck the sheets."

Chip's lips lift in a flirty smile and he lays back against the bed stretching like a cat and letting the paint spread further. He looks like a fucking angel his caramel skin covered in the colors of the ocean and the sunset. I climb onto the bed putting the lube and condoms down next to him as I reach over and grab a pillow to put beneath his hips. He picks up the white bottle reading it curiously. "Pina Colada?"

"It's what I've got. Hips." I tap his thigh with my thumbs and he lifts his hips enough for me to slide the pillow underneath. Scooting up against him I pull him further into my lap so that I have access to his ass. I reach between his legs and pluck the lube out of his grasp. He gives me an amused smirk before he reaches down between his legs grabbing his dick and rubbing a couple times. Jesus Christ - what god created him?

I squirt a generous amount of lube into my hands to warm it up before spreading him open and rubbing the liquid onto him. He shivers, his gaze heating up as it meets mine. His hips automatically begin shifting at the sensation of my fingers against his entrance as I lube him up. I can tell that he spent time in the shower cleaning himself, the skin there already reddened by his prior touching. Leaning down I breathe onto him, his thighs trembling before I run my tongue from his tailbone all the way up to his scrotum. He gasps, his hand clamping down on my thigh violently. I pause. "Is this okay?"

Chip nods, swallowing as he watches me. "Yes. I just...didn't expect it."

I grab his quivering thighs firmly in my palms before bending down to give attention to the puckered flesh with my tongue. If someone would've told me years ago I would be giving another man a rim job I probably would've laughed in their face - maybe thrown a punch. Now I'm not shy about the way I worship him, reveling in the sensation of his thighs clenching in my palms as I concentrate my tongue on the nerve endings of his opening, the taste of pineapple and coconut bursting against my tongue. I let go of his thighs, snaking one hand around his leg, grabbing his cock and guiding my other to his entrance to begin inserting a finger. No doubt he had already done this in the shower but he doesn't complain as I push a lubed finger inside of him.

The bedroom fills with the sound of Chip's moans and I lift my head licking my lips as I push another finger inside him. I don't take my eyes from him, curling my fingers to brush his prostate. He jerks, digging his palm into his hair in distress, spreading paint onto his forehead. By the time I've got three fingers inside him he's convulsing, throwing curses into the air, the movement of my palm against his member coaxing a string of cum across the sunset on his flesh. I release his thighs reaching over and massaging the semen into the paint as I climb over him to lay kisses against his jaw as he recovers. Chip grabs my face in his hands and licks his way from my jaw and into my mouth. I groan with the pleasure of his kiss rolling my hips against him, my erection hot against his skin.

Chip grabs my arms and tucks his legs between mine using his weight as leverage to flip me over onto my back. I grunt surprised by the sudden action as he reaches up and grabs a condom from near my head, ripping the package open with his teeth before reaching down and rolling the condom onto me. Immediately I'm sitting up and grabbing his waist, stopping him as he moves to position himself over my cock. "Wait!"

He pauses, placing his forearms on my shoulders. "You don't want to?" The disappointment in his voice rings in my ears and I shake my head quickly to ease the doubt that seems to be pooling in his blue green eyes.

"I do. I...really do.. Are you sure that you want to?"

"Are you trying to get me to back out again Theo?"

"No. I just want to pause for a moment and make sure this is something that we agree we want to do right now." I stroke my fingers up his back feeling the paint against my palms. "I mean...eating you out is one thing but having sex is something that really needs to be thought about." Chip flushes and rubs his palms against my shoulders as if massaging the tension and doubt away all at once before he begins scratching his fingers into the hair at the base of my neck. It feels good. Affectionate.

"I'm more than okay with this. May I please ride you now?"

If that isn't a turn on I don't know what is. Grinning, I lay back against the bed licking my lips. "Go for it."

Chip rolls his eyes smirking as he positions himself above me grabbing my dick and lowering himself onto me. He hisses a little bit at the pain of being stretched to fit me, his free hand reaching down to stroke himself. "Go slowly."

He nods, pulling up a little bit before lowering himself again attempting to get used to the sensation of expanding. While we had played around with his vibrators my dick was still significantly bigger. "Hold on" I reach over and grab the lube again and he lifts himself allowing me to put a generous amount on my member. He holds out his hand and I squeeze some into his palm and watch as he reaches back to lubricate his entrance as well. I guess I did effectively lick most of it off. I gesture at him with the lube again silently asking if he wants more and he shakes his head pushing my hand away and putting all of his attention on going down on me. I watch him, admiring his tenacity but wanting to make sure I'm aware of his comfort. The extra lube seems to have done the trick as I feel the head of my cock slide past the ring of muscle with little resistance. It feels fantastic and I have the sudden primal urge to buck into him senselessly but hold back so that he can safely adjust to me.

Chip continues to go slowly but appears to have less difficulty as he is able to go down on me enough to take his hands away from stabilizing my dick and instead places them back on my chest. Then with a final thrust and a pained gasp I'm in him to the hilt. "Fuck!" He snaps his eyebrows furrowing.

"Are you hurt?"

Chip looks at me through watery eyes, his lashes long and wet. "It hurts...but I like it." He says and follows this with an experimental roll of his hips. I can't tell if he is wincing from pain or pleasure. "I really fucking like it." I watch entranced as he continues to roll his hips slowly getting used to riding me. He squeezes around me and I groan appreciatively grabbing his hips as he picks up his pace.

"Jesus Chip. I said go slowly" I pant bewildered by his ability to go so quickly so fast. "You're going to hurt yourself."

He leans over touching his forehead to mine as he gyrates against me, his fingers brushing against my nipples exploratively. "It feels good when it hurts."

Part of me wonders how healthy this is – a young boy like Chip who has never had sex loves the feeling of being in pain. The other part of me is stirred up by that revelation - the part of me that likes it rough. The part of me that likes power and control appreciates that Chip enjoys the pain and has demonstrated a willingness and capability to be vulnerable to it.

I was and am okay with Chip riding me to hell and back as this is the first time we've had sex and this gives him the opportunity to control the depth and speed. His first time should be gentle and sweet...that was what I had thought but -

"Harder...I want it harder." Chip murmurs against my neck, his voice distressed as if something he desires is just out of reach and he's desperate.

Where does his insatiable lust come from? This can't be something I created right? He claims he never gave sex any thought before but he's fucking erotic on a level that I never anticipated - not even in my wildest dreams.

"Theo!" I'm knocked out of my thoughts as Chip grabs my face harshly in his palms, demanding my attention. The way he looks at me makes me think I've missed something. "Can you please fuck me?"

"Are you - "

"I'm sure damn it! Stop being such a coward and fuck me!"

Obediently, I take his arms and place them on either side of my head as I wrap my own around his waist and adjust myself, lifting my hips upward with a firm thrust into him. Chip gasps against my lips kissing me as if rewarding my compliance, a gesture that I never gave consequence to during the flings of my past but my stomach warms with pride at Chip's attention. I move my mouth to his neck and tighten my arms around him before pistoning into him fast and hard.

"Oh my god!" Chip screams fighting for breath, his hands digging into my hair as I pound into him. All that fills my mind is the friction of my cock hammering into him as he pushes himself back onto his knees meeting my thrusts with rolling hips, his hands on my knees behind him. I appreciate his naked chest with my hands rubbing my fingers over his nipples and watching as goosebumps bloom across his flesh. Before I realize it my palm has ascended to his throat where I hold his neck gently. Chip licks his lips reaching down and jerking his erection as his eyebrows pinch together from concentration. He trembles meeting my thrusts with more fervor as his eyes focus on me. My grip on his neck tightens with his attention. I almost apologize and release him but the way he cries out in gratification arouses me and I flip us over basking in the feeling of Chip beneath me as I rut against him. He convulses cuming violently as he gasps, his throat straining against my palm.

"YES!"

I loosen my grip and ride the clenching of his sphincter muscles groaning as he coughs spasming beneath me. I can see irritation on his throat from my grip and I grab his shoulder holding him in place as I buck violently achieving my own orgasm, immensely satisfied by the markings on his skin. Markings that I put there. I collapse onto the younger boy licking my way up his throat and into his mouth as he pants, catching his breath. I find myself rolling my hips against him to ride out the remaining palpitations of our bodies, pulling his hair harshly as I milk the remainder of my orgasm.

"Fuck." Chip sighs, spreading his thighs a little more to allow my continued, almost mindless and lazy grinding. I yank his hair again with fierce abandon giving a particularly hard thrust with my hips.

"Language."

Chip cracks a smile and palms my ass. "Fuck." He murmurs teasingly and I respond by taking his mouth in mine and kissing him passionately. After a couple of minutes we lay ldly in the bed no longer fucking, and instead kissing each other running our fingers across each other's sweaty paint stained flesh affectionately.

"How do you feel?" I ask gently, pulling out of Chip and sitting up to take a look between his legs. He flushes at the scrutiny but opens up for my probing stretching his arms above his head like a satiated feline.

"Fantastic."

I can't stop the smirk from spreading on my face at his flirtatious gaze, shaking my head at him before standing up from the bed.

"Where are you going?"

I turn to look at the boy grinning as I grab his legs and tug him toward the end of the bed. "We are going to the bathroom."

Chip beams and reaches for me with his arms wide. I am more than happy to lift him from the bed and carry him to the bathroom where I place him in the shower bath and turn on the water. Chip yelps at the cool temperature sputtering at the spray of water and I laugh apologizing as I turn it to warmer and squeeze some soap into my palms. Chips gaze is soft as he mimics me scrubbing soap in his own hands before he begins washing the paint and sweat off of my body. Blue and orange swirls down the shower drain and as we cleanse each other we take little breaks to smother each other with kisses. After we are done I step out of the tub and plug it letting the bath fill with shallow water. Chip stares at me confused as I wrap a towel around my waist and open the bathroom cupboard getting some epsom salt and measuring no more than about a couple of teaspoons into the water before settling down on the closed toilet seat.

"Sit." I order and Chip stares at me confused before obediently lowering himself and sitting back in the tub propping his legs up to take the pressure off of his ass. "Good." I move onto the floor reaching over and grabbing his hand in mine. The bathroom is quiet and a little steamy but we both sit in comfortable silence studying each other's fingers.

"How are you feeling?" Chip's voice breaks the silence as he strokes his thumb in circles on my knuckles, his blue green eyes studying my face. " Are you okay? I know it's difficult for you."

Reaching up I caress the soft flesh of his temple and nod, "It's difficult...but it's also easy. It's hard to explain."

"But you're okay with it?"

Chip's expression is one that begs for reassurance. He's scared that I will regret it and of course after doing what we did that would be the worst turn of events. He put himself in a vulnerable position - willingly- but still harbors that fear that it isn't enough. While I may still have my doubts, the fact that I am causing that fear hurts even more than the role confusion I've forced on myself. "I'm okay with it, Chip. I knew what I was doing when we started and I enjoyed it." Chip smiles lovingly, his eyes filled with affection as he listens to me. "I can't lie to you and tell you I will never doubt myself but I can promise that I'm doing my best to move past it and If I feel that overwhelming doubt then it will be a discussion between the both of us. I'll be honest with you because I love you more than anything and I want to be better at communicating with you."

"I love you too." Chip entwines his fingers with mine, bringing our hands to his lips and giving my flesh a peck. "And I'll be honest with you. You know I will."

"I don't doubt it for a second. I'll count on you to put me in my place." My eyes travel down his face to his neck where the marks from my fingers remain. I reach up and touch his skin, a mixture of shame and pleasure swelling in my chest. "I'm sorry if I hurt you."

Chip reaches up and touches his throat with searching hands before shaking his head. "You didn't hurt me Theo. It felt amazing."

"I was too rough. It might bruise."

Chip leans over the edge of the tub laying a soft kiss on my lips before smiling devilishly. It's a mischievous expression that I find I am beginning to take a liking to. It's as if somehow Chip already knows every dirty thought that has crossed my mind and welcomes it as his own. It's an unexpected, unbridled acceptance of my own vulnerability. "You would like that wouldn't you?"

The sharp glimmer in his blue green eyes confesses that he just might like it too. 

Hope you liked it lovelies! I quiet enjoyed marinating in Theo's thoughts this time around. He may be a adult but that doesn't mean he has it all figured out. Also, sex scenes are notoriously difficult to write for me and a lot of my energy goes into trying to get it right for the character and their state of mind. This time around it was less about the banter between them and more about the act of consummation itself - hence the chapter title. 

Thanks for reading!

P.S 

This chapter was 29 pages! Can you believe it? That's crazy!