Chapter Twenty-Four

"I swear to fucking god, you're cheating." Dioysus growled, glaring down at his cards while he sat reclined in his seat. I gave him a bored stare, resting my elbow on the table and keeping my cards hidden.

"No, you just suck at this game." I responded. Dionysus just wrinkled his nose and continued to glare at his cards miserably, knowing that no matter what he put down, I was still going to win. I wasn't even really trying that hard to win, however. My spine prickled and my hands felt clammy, anxiety building up inside me over what Ares was planning to do next for my little fear tests.

I made a list of things in my head of things I was supposedly scared of, but it not only depressed me, but irritated me through making the list impossibly long and possibilities endless. I tried to narrow it down to my greatest fears, but those weren't irrational. Ares was looking for things that were rational, things that would effect the monster inside me.

Speaking of the monster, it hadn't reared its ugly head since we started the tests. If anything, it'd hidden in a corner and only growled. I wondered if Ares's tests were really working, and it made relaxing a little easier. I just hoped that the next test wasn't impossible... It'd been hard enough to forgive the people who haunted my past, right into my present, but it felt good to let go. The heavy weight on my shoulders was gone.

Although, it still bothered me about Menoetius.

I had forgiven him, and I had understood what he did what he did, why he did it, but knowing that he went to Tartarus simply because he challenged Zeus aggravated me. Even worse, Menoetius had gone to Zeus to prevent him from owning me, and unfortunately, it happened anyway. Maybe not permanently owned, but owned for quite a long time. And it had been an awful period in my life when I'd succombed to more drugs willingly and struggled to keep up with Zeus's ridiculous demands, and the fact that the other gods took a sick thrill in making me dance for them.

All of that was what Menoetius had died to prevent and it happened anyway.

It brought on a strange throb of guilt.

Especially knowing Menoetius was suffering in Tartarus. He'd paid his dues for his other crimes, but to still be locked inside there and to be suffering all his worst fears for no other reason than to torture him? And that wasn't even for his crimes-- he was being punished for challenging Zeus.

Anyone who challenged Zeus landed there.

But there was no way to take Menoetius away from that. He was technically dead. It was his soul being flogged down there. His physical body was probably dumped in the mortal realm, knowing Zeus. In order to join the realm of the living again, Menoetius would need a body and the only two ways to do that was to kill someone and give him the body, or have someone create one for him and the only person who could create an empty vessal was Hades.

The likelihood of Hades doing anything like that for someone was about the same as Zeus stepping down off his throne.

What was it with Greek gods and their egos?

"Stop that," Dionysus whined, making me frown and glance up at him as he lowered his cards, "You're giving me that soul-wrenching look, like you're analyzing something in a faraway land. I swear, we should get you checked for you ADD or something." I lowered the cards to the table with a frown.

"Not in the mood to play cards anymore, Dionysus." I responded briefly. Dionysus sighed, more in relief than anything, though as he put the cards aside.

"Thank god, because I was losing painfully," He replied, making me roll my eyes as I set the cards aside and rubbed the bridge of my nose, "Look, I know you're stressed about Ares's next test, but trust me, it has to be done. Nothing in this world is easily obtained. We all must suffer the process to atain the results... like a fine wine." I frowned at that, rubbing at the back of my neck thoughtfully. I knew he was right. I just hated waiting. Just hated taking these long agonizing steps to get to the end, the end where I would either have the mental strength to defeat Atlan or I would fall apart and really become his puppet.

I otped for the former. I wasn't too keen on being part of Atlan's demented harem. Even more so, I was not keen on the idea of Xiphrus becoming part of that. It was clear Atlan was a touchy topic for Xiphrus. Xenon had let Xiphrus out a couple times in my presence and every time someone brought it up, Xiphrus's eyes became a heavy shade of blue or flashed red. Something inside me picked up on the pain inside him, and the anger that radiated from him fed the monster inside me, making being around him too long painful. If Atlan had caused him that much agony, I wasn't going to subject the demon to his presence, much less his rule.

And even though Arikos was technically dead, something inside me told me that if Atlan really wanted Arikos back, he could get him back one way or another, which meant I had to take Atlan down fast before he decided last minute that he liked Arikos more than he let on. Arikos had suffered enough and didn't deserve to endure more eternity with that bastard.

A knock at the door diverted my attention and Dionysus stood up as Ares entered the room and made a gesture for Dionysus to leave. Dionysus rolled his eyes, then turned and gave me a salute.

"Best of luck, friend, and try not to go psycho. It even gives me chills." He added with a shudder before departing. I frowned after him, then turned to Ares, who approached decked out like a typical biker thug, except his black aviators sat on his head now.

"Enjoy your break?" He asked casually.

"No." I deadpanned. Ares sighed, walking over to the card game Dionysus and I didn't finish, and he raised an eyebrow, reaching beneath his seat to pull out an extra card.

"Good thing you stopped," He said, "My brother's a cheating son of a bitch." I said nothing to that, not particularly caring about it as Ares burst the card into flames so it fell to the floor in a pile of ash. He turned to me.

"Ready for your next test?" He asked.

"Yes."

"Yeah, right," Ares snorted, making me frown, "But we're doing it anyway. We're running out of time." I just frowned silently. Ares teleported us from our spot in my room at his castle. The black smoke faded to reveal that we were standing outside of Lucifer's palace in Hell, my eyes widening as I turned to stare at Ares, who took a deep breath as if inhaling the fumes of the city behind us.

"Nothing like the smell of Hell to start the day." He mused. I scowled.

"What are we doing here? Hades banished me." I said, making Ares shrug and reach up to bring his aviators down over his eyes, causing the sun to glint off them menacingly. He didn't answer me as he opened the front doors and entered the main lobby, which was void of presence for about two seconds until the doors slammed shut behind us and the most chilling aura pulsed through the room as the air rippled a second before Lucifer appeared across the room from us.

He was nothing like the sweet man who doted heavenly on Akin. There was something dark and deadly about him, the way he stood there with his head up and his celestial blue eyes flashing red, then blue for a second.

"What the hell is he doing here?" Lucifer demanded. I clenched my teeth and Ares gave Lucifer a droll stare over his sunglasses.

"Calm down, Lucifer. Hannibal here is cured. All better now." He added, then waved his hands as if to present me to him. I glared at him, puzzled by his statement. What did he mean by "cured"? Didn't I have another test to accomplish? Ares didn't respond to my look and Lucifer narrowed his eyes in a way that said he was hardly amused by Ares. He glanced at me, and those blue eyes flashed to red, then back again. My stomach shrank at that.

As if Lucifer didn't hate me before, now he openly hated me. No, I think even hate would be a polite word to use. Lucifer didn't want me in his palace... didn't want me near Akin. It made me feel sick to my stomach. I knew that what I'd done to Akin had been awful, but to the point where Lucifer didn't even want me in his home? I mean, he never wanted me there before, but at least he pretended for Akin's sake. Now he showed open disdain for me.

"I told you he's no longer allowed here." Lucifer said through clenched teeth. Ares gave him a droll stare.

"Oh, come on. After everything your boyfriend's done, you won't let this guy in and he has the balls to admit he's awful sometimes?" He asked. A muscle twitched under Lucifer's eye and he balled up his fists for a moment, like he was resisting the urge to strangle Ares.

"Hades is different--"

"Not really."

"Hades never did what Hannibal did."

"So he says," Ares responded briefly, making Lucifer's eyes slowly turn red, "Look, it's not even your decision. It's Akin's. You may be his father, but you only just started and if you want to stay on his good side, I'd let him see his husband. The blondie might look dainty, but something in my gut tells me Akin won't hesitate to rip your hair out if he finds out you turned Hannibal away." Lucifer didn't look even close to easing up on the decision. His stance was firm and his red eyes pinned me with a menacing glare that made me take a step back.

The air rippled a split second before a column of smoke pooled into the room before dissipating, revealing Hades to stand there in a pair of black Happy Bunny pajama pants and a low-cut long sleeved shirt, his hair done in a lazy hairclip that I recognized as the one Persephone had gotten him one year for Christmas.

"Hey," Hades greeted, sounding surprisingly friendly, enough to make everyone stare at him warily, "What? Oh, sorry. I didn't say the lines... Achem. Sup, fuckers." Ares smirked and Lucifer grimaced for a moment before glaring at him.

"I told you Hannibal was no longer allowed in my realm." He said sternly. Hades looked at him innocently, folding his arms over his chest.

"Huh? Oh? He's not? Whoops." He mused. Lucifer glared at him.

"Hades, I'm serious. I don't want him here and you can't just come to my realm and dictate what happens. I want Hannibal off my property and out of my realm," He snapped, making Hades roll his eyes and Lucifer tensed, "And the fact that you of all people are supporting him is baffling considering what he did to your own son." Hades shot him a dirty look.

"I'm doing what's best for the realms," He replied, making Lucifer scowl, "The prophecy says Hannibal either rules Atlantis and we all live happily ever after, or he becomes Atlan's tool and we all get fucked over sideways. So excuuuuse me for trying to save the world again. Next time I'll just blow it up. Hell, why not let the Titans lose while I'm at it? I'm thinking I should reconsider Hyperion's offer to suck his cock." Lucifer's eyes flared menacingly and I could tell he was seconds away from one of his infamous fist fights with Hades. The two had a strange relationship.

According to Akin, fights were common and while that didn't surprise me, it was the fact that they somehow stayed together through the fights.

"Hades, enough," Lucifer snapped impatiently, "He can defeat Atlan without our help. At least without Akin. I don't want him anywhere near him." I winced and Hades glanced at me, then back at Lucifer, narrowing his eyes. His humor vanished and there was an aura surrounding him that threatened to knock Lucifer head over heels through the nearest window.

"Right," Hades spoke in a low, threatening tone, "Sure. Let's send him out there by himself to face one of the biggest dickwaffles since Zeus. That sounds... fucking fantastic. You know what, Lucifer? I'm starting to wander if maybe that crash landing from Heaven knocked your brains out, because you sound really fucking stupid right about now."

"Don't insult me," Lucifer snarled, moving toward him, but Hades didn't even bat a lash at him, "Hades, I will listen to you any other time, about any other stupidity your demented brain can come up with, but not this. Not with Akin on the line. I just got him back and I will be damned if I let that hybrid hurt him again."

"I didn't mean to," I said, making Lucifer whirl on me, but I didn't back down, "I had no idea what was going on. I couldn't even remember what happened. I know that's still no excuse, but it's a reason and I want to apologize to Akin."

"That still doesn't change what you did," Lucifer barked, his blue eyes flashing angrily, "You terrified him! I haven't seen him that scared in my entire life! Hades may be willing to allow you near his children, but I will be damned if I let a rapist and a murderer get near my son. Akin is an angel and you are not. You have no right to get near him." His words stung and even Ares arched a brow over his sunglasses.

"Oh, that's good," Hades said, curling his lip in disgust, making Lucifer spin around to glare at him, "So, because I'm a heathen god, I shouldn't be around an angel either?" Lucifer glared.

"Hades, that is not what I meant."

"And, you think I would let that kind of person near my kids? So you must be the better parent, huh?"

"Hades, stop putting words in my mouth, damn it! This is about Hannibal, not us." Lucifer snapped angrily. Hades narrowed his eyes on Lucifer, then looked at me.

"Go see Akin. I'll deal with the PMSing angel." He responded. I hesitated at that because Lucifer made a noise that said he was about to full on attack Hades. Ares whistled low and shoved his elbow into my back, making me hiss at him.

"Might wanna get goin' before they decide to turn on you." He warned. I nodded and instead of taking the long route, I teleported from the lobby at the same time Lucifer threatened to rip my innards out. I hesitated in the hallway where my shared room with Akin was. I didn't know what to say or do. Part of me was still sick over Lucifer's hatred towards me... No, more like, how badly had I hurt Akin that Lucifer didn't want me anywhere near him? I didn't care if Lucifer hated me, per say, but rather... How badly I had hurt Akin.

Would apologizing even make up for what I did? I wouldn't know how to make it up to him. I wouldn't know if "sorry" was enough. I was more than positive that treating him sexually would just anger him further. I tried to think back to all the things I'd said to him, but it was a blur. My rage and paranoia mingled with the bad trip completely wiped that incident out of my brain, leaving only snippets and not even Ares's hints made sense to me.

I stood in front of the bedroom door, staring at it, wondering if I should just knock or walk inside. Would Akin be offended if I knocked? Or if I just walked in? What if he wasn't even in there? Maybe he was out. Maybe--

I picked up on his presence inside the room, cutting off my idea of just slipping away with the excuse that he wasn't home. I swallowed at the knot in my throat. What if he hated me now? What if he didn't trust me? What if I'd gone too far, or further than what Ares had said?

Stop being afraid.

Was this the next test? Ares never specified. He just said "you'll know".

Cryptic bastard.

I was still trying to get up the courage, still trying to figure out how to open the damned door, when it opened on its own and Akin appeared in the doorway, head already tilted so he could stare up at me. My breath left me in a rush, and my heart instantly leapt in my throat at the sight of him standing there, staring up at me with a look of surprise on his face. He looked unspeakably precious, wearing only a white sweater and a pair of black jeans with his Hello Kitty belt on, and his long blonde hair pulled up into a ponytail.

My instinct was to grab him to me and hold him for everything we were worth, but something inside me told to give him space, to not touch him. That felt like a punch to my gut. I was so used to grabbing Akin up in my arms, hugging him so hard that I lifted him off his feet. Now I felt like... like I shouldn't be standing in his presence.

I took a step back, anxiety building up inside me as I tried to find the right words to greet him, but instead the words "hello, master" tumbled out before I could stop them. Akin's eyes widened for a split second before tears welled in his eyes.

"Hannibal." He breathed. He came forward and reached up to place his hand on my face, stroking it as if to ensure I was really standing there. His soft palm against mine stole my breath away and I fought the urge to grab him. He wasn't hugging me and that made me nervous. I was used to being latched onto.

"Come on," Akin said after a moment, sliding his hand down my arm to take my hand, "We should talk." I didn't like those words at all, but I said nothing and didn't disobey as he led me into the room and shut the door behind me. He led me to the bed and we sat down slowly. Akin still wasn't grabbing me or hugging me or anything he'd normally do and my heart felt like it was going to explode in my chest.

Was he going to... end our relationship? Did he not want me anymore?

You fucked up so badly.

I could feel little tremors coursing through me as I struggled to control my breathing, watching Akin smile at me, but there was a deep sadness in his eyes that made me uneasy.

"How're you feeling?" He asked softly. I swallowed at the lump in my throat.

"Fine," I managed, then cleared my throat and tried again, "Uh, mostly fine... maybe. I don't know. You?"

"Nervous," Akin admitted with a shrug, rubbing at the back of his neck before he folded his hands in his lap, "Uhm... So, I... I talked to Xenon and Hades, about you. I wanted to know what I could do to help you and... they told me that we should try having a normal relationship." I frowned at that instantly.

"Normal?" I asked. What did he mean by that? What "normal"? Had they convinced him to divorce me? My panic was steadily rising inside me, but I didn't dare let it loose. If I did, I could accidentally hurt or scare Akin again and I'd sooner die than do such a thing. I swallowed as Akin nodded, reaching up to tuck a lock of loose hair behind his ear.

"Uh, yeah. Like, you know. Normal couple stuff. Like, going to movies together or going out to eat. I'm not sure of all the details. I'm used to the kind of relationship we had before, but if it'll help you, then I'll do it." He said, sounding more confident near the end of his explanation. Although, I was still at a loss. What did he mean by "normal"? And didn't we already go out to eat together? And we'd seen several movies together in the past as well. It sounded like we were staying together, but I was still confused.

"Okay." I said at last, still watching him. Akin peeked at me for a second, then lowered his eyes to the collar around my throat. His eyes were misty for a moment before he looked away, rubbing at his wrists nervously.

"You don't need to wear that anymore."

"I like it." I said, confused. Akin shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant, but I could tell this conversation was making him nervous and he looked a little uncomfortable.

"I know," He said softly, "I like it too, but... If we're gonna try this normal thing, maybe... Maybe you can just take it off for a while, okay? See how things work without it." He offered. I didn't understand. He was making me uneasy and anxious. I liked the collar. Everyone else seemed to turn their noses at it, as if it were degrading, but I liked it. I loved that Akin bought me dozens of collars and I loved the weight of it around my throat. It was one of the things that comforted me whenever Akin wasn't around.

"You want me to take it off?" I asked to make sure. Akin nodded. I hesitated for a moment, then slowly reached up and unbuckled the collar. Instantly I felt the loss of the weight, the jingling of the dog tags, and it felt almost like I was taking off a piece of clothing... like I was being exposed, and not in a good way.

Akin reached out and took it from me, swallowing back tears at the sight of it before he got up and went to one of the desks in the room to tuck it away. Why was he doing this if he didn't want to? Why did he think this would help? What had Hades and Xenon told him?

"Okay," Akin said, taking a deep breath after he lifted his hand off the drawer where my collar was, "This is good." I watched him nervously as he stooped to write something on a notebook on the desk. I stood up slowly.

"Master--"

"You can call me Akin." Akin responded with a smile. I chewed at the inside of my cheek for a moment, not sure how I felt about that. I'd used Akin's name plenty of times before, but I was so used to calling him "master" or "sir" that using his name felt... odd.

"Uhm," I tried again, "Akin... Are you all right? I mean... That's a stupid question. Never mind." Wow. I hadn't been this nervous around Akin since we first met. I felt like I was clumsily trying to make conversation, and asking him if he was all right was obscenely stupid. Even so, Akin smiled and came over to me. I waited for one of his big crushing hugs, but it never came and I felt uncomfortable when he touched my arm.

"It's not stupid," He said gently, "I'm... way better now that you're here, sweetie. It's really good to see you again. You look so much better." He stared up at me, blue eyes shimmering in the lights overhead. Unable to stand it anymore, I grabbed Akin in my arms, pulling him up against me, making him gasp quietly. I squeezed my eyes shut and savored the feel of him in my arms, so slender and muscular, delicate even. Akin slid his arms around me now and his hug was hesitant before he started to crush me and I almost moaned in relief at that fierce hug of his.

"I missed you so much," Akin breathed against me, choking back tears, "Gods, I missed you so much. It's like the world is so intent on taking you away from me." I hugged him to me tightly, breathing raggedly.

"I feel the same... But I'm back and I'm never leaving you again." I murmured. Akin sniffled helplessly.

"I'll kill the next person who tries to take you from me." He vowed. I almost said the same when I realized that might mean taking on Lucifer, something I couldn't do. Not because I was afraid he'd hurt me. Lucifer wasn't particularly a strong match for me, but it was the fact that I would really hurt Akin by doing so... And Hades would nail my balls to his wall.

Akin pulled back so he could reach up and cup my face, smiling at me as he ran his thumbs under my eyes, as if to catch tears that never fell. I couldn't bring myself to cry. I didn't want to. I'd probably look like a dope if I did anyway. Akin smiled and drew me back down so I could rest my head on his shoulder, like I always did whenever I needed to feel his comfort.

I breathed a sigh of relief, hugging him to me again, enjoying the normality of this. Akin may have said he wanted a normal relationship, whatever that meant to him, but this... This was normal to me.

We stood like that for what felt like hours before Akin finally pulled back so he could run his fingers through my hair, playing with it gently before he stood on his toes to kiss my forehead.

"How about we celebrate your recovery with some dinner?" He asked softly. I nodded at that, taking his hand and leading it to mine so I could kiss his fingertips. Akin shivered, then sucked in a sharp breath as I ran my tongue across the pads of his fingers before nipping at the tip of his index finger.

"What kind of dinner?" I asked quietly. Akin bit his bottom lip, his eyelids fluttering as I nipped at his finger again before wrapping my lips around the tip of it. He moaned low in his throat, watching me through hooded eyes as I suckled on his finger, looking at him questioningly and he nibbled at his bottom lip hesitantly.

"Uhm... Eh." Was all he managed before he moaned again, curling his finger in my mouth to tickle the roof of my mouth and I groaned and twirled my tongue around his finger, drawing it deeper into my mouth. I wanted to do more than just suck on his finger, but when I brought my lips off his finger, there was a knock on the door a second before it opened and I stepped back, making Akin blush and drop his hands at his sides as Lea entered the room.

"Hannibal," Lea managed, running across the room and catching me off guard by her fierce hug, "Hades wouldn't tell me a thing about what happened and Lucifer was no help. Are you all right? What happened? Look at me so I know you're okay." She pulled back to grab my face in her hands and I stared at her, caught off guard by the instantaneous reaction. She pulled at my cheeks and brushed her hands through my hair, her teary blue eyes searching my face before she pulled up at my shirt and I hissed.

"What're you doing?" I asked. Lea appeared surprised by my defensive glare.

"Checking you," She exclaimed, then glared at me, "I don't trust Greeks at all. They could've hurt you. I'm just double-checking and before you even hiss at me again, don't. It's my job to do this, and I've waited several thousand years to do this, so you're gonna stand there and take it like a man." I stared at her, then at Akin, who covered his mouth and smiled, as Lea pulled my shirt up.

I winced, opening my mouth to protest when I realized she was silent now, staring at my torso. Akin's smile faded and he pursed his lips, folding his arms tightly over his chest. Lea still didn't say a word, and my stomach contracted sharply when she reached a hand out to run her fingertips over the scars there. It didn't matter where she put her hand, there were scars criss-crossing their way up to my throat, and spreading up the left half of my face.

I suddenly remembered the first night Akin and I had spent together; the way he paused and stared down at my scars, his eyes darkening. I remembered the sensation of exasperation. It wouldn't be the first time someone hesitated at my scars... but his reaction would never be as badly as when Cain ordered me to remove my clothing in front of his brothers and they all curled their lips as if a cockroach had entered the room.

I held my breath, waiting to see Lea's reaction. Like Akin, her eyes grew dark and sad. For some reason, it didn't really sting, though, as she ran her fingers along the large gash that ran from my collarbone to my navel. It made my skin tingle to have her touch the place that had hurt for weeks on end after Zeus had slashed me open with a lightning bolt.

Apparently Zeus really does not like sarcasm.

No wonder he hated Hades.

"Do you... Were all of these... Iapetus?" Lea murmured, her voice cracking. I glanced at Akin, who looked at me sadly.

"Iapetus," I responded quietly, "Menoetius. Atlas. Epimetheus. Clymene. Zeus. Hera. Aphrodite. Hades. Cain. Atlan. Drak... and other people I didn't know." My honesty made Lea choke on a quiet sob as she covered her mouth for a moment, slowly removing her hand and letting me pull my shirt down. She looked up at me tearfully, then took my hand in hers tightly.

"The next time someone dares to think of doing this to you, I'm going to kill them." She promised in a whisper. I didn't know how to react to that. Only Akin had ever threatened to hurt anyone who hurt me. I said nothing and Lea just hugged me to her tightly, breathing out a long sigh of relief to have me in her arms. I looked at Akin over her shoulder and he smiled encouragingly. I hugged Lea back before she pulled away, sniffing for a moment before looking back and forth between Akin and I.

"What were you guys planning to do today?" She asked. Akin smiled.

"I wanted to take Hannibal out to eat for finishing his training with Ares." He responded. Lea's eyes twinkled.

"Mind if I come along?" She offered. I said nothing for a second. I was used to Akin being the one to make the decisions, but when I looked at him, he was looking at me as if waiting for me to choose. I blinked, confused, before looking at Lea.

"Sure, you can join us." I responded. Lea brightened.

"Great! Let me change into something more appropriate." She added, then kissed me on the cheek, then Akin, before she departed the room. I watched her go, barely noticing she had only been wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt that read Hades: A realm to discover. It looked like it came out of one of the tacky gift shops Akin used to laugh at. I waited until the door was closed to give us privacy before I turned to Akin, who smiled.

"Well, we should probably change too. Uhm, your clothes are still in the closet. So you can pick whatever. I'm gonna go wash my hair real quick." He said, then moved for the bathroom. I watched him go, closing the door and locking it behind him. My heart sank. He never locked the door before.

And he never made me get my own clothes without his approval. Frustrated with this new "normal" idea Xenon and Hades had ingrained into Akin, I went to the closet to scan my side of the racks in irritation. I had no idea what to wear. Akin was always the one who knew what was appropriate.

Oh sure, I knew how to dress myself. I wasn't that wild.

But I never knew what was okay to wear. Akin always did, though. He even organized our closet so that all formal clothing was in one area, our clubbing outfits in another, sleep wear and lounge outfits in another section. To be honest, Akin had potential to be a fashion designer... or at least a closet organizer, but he wasn't very good at holding jobs and he already hated being the representative of Hell. He was called out to UP meetings and trips to other realms, and while I was normally allowed to join him, it was visits to Hades that I was forbidden from attending.

I scanned my side of the closet before settling for a pair of jeans and a v-neck. Out of habit, I reached for one of my collars until I realized Akin had completely taken them away. Every last collar was now missing from the glass case sitting near the door. I stared at the empty case, feeling uneasy.

Who knew how much I'd actually miss wearing a collar? 

With Iapetus and Zeus, I'd hated wearing collars. They both had chained me up when I'd snapped and attacked someone. But their collars were cold and suffocating and meant to humiliate me.

Akin's collars were made of soft leather, sometimes heavily decorated to look attractive. Most of all were the cherished dog tags that jingled wherever I went, bounced against my throat, reminding me who I belonged to and why.

And my belonging to Akin wasn't like belonging to Iapetus. My belonging to Akin made me feel safe and comfortable... and loved.

Now I felt cold and uncomfortable.

I debated stealing back at least one of my collars, but it was still ingrained into me to not disobey what Akin wanted and if he felt like this was going to help, then I suppose I would have to try.

But I'm not liking it so far.

I left the closet after pulling on a pair of black boots, just as Akin was leaving the bathroom, running a brush through it. He paused to scan me from head to toe, and there was a shimmer in his eyes that told me he really wanted to make me change, but he just smiled.

"You look great." Was all he said. I didn't respond. I didn't want to let it slip that I wasn't comfortable with this idea. I also made a mental note to find Hades and Xenon and bash their heads together for suggesting this idea. Just because the boring simple relationship style suited them did not mean it suited Akin and I, and I knew it was killing Akin inside not to order me around and dress me up... even more so, Akin wasn't acting as flamboyant as usual.

He usually got extremely excited about going out to eat. He was always rushing around the room, a flurry of movement as he did his hair and applied a little make-up, and spent a few minutes looking at his shoes. Now, he was just switching into a thinner black sweater and switched out his Hello Kitty belt for something sedate and gray.

"Ready to go?" Akin asked, doing his hair up into a hairclip. I just nodded solemnly. I expected him to just lead the way, but he took my hand and led me that way. That was a small comfort in this change. At least he didn't have an aversion to touching me... I think if Akin were to reject my touching him, I'd be undone.

We met up with Lea further down the hallway and she'd changed into a pink, aqua, and brown Aztec styled dress, waving her purse for us to head out. We left the palace and teleported from there, much to my relief. I wasn't sure I'd be able to handle an awkward silence... though, it got awkward once we arrived at Mercury Avenue.

"Where do you want to eat at?" Akin asked, his arm linked with mine now. I looked around uneasily. How was I supposed to know where to eat? That was Akin's job.

Not anymore.

Lea and Akin were watching me, waiting for me to choose. Why me? Without a word, I just pointed at a random restaurant. No one argued with my choice, which was even more aggravating when I found out the restaurant's menu was in French.

I spoke Atlantean, Greek, Sumerian, Phoenician, and a bit of Egyptian, but French was so far out of my league that I felt like I was staring at gibberish as Lea and Akin mulled over the items on the menu.

Nice job, ass. Choose a restaurant where you literally cannot look any stupider.

I could've sworn I got rid of that tiny voice in my head when I disowned Iapetus. Maybe that voice became my own. I took a deep breath, pinching the bridge of my nose.

This wasn't for me, though. This was for Akin. He wanted to try something... normal.

"I think I'm getting this," Akin said, then read the name out loud in perfect French, then looked across the table at me, "What about you?" I shifted uncomfortably for a moment, then shrugged. Akin raised an eyebrow before smiling.

"You can't even read the menu, sweetie."

"I cannot."

"How about this?" Akin read it aloud to me and I just stared at him blankly. He laughed and reached across the table to take my hand in his, giving me a reassuring squeeze. I didn't know what to say to that. I felt eyes watching us and noticed Lea frowning at our hands for a moment before she looked away. I wasn't sure what that look meant, but she didn't elaborate on it.

When we ordered, Akin ordered for me, much to my relief. Until he gave me a smile.

"Next time you can order for yourself, sorry about that, sweetie." He responded, then went back to his conversation with Lea about something that had to do with shopping... I think. I zoned out of their conversation to stare at Akin completely.

Something about him made me uncomfortable. He was trying too hard to make this into something it wasn't. I couldn't understand how other couples did this. I liked Akin taking control. I liked that he knew what he was doing and when I didn't, he was there to help me. Now it felt like he was trying to let me do everything on my own and that made me sick to my stomach.

Don't get me wrong; I knew how to do a lot on my own. I had to learn because I was on my own my entire life. I could get myself dressed, order food if I didn't know the language, get what I wanted at a shop... But having Akin do it made me comfortable and relaxed. Knowing that someone who was so sure of himself had everything handled made me feel safe.

I was starting to feel alone again and that scared me.

Was this what Ares meant? Had he known that Akin was going to do this?

No.

This didn't fit the same sensations as the ones I'd gotten from my family.

But it was still fear nonetheless.

Dinner was long and exasperating. It was nice to be back with Akin, and nice to get to know more about my mother, but I was frustrated and anxious. I wanted to get Ares's final test over with and I wanted to get Akin alone to tell him I couldn't do this-- the normal thing. Or what other people conceived as normal. I wanted to have our normal back. I wanted the soothing weight of my collars back, to have Akin all over me like I was unspeakably precious, to have him there to catch me when I felt like falling.

We finally got back to the palace, and I was eager to get Akin alone when Lea cleared her throat.

"Uhm, honey, can we talk?" She asked me. I looked at Akin, but he just smiled.

"I'll see you back at the room." He said, then gave me a chaste kiss on the cheek before leaving. I watched him go, defeated. It was like the Fates didn't want me to get things back on the right track... not that that surprised me.

"Hannibal," Lea said, making me frown at her now as she pulled at a loose thread on her purse before her eyes drifted up to meet mine, "I know you've had... a lot of problems. And I know I told you, and myself, that I would be willing to wait as long as you needed to tell me, but Hannibal, this is getting so hard. Today when I saw your scars... and again at dinner, when you looked so lost, I realized that I honestly don't know anything about you. I kept asking myself things about you, even silly things, like what languages you knew, what your favorite animal is, why you do this and that... You're left-handed was all I figured out during dinner today." I blinked, then looked down at my hand. I'd never noticed before. I frowned, then looked up at her.

"More like ambidextrous," I offered, making her look at me quizzically, "I can use both... but I prefer my left." Lea sighed, pursing her lips and keeping her eyes locked on mine.

"Please tell me more... I want to know more about the son I was never allowed to raise." She murmured, reaching up to touch her throat, like she was trying to coax a sob back down. I tensed at her words, the sound of them ringing in the back of my mind.

She wants to know more.

This was what Ares was talking about. The panic that rose inside me, the way my vision darkened for a moment, as if the monster inside me was rearing its ugly head, baring its fangs in rage at her nosiness. Even more so, I was terrified. I could feel the tremors sinking right into my bones.

It was more than just telling Lea what happened to me. More than telling her that all these years I thought Menoetius hated me, when he loved me enough to die for me, to give up his dignity for me. More than telling her that I'd written the book on child abuse, on slavery. How I thought I'd fallen in love with Cain, even when it was nothing, but a warped version of desperation for someone to own me, to want to own me...

My throat closed.

It was telling Lea that I was like Iapetus. Telling her what I did to Abel, telling her what happened in Styx, how Akin and I had met, the years I spent pumping drugs in my system because I was so desperate to get away from that clawing ache inside me that I didn't care what they did to me.

If Lea go to know me, she'd have to know more than the son she thought she lost. She had to know the dark part of me that Iapetus spent years molding, and while I may have gotten rid of Iapetus, I was now stripped bare.

Even knowing that the monster inside me was what had taken control when I attacked Abel, it wasn't enough to ease the guilt. It wasn't enough to keep me from waking up at night. It wasn't enough to make me feel less awful when Akin suggested on occasion that I take him for a change. I couldn't do it. I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to look down on someone, knowing that the monster was just below the surface, salivating for a taste of control over another person.

It was still me.

Still me forcing someone, still me humiliating them and using them and hurting them.

I suddenly felt sick to my stomach and a tremor wracked me so sharply that I shuddered and stepped away from Lea, who looked at me, confused.

"Hannibal?" She asked, concerned. She went to touch me, but I didn't want her to touch me when she didn't know.

"I can't," I said, watching her expression wilt, "Not... Not right now." Lea swallowed hard, then gave me a nod, looking down at her feet before she forced a smile.

"It's all right. I... can wait." She whispered, then turned to go to her room. I hesitated, rubbing at my arm where she'd tried to touch me.

"Lea," I said suddenly, making her turn to look at me and I paused, "Ah... My favorite animal..." Lea's eyes widened slightly.

"Leopard." I responded quietly. Tears welled up in her eyes before she ducked into her room and shut the door. I turned to head back down the hallway to my room, my heart heavier than lead as I walked into the room, only to find that Akin had gone right to bed. I stood there in the dark in silence, feeling worse than ever.

I had one last test to face... no, two.

One was telling Lea the truth.

And the other was telling Akin that Xenon and Hades could go fuck themselves if they thought for one second we had to live like everyone else.