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Chapter One

A/N Thank you Maya_2011 for being my "all in one editor and cover maker."

Lying in bed with Mason was a rare event. He was always so busy that he was up with the sun most days. It wasn’t something I got to do often with him. When I could, I took full advantage of it, and him. I loved being tangled up with him. Even if he tried to get out of bed quickly, it would take him 30 seconds to unwind me from him.

Since I met him, I knew he was solid muscle and that hadn't changed. He still looked like he did the day I met him. That was the perk and the curse of being a werewolf, agelessness. His green eyes still drove me crazy when he smiled and I loved to grab handfuls of his hair when I kissed him. It was a few inches long and shaggy 90% of the time. He only put effort into his hair when he had to dress nicely.

I knew what his response was going to be before I even had a chance to ask the question. I’d brought the subject up on the same day every year. It was our anniversary. We’d been together now for almost seven years. It was the longest, by far, that I had ever been in a relationship and I knew it was for Mason too.

I had the itch most women get sometime in their life. My life… our life needed something. “I want a baby,” I whispered. I didn’t voice it loudly because I didn’t want it to turn into another argument.

His hand stuttered for a moment before returning to play with my hair. It was a lot longer after growing it out for the past five years. The pack had had a lot of time to adjust to the idea of being surrounded by nudity, but I felt more comfortable with long hair to cover myself with. Plus, Mason loved my long hair, so it reached halfway down my back now. That was the longest I was willing to go.

He sighed. “Why do you insist on always starting with that on this day? Last year and the year before I gave you the same answers. What makes you think I’ve changed my mind?”

I shrugged. “I want a family of my own Mason. Why can’t I have that just because I’ve become a werewolf?”

He groaned and started untangling himself from me. “We’re not going to have a baby Lex.”

It was a horrible feeling knowing that he could just reject my feelings so soundly.

He got out of bed and went to the bathroom. I knew if I caught him in the shower he’d be less inclined to remember to pull out. So I waited five minutes to let him simmer down. He always got mad at me when I brought it up. Maybe it was the timing? Maybe asking on my birthday would bring better results.

When I opened the door to our bathroom he turned the water off and slammed open the door, nearly shattering it. Had it been made out of glass, I’m sure it would have.

“What are you doing?” I asked. Mason never took quick showers. This was out of character for him.

“Leaving,” he grumbled walking past me as he wrapped a towel around his waist.

He didn’t even bother drying off. There were puddles everywhere he stepped.

I felt hollow at his rejection of me. I wanted to sink to the ground and not go anywhere. He’d never just brushed me off with a cold shoulder before, not even when he was really mad at me.

Was I wrong to want a family with Mason? Was his brother’s family the best I was going to get as my family?

I wasn’t wrong. I decided. He was wrong. What was so wrong with me that made me unworthy of becoming a mother?

I slammed the bathroom door and locked it. I didn’t want him coming in here. I didn’t even want to see him for the rest of the day. Screw this anniversary, screw all anniversaries. They sucked anyway.

I quickly took a shower then got dressed. If Mason wouldn’t behave on our anniversary, I’d take myself out and spend his money. I grabbed his credit card from his dust covered wallet. He never really went anywhere, so it stayed on the top of his dresser.

I walked downstairs to see if I could grab an accomplice. If I was going on a shopping spree, I might as well take someone along with me.

Casey was in the living room, staring off into nothing. When I was a bit closer I could see her eyes were glazed over. She was focusing on something so intensely that she didn’t notice me enter the room. She was too busy and I couldn’t find Amanda anywhere. The kids were all at school already, so I was at a loss. I’d have to go alone.

So I did. I left my phone on the bed so when Mason called me he’d know why I wasn’t answering it. He wouldn’t be able to mind link me until Casey was finished with whatever had occupied her. So I figured I had at least an hour until he took the time out of his busy day to notice I was missing.

I had bought almost a new wardrobe before I felt any better.  I had just finished my hair and nail time when I noticed Mason standing against my car. I felt his eyes on me before I even saw him.

“Having fun maxing out my cards?” His eyes said that he didn’t approve.

“Tons.” I reached in my purse for my keys. “Will you move?”

He shook his head. “No. Do you know how long it took me to track you down?”

“Enlighten me.”

His arms flexed, but stayed crossed over his chest. He was one mad puppy. “We need to talk.”

“Fine. When I’m finished with my day, we’ll talk.”

He stepped away from my car and opened the driver side door. “Go home now.” It was an order, one of the orders that sunk down deep into my bones. I couldn’t just disobey it. Mason being the second in command gave him that kind of authority over me and he knew it. Had I agreed to a mating bond with him, it would’ve been more of a kind suggestion, but I wasn’t mated to him.

I got into the car and turned it on. I angrily made my way home. I hated being forced to do anything against my will. I hadn’t received an order like that since a crazed werewolf had had complete control over me, seven years ago. It hit my vulnerability. It made me feel weak and self-conscious.

Mason knew my insecurity, but he made the order anyway. How could he do that to me today? Wasn’t his rejection enough for one day? Did he have to poke at me where I was weakest?

When I got to the house I grabbed everything I bought while I waited for Mason. I could hear his truck not far behind me now. I ran to our room without regard for anyone around me. I threw the bags in the closet because I really didn’t care about anything I had bought. They were all just spiteful purchases anyway. I’d probably end up returning over half of it.

I heard his truck come to an abrupt halt. Rocks flew away to get out of the truck’s path. Mason slammed the door, probably denting it. Something he’d probably blame on me too. I shut the windows of the room. I didn’t want anyone to have to hear the argument that was ready to be started by Mason.

“What the fuck was that?” He growled when he got to our room. He slammed the door once inside.

“What was what?” I asked gently. If I started yelling right now bad things would happen. One of us had to be calm during our arguments or we’d both be resentful for days.

I had a feeling that it was going to be unavoidable. My gut told me this was going to be ranked as our worst fight so far.

“Don’t bullshit me Lex.” I could see his eyes lighten a shade or two. His wolf was coming out to play now. “You can’t just take off without telling anyone where you’re going. It’s too dangerous.”

“I can take care of myself!” I argued. “I’m not a child!”

“You know you can’t fend off any of the males and yet you go off like this is some special place where you can’t get hurt.”

I felt that jab deep. I had been hurt here. I still had insecurities from what had happened here. “I don’t need you telling me what I already fucking know Mason.” His constantly lighter eyes told me he was responding to my anger now. “I know, better than anyone else here, that this pack's recruits create prime territory for getting hurt.”

He groaned. “You know I wasn’t talking about that.”

“You’re the one who brought it up!”

I could see the agitation in his body language. It was like he was going to explode. “Don’t try to make me the bad guy here. You’re the one who’s twisting what I said.”

I shrugged. “All I hear is that I’m too weak to be here. Apparently you think I need you around 24/7.”

He opened his mouth to say something, probably something he’d later regret. But then he stopped and took a few deep breaths, calming himself. “That’s not what I’m saying.”

I sat down on the bed. I was tired. It was always the same damn thing. "Then what are you saying Mason?"

"We can't keep doing this Lex."

I slowly looked over at him again. "We can't keep doing what?" My clenched gut told me that I already knew what he wanted from me.

"Either you complete the mate bond with me, or we just can't be together anymore." It hurt that he'd give me an ultimatum. He knew I never wanted to have a mate bond. Just the thought of it made me feel like I couldn't breathe. "I've waited seven years for you to come around Lex. I won't take the rejection any longer. You need to choose."

I didn't want to lose Mason, but I couldn't handle a mate bond. It didn't matter how much I loved Mason, I couldn't do it.

"It's not fair making me choose something like this Mason."

He shrugged. "It's not fair trying to force a baby." He walked towards the bedroom door. "You need to make your decision by the end of the day."

Sometimes being in love gives you a headache more often than preferred. It came with disagreements and yelling too. It was worse when the person you love is naturally a jerk 99% of the time.

I laid down and weighed my options. What could I do? Choose to separate after being together for so long? How could I walk away from something that I've put so much time and energy into? I knew I'd always regret it if I left Mason. I loved him so much and I couldn't imagine the day when I didn't love him. What if Mason decided to use the bond like Millender had? Would he make me his little willing slave?

No. He couldn't do that. Not in a million years.

I'd rather be dead than choose a life that didn't include Mason. He was my rock and I needed him. I trusted him with my life, but could I trust him with my mind, my emotions, my freewill? I felt like I had no other option but to bite the bullet of my fear, no matter how terrified it made me feel.

Mason's point of view

I should have known. It had been the same thing the past three years. She wanted a baby. How was I supposed to give her that? I couldn't guarantee that if she got pregnant she'd keep it to term. Too much could go wrong.

I'd rather have her face the fact that it just wasn't realistic to want to have a baby. Werewolf women had a notoriously high failure rate at giving birth. I questioned Finn about it when she first asked, I had been optimistic then. But he told me that there had only been one bloodline of wolves that had been able to give birth.

That bloodline was dead and gone, murdered Finn had said. No other female werewolves had given birth, ever. They all couldn't resist the call of their wolf and shifted. The child didn't survive the change and was miscarried as soon as the change began. And that was if she could manage to have a successful pregnancy.

I couldn't watch Lexi go through that. She'd just blame herself.

The whole idea gave me a migraine.

I walked to the main study. Grayson was looking over applications and aptitude tests to determine who he was going to gather for our next batch of trainees. Packs always needed protection from outside threats. We supplied the muscle for that protection. There were a few flukes with our earlier groups, so the application process was a pain in the ass.

My brother's eyes were glued to the computer monitor. His squinting told me he had been looking at that screen for too long for sensitive werewolf eyes. "I've got to tell you something." He glanced at me and instantly noted my sour mood with a smirk. "Did she ask the baby question again?"

I just nodded and went straight to the alcohol. It wouldn't do anything to get me drunk, but I liked it.

"Maybe you should just try. She'll realize that it isn't a cakewalk."

I sighed and sat down on one of the chairs in front of his desk. "I can't let her go through that," I grumbled and crossed my ankles on my brother's desk. I knew it annoyed him. I wouldn't do it if it didn't. "I gave her an ultimatum."

His eyes met mine without moving his head. "That already sounds like a bad idea."

I shrugged. "I've waited seven years for her to pull it together. I'm done waiting."

"For a mate bond?"

I nodded and finished the alcohol in two gulps.  "Yep."

He shook his head. "What are you going to do if she chooses to leave you?"

"I guess we'll find out now, won't we?" I traced the rim of the glass. "What did you want to tell me?"

"I actually have to send you out." He shrugged when I sent an annoyed look his way. We both knew that it was shitty timing.

I groaned and rested my head on the back of the chair. "I don't want to."  I hated it when Grayson sent me off to go do his business.

"Well Finn called and requested that you look into something for him."

"What's wrong with his son?" Usually the head alpha would send out his son, Mikko, to handle situations such as these.

Grayson shrugged, "I didn't ask him. You're going to do it because it's at the request of the head alpha," I growled at him. I didn't want to do it. There was no way I was going to do it without causing a fuss. "He needs you to look into some strange activity. Some girls are going missing and are being found dead and half-eaten. It's probably rogues without any control," the idea of rogues bothered the both of us, rogues intentionally created problems for pack wolves, "but you need to look into it regardless."

"When am I supposed to do that?"

"You're supposed to leave in the morning."

I rolled my eyes at his retarded mind. "I just told you about my situation with Lex and you just want me to up and leave? That will make me look like the biggest douche bag on the planet."

He smirked. "Well you probably are, so I'd bet she's used to it."

"Ha." I hated my brother sometimes.

"You're going to just have to settle this little problem tonight. Or you can let her smolder over it while you're gone."

I scoffed. "She'd be gone if I let that happen."

"Well you should take the day to figure it out."

I growled as I forced myself out of the seat. I knew she'd be pissed at me still, but I was going to up her deadline. I needed an answer and I needed it now. 

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