Amethyst Annie's survival meant she got to join us in the sawmill to see Jen-Erica's match with Elbert Makabra. I was interested to see how they would play this, given that the outcome was in no doubt and the whole point was to dispose of one character and develop another. But I never suspected the surprise they actually had in store, or that Uncle Morbid was in on it. I might have guessed when he repeated Debs' reminder for me to change back into my angel uniform before making my way over, they had something in mind for me that didn't involve being a stagehand.

Jen-Erica lay on the left side belt and was strapped into position with the cardboard cover over her body. Elbert sat on the right hand belt, but when the time came to strap him in he raised his hand to speak.

"Before we do this, I would like to invoke one of the rules of the Mortal Masquerade," he began. "This rule states that if a spirit decides at the last minute not to go through with a game or deathplay, they may call upon an angel to take their place."

I could see where this was going. There was also a rule against singling out specific angels which Debs had broken before, but this time she was prepared.

"Here's an angel we could use," trilled Amethyst Annie, right beside me. "Or any other, of course. But this one's nearest, and should be happy to help."

Well played, Debs, well played. You have the vocal dexterity of a true politician.

"Very well," said Uncle Morbid. "Angel, please take Mr. Makabra's place on the belt."

They strapped me on to the right hand belt and placed the cover over my body. I looked across at Jen-Erica, who gave me a wink. It appeared we were to be pitted against each other, but I suspected further shenanigans.

"I have another announcement," said Uncle Morbid. "Elbert Makabra has made a special request, accompanied by a generous donation to a worthy cause, that he gets to read the questions for this game. Since it is not our wish to deny charitable donations, I have agreed on this occasion."

He handed the stack of question cards to Elbert, who thanked him, placed them in his inside pocket and quite clearly withdrew a different stack. We had asked Debs to help us find an arch-villain and she'd come through in spades. As she stepped up besides Elbert Makabra I realised she'd actually given us two for one.

The machinery was activated, the saws began spinning up to speed and the belt started advancing us towards the danger. The idea was that questions would be asked to both players, whoever called out the correct answer would have their belt stopped for five seconds. If no-one answered correctly both belts would carry on their way.

I got the feeling that neither belt would be stopping for too long, a feeling that was confirmed as Elbert read out his first question.

"What number am I thinking of?"

For the look of the thing I called out nine, Jen-Erica four.

"I'm afraid not, the correct answer is six thousand, three-hundred and twenty-nine," said Elbert, bringing a new question card to the top of the stack. "What is the second colour from the bottom on the national flag of Kyrgyzstan?"

Jen-Erica and I looked at each other witheringly.

"Green," I guessed.

"Red," said Jen-Erica.

"Well," said Elbert. "There is a green horizontal stripe above a yellow stripe with a red vertical band intersecting at right angles that cross the height of the flag including the white and blue stripes at the top, not to mention the yellow star. You could make a case for it being the green horizontal stripe or possibly the red band as both intersect, therefore neither are properly correct and both your belts will continue."

This trivial filibuster brought both our saws into contact with the strips of two by four on the belts. Elbert paused once more as they were noisily sawn through.

"Is this statement false?"

Oh, come on. We didn't even dignify that one with an answer.

"Ooh, let me read one," said Amethyst Annie, taking the stack from Elbert's hands. "How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"

It carried on like this as the saws started tearing through the short logs on the belt beneath our feet. At this point getting sawn in half for real would have been preferable to listening to this pair going on and on with their stupid joke questions. So we just tuned them out, looked across at each other and reached out our hands to touch fingertips as we waited for the saws to reach us.

I watched the saw advancing between Jen-Erica's legs, knowing she was watching the same thing happen to me.

I heard the high pitched whine of the saw ripping at the bottom of my cardboard cover, just as I saw Jen-Erica's saw cut into hers.

With a stereo shower of fake blood, the saws progressed relentlessly up our middles, finally coming to rest at the centre of our chests, our outstretched arms still touching as we lay back to play dead.

With my eyes closed I heard one closing comment from Amethyst Annie:

"Gosh, weren't they boring?"

I had to really keep myself from laughing. Well played, Debs, you were always going to be our real arch-villain. Elbert Makabra just thought he was.

—-

Chris and some other stagehands got us off the belts into casket trolleys and took us up to Limbo, where Uncle Morbid was waiting for us. We were both drenched with fake blood and the bottom Maise's skirt had been ripped down the middle by the saw. We took off our masks and sat down to talk with the boss before heading for the showers.

"Well done, you two," began Uncle Morbid. "Sorry to surprise you like that, but when Debs and Rafe came and suggested it to me, I couldn't resist. I really like what you're planning with the Victorian adventurer characters, this way we get to run it like a team feud; Larkin and Adelia versus Elbert Makabra and Amethyst Annie. I can't wait to see how it pans out."

He then set out the way we would approach this roleplay in the coming Masquerades. I would be excused from angel duty for as long as needed for the roleplay to run its course. We also would not be limited to regular Masquerade games, with the two villains able to menace us with whatever perils they saw fit. There would be opportunities for them to get their comeuppance, but to build their characters as sly cowardly heels they would be kept out of harm's way until the time was right.

"What would they have done if Amethyst Annie had lost at Guillotine Roulette?" asked Maise.

"Debs would still have joined forces with Elbert, just under a new avatar," replied Uncle Morbid. "I think she was going to be his sister at one point."

"What about the Sliced Bread thing we're setting up for Debs?"

"We'll still do that to her, either as part of this storyline somehow or as a swansong for Debs after it's over."

Uncle Morbid leaned forward and smiled at me.

"Actually I'm glad you mentioned that. We've got most of it set up now and were hoping to run a first test with you this week. Are you ready to get baked and sliced in a loaf of bread, Lexie?"

Born ready. Well, it's my job, isn't it?