Monday morning found me alone in bed and stretching out, I was quickly reminded about the pain in my side. Lifting my shirt I had another bruise to add to my collection and awkwardly got up, heading out into the living area only to find it unoccupied.

Where was Dominik?

Looking around the apartment it was definitely empty and unlocking the front door I peeked outside. No guards, no vampires, nothing. Passing the dining table I saw the piece of paper and skimmed over it. He had gone out, he asked me to stay and I knew this was a test. If I failed, what would the punishment be? I decided not to risk it, not yet at least.

Going through the fridge I found enough things to make an omelet with and without a knife to cut up the bacon I was happy to find a pair of scissors which was better than trying to tear things apart with my hands. As I ate, I wondered about Mandy, my parents and Owen. I missed Mandy more than anyone. We’d spent practically every day together for the last few years and now the no contact was hard. So after breakfast I went hunting for a phone.

It was nearly ten before I gave up, but surely someone in this building had to have one. Forgetting I was unarmed and in my pajamas I headed to the neighbors.

“Hi, can I please borrow your phone?”

 “Are you lost?” The woman looked tired, definitely vampire and I wasn’t ready to fight her over a phone call 

“No, I am with Nik but he doesn’t have a phone” She looked towards his door and I didn’t miss the nervous way she blinked as she did so or how she seemed to sniff me and frown. She closed the door and I was about to knock again when she reappeared and passed me her mobile.

“Return it when ever” I didn’t get to thank her before she had closed the door again and the distinct click of locks being done up followed.

“Thanks” I mumbled, heading back into his apartment I got comfortable of the sofa and put in Mandy’s’ number. He asked me not to leave and besides I’d be finished before he even knew I had made the call.

“Hello Mandy speaking?” She greeted, completely unsure of who was calling.

“Mands, its me”

“Oh my god! Lucy!!” Mandy screamed into the phone and I had to hold it away from my ear for a second until the sound died down. “Are you ok? Owen just arrived this morning, Luke told him to get out of town”

“Luke’s not there?"

“No he refused to leave. Are you ok?” Now I was worried. If Dominik knew I had got Curtis to tell them all to leave town and Luke didn’t, could that be where he was now?

“I’m fine. How are you?” Mandy quickly told me about my parents and how she was glad Cam came with Owen but the important part was they were all ok and away from here.

“Lu, be careful. No hero bullshit, remember?”

“I know Mandy, I just don’t know what’s going to happen. But please make sure you tell everyone I love them and….”

“That sounds like a goodbye. We’re not doing that ok? If you do that, you’ve given up and you can’t” Her voice was breaking and I could imagine her crying. Where was everyone else, Cam should be there comforting her.

“Where is everyone?”

“Breakfast. They headed down to the pier but I didn’t want to go” I nodded even though she couldn’t see me.

“Nice. I made an omelet and since all the knives got taken away I was left tearing bits apart until I found scissors” She laughed, sniffing and I knew I had distracted her from the reality that this could be the last time we spoke.

“Since when do you make breakfast?” Mandy teased and we fell into a light conversation as if nothing was wrong at all but it had been nearly half an hour and I couldn’t risk Dominik coming back to find me on the phone.

“Mandy, I have to go. But seriously, I love you all. I am so lucky to have you as my sister”

 “Lu, no. I said no goodbyes” She didn’t hold back her tears this time, her sobs breaking my heart but I couldn’t promise anything.

“I know. But just so you know ok?”

“I love you too” I hung up quickly, taking a few deep breaths I could let my weakness control me right now. And then I phoned Luke.

“Luke its me” I didn’t give him a chance to say anything, I needed to make it quick.

“Shit, Lu – I’m so sorry that I didn’t try harder” 

“Its fine. Don’t worry about it. Why didn’t you go with Owen? 

“I’m not going anywhere. I told you I stuck around when I found out you were marked knowing what it meant. I cant prevent the inevitable but I will be there to help you afterwards” He said with determination 

“And if he kills me?”

“Then it will be me who makes sure you wake up again” So even if Dominik decides to let me die, Luke would be the one to change me?

“What if I want to die?”

The silence between us made me check the phone to make sure it hadn’t disconnected but after a few more seconds he finally spoke, his voice deadly and I regretted calling him at all.

“I asked you before what makes you think have a choice?”

I hung up not wanting to talk anymore. My head was spinning at the possibilities of what was coming and getting up I handed back the phone and went back inside. I decided to have a shower, maybe the steam from the hot water would help to clear my mind but five minutes in, I was in a ball in the corner crying as if it was already the end.

Why did I think I had a choice?

Because it was my life and I needed to start making some claim over it.

While I tried to give myself some kind of encouragement that I could survive this, I didn’t notice the fact I had company until I was lifted and moved to sit against Dominik’s side. Opening my eyes I wiped away the tears and the water, as before sitting he had adjusted the showerhead slightly so rather than be in our faces the warm water fell over our bodies. There was something that felt so raw between us, not just because of how exposed we both were but because of how vulnerable the whole situation made us.

“I’m sorry”

Two words I never expected to hear from him and I didn’t understand.

“What?”

“You heard me”

 “Why?”

He smiled, that butterfly releasing heart racing smile that had suckered me in all those years ago. To think I had thought I was lucky he smiled like that for me.

“For making you cry”

If only he knew how many tears he had been behind, maybe he did. Maybe it was an apology for all of them.

“Why me?” I sat up from where he had moved me but he didn’t like that. He wanted the contact. He grabbed my legs, sliding me back beside him only now I was practically sitting on him and again my attention fell to the scar on his chest.

“We had already met. Years before you would know who I was” He said softly before he moved me again so I was now sitting in front of him, his back against the wall if he stood he would be carrying me. The intimacy of this position had me feeling even more vulnerable but I didn’t care.

I wanted to know why.

“You were so young, three maybe. I was looking for a quick easy meal and there you were sitting on the swing set in the dark. Inside the house there was a party but even with all the noise I could hear you crying and you didn’t even show any fear when I approached you”

“I don’t remember this” He shook his head, looking sad.

“No you were a baby, nothing of real importance would have happened to you that night so why would you? I had never stopped to talk to a child before, as sweet as their blood is, I don’t usually take such young life. I asked you why you were crying and then I smelt it. You rolled up your jumper and on your arm you had a cut, you had tripped on the stairs and hurt yourself but you didn’t want to be in trouble for running so you were hiding outside” I didn’t remember it at all. Would I if I had known how close to death I had come?

“I told you I could kiss it better and I did” He grabbed my arm, his finger moving up from the mark to just below my elbow and kissed it gently. The tiny silver scar line had been a wound my parents never understood me having and I had just put it down to any number of the times I hurt myself growing up. We lived on a farm, we grew up running after cows in paddocks and climbing trees, cuts and bruises were a common occurance.

“You said I was magic and gave me a hug. There was no fear, no hesitation. You saw it for what it was, I made you stop hurting. I asked you if you would be afraid to die”

“Who asks a kid that!” I interrupted, wishing I could remember something of that night but my memory was empty.  He ignored my reaction.

“I let you see what I was but it didn’t bother you, you only smiled. You said no because you had an angel watching over you now and then you kissed my cheek and went back inside” He sounded awestruck, even now - all these years later, that meant something to him.

“So why did you come back?”

“I wanted to see if you’d still think that, if you were still unafraid of death. You were older and I wanted to know you so I became Ryan Miles. I never planned on staying. Do you remember our first conversation?” The details were sketchy but clearly he did. I knew it was in the diner.

“You were with Mandy and some other girls, talking about your English homework. Your teacher wanted you all to discuss a quote and write up a group report whether or not you agree or disagree”

“Life asked Death, Why do people fear me but love you? And Death replied, because you are a beautiful lie and I am a painful truth” I remembered it all now, he had agreed as he walked past leaving us all blushing and having our first real crush on a boy. He had quizzed me on why I thought life was a lie, that surely someone so pretty and blessed in this world would not know the hardships that came with living. I said I didnt need to experience the darker side to life to know things were not as they seemed. It had ended when Mandys boyfriend turned up, but the new guy in town stuck around and I fell hard.

Thinking back I had enjoyed that assignment. Our teacher had just lost her pet dog so all our lessons for that month were somber and focused on life and death and all that was in between. We were all made to think about what we value, what we wanted and what we believed in. 

Kind of heavy for a bunch of sixteen year olds but it was interesting and it didn’t surprise me that after the Coming Out Miss Gray committed suicide. She had always been troubled but the message was the same.

 Life is a beautiful lie.

Maybe she already knew that and stopped fighting to believe it was something more.

“Your argument intrigued me and then I realized who you were, that little girl who believed in angels and was not afraid to die. That flame in you had only grown and I wanted to feel its warmth” 

“So you lied. Your god knows how old and you chose a sixteen year old victim to what, try and make you feel human again?” I snapped, I couldnt stop my heart from racing as anger grew inside of me. The fact he had made a fool of me hurt. It still did especially now when he was sitting here all calm and collected like there was nothing wrong.

“Age doesn’t matter when you live forever. I was twenty three when I was changed, my mind still predominantly at that age only I have a great understanding of the world now”

 “You said you were nineteen, I thought you just looked old for your age” He ignored that and kept talking.

“But yes, I wanted to feel alive again. Sure there is the rush when you take a life but to just live? I had no purpose for so long and you humans have that whether you realize it or not Humans die, the journet to the end is the greatest purpose anyone could have. You accepted me, just as you had as a child. I had human friends, did human things. I felt human again. I cared about who died and lived, I thought if I did it long enough it could change what I am”

“You’re delusional"

He glared at me, not liking the lack of understanding I was giving since he was sharing it all and he had us both standing in seconds, pushing me against the tiles he stood in front of me with his arms either side of my head to keep me in place. The water hadn’t been on this part of the wall and I gasped at the cold that bit at my back.

“You’ve never been truly afraid of me have you Lucy?” I had feared him, the night he marked me was the first time but he was right. I had not been truly afraid, no more than I had been when Owen was angry or when we walked into the cells the vampires had been kept in. His anger passed but something about his gaze was still deadly.

“Do you love me?” I knew exactly what he needed to hear but the part of my brain that decided it would be a good idea to make the angry vampire angrier stood up to take control.

“No"

“Did you love Ryan?”

“With all my heart” I answered honestly and he only shook his head bitterly. I had been able to keep the memory of Ryan separate to the person I had with me now but the truth was, even if he had been faking it – they were the same being and that was a truth I found myself struggling with it.

“The human or the vampire” There was such a sadness in his words I couldn’t focus on what was happening now other than he had been hurting like me  - only his scar was visible.

It had all been real to him too.

“He was never human”

As if that was answer enough for both of us his arms fell over my shoulders as I reached up to bring his lips to mine. He could be Ryan again, he had only been showing me that side of him since he took me but then there was that tiny fact I couldn’t ignore as it was why I was here in the first place.

“Please, let me go, let me live” His hands knew exactly where to go and what to do, tilting my head back in a bid to give myself to him further I didn’t notice the shower had been turned off and had to lean against the wall for support as he woke up each part of me.

“No” The sensation ended and he stepped out of the shower and walked away leaving me panting for more. 

“Nik!” If he liked me being human, if he was still undecided, why not let me keep on living? Going after him I lacked his grace and slipped on wet floor but he was back and caught me before I could hurt myself.

“You don’t get it do you? Why should I let you live when I can’t? I go back to being Dominik and you still get to be you!” He yelled throwing a towel at me he went towards the wardrobe.

“But you are living!” I protested. So I had to find the only vampire with a complex about being one. He didn’t seem to hate it so much killing those people at the club or Michael or beating up Luke. Was Luke going to be like this in another couple hundred years? Did all vampires go through this stage?

“It’s not the same,” He growled.

“There is no difference between us, you still have all your human emotions and I can shut mine off like you can. I’ve killed, I’ve moved on. How is that different?” It was a lie, I hadn't moved on and I still couldnt let go of the fact that I had done it. My guilt made me human, did he not have that?

“Because of this!” I was on the bed in seconds, the pain that tore through my neck and head was the worst I had ever experienced, worse than when he marked me, worse than the pain in my arm the scar caused and I barely gasped as my body began to shut down to avoid the feeling any longer.

Opening my eyes the room was dark besides a lamp on the bedside table and the panic of what had happened had me jumping up quickly before two hands pulled me back down 

“You’re ok” Dominik’s voice soothed and I fell back against his chest where I had been laying with him.

“You, you bit me” I mumbled, scared to touch my neck but doing it anyway.

“But you’re ok” He repeated. Sitting back up I couldn’t feel anything around my neck and got up and ran to the mirror. Nothing. Not a scratch, not a mark, not a sign of what he did. “I cleaned it up when I finished. See, that is what drives me. I can fake being human all I want but when it comes down to it, I will not hesitate in taking my fill”

He fed from me?

I was in the toilet before he could leave the bed, heaving up nothing but needing to go through the motions. After a few I refastened the robe he had been kind enough to cover me in and brushed my teeth, ignoring the feral state of my hair or the tired look in my eyes. I didn’t say a word to him as I went back to bed, my limbs felt like jelly and I only wanted to sleep, not even able to protest when he climbed back in beside me. For every step we took, we went back another mile but tonight a line had been crossed and he was left on the wrong side of it.

If Dominik wanted to finish what he started, so did I.