Lovestruck Diaries by: SassymarvelousGirl
Requested by: SassymarvelousGirl

Well, first off, I think the whole diary format as a writing style is interesting. But there were a few grammar errors that I did notice in the story so I would recommend fixing that.

Also, in the first two chapters, there is a lot of info dumping about the main character. I felt like I didn't need to know that much information so quickly. Like you could have told us about certain things in later chapters or gotten rid of those first two chapters all together because it wasn't really necessary in my opinion to have in the story since it was a lot to take in and process all at once. Like I think we didn't need to know all about Ariel's interests and what her school is like all in one go.

Plus, they seem to act popular at times when the main character said that they weren't popular like the popular crowd and seemed cliche at times as well. I also want to bring up the fact that Ariel says that she's not so innocent but in what way??? All she's mentioned that she reads and is being a normal teenager. I get time can change people but I don't see how she's not so innocent, that doesn't make sense. Also, you bring up stuff in the story like it seems to be important and like you're going it but it's never brought up again or explain.

Overall, it needs a lot of work and improvement. But it does have potential.

Thanks for letting me review your book.

-Traveler_lilly