Dissolved mind by: KayoriStrawberry
Requested by: KayoriStrawberry

I first want to talk about the cover of the book. I liked the cover a lot and I liked the dark colors and how the person is standing on a rock in the middle of the ocean, looking down. It totally shows you that it's meant to be a mystery and thriller story and how dark it might get later on in the book.

I also liked the pacing and plot of the story so far as well and liked how you're taking the time to set up the story and characters.

But I did notice a few grammar errors in the book as I was reading it though and would recommend fixing them.

But I also want to talk about a couple of other things as well in this review. The two things that I want to talk about are the summary and the writing style of the book.

First I want to talk about the writing style of the book. I liked how the writing style was in a poetry like format and how you described things in the book but I also felt like this certain format didn't really work for what the story was about and just felt like it could have been written in a different format all together. Now that's not to say that it couldn't have worked for this book, it could have if it was done in a way to where it flowed well with the overall theme and story of the book much more smoothly and was done in a way to where it wasn't as awkward to read when reading one part of a sentence and then ending up reading the rest of that sentence just under it. Like a lot of the sentences could have put into normal paragraphs to make it more easier to read but considering that you may like writing in the poetry format, I would recommend taking the time to see how you could make it much more smoothly written with the overall story.

The last thing I want to talk about is the summary. I liked how you tried making the summary's format poetry like but at the same time I did have a couple problems with it. I will use this picture of the summary as an example to show in depth as I break down the summary and what I thought of it. (Keep in mind, I don't know if English is your first language or not so I am sorry if I offend you in any way by doing so).

I liked the first sentence just fine but the second sentence is where I want to start at. The second sentence is a bit awkward to me because of how it is worded. Now if you had worded it a differently like 'If you only acted the way people wanted you to, when you lost yourself a long time ago, what is left besides insanity?'

Now this would have made the sentence so much better if you had fused it together rather than trying to break it up into different sentences cause it would be less awkward that way then it being awkward divided by a coma. Or if you had done like this 'If you only acted the way people wanted to when you lost yourself a long time ago....what is left? Insanity?' This second one could maybe work for the summary as well cause it also leaves you wondering on what is to happen in the story and who is the person that is lost and why are they maybe going insane.

The third or rather the fifth line of the summary is what I want to talk about next, which is 'Why do I have to keep this mask? It's his fault, his!' Now I know it's only a minor thing but the 'I' in that sentence isn't capitalized. Also I was confused on why you put it's his fault, his at the end of the sentence when it would probably been more effective if it was "Why do I keep this mask?" Then put under that sentence "It's his fault, his!" As a way to make it interesting but you could have also added in a line or two as well like for example "Why do I keep this mask?" Then under it "Was it because of him? No, it's his fault, his!" That I feel like is much more interesting cause it seems to flow much better together and much sense rather than the entire summary being a little awkward.

The seventh sentence needs a little better wording since I think you meant to say 'Wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him and his god forsaken calming blue eyes!' Other than that it's fine.

Now the final bit of the summary is what I will talk about last in the review here. 'Like a slowly ripped off bandaid crawls the pain back into Damian's mind' needs a little fixing but nothing too minor. Like maybe have it as 'Like a slowly ripped off bandaid the pain crawls back into Damian's mind.'

And the second to last sentence there is a word that needs to be fixed and that is shattered. You put shattert rather than shattered, I thought I would point that out as well.

Overall, it's a good story and I would recommend it to anyone who loves reading books like it. It just might need a little editing to be the best that it can possibly be.

Thanks for letting me review your book.

-Traveler_lilly