It's chaos in my mind.

I feel my hands grow sweaty. The tip of fingers grow cold. My breathing is heavy.

Is he dead, or alive? Where even is he? Did he survive-

Brother, keep calm. First we need to head back.

The frenzy in my mind is intruded, shattered into a million pieces and the voice of an unlikely brother brings me back into the light.

"Talk to me Jordan! What and how did you find out, this is... " Sally has been going on and on all this time. But I don't have the courage to answer her. Or explain it all to her. Not right now.

But, "Sally, " I say, somehow managing to give out a voice. "I'd explain it all later. But first, let me make one last check." Hesitant I touch my implant. One that feels as unfeeling as a necklace, I'd presume.

I shift uneasily in my mind. Try to set all the pieces straight, fill in the gaps. I know where he ended up in. But, that doesn't explain the discrepancy that the tracker has created. Because, judging from the holographic map and the feed earlier at the control room, Billy had the tracker on for the entire fight. Which doesn't make sense at all. How can he simultaneously be under control and not be at the same time?!

There's one way though... Space buddy teases.

Without being under their control and having the tracker on at the same time?!... I try to guess what he's getting at.

I blink. "Aha!" I clap my hands in sudden realisation. "It's partial override."

Bingo!

Alright then. I swallow and compose myself. I'm still getting chills all over, but try to stay as calm and normal as both I and Space buddy can manage. Had I been left alone with this discovery, I would have hyperventilated like mad!

...

Okay, enough talk. Turn the translator on. I need to see this for myself.

Aye aye sir! He shouts like a soldier. Hey not that loud-

And the next thing I know,

It's the sound of nothingness.

...

"Sally?" I say, anxious.

"Yes, Jordan?" she sounds much livelier now. But, not necessarily happy; more like determined.

"Is my tracker back on again?" It's not. She would have said it first thing if it was.

"No, it isn't."

I slap my leg. It didn't work!

I grit my teeth. How did he then...

Silly, there must be a tracker built in.

-?

My eyes open wide. Why, that must be it!

Such an idiot. Wait a second. With that said, he sets off to find a way to activate the tracker, wherever it might be on my body. He plays around in my mind, humming.

My eyebrows jump upwards. Huh? You can hum like that? I'm surprised, considering he's an alien being himself that he knows tunes and stuff. Where did you learn that from?

There's a pause.

I..., he hesitates. Well that's new. He has never done that before, or maybe once or twice before...

And that's why I can recall those few times he did hesitate. It had to do with-

Is it about my memories?

He breathes a non existent breath. So I was right.

Yes, he admits, albeit in a difficult manner. It's just something that diffused in from your unreachable memories. From your past that you have little access to. Someone close to you hummed and you admired it a lot.

That's...

I get an odd sensation. Nostalgia. Admiration. It's all coming to me, conglomerated. Blurry scenes arise in my. mind, becoming clear all of a sudden. I can imagine- no, remember myself there. In my mind, I lurch for it. I feel like it's just within my reach, when-

Okay! We are done. Priorities, Jordan.

Ugh, I grump. Yeah right.

"Hey, now it's online. Are you doing something?" The voice comes in from the comms.

I respond, "Yeah? Yeah, I am. If my rationale is correct. What I've done now, is exactly the same as what Billy had done to himself. He had the tracker on but was not fully under their control. The only thing functioning was the tracker. The rest of the mechanisms were suppressed. It's how he flew under the radar for so long until he jumped on the opportunity before him. He lead them to believe that he was under their control."

Now, what begs the question is- what opportunity did he seize? I can make a rough guess, but can't pinpoint his motive? Why did he dart at the black tunnels? What even lies in there...

And also, leading them to believe that he was under control... How can something like that work for him?

I take long pause, having stumbled on something that contradicted my hypothesis. "But if so, I wonder why they'd even remotely believe that he was under their control, when-"

I hear a few confused noises. "Wait, wait, wait a second! What do you mean? What did you, or he do? ... I..." she clears her throat, "you are on the radar, by the way."

I chuckle. "Just a figure of speech. I'm coming back around now. I'd explain it all then," I give her fake reassurance. Because there's a lot I do get, but much I don't understand.

One thing, brother.

Yes?

Remember that device that the alien attached to the back of your chair?

The scene flashes before my eyes. Oh yes! I couldn't process it when I was under control. So, what of it?

Billy must have had that same thing attached to his.

Oh, you are right! Despite that-

Space buddy nods in my head. I don't know how I know that. Maybe that's the visual cue I get from the noises he's making. We can speculate later. But for now, you need to get back to the station. So, (he grins), you're ready to go back under?

I get chills, but I grit my teeth and clasp my fists. I haven't got a choice have I?

____________

The flight back is mostly unremarkable since it's the same route back. But, when Jordan finally makes it inside the airlock and the air floods in, the cockpit opening- relief washes over me and onto him as a sense of safety is assured. Space is dangerous after all. Especially someone who's not trained like him, and for the fact that he's being controlled. Phew, that would end now. I'm relieved, so that's more of the main reason.

The hatch from the other end now opens and the Fly moves forward, then turning around to the position it was kept before the flight. Jordan has controlled it expertly.

Or rather, someone or something has controlled him expertly.

As he gets up from his seat after shutting off the craft and comes down, the alien waves his tail at him.

That ticks me off, but I don't react.

Coming closer now, he reaches for his neck, and turns the implant embedded below it back around. I feel the pressure all around me slacken. And then- 

-!

Welcome back, brother. It's over.

I heave in deep breaths, soundly and continue to pant, catching my knees. "I'm never consenting to that again. EVER."

The alien chuckles strangely such that I get goosebumps even in the state that I am in. "So! What did you find, oh blessed boy?"

Catching my breath I look up at him, his ugly face twitching and ticking. "Like I said," I get up and stand straight before him, "I did find him. I know where Billy is."

Then, I stick my finger on his black armour- at his chest, eliciting a note of surprise from him, "He's no more the same. He's changed. Maybe even more than me." It pains me to say those words, even though I couldn't care less about that bastard. But the circumstances have changed. He's changed; beyond my wildest imagination.

That leads the wasphead to lose some of his edge. "What do you mean?"

I look sideways upon noticing Sally coming my way, Samantha now making preparations for her maiden flight. Sally stops midway, seeing me conversing with him.

"Lose a few of your kind and hand them to us. We'd need a search party." As soon as I get on the ground, I'd need them to inspect it. The stick of darkness. From the inside. I wouldn't dare to go there alone.

He looks at me strangely. "You want to party because you found your friend?"

Bahahahaha!

"Uuuurrrghh, what's wrong with you aliens!"

"Yours is a strange language, what can we do?" He flips his appendages.

I guess we are lost in translation again.

____________

I go with Sally to the control room, now alive with sounds of the many working there in tandem. She's been asking me non stop, but I have told her I'd tell her later. Why, I ask myself? Why do I hesitate? It shouldn't be guilt holding me back. I couldn't have known.

Humans are complicated, I hear Space buddy say. These emotions... They are something completely new to me. But, there's a thrill in it. A sense of Purpose lives in them, I don't know why. They mask logic sometimes, but keeping aside the limitations, they make everything feel so free, and limitless. It's strange, but fascinating.

I listen to him, but am able to process only bits of it. I wouldn't know how to sympathise with you from your vantage point, but I guess you're right. Emotions do matter.

Then, I frown. But they make me get aggravated sometimes.

Which makes you more human.

...

Indeed.

Now standing before the main monitor screens, I take a seat and drive myself into a mood of deep contemplation.

Heh. If only I could do that. But I cannot. Sally won't let me.

And it isn't fair for me to keep it from her. She has to stop herself from blaming herself. She is in no way responsible. She couldn't have stopped him. Her commands had fallen on deaf ears. Ears deafened by a different voice, I'd assume. A different Purpose clawing at his mind, his heart. Darkness drawing him in...

I shake my head. The depths of the mind are daunting to peek into, let alone explore. Who knows how much he has been affected. I can't know. Space buddy is kind... I wouldn't know.

It's good to hear compliments.

I am lucky to have you. But Billy?

I massage my forehead. Space buddy, tell me. Have you ever conversed with any others of your kind? Have you had any friends, before me?

-!

That gets to him. More than I could have ever imagined.

I suddenly receive emotions. A whirlwind of chaotic rhythms I cannot discern. But a profound sadness clouds them over. It permeates through them. I feel what he feels. And my human heart is barely capable of decoding its entirety. Frankly put, it is too much.

I remember a life long gone, he says in a bittersweet tone. One where I wasn't so... chained. So dependent, so in need of companionship. A land where there was light. Where I wasn't a vessel of darkness.

The emotional load is too much for me. Oh... Space buddy. A strange nostalgia engulfs me, of a life I've never lived. I can hardly comprehend it, but- somehow, it all feels so familiar.

Why?

"Jordan! You can't do this to me!" A loud voice breaks me out of my reverie.

"I-I did not mean to. You see-"

"Tell me what happened! This is important! So important, I am not on duty. I need to be there, commanding Samantha. She's already reached the end of her routine procedures. She'll leave within- oh crap."

Sally slides in her chair and pulls up some controls. All systems, go. I hear Samantha's voice.

"Copy. Depressurising airlock. T -60 seconds till approved take off."

"Roger that, sealing cockpit." I hear a hiss from her end.

Sally now eyes me from the corner of her eyelids in such a way that I feel bad for not talking to her.

I have to say something. "Listen, Space buddy and I have just uncovered something uncomfortable. A truth not easy to stomach. A pill hard to swallow. Why don't we discuss this later. For now, just know Billy wasn't under your control. For a loooong time, at that. He wasn't even under their control" I point at the aliens outside. "He's bound or maybe, liberated- by another entity."

Her eyes gloss over with an unexplainable emotion, her mouth opening in confusion. "Whatever do you mean?"

I sigh. "To keep things short. I'd say this for now. Billy is like me," I raise my left hand, clenching it tight, "but far more capable." I break eye contact.

"Ready for take off, open the hatch", Samantha requests from the comms.

Sally shifts her attention over there, and opens it as requested, bringing up a control panel. "Be safe out there." She then looks at me, with an expression that's hard to deconstruct. But doesn't say a word more.

I sit there, unsteady, but after a while, I can't bear it all. I stand up and begin to leave.

"Whoa, where are you going?"

I can't look her in the eyes. It's like our roles have interchanged. "I just need to cool off. There's a lot on my mind."

She considers my answer for no longer than a moment, before saying, "I'm sorry, Jordan. But we are all working right now. You can't slack off."

What kind of response is that? It causes me to turn around in awe. "Don't you see-"

"You can't," She shuts me up. There's a robot wandering outside that she calls over. "Take him to the study and hand him his material." The robot is like the one I found in the laboratory, only much simpler looking and with multiple arms, moving on wheels. It pulls me along and before I can so much as say "wait!" I'm pulled out of the control room and towards my post that I've come to serve. The numerous Flies and Figsies parked in rows. The essence of my life- as Sally had called it.

_____________

Empty while overflowing, that's the sensation I experience. So much is happening, so little I can comprehend.

The world is spinning, a hypnotising array of colours swirling, mingling together. What little of this world had I known? What little does anyone know?

I sense something odd in your veins. The robot must have injected you with something to make you cooperate.

I snicker, then give out in a hoarse voice, "Nothing matters anymore. We are allll screwed," I shove my middle finger at the robot. But it's too stupid to catch my meaning.

The world might as well be me- hurting right now.

"Silence is deafening, when you are yearning for love~"

Space buddy gives out a note of surpise. Whoa, what lyric is that?

"Falling so hard I can't rise above-"

______________

"Are you a godsent, or a forgotten staaaar!"

"It is alright to huuuurt!"

Tears trickle down my cheeks.

"Don't feel broken. The world is vicious."

"Don't sing for the world. Sing for the one in your heart."

"If there's a paradise. I'd love to go there with you."

"And if there's a place to rest. I choose to rest beside you."

The music stops. And I'm left in tears.

"Howzzat!" She snaps her fingers and points at me.

"Beautiful," I say. "That was beautiful!" I choke on my tears as I start clapping.

"Oh, stupid. You're such a softie."

The girl comes to my side and pats my back. "You've been like that ever since elementary. None of the other guys would cry. But there you were crying oceans."

I rub my eyes with the back of my hand. "What can I do? Your voice speaks to me, Nicky."

She exhales. "There you go again. Zack would grow suspicious if he were to hear that you know?"

"I mean it!" I press. "He doesn't know shit!"

"Alright. Alright. Here you go," she hands me a tissue taking it out of her pocket. "Do you like her that much?" Nicky asks me, tilting her head.

I stammer. She saw right through my tears.

"It's okay. I get it."

I look at her, dark silky hair shining in the neon lights of the closed karaoke room. "Why are we here anyway?" I can't help but ask her that.

Her gaze drifts off to the distance. "I just wanted to cool off. And I know for a fact, the best reaction I can elicit from a person, is from you." She smiles. "You make me feel special. Zack is just so unoriginal." She pouts.

I chuckle at that. I laugh heartily as the tears distort my vision more and more, till all I can see-

-are neon diamonds.

I feel her hand rubbing my hair. "It's getting late already. Let's head back."

_____________

There're tears in my eyes when I come back to my senses.

...

My mind connects everything. As I open my eyes more and more, the tears fall off as shiny drops of silent rain. I found her. Space buddy, I found her!

Is that the person who hummed to you? he asks, knowing it all too well. He's doing this for my sake.

She is the friend I had seen in the first of my visions. The girl sitting beside me on the school bus. Nicky... So we are still friends. We still have touch!

She seems to be a nice friend, he says, kindly.

My heart wrenches. She is. I grasp at my hair.

I want to see her. I want to see her so badly. As much as I want to see everyone. Mom, Helena... her.

You still can't remember her name?

I break down. "I can't!"

As I sob to myself, I feel murmurs all around. Raising my head I find people staring at me.

How... did I get here. Where is this? I'm in a large room. There are rows of benches all around, from where I am targeted by gazes- some of surprise, some of bewilderment.

The robot dropped you here. If the books in front of you are any sign, you are in the middle of a class right now.

I gape all around, rubbing my eyes, appalled.

"Jordan Ramsay?" the boy beside me asks.

And another voice erupts a little on ahead. "Jordan Ramsay!"

It takes me off guard. "Huh?"

Looking on ahead, I can't believe my eyes.

I feel like the world is playing tricks with me. Have I gone back in time? This is-

Because right ahead of me and the other benches, at the centre of the massive room, stands a person. With a stern voice.

It's a woman. A middle-aged woman.

"A teacher?" My weak voice reaches no one but me.

"You are late for class. You practically came right before recess. Care to explain where you've been?"

I stutter, my eyes jumping all around. "I... "

What's this...

What's happening!

Welcome back to school~

Shut up. SHUT UP!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!