Ebun

Ebun started to masturbate.

She just discovered that she could do that with her body. She was in a lost space where time seemed to be non-effective. There was no use waiting for anything. Not waiting didn't seem like a better choice to make either because she could not move forward.

Move forward? To where?

Nowhere seemed like a great space or place to be in. Matter of fact nowhere was. If it was not a place that allowed her to express her desires, then there was no point going there or being there.

Hence, she was in one position, one space stuck. Fighting the constant war of starving the monsters on the inside of her. Sometimes, it was hard for her to control it. She felt paranoid, hopeful for a clue somewhere so a few times, she stayed behind after closing hours at school searching, tiptoeing, ruminating. The monsters led her.

Nothing came forth. When something nearly did and she was close to knowing what it was, her brother came just in time to pick her up from school. That day again, she felt someone following her in the school premises, lurking being the pillars like a monkey dependent on trees for movement.

It was crazy yet she was intrigued but when the sound of her brother honking the car outside of the school gate distracted her and the person following her, she didn't know how to feel about that. But deep down perhaps, she was thankful because truthfully, fighting may not have been the best thing to do to whoever was following her.

She didn't have to make the same mistake twice but still, she desired to know something. Who the person was. Which was why she stayed back at school in the first place.

"Why didn't you call me or any one of us to pick you up once school lessons were over? Don't disobey the rules, Ebun, " her brother, David chastised her while he kept his attention fixed on the road ahead of him, driving home, their destination.

As Ebun sat in the car ruminating over the last thirty-three minutes, she figured that she should perhaps slow down on her mission and cut herself some slack. Looking for those demons or something that could give her a clue about them in the school premises was pointless for her.

Aside from the fact that all of her family members were keeping a close eye on her to make her every vengeful attempt abortive, or that her sisters were already doing the investigation, she was just twelve years old and it was most likely that she would lose countless times even if she were given the liberty to fight.

Why was she desperate to revenge with no precise plan in mind? The monsters in her heart demanded it and if she yielded to them, she would only make rash, stupid, and impulsive decisions. She had to use her brain. She had to lay low, she had to calm down. She had to put those monsters in her into hibernation mode for the time being.

But how could she even do that when she didn't even feel like it?

Taking her time to feel her feelings; all of the anger and resentment she felt towards everything and everyone was one thing she didn't want to do. No way would it help her move on or heal like many people recommended it would.

She wasn't very interested in becoming a better person either like her sister Demi had advised, saying that it would be the 'best of revenge.' It was shitty advice. In her view, it didn't seem like the world cared about good or accomplished people. Criminals made the world an entertaining tv show and she didn't mind becoming one. That was her truest desire.

One evening as she gazed at her naked body in the mirror, she studied every scar on her body. They were intricate, deep, detailed. She thought of grabbing a blade, a pair of scissors, or a knife to hurt herself and create some more artistic incisions on her body but she dismissed the idea.

She genuinely didn't like pain and she wasn't exactly an artistic person either. More importantly, it would escalate the desire for vengeance which was in contrast to her goal of subduing it.

So she stared further into the mirror. What could she do to escape the weightlessness of her body, soul, and spirit? She couldn't be lost, or in between wanting to feel better or feel worse forever. She needed a balance between the pendulum which was her life; swaying hither and thither.

She roamed her hands around her body. Every edge, experimenting and like instincts, her fingers found their way to the bridge between her hips, and without guidance, the fingers knew they were supposed to go deeper.

They did, till they landed on the core of her femininity. As though it was waiting forever for the fingers to find their way, it was already hard, impoverished, needy for their touch and so she began to roll her fingers in a circular motion. How did she even know that her middle finger as the right finger to do the job?

She spread her hips apart, to give the finger more room and it made her feel...great. So damn great. For a wonderful couple of minutes, for the first time since the tragedic occurrence, no thoughts, memories, or flashbacks about those demons were habored in her mind.

Was this some bloody miracle?

She couldn't believe something capable of making her forget the heavy burden on her shoulders would exist. The only thing on her mind at that moment was how to keep feeling this way so she knew she had to control the movement of her fingers.

If she observed or felt that her fingers were moving too fast, she would slow down on the movements and try to relish the feeling as much as she could before rolling her fingers in the normal, steady motion again, before the feeling would end and she would be back to status quo.

She repeated the pattern for a few more minutes. Spreading her hips further apart, mesmerized by the sight of it, controlling the movement of her fingers, sucking in her teeth to feel every iota of pleasure.

But her system was programmed like a time bomb so when she reached the peak, the scale of pleasure wore off her body like slime. Then she realized what she had just done.

What was the action called? She didn't know but she did feel as though she had sinned against her body for reasons unknown to her. Was it because this same body had been touched by some bastards so touching it by herself would make it look like she wanted a reoccurrence of the tragedy? No.

She was even surprised that that wasn't her reason for feeling bad. Something just felt wrong about it and she didn't feel great afterward but before she could hate herself for doing it, she looked around her room, spotted a bunch of pencils on her bedside table, and grabbed it.

She repeated the action stubbornly with the bunch of pencils as a substitute till she could feel triple the effects of pleasure waves coursing through every nerve in her body. She didn't want to regret doing it.

She had discovered this formula and it was as harmless as any other solution she could have thought of. Though the pleasure she felt from it was temporary, creativity was what she knew she needed to make the pleasure last longer so in conclusion, she decided to stick to it. Only that way would she get better at it.

***

Ebun did it at every opportunity she could find at school. Break time, free periods when the subject teacher was absent, and early in the morning before other students or teachers arrived. You wouldn't meet her in class eating or trying to study like the rest of her classmates.

She was in the toilet, making use of her fingers. Once the fingers reached their limits, she ensured to have surplus substitutions: an arranged stack of pencils, portable lotion lids, crayons even. The process continued till she felt her inner thighs soaked heavily.

The seeds of her lusts and desires multiplied. Unlike the first time when she didn't feel great after reaching the peak, her mind was now focused on how to be on a constant cloud nine so there was little or no room for regrets.

At times when she unavoidably had to be in the classroom, she spent the entire class session, scheming ways to elongate the pleasure ahead of the next time she was going to touch herself. It became her obsession - to escape weightlessness. So she started to plan ahead of time. She had to be here or there. No in-between.

Vengeance and Pleasure being her options were on the other side of her decision to be endlessly creative.

She decided to use the internet at school. She scampered to get space and time in the I.C.T room. A convenient time where she wouldn't be scolded by teachers. When she was able to secure one, she searched for materials she could need that would help her reach ethereal depths of satisfaction.

She didn't know what the action was so on the search bar she typed:

How can I touch myself in ways to feel better?

She was not sure if the internet was going to give her the answers she heeded but once she was the answers in the search results, a couple of images popped up, and luckily for her, there were in resemblance to the actions she carried out in secret.

She was intrigued. She made use of the mouse in the most meticulous way, scrolling down the search results page till she saw an instruction video. Instinctively, she knew she must not get caught watching the video or even going through that particular website at all.

Quickly, she looked around and was glad when she could count the number of people present in the I.C.T room in one hand. She clicked on the video. Thankfully, it had no volume so she didn't need to increase or decrease anything. All she had to do was watch because the view alone was captivating.

So she gazed into the screen, starstruck and amazed by what she was watching until she felt a warm hand rest on her shoulder and a question that followed next.

"What are you looking at?"