“Where are we going?” Ebun asked Sean for the seventy-third time since he’d cajoled her into entering his car as he said he would take her somewhere. Reluctantly, she’d followed him. It wasn’t like she and a choice anyway. The psycho barracks probably wasn’t the safest place to stay at the moment. Russian soldiers could choose to invade their hideout. 

“Somewhere safe,” Sean gave the same response he’d been giving, and each time he said it, it was with the same composure. He kept his gaze fixed on the road and his hand set on the steering wheel. Maybe she was being delusional, but she thought she’d caught the corner of his lips curve up in a small smile.

“You’re enjoying this war situation, aren’t you?” her eyebrows rose in suspicion. 

Sean cleared his throat awkwardly. “Don’t put it that way. It makes me look selfish.” 

“Well…you didn’t seem to be in support of me going back home.” 

“I’m not happy that you’re sad, but on the flip side, it’s a great opportunity for me to be there for you in this tough time. I’m happy I can be near you, and I will do my best to make sure you feel a little better.” 

“Whatever.” Ebun rolled her eyes and turned away. 

Sean looked at her from the corner of his eyes. Then he removed a hand from the steering wheel and touched her hand. He pulled it away from her lap, lifted it, and kissed her palm softly. Ebun was taken aback by the gesture, but it made her heart pound hard. She couldn’t deny the fact that that made her feel a little great and somewhat alive even. Sean smiled when he saw her turn to the window, avoiding his gaze, but of course, he turned a blind eye to make the embarrassment a bit bearable. 

After a while of driving, he parked his car by a driveway next to a building and turned off the ignition. Ebun looked outside of the window and saw a bungalow painted in black. Around the structure was a low fence also painted in black, and there were lots of trees and mountains surrounding the vast area of land.  It was an aesthetically pleasing and serene environment.

She loved the subtle magnificence of the atmosphere. Ebun could already imagine herself inside the house on a stormy night, all cuddled up in bed with thick blankets and gigantic pillows with the gorgeous view of the mountains right outside the window, the leaves from the trees hissing and swishing to the dictates of the wind. Just from looking, she already felt relaxed. Was this a vacation house or something? 

“You know I don’t deserve to relax, right? I killed an innocent man,” Ebun informed Sean as a reminder. 

Sean fought the urge to roll his eyes. It was going to be a huge task for him to get her to understand that the result of the incident was not her fault. 

“We are not here on vacation. I thought that perhaps, bringing you into my world would make you feel better.” 

“What do you mean?” she shot up a quizzical eyebrow. “Wait…” the penny dropped, and her eyes widened in reaction. “Is this your house?” 

“Of course, my love,” he smiled. “Did you think I wouldn’t bring you into my personal space someday? Sooner or later, I was going to bring you here anyway.”

“You’re right, and I have no reason to be surprised,” she calmed down. “Still, I am. I’ve gotten so used to being with you at the barracks and our other hideouts. I almost began to think that you didn’t have a real house of your own. I’m used to the chaos.” 

Sean chuckled. “Well, I barely stay here either. I’m also used to the chaotic lifestyle, but I guess this is one blessing this situation has granted us.” 

Ebun wanted to be glad. She was sure that she was among the few people, if not the first person, who got to stay in such a private space with Sean. She wanted to rejoice about the situation, but the joy didn’t come. She still felt dead and rotten on the inside. 

“Let’s go in,” Sean said after opening the door for her.

***

Ebun couldn’t hide the fact that she was intrigued by the beauty of Sean’s house. The white sofas in the living room were arranged in perpendicular lines, and in the space between was a vintage shelf that contained a few sci-fi magazines and a flower vase on the top. It was fascinating for Ebun to know that Sean was that detail-oriented to have thought of designing his living room mathematically.

Another striking thing was how he’d chosen different colors and patterns for the interior of his house. The sofas, the rug, and the wall were all of different designs and yet, the hues all blended well together. It had the right amount of chaos. 

She was mind blown. It was great to see this side of her man. It made her feel like she was already in his world and couldn’t wait to discover more interesting details about him. 

Sean, on the other hand, was a bit nervous. He didn’t know the first thing he was supposed to do to make Ebun feel at home. There was barely any food left in the fridge, and he didn’t just want to start talking to her about what happened so he wouldn’t say something that would make her feel worse. He also didn’t want to tell her too much so she wouldn’t freak out. 

Unknown to him, though, Ebun was already getting involved in deep things – heavy matters that Sean didn’t want to talk about just yet. And it started when she saw some photo frames of Sean from his childhood on the center table. She adored how handsome he looked, even as a youngster, until she stumbled on one particular picture. In the photograph, Sean’s eyes were swollen, and his cheeks were red as though someone had slapped him. He looked like he’d been pulled out of the mud and forced into a studio without getting any makeup done. 

She picked the frame. Then she looked up at Sean. Sean was standing behind one of the sofas, and he was pressing his fingers deeply into the leather of the chair. He felt stupid. Of course, she was going to see the frame. Why didn’t he think of removing it from sight? 

“What happened to you?” she pointed at the photograph. 

He sighed. “That photograph was taken three hours after Aunt Bethany raped me for the first time.” 

Ebun gasped then she looked at the photo again. 

“That day, I ejaculated blood and thought my dick bone would break. She was very forceful. That’s why it’s called rape, I know,” he shrugged. “Still, with the way she handled me, I thought I would die. I was surprised that my mother’s sister, a woman I’d seen as family, as someone who would never hurt me, suddenly called me up to her room one day and began to rip off my clothes. She kept whispering, telling me I was such a hot young boy. 

When she mounted on me and started to ride on me, she got angry that I wasn’t getting erect, and she began to punch my face for playing hard to get, but how the heck was I supposed to be turned on? This is my aunt, for Christ's sake! Anyway, after she got her way with me and did it with me five times, she dragged me into her photo studio and took a photo of me. 

She printed two copies and gave me one copy. She said she would keep the other copy so she could stare at the photograph daily and fantasize about me. She told me to keep mine so that whenever I look at it, I’ll remember not to be stubborn next time and get turned on whenever she touches me.” 

“That was a terrible experience. What the hell?” Ebun’s fists clenched in anger. How could someone who was supposed to be your family do such a wicked thing?

“But why did you keep the photo, though? Doesn’t it make you livid?” She became confused. 

“That’s exactly why I kept it – so I can always remain angry and vengeful whenever I look at it. It pains me every time I remember that Aunty Bethany didn’t die by my hands. So I make sure to exert that pain, anger, and frustration on women who do sick things like my late aunt.” 

Ebun winced and pressed her lips into a thin line. Although Sean’s sentiments were completely justifiable, she couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable when he spoke about hurting women, especially with the equally traumatizing experience she’s had with men. She knew it was selfish and hypocritical of her to feel that way because she was also into the ordeal of hurting and killing men. Still, it couldn’t be helped. She masked her unease, though. 

“There’s no need to feel sorry for me, baby,” Sean said to ease the gloominess in the atmosphere. “I’m happy where I am right now – avenging for my pain without letting anything get in my way, and that’s the attitude you should have too, Ebun,” he moved closer to her. Then he placed his hand gently on her shoulders. He seized the opportunity to encourage her once more. 

Ebun breathed out with so much reluctance as though she had a beef with carbon dioxide. As soon as he said that, she was back to feeling like the most miserable piece of horse manure. She could see the blood dripping off her hands again. The mocking faces reappeared, and the guilt gripped her throat like a fishing line. It seized her voice. She couldn’t say anything in response. Only moisture filled the bases of her vocal cords. 

“Look,” Sean continued. “I’ve made the exact mistake you made on a few occasions. There was this one time when a man, someone in his right mind, blatantly lied against a pretty young woman just because she’d been refusing to date him. He came to me and asked me to kill the woman because she’d tormented, assaulted, and even raped him, begging him to give her a chance as she squeezed his balls. 

It sounded very convincing, and it reminded me of my past. In fact, the psychopath went to the lengths of showing me pictures of his face covered with red bruises. Some people can go out of their way to do insane things if they really need to gain the sympathy of a particular person. So I took on the case, and I killed the girl. 

It was a few seconds after I’d already shot the lady that I realized I’d killed an innocent person. With blood gushing out of her mouth, she said her last words: ‘he was the one who wouldn’t let me be. I can’t believe he went this far.’ When I realized that she was accused of what she didn’t do, I pressed the hole of the gun against my head. I was ready to kill myself until I remembered that I needed to blow someone’s head first before mine. 

So I chased the man and shot him until large speckles of his blood filled every area of my face. It was crazy how that act erased the urge I was feeling to kill myself. I was quick to realize that it wasn’t my fault. The bastard was the one who misled me, and I made him pay for it by taking his life. Although, I still felt terrible for killing the lady. It’s a terrible thing to hurt a faultless person. From there on though, I learned my lesson.

I guess this is a part of what we have signed up for as assassins. Things like this can happen. At times, you target a specific person or group, but you end up destroying the entire city or causing bigger, unplanned chaos. Still, I guess this factor serves as the balance that every decision requires. Whatever you choose to do in life, bad things will surely happen along the line. That’s the equilibrium in every path that you must prepare for. This is the bad side of this field. Sometimes, you unknowingly kill the wrong person. 

Nevertheless, it all boils down to choosing your poison and weighing the odds. You have to try and look at the bigger picture and remind yourself that this is what you’ve always wanted to do. You have to tell yourself that being an assassin is more comforting for you in the long run, and you’d rather be busy seeking vengeance than sitting alone in your room, crying and listening to the voices in your head. This is what will keep you going despite the obstacles and mistakes you make along the line.” 

Ebun sighed. Sean’s words were a lot for her to take in. 

“You are one smooth talker, aren’t you? Look how you made the matter of murder become a motivational oration. Pretty commendable,” She wore a brief, sardonic smile. “But you see, I’ve made my decision. I give up,” she shrugged. “It wouldn’t hurt for me to give up just this once, would it? Even if the leader of the gang shows up after I’ve decided to give up, I won’t regret it. 

“Even if I discover that I was so close to finding him, I still won’t look back on my decision and wish I’d persevered some more. That’s how fed up I am. You’ve managed to make me feel better about killing Lizabeta. At least, I owe that to the badass that used to exist in me.”

“However, for the innocent man….” Tears pooled around her eyes. “There’s no way I can move past the guilt I feel for doing what I did to him. Do you even know what makes it worse? I saw his mother. The fact that I watched her weep over her son as his corpse lay on the ground. I took a child away from his mother. How can I live with that grave sin I committed? Even if I chose to move on and continue on my mission, I’m sure that the woman’s curses are already on me. Anything I do from here on in furtherance of my goal will amount to nothing because the blood of the blameless is already on me.” 

Sean moved closer to Ebun and wrapped her up in a consoling hug. He knew it would be a lost cause to convince her any further, but he wasn’t going to give up. He knew she wasn’t being truthful when she said she was okay with not doing anything if the gang leader showed up. How could that even be possible after so many years of rage and pain? He was going to give her some time, though, because he could understand the sorrow she was currently feeling. It truly was a painful thing to take the life of someone you weren’t targeting. 

In the middle of their embrace, a sudden sparkle of desire settled in Ebun’s bowels, rapidly flaring up into an almost uncontrollable fire. As she was held dearly in Sean’s arms, the desire to do something stupid came to her. 

She already felt useless enough. Life was so meaningless. She’d shot a faultless man, decided to give up on a goal she’s had for thirteen years, and now she couldn’t even go back home to be with her family because of the stupid Russian-Ukrainian war. Nothing was going her way, and she was already a miserable, walking corpse. So she yearned for something good for a change – even if it would only last five minutes. She needed that one last moment of euphoria before sinking into oblivion. If she didn’t get it, she didn’t know what would become of her. 

Here was Sean, right here, ready to do anything to make her happy. She didn’t need to do much thinking. She was going to make good use of the opportunity. So she stood on her toes to match his height. Then she leaned forward and enveloped his lower lip with a kiss. Sean was so flustered by the sudden gesture that his swallowed saliva nearly went down the wrong windpipe but he was quick to collect himself together so he wouldn’t ruin the moment. He kissed her back, massaging her upper lip with his lower lip. 

He thought it was a gesture that he had to return as her boyfriend, but his naïve assumption was a mistake he would probably regret later on. Before he could think or comprehend what would happen next, Ebun had already become a tigress. His shirt was ripped open in one swift move with a sharp sound. The buttons flew in different directions and bounced to the floor. 

Then she pressed her hand on the nape of his neck and took him to the dining table where she’d seen a plastic table. As she led him there, she didn’t detach her lips from his for one second. They’d walked in backward motion as she kissed him ferociously. Sean, who wasn’t in his full senses, trusted Ebun to lead him wherever. 

When they got to the dining room, Ebun moved away from him and forcefully poked the tip of her finger into his bare chest. She pushed him with her finger, and he landed on the chair. Ebun laughed, undeniably excited. She’d always wanted to do that to her man, but she thought it would never happen because she didn’t see herself as someone who would ever fall in love. 

With Sean helpless, shirtless and aroused on the chair, Ebun quickly searched the pocket of her trousers for any weapon or item at all – something she could use to tie him down. Then she felt something cold and metallic in her hand. 

When she brought it out, she saw that it was a handcuff. Perfect! She didn’t know why she’d even brought it along but weren’t coincidences such a great thing sometimes? It was a good thing to have all kinds of weapons at your disposal. She wasted no time locking his left hand to the chair's handle with the cuff. She let the other hand be for just in case. 

He was still panting, trying to catch his breath. The hard lines of his stomach contracted at intervals. He was still trying to recover from the kiss, and he didn’t think it would be easy doing so because Ebun was intoxicating him.  He wasn’t even sure of what she was doing to him at the moment.  

‘Sean,” she removed the first button of her shirt suggestively. Then she pleaded. “I want you to make love to me.”