Note: this takes place after chapter five but before the fire arc

~

"Enori, don't tell me you're going out to visit Dawson again."

I turned to look at Reah, a sheepish smile on my face. "Do you want the answer that will make you happy, or the truth?"

Reah sighed, shaking her head. "Enori, girl, what are we going to do with you? Why can't can't just convince him to come over here and marry you?"

"Cause I don't want him marry me!" I winced at the outburst of words, my shoulders curling in.

"And why not? He's cute, isn't he?" Reah prodded, plopping onto the bed.

I flushed and looked away, staring at the mirror as I tried to straighten my skirt. "Well, sure. But I don't feel like spending the rest of my life with some stranger. Sorry for wanting some personal choice in the matter."

Reah's brow creased, displeased. "Enori, what's with the sudden cold feet? You've never talked like this before, you know better."

"Ok, well, maybe I've always felt like this!" I turned around, my hair whipping around my face from where I had yet to tuck it away. "Maybe I'm so sick and tired of other people decided how I have to do everything! Why is it so bad that I'm perfectly content to pursue this friendship and expect nothing else?"

Reah balled up her fists in her lap, her head lowered. "You're young," she whispered, as if to herself rather than towards me. "Yoyre young and you don't know what you're talking about. But you'll get used to it, I promise you will."

"But I won't," I snapped. "I've been living here for seven years and I've not gotten used to this terrible thought. Who said this was okay? Who decided that we were allowed to just be sold like things?"

"Does it matter?" Reah's voice was harsh now. "Does it matter who we blame if it all comes out the same for us all, Enori? Face facts, you're here and you have only two options. Getting married, or being trapped her forever. We get no other choices!"

I stopped, staring at her, studying her. Reah. She was supposed to be my best friend, but looking at her now, we felt so far apart.

"Did he break up with you?"

Reah stiffened, eyes flashing. "What?"

I stepped forward, gathering up my skirts in one hand. "Whoever you had been seeing, the man we talked about? You just… you were happy for a while, but very closed off any time there was word of an Investor. But now you're… you're sad and sharp and angry and resigned all at the same time. What happened?"

Reah looked away, though I could hear to tears in her voice. "He couldn't afford me. I guess he finally found out I'm not just some random girl off the street that he fell in love with, I come with a price tag too, and it was a cost he wasn't willing to pay."

"And that's why you don't want me around Dawson?" I ventured, reaching out to settle my hand on her shoulder. "Because…?"

"I don't think sees what you're worth, Enori. Or even if he does, u don't think he cares. I think you'll get too close to him, and get hurt when he eventually leaves you behind because he's not willing to sacrifice to keep you."

"I don't need to be kept."

"Well, you can't just be taken, that's for sure," Reah countered. "You've finally become of value to Mam Dorce, there's no way she'll just let you go free."

"I thought we meant more to he'd than that…"

"Of course we do. But who we are doesn't matter to the Niztch Company. She's lrwady having to keep enough secrets by taking in kids, there's no way they would alloy the Hents House to stay open if they found out she was just letting girls go. Where would all of us go then if this place gets shut down?"

I scuffed my boot on the floor. "I just… I don't want this. I mean, I want this place. This is my home, it's so much more my home than any other place I've ever been. But I don't want to leave here. Not now, not ever, and certainly not because of some man."

"I'm sorry." Reah stood up. "But none of us a say, Enori. Our only choice is on who might take us on the end. If you like Dawson, make sure he likes you back, and is willing to take you along when he leaves."

She reached out an straightened the collar to my blouse. "You better make sure of his intentions fast though, Enori. Before he changes his mind."

I looked into her eyes, so starkly blue against the deep browns of my own. "Does it really matter?" I asked, swallowing hard. "If this is as inevitable as you say it is, why should I even care at this point? Why not just let it happen?"

"Because," reah replied. "I think he might actually be a good man, and those are few and far between these days." She patted my shoulders, then stepped back. "If youre going to see him, then do it now."

"But its not in the way you want," I argued. "I'm not trying to win him over or make him love me. I just… appreciate his company."

"Then soak it all in." Reah gave me the smallest of smiles, tinged with sadness. "Be glad you have it now, because this will never last for long."

I swallowed back another question, another doubt, another response, and simply turned away.

I couldn't understand how everyone else felt so ok with this situation. For years this has been the biggest thing I had ever feared, yet I had also harbored this secret hope that it all might turn out right when I finally made it, when I became of age and turned eligible, that I might understand and be at peace.

Yet everything only seemed more complicated than before, and all of my deepest worries and concerns had turned out to be true thus far. There were terrible men out there, and I had experienced them myself. Rumors and stories that had spread when I was younger had become so much more than that to me, they had become moments i had lived in my very life.