The morning of the ball dawns like any other. With me exhausted from lack of sleep and already wishing it was over.

I spend my day hiding in my chambers. Reading and rereading Mother's words. I don't know what I am hoping for exactly. Something in me is certain they must hold the answers I need to make the right choice.

It's early afternoon before I notice Alessia's frustration at being trapped in the room with me and encourage her to check on security for the ball whilst I continue.

"Please keep the doors open? Just so I know, they will hear you if you need them." She nods to the two guards stood either side of my door.

"I will be fine, but if it will calm you, then, of course." I laugh.

She takes a deep breath, as though she is fighting to hold on to her professional expression. "I'll be back in an hour."

I give her a little wave before scooping up the next diary. So far, the only one I've identified is missing, comes from just after Ayden and I were born. That in itself sets off alarm bells, but I remind myself that I need to focus on the things I can do and control.

The sharp sound of metal on metal has the book flying from my hands."Elora?"

My head turns sharply towards the familiar voice at the door. Ezra smiles sheepishly at her path, blocked by the guard's blades.

"Let him through." I order with a wave of my hand as I slide off the bed.

"But the Captain said- " One of the guard's protests.

"I don't care what Alessia said, I am your Queen." I frown at the resistance in the guard's tone.

The two guards exchange a look, as though they are trying to work out who they are more afraid of. Then they shrug and step aside.

Ezra straightens his tunic and gives them a grin before joining me in the seats by the window.

"I didn't see you at breakfast or lunch?"

"I know. I had a lot of thinking to do. What did you need?"

The distance between us is small, but it feels vast. There is so much that he doesn't know about me.

"To see you? Is that not reason enough to visit?"

"Ezra."

He rolls his eyes at my warning tone. "Fine. I just had word from my father that he would not approve of a match between us."

I notice he is refusing to meet my eye. "What does that mean?"

"It doesn't have to mean anything, but I thought you should be aware. I never expected him to stand in the way of this, which is why I never asked him."

"Did he share his reasons?"

Ezra winces, as though he had hoped I wouldn't ask this question, but has realised he cannot avoid it now. "He believe the days of the light court are numbered and your last battle proved you cannot defend yourselves."

My jaw drops, and it takes a minute for me to compose myself. "We won that battle. Despite your Father and several royals refusing to provide support."

"I am aware, but he has a point. Perhaps if your brother hadn't tried to take on a hoard of hundreds of Dearg Due, he would still be here. Perhaps my brother would still be here?" He shrugs. "All I am saying is I understand what he is saying. It doesn't have to mean anything, but you will need to make better choices than he did if we are to lead together."

I felt the fury stir the Undoing inside of me. "Better choices? Well, maybe if my brother hadn't trusted yours, then a lot fewer people would have been lost that day."

"What is that supposed to mean?" He has the gall to look puzzled.

I throw my hands up in frustration. "What do you think? He's your brother. You must have known what he was up to."

"What...he was up to?"

"Oh, don't pretend like you didn't know. He was the one who gave the wrong numbers, so we were horribly under prepared. Then he betrayed us like the monster I should have known he was." The words are spilling out before I can stop them. "He betrayed us all and murdered my brother. A man he had claimed to love. Is that a dark fae thing? Making promises of adoration so it hurts that bit more when you stab them in the back?"

He reels back like I've slapped him, and I'm too angry to search his expression to see if his shock is real. "Don't pretend you didn't know. Was this a game to you? How many lights can the Nirin brothers put out in my kingdom?"

"I didn't...I wouldn't." He stammers.

I stand and march to the window, pressing my forehead to the cool stone surrounding the window and closing my eyes, "Save your lies, Ezra, and go home. It's what you usually do."

He is silent and, for a moment, I'm sure he has left me. My heart breaks anew and then I hear him take a hesitant step towards me.

"You can fight me." Ezra says in a low voice, "You can push me away. Blame me for my family's mistakes and failures if it makes you feel better. But," His hand brushes the side of my face and I lean back into his body instinctively, "I'm not going anywhere. Not this time. Not ever. I am yours, even on the days you don't want me. I always have been, always will be."

I turn to him, tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat. "You wouldn't say that if you knew the truth." I whisper.

He looks down into my eyes and I feel like he can see into my soul. All the darkness and fear and hope. He sees it and he doesn't shy away from me. "There is no truth great enough that it could undo the years I've loved you."

His calloused fingers try to brush away my tears before they can fall, and I give a hollow laugh at his choice of words, "Undo? Oh, if only you knew the power of an Undoing."

"What are you talking about?" He sounds frustrated and I want to say that is good, that he is finally seeing we aren't compatible, not really.

He takes a step closer and I place a hand on his chest to stop him. "You should know," I take a deep breath, "You deserve to know."

My eyes close, too afraid to see the judgement on his own as I make my confession, "After your brother killed mine, I lost it. A power rose in me that I still don't fully understand. It ripped him apart. Do you understand what I'm saying?" My eyes fly open, "I murdered him Ez. I killed your brother."

There's silence. Hard, painful silence that rings in my ears and tells me everything I needed to know. Ezra's face is filled with hundreds of emotions as he tries to process what have I told him.

I take a step sideways to put some distance between us, my heart heavy in my chest. "Wait." His hand catches my wrist and tugs me back to him.

"This is the secret you've been carrying?" He asks.

I nod guiltily, too ashamed to answer out loud or meet his gaze.

"You've been protecting me from what my brother did, and you thought I'd hate you for what he forced you to?" He whispers.

My eyes fly up to meet his in shock. "I didn't, I mean I did but...why don't you hate me?"

"I could never hate you. Truth be told, I knew my brother was up to something. His correspondence was becoming odd and only Father seemed happy with what it contained. I suspected it was a coded message, but I had no idea...I didn't realise what he was doing. Had I known, I would have stopped them. I would have tried to warn you had I known. Believe me."

I'm dazed. How have we both ended up wanting the others' forgiveness?

"I believe you." I whisper back, realising as I say it, the words are true.

"I'm so sorry you've been carrying this alone." Ezra replies, pulling me into his chest.

Tucked under his chin, I listen to the frantic beat of his heart in time with my own. I had imagined this conversation so many times. Nothing pictured had ever resulted in me ending up in his arms.

"I can't believe you don't hate me." I murmur as his fingers stroke my hair.

"I'm shocked, and I still don't understand how a tiny little thing like you could have taken out my brother, but I also know you, and I know that guilt in your eyes. I miss my brother, but I am under no illusions. He was not a good man. You did what you had to do."

"Thank you." I whisper.

"I'm so sorry for what he did. I'm so sorry he hurt Ayden."

"So am I." The words burst out on a sob and he crushes me tighter to his chest.

"I'm so sorry. So damn sorry."

We stay like that for what feels like hours until I finally pull away slightly so I can look up at him. "What do you feel for me Ezra? Can you describe it?"

"It's a connection. I sense you before I see you, and I feel your emotions like they were my own. I cannot be without you. This feeling in my chest? I love you more than I've ever loved anything in my life. My heart is yours, even if you don't want it."

"I want it." I whisper, darting forward and pressing my lips to his.

I can feel his surprise for a moment before he kisses me back. His lips soft, yet demanding on my own. A part of me wonders what we would do if we had longer than a few hurried moments together.

If I choose him, I will find out. If I choose him, he will be at my side forever. Although forever is an awfully long time.