I don't sleep well at all. My dream still haunts me every time I close my eyes. I drift to sleep every now and then, but I am awakened by the thoughts. Somewhere in the midst of my fitful dreams, I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I know, I open my eyes to the sun shining in the window. I glance over to Moira's bed and find it is neatly made up. She is already up. I slide out of bed and quickly get dressed. Moira walks in the room just as I am splashing my face with water from the wash basin. She sets a basket down by the door.

"I thought I heard you moving around up here." She hands me some old, worn out clothes. "It's washing day. Mama wants us to take the girls down to the river to do laundry." Moira smiles and her blue eyes twinkle. She pulls a string off her nightstand and pulls her long blonde hair away from her face, then tosses a string to me. I start to braid my hair. This family is so good to me. They took me in and treat me like a part of the family, even though I have been a terrible guest lately.

"Moira, I am sorry about last night. I was really upset but that is no excuse for my behavior. I was very rude and I apologize."

Moira smiles a sad smile. "Thank you, Elaerya. I understand. I would probably act the same way if anything happened to Tryan. But I am not the one you need to be apologizing to." She gives me a knowing look and I sigh.

"I know. I'll apologize to him when I go downstairs."

"I'm afraid you'll have to wait until lunch. Tryan has already gone out to chop some wood for Mama."

"Oh," I say, dejectedly, slightly disappointed that I won't see Tryan all morning.

"Why don't you change and then we can head down to the river."

Moira leaves me to get changed and as soon as I'm done, I gather up whatever articles of clothing I find and toss them in the basket Moira left by the door.

"Oh, here, honey! Let me get that for you!" Elise says when I come down the stairs with the basket in my arms.

"No, it's alright. I have it," I smile. "I want to help as much as I can."

"Well, thank you, sweetheart. Moira and the girls are already waiting outside."

I drag the basket of dirty laundry out the door and look around for Moira. I spot her long blonde hair glimmering in the sunlight and see her pushing one of the twins, I can't tell which from this distance, in the swing under the apple tree.

"There she is, Moi," says the twin sitting against the tree eating an apple. As I get closer, I can see that it's Lycia eating the apple, so Lyza must be in the swing. I smile and set the basket down on the grass.

"We used to have a swing in the garden at our ca—" I catch myself. "At our home," I cover.

That was close. I almost said "our castle." That would have raised a lot of questions from the girls, and if I blow my cover in front of them ... well, I know how children talk, especially little girls. There is so much at stake—our lives—and it can all be ruined by one little slip of my tongue.

"I loved it when my father or my brother pushed me. I always felt like I was flying."

"I saw Tryan pushing you a few days ago," Moira says. "I bet it brought back a lot of good memories, to be flying again."

I feel my cheeks flush and I look away. "It did."

If Moira saw Tryan pushing me, then, surely, she saw him try to kiss me, unless she looked away before then. I steal a glance at Moira and her expression tells me she saw.

I clear my throat. "Shall we get to washing then?" I say quickly, picking up the laundry basket. Lyza slides off the swing and slips her arm through mine.

"The river is this way," she says, pulling on my arm. The girls chatter the entire way down to the river, Lyza on my arm and Lycia on Moira's. I honestly feel like their sister, and they treat me as such. I smile at the thought. The last thing Tryan needs is another woman in the house.

Tryan.

I really wish I could see him this morning. I feel terrible about the way I treated him last night. He doesn't deserve that, after all he has done for me. I can hear him chopping wood in the distance, and it gets louder the closer we get to the river. I can also hear the rush of a current. We round a corner and I gasp. The river is much larger than I was expecting. It was as wide as a small lake! There is a long bridge spanning the river and I can see Tryan just across the river chopping some trees. That's why the sound was getting louder the closer we got. Part of me wants to swim across the river and apologize to him right now, except for one tiny detail; I can't swim and who knows how deep it is toward the middle. I could always use the bridge but he is hard at work anyway. It would be best if I just waited until lunch time.

Lyza leads me to the bank of the river, where it looks like some kind of washing station is set up, complete with ropes strung between two trees as a clothesline. The girls run me though the basics of washing the laundry. We start with the linens and then move on to the clothes. Moira scrubs the laundry on a wash board that is propped up against a log at the edge of the water; I rinse and wring them out and then hand them off to Lyza and Lycia, who hang the laundry up to dry. We have a nice little system going and we sing and laugh and tell stories, making the time go by faster. We even throw in a few playful jabs at Tryan, who pulls his shirt off in the hot, midday sun. I feel at home.

The sun is high in the sky when we finally take a rest. Moira and I relax under the shade of a tree while the girls play at the edge of the river. This whole time we've been here, I haven't seen Tryan rest at all, only occasionally take a few swigs of his water and continue on with the wood.

"Tryan sure is a hard worker," I say to Moira, who is lying on her stomach holding her hair off her neck.

"Mmhmm," Moira murmurs.

"Has he always worked this hard?"

Moira turns her head to face me. "Ever since Papa died, Tryan has been the man of the house. He had to grow up real quick and take on responsibilities that no thirteen year old should have to. He learned to be a hard worker to support us. He had to or else we wouldn't have survived. Tryan almost didn't go to the Capital to become a squire."

"Why not?" I ask.

"He was worried about us. He was afraid we wouldn't be able to support ourselves without him. Of course, we didn't want to stand in the way of his dream of becoming a knight, so we insisted he go to the Capital."

"And, obviously, you supported yourselves just fine."

"Well, the first couple of months were difficult, but we managed. Tryan sent home whatever he could afford from his earnings and we still sell our apples and pies at the market. When Tryan wrote to us saying he got the job as the Prince's squire, we were ecstatic! He was one step closer to becoming a knight and with a bit higher earnings, he still sends us money."

"If I would have known that he was sending his earnings here, I would have asked Papa to raise them."

"You see, though, he wouldn't have accepted your offer. Tryan is a man of honor and believes hard work is the right way. One thing about Tryan is that when he does something, he puts his whole heart into it."

I watch Tryan hard at work across the river as Moira talks about him. I could tell when I saw him at work around the castle that he put his whole heart into everything. I think that is why Brycen trusts him with my life; because he, too, has seen the way Tryan cares so much.

"That's why he was so upset with me," I think aloud.

At my words, Moira sits up on her elbows and looks at me.

"Upset with you? About what?"

I glance sideways at her. "When I got shot with the arrow. Tryan was so upset and angry with me. But he really wasn't upset with me, was he? He was upset with himself. My life was placed in his hands and I ruined it."

"Knowing my brother, you might be right. He put his whole heart into keeping you safe, and I mean his whole heart, and he feels like he failed. He loves you, Elaerya. I don't know why you can't see it. I have never seen him put more of his heart into anything."

"Do you really think he loves me?" I whisper.

"I can see it in everything that he does. You love him too, don't you?"

"Yes," slips out before I manage to suck it back in. Where did that come from? "I mean, no! Oh, I don't know, Moira. All of this is so unfamiliar to me. Sometimes he just makes me so mad and frustrated, but then I think about when he stayed up all night to take care of me when I had a fever, or his arms around me when he was teaching me how to swim, or when he kissed me that first night in the woods—"

"Wait, what?!" Moira was sitting fully upright now. "Tryan kissed you?!"

I look down at my hands. "Yes, the first night in the woods, when we were arguing after I told him about the poison. One minute we were yelling at each other and the next, my face was in his hands and he was kissing me."

"Why? What did he say?" Moira was leaning toward me now, as if I was telling her a grand fairy tale.

"I told him I was good as dead and then he kissed me and said I wasn't to him. And then I slapped him."

"You slapped him?! Why?"

"Because it was completely uncalled for and inappropriate! My brother's squire kissing me, a princess?! Think of it from my perspective."

"I guess you're right. It had to be a shock, but how did it make you feel?"

"I don't know. I was furious at first, but every time I see him now, I think back to his lips on mine."

Moira giggles.

"What?" I ask, shooting her a look.

"You have it bad, Elaerya," she says, lying back down on her stomach.

"Have what bad?"

"Feelings for my brother."

My eyes wander across the river to where Tryan is. Moira couldn't be right. I had tried so hard to keep this from happening. To keep myself from falling for someone with the end of my life ever drawing nearer. I told myself I wasn't going to leave anything behind once I was gone. Nothing to make my "departure" complicated. I keep telling myself that, but I think what I am most afraid of is how it will hurt Tryan. If we get close now, it will only make his pain greater when I am gone. But I know he has already put too much of his heart into it and no matter what I do, deny feelings that may or may not be there, his grief will be devastating once I'm gone. Why does everything have to be so complicated?! I let out a grunt of exasperation and flop onto my back next to Moira.

Suddenly, a piercing shriek comes from the direction of the river. I sit upright and squint in the sunlight to see the girls. I can only see one of them. I hear her scream again. It's not the usual sound of the girls playing; this is a scream of pure terror. I am on my feet before the words even leave her lips.

"Help! Someone help! Lyza fell in the river!"

Moira is right behind me as we sprint for the river.

"Lyza!" I yell, searching the surface for her dark head of hair. Then I see her just off the shore clinging to a tree branch.

"Help me!" Lyza cries, her hazel eyes filled with terror.

"I'm coming, Lyza!" I call to her. I am in the water before I can think. The current is so strong! I grab ahold of the branch with one arm and grab Lyza's waist with the other, keeping her head above the water. I feel around for a foothold until I find a submerged tree I can stand on to stay above the water myself.

"Hand her here! I can get her!" Moira calls from where she is kneeling on shore, reaching her arms out to grab Lyza.

"Lyza, you have to let go of the branch so I can pass you to Moira, sweetie," I tell her calmly.

"I'm scared, Cecily," she whimpers in my ear.

"Don't be scared. I've got you nice and sturdy."

Gingerly, Lyza releases her grip on the branch and I push her toward Moira as far as I can reach.

Moira grabs Lyza's arm. "I've got her!"

As she pulls Lyza out of my arms and safely to shore, I feel the current yank the submerged tree out from under my feet and rip me from my hold on the tree branch. I let out a yelp before the current pulls me under, tossing me every which way so I can't even tell which way is up anymore. I reach my arms out and try to find something, anything, to grasp on to. The current whips me around like a ragdoll until I slam into the bottom of the river and I hit my head hard on a rock. Suddenly, everything is fuzzy and I can't think straight. My only thought is to swim up. But which way is up?

I am out of air and all I can think about is that I am going to drown right here.

I am too weak to fight the current anymore and I give up, letting it carry me somewhere calm.

And somewhere in the calmness, I feel...peace.