Steve went about his work more lackadaisically than usual that day. He'd been working on the farm property for weeks now and no one knew about it... no one but a real estate agent, Wanda, Fury and him. He'd been excited to find this old farm from the 1940's and renovate it, it wasn't too big a house but was also comfortable enough. He'd found something to make him happy and keep him busy. He was enjoying researching remodeling and working with his hands. At the end of the day, he felt like he had put in a good day's work and he was proud of himself.

That's why it was puzzling to him that he had still been having the nightmares lately. He'd expected maybe they would stop or at least not be so plentiful.

He caught himself thinking about Natasha and smiling that day. Since she had finally gotten back in touch with him, he felt lighter.

A smile started at the corners of his mouth as he remembered what had happened just a couple of months earlier. It was the only happy memory from Natasha's near-death experience; being Natasha's pretend husband for a few days.

It had been a rough time for both Natasha and Steve. Nothing had been the same since.

He'd gone in the helicopter with her as the medics had pretty much insisted on it. But he didn't want to leave her either. His injuries were pretty bad and he was covered in a good amount of blood by now, some of it his, some of it Natasha's. They'd finally gotten her to breathe again during the heli-flight and he tried to contain his relief as his eyes welled up a bit, he told himself she wasn't out of the woods. It was obvious she had many other injuries and it was now possible she would have brain damage as well.

Maria Hill spoke into his comm to tell him they would have to be dropped off at the scene of a car accident. If SHIELD dropped them at a hospital, it would be a dead giveaway as to who they were. A car accident had been set up not far from a hospital and some SHIELD medics would already be there waiting to help and transport them, posing as paramedics. Real first responders would also be notified to make everything look real.

As they were nearing the drop off point, he was told he'd have to change out of his swat suit and they'd have to change Natasha as well.

Someone had tossed him a t-shirt and some pants. He was given a fake wallet with a fake id to put in his pocket. He looked at Natasha once more, laying there helpless and then he turned around to allow her decency while they changed her into street clothes. He wondered if a hospital stay would allow enough time for them to be found and hauled off to prison.

The staged car accident was pretty horrific. On the ground, the SHIELD team quickly loaded Natasha into the back of an ambulance and laid Steve out on the ground as if they'd been tending to him. The helicopter immediately took off and a very short time later, another ambulance arrived along with a fire truck and a few state troopers. Steve watched as Natasha's ambulance left and he suddenly felt so alone - even though he had a crowd of people around him. He didn't know how long the ride to the hospital was but it felt like an eternity laying there listening to the siren and being poked and asked about a million questions.

The rest of that afternoon was much of a blur. He'd had so many people taking a look at his injuries and asking him questions. Although if he focused on it, he realized he was in pain, but he was feeling frantic not knowing what was going on with Natasha, who was in surgery. After numerous x-rays, he'd had stitches in his forehead, stitches in his side, a butterfly patch put outside his left eye, his feet and shins were bandaged from glass shards and his left arm was in a sling. He looked like he'd been to hell and back. After he had been taken care of, he was put in a hospital room. No more than a few minutes had passed by when a nurse came into the room.

"Hi, Steve, I'm Mary - I'll be your nurse for the rest of the evening," she spoke sweetly but efficiently. She was aware of the "car accident" and she was purposely being gentle with him.

He shot her a quick, polite smile, "Hi Mary, nice to meet you." His voice sounded hoarse and tired.

She moved near his bed. "Can I get you anything, hon?"

Steve shook his head no. "No but I was wond..."

"I'm sure you want to know about your wife," she cut him off.

He felt a little flush come over his cheeks but tried not to give her a strange reaction. Natasha would logically seem like his wife in this situation, besides, who knows what information SHIELD had given the hospital. "Please," he said. It came out of his mouth in more of a begging tone and deeper voice than he'd meant. But he was going crazy not knowing what was going on.

"Let me go check and see what's going on, I will be back just as soon as I can," she said as she headed out the door. She turned back and asked "How long have you two been married?" Steve could tell she was trying to soothe his nerves and he appreciated her effort and warm smile.

"A little over two years," he answered. It felt odd lying about that but the truth wasn't going to be an option.

"We're going to take good care of her." Mary smiled and walked off to go on her mission.

Steve sat back in the uncomfortable hospital bed. He folded his hands and bowed his head and started to pray for Natasha.

It had been the longest day. He felt so far removed from everything that had happened earlier in the day... and from Natasha. He couldn't see her, he couldn't talk to her.

As worried as he was, the idea of Natasha being his wife flashed through his mind and he felt he couldn't breathe for a moment. It had been a long time since he'd thought about that at all. It didn't feel unnatural like he thought it would. Especially after spending the night laying in bed together.

Of course, Natasha was not the kind of girl he ever thought he'd marry... but him thinking about marriage was ages ago. Women were different. Men were too. Back in his previous life, he'd imagine moving away from Brooklyn like his mother had always dreamed about. He would want to live in a house and not an apartment and there would be at least four children and some land. But his wife... she'd be the love of his life. He would rush home to her at the end of the work day and pick her up and spin her around...

It was a great dream for it's time. But things aren't like that anymore, he thought.

And although it seems like he should have been upset that life wasn't like that anymore, he was unphased by that part. He was so thankful for the relationship he had with Natasha. They worked so well together and he enjoyed her company even more than that when they weren't on a mission. She made him laugh, she made him feel alive. He didn't feel like just Captain America like he was to the rest of the world, he felt like the best version of Steve Rogers.

It was good just to feel like Steve again.

He was sure he'd never see her standing in the kitchen in a dress. But thinking of her made his heart skip a beat.

She's so confident and so smart... it's sexy as hell, he thought. An image flashed in his mind of having dinner with her in a dimly lit room and seeing her smile at him.

He felt warm and calm for a moment.

"Buddy, you have got to stop doing this to me."

Steve snapped to when he heard the voice of his pal Sam.

"Sam," Steve said, he sounded relieved.

Sam sat down in the chair next to Steve's bed. "Woah, you're kind of banged up there, buddy. How's Natasha?"

"She's been in surgery, I haven't gotten an update yet," Steve said with a slight sigh and looked down. "How'd you know where we were?"

"Maria let me know. I got here as fast as I could," Sam said.

Just then, Nurse Mary walked quickly into the room. "Hello," she said to Sam. She looked at Steve, "Your wife just finished up with surgery. She is not conscious and she's going to have to be in recovery for a while."

"Is she going to be alright?" Steve asked. He sounded so small compared to his usual self.

"The doctor will have to speak with you," Mary said. "I'm sorry, I really wasn't able to find out more. If you'd like, I can take you to see her for a few minutes."

Steve nodded.

"But just a few minutes," she warned. Steve got the impression Mary might be getting herself into trouble if they were caught. "I'll have to get a wheelchair. Just give me a minute."

"Yes, ma'am," Steve said. Mary hurried out of the room.

"I wasn't invited to a wedding... You two go to Vegas and get hitched without me?" Sam said jokingly. He immediately realized the joke had fallen flat on Steve.

Steve swung his head to look at Sam. Sam was expecting Steve to warn him that this wasn't a laughing matter but instead, Steve just looked at him, broken and tired, bandaged and swollen. "I need to know she's going to get through this."

"Hey," Sam spoke softly, "she'll be okay. You did everything you could. You gave her a fighting chance."

Steve stared off into nowhere. "Sam, I..." his thoughts were hard to gather. "I'm afraid it's all my fault, she was following me. I wonder if I was distracted... and..."

"Distracted?" Sam raised an eyebrow. "You're about the least distracted person I know."

Steve's mouth opened as if he were about to talk but the rest of his face told Sam there was something Steve didn't want to say.

"You have feelings for Romanoff?" Sam asked, though he already had a feeling before this. Steve wasn't as hard for Sam to read as he thought he was.

Steve pursed his lips and nodded. He was actually a little relieved to talk to someone else about this.

Sam turned his whole body towards Steve to show his full attention. "Okay," he said, "when she gets out of this place, you're going to take her on a date." Sam wasn't playing.

Steve's tired eyes smiled just a little bit and he asked "Is that an order?"

"It is, Cap," Sam grinned. "And it's about time, too. You two've been running circles around this for years."

Steve was about to argue with Sam when they heard the wheelchair rattle into the room. "Let's get you up," Mary said as she moved towards Steve.

"Let me help you with that," Sam said getting up from his chair. "This guy is heavy."

Sam wrapped an arm around Steve while Steve slowly moved his legs over the side of the bed. Nothing on Steve's body hurt as bad as his side did but nothing was going to keep him from getting to Natasha. Sam eased him into the wheelchair and leaned in close. "Buddy, I'm going to catch you later. I'm just a phone call away. You go take care of your girl."

Sam started for the door.

"Sam," Steve said firmly, "thank you."

Sam bid a goodbye and Nurse Mary started to wheel Steve into the hallway. She stopped the wheelchair just outside the door. Steve looked up at her. Mary crouched down low and with her voice in a near whisper, she said, "I just want to prepare you, she's not going to look like what you're used to."

Steve gave her a consenting look. He had a lump in his throat.

When Mary wheeled him into the room, he couldn't see Natasha. His eyes darted around the room looking for her. The room was very white, very sterile-looking but dimly lit. And then he realized she was there, she just looked.... so different. She was almost completely wrapped in white gauze.

Oh God, no...

The lump in his throat started to sting. He knew he couldn't hide the look on his face. Nurse Mary rested her hand on his shoulder.

"She will look more normal in a few days - she has a lot of swelling. I'm going to give you a minute," she said and she moved the wheelchair closer to Natasha's bed.

Steve now had time to fully take in the site of Natasha. He wasn't sure if the sick feeling was worse now seeing her like this or earlier when she was lifeless in his arms. He honestly couldn't see how she would ever be Natasha again.

Her face was bruised badly and her head was wrapped in gauze. Only wisps of her blond hair poked out the bottom of the bandage. Her right leg was in traction. Most of her body was covered so he could only imagine how bad it was under there. There were lots of tubes sticking out from the blanket. He was somewhat thankful to not be able to see how bad it was.

The sound of her heart monitor seemed to echo in the room. She was right in front of him but she still felt a million miles away. His heart couldn't handle just sitting there looking at her. This was his friend. This was the person who had helped him save Bucky. This was the woman who made him nervous and relaxed a the same time and in the best way possible.

And there she was...laying there looking.... small.

Steve shifted in the wheelchair and stood himself up slowly. His body was starting to betray him. He leaned in closer to Natasha.

"Natasha," he said in a near whisper, "it's Steve." He searched for words even though he wasn't sure she could hear him. "I'm so sorry you got hurt. Tasha... please fight hard." His voice started to catch in his throat. He didn't normally call her "Tasha" but it somehow came out so naturally now.

Her limp body laid still in the bed.

"They're only going to let me stay a minute but I'm here." He looked at her face for any signs of movement but he didn't see any. "Come back, Natasha."

His side was throbbing and he knew he couldn't stand over her much longer so he leaned in by her face and gave her a slow kiss on the cheek. "Tasha, we miss you," he whispered. "I miss you." He pressed his forehead gently against hers wishing he could feel skin instead of bandage.

Nurse Mary came back to the room and saw him standing. She got him back into the wheelchair and started to wheel him away. He turned around to take one more look at her and Mary said "It's going to be okay."

He realized Mary saw him as Natasha's husband so he tried to think of something to say that would keep that story believable.

"I'll see you a little later, honey," he called out to her.

If it was acting, it didn't feel like much of a stretch. Steve was getting to play the man he used to think he'd end up being.

...The man he thought was gone after he thawed out a few years ago. It was the side of him he thought had gone down in the ice and was never coming back.

Back in his own hospital room, Steve didn't get much sleep that night. In the morning, Natasha's doctor came in to see him and give him a thorough update. Her list of injuries was extensive and he knew if a building had fallen on anyone else, they'd have perished for sure. Natasha was strong. The doctor believed she may eventually be fine but warned that it might be a long road for her. But no one could be sure.

The morning brought a new nurse who kindly offered for Steve to have his breakfast with his wife in her room. He took her up on the offer.

Once again, he thought he ought to play up their relationship for the nurse and when they rounded the doorway and entered her room, he said, "Good morning, beautiful." He asked the nurse if there was anywhere he could get a newspaper. She said she had one at the nurse's station and she went and got it for him.

Steve sat between Natasha and the window. The blinds were opened but it was pouring rain outside. The sky was dark and ominous. But this sterile room was starting to feel comfortable at last. He drank some orange juice and started paging through the paper. "What do we want to read about today?" He said out loud. He was determined to act normal for her, whether she could hear him or not. She looked a little better today, she tended to be a fast healer. He could tell that at least the bruising on her face was better.

He found the arts and leisure section and started reading out loud to her. The wheelchair was uncomfortable, the bandages were making him itchy and yet, he was enjoying having a somewhat normal moment with Natasha.

Reading the paper to my wife over breakfast... Keep dreaming, Rogers.

Throughout the morning, he received various phone calls and texts from the other team members. Everyone was worried. Wanda visited briefly. Sam stopped by to drop off some personal items for him. The days were long but he sat in Natasha's room as long as they would let him. After two days, he was allowed to leave the wheelchair behind and walk so he would take short walks around the hospital. His first trip was downstairs to the little shop to buy flowers for Natasha.

On day three, Natasha began to stir and she even opened her eyes slightly. But she was groggy and had some serious pain medication traveling through her system. He was sure she didn't know what was going on. His doctor released him that day and before Sam picked him up, he visited Natasha's room again to check in on her. "I'll be back tomorrow, Nat." he said to her and once again, he leaned down and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

The following morning, Sam offered to drive Steve back to the hospital. Steve showed up to the trauma ward in his own clothes, looking fresh and better rested and toting a fuzzy, cobalt blue teddy bear. He was excited to see if she had made any progress. Two nurses came out of Natasha's room as he and Sam were approaching. One whispered to the other and they nodded at each other. The nurses approached.

Steve wondered if they had been recognized and his blood went cold. Or worse yet, Natasha had taken a turn for the worse.

"Hi, good morning, Mr. Roberts," the first nurse said. It felt odd for Steve to answer to an alias but he understood why it was necessary. He could tell by her tone there was going to be bad news. He smiled and said "Good morning."

"The great news," she said quietly, "is that she's awake and she's even speaking. She made a lot of progress last night. She's in a good bit of pain."

"...and?" Steve asked.

The nurse sighed slightly. "She doesn't remember you." She paused to let it sink in. "But don't worry, this happens sometimes."

Steve was quiet which made the nurses think he was taking the news badly, but all he could think was Of course she doesn't remember her husband, she doesn't have one... she's not in on the joke.

The nurse wasn't done delivering the blows though.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Roberts, but she doesn't want to see anyone." The poor nurse felt so bad having to tell him.

"Okay," he sighed, "I understand. Could you give this to her?" He handed the teddy bear over. The nurse took it willingly. "Can I call later and check in?" he asked.

"Sure, that would be fine. Just call the nurses station. We'll let you know how she's feeling."

Steve and Sam left the hospital, trying to respect Natasha's wishes. "She'll be fine later," Sam said and squeezed Steve's sling-free shoulder.

In Natasha's room, the nurse with the teddy bear returned. Natasha watched her walk in, still feeling like her senses were slow. Although they weren't so slow that she didn't hear most of the conversation that had just taken place in the hallway. She'd heard Steve's voice, it made her eyes well up with tears.

"You're husband is very sweet, he is so worried about you. Poor thing didn't rest at all while he was here." She got closer to Natasha. "Here," she said "he brought this for you," and she placed the bear on the bed near Natasha.

The nurse made a fuss over Steve being so nice and how he'd been there the whole time. The nurse last night had told Natasha the same story. She'd said he had sat next to her bed and read the newspaper to her each morning.

The nurse was gone again and Natasha looked at the bear. Her eyes filled up again and a large tear ran down her cheek. She was feeling guilty about turning him away. But she didn't want him missing out on his own life to wait around for her... she didn't want him waiting around for her and getting caught by General Ross. After all, they couldn't have a life together anyway, she thought. She wasn't good enough for him.

He's doing these things because he has to pretend to be my husband.

...No ...he's not.

You're a jerk, Natasha.

Natasha started remembering sitting on the couch in the main living area in the Avengers compound one night. It was only a few weeks after they'd fought Ultron and no one was very high energy. On top of the events that had unfolded with Ultron, Bruce had disappeared. He disappeared just when she thought they might have something worth pursuing. She thought they both felt that way.

But she had been wrong and she felt like she'd finally thrown caution to the wind and opened up to someone... and all she'd gotten back was a slap in the face. You threw yourself at him like an idiot! she told herself. She felt embarrassed that she'd shown her feelings like that. She couldn't help but wonder if it was because she'd forced him to be the Hulk because they needed him to be. They really did need him as the Hulk right then and there. Maybe she'd ruined things herself when she pushed him into that pit. She would probably never know because Bruce was gone and there was no sign of him coming back.

The living area was quiet that night and she had some nonsensical movie on the tv. She was fighting the tears that were stinging her eyes. She wasn't about to let herself be that kind of person... someone who cried over another person like that. Thank goodness no one was around, she thought. She thought.

She'd heard footsteps behind her and she wiped the tears away quickly. Someone scratched her back quickly as they walked by and she looked up to see Steve. He smiled down at her and she was pretty sure he knew she wasn't okay but he was kind enough not to bring it up. He sat down next to her. "Whatcha watching?" he asked.

"Nothing important," she answered. "You're more than welcome to turn something else on."

And he did. And he sat with her and he acted like everything was fine and before she knew it, it was. She'd known for a while that he was the best friend she'd ever had. It was nice to have someone to rely on. She suddenly didn't feel so stupid anymore.

He ordered them pizza and they watched diy home shows. It was nothing and everything all at the same time. It was the most ordinary night but then again, neither of them got many of those. There was a lot of laughter and she'd never wanted that night to end.

But that was then.

And now she was laying in a hospital missing her friend and pushing him away.

Maybe he could be more than a friend but she wasn't about to find that out.

The tears flowed freely now but Natasha couldn't bring herself to change her mind. She'd gotten through life by herself before, there was no reason she couldn't do it now. She wanted to believe that Steve might have feelings for her but the level-headed spy part of her was talking her out of it more and more by the second.

Over the next week, Steve had called a few times but she didn't answer. He sent texts, she didn't answer. She couldn't bring herself to talk to him. She wanted to talk to him more than ever because he was her friend and she really needed one.

When she was released from the hospital and Clint picked her up, she was thankful to be talking to a friend and not thinking about ignoring Steve... which was all she'd been thinking about. But she couldn't talk to Clint about the one thing that was really bothering her and that was Steve.

She would go to the farm, she'd forget all of this. She would have the phone calls with a therapist like her doctor had recommended. She would follow up with the SHIELD doctor. She'd get stronger, she'd be fine. And no one needed more convincing of that than she did.

It was September now and she'd had some time to just hang out at Clint's farm. She felt much better and was slowly training herself but the nagging thoughts about what she had done to Steve just wouldn't go away. At least they were exchanging texts regularly now. It gave her hope that she hadn't pushed him away too far after all.

Steve was still not sure how to read her at this point. She was texting him but she'd also just shut him out for a long time. For the first time in years, he just didn't know how to take her.