It's so nice having him home, Natasha thought, as she watched him do dishes at the sink. She was standing next to him making a salad. "Dinner's done in about five minutes," she said.

"Okay," he said, continuing to wash.

"You think maybe we should get a dishwasher when we work on this room?" she asked.

"We could," he smiled. "I'm really glad you're staying. It makes working on this house so much more... rewarding."

She snuggled against his arm. "It feels like home."

Steve finished with the last pot and grabbed for the towel to dry his hands. He put an arm around her. "It does feel more like home now that you're here."

"What would you think about having some people over for Thanksgiving?" she asked.

He thought about it for a second. "Yeah... I really like that idea."

"It gives us a reason to get the old dining room painted and we can just put a couple of card tables in there or something," she said.

Natasha invited everyone the same day and they set about making plans for what they wanted to get done before then. The downstairs was finished besides the kitchen and the old dining room. They could at least get the dining room looking good.

***

-Monday, Thanksgiving Week-

The Monday before Thanksgiving, Natasha went out to shop for their supplies while Steve finished up some trim work in the dining room. She was walking through the grocery store with her giant list when she got a call from Nick Fury.

"Romanoff," he said.

"Nick..." she replied.

"I haven't heard from you," he said. She couldn't tell if he was angry about it or not because he sort of spoke like that all the time.

"Yeah, I've been meaning to give you a call," she said. "I've been doing a lot of thinking about it."

He was silent on the other end of the line.

"I'm seriously considering retirement."

"Retirement?" he sounded shocked. "Romanoff, you have to be kidding me. You're the best there is."

"Yeah and I'm also a wanted woman right now." She ducked aside into an empty aisle and spoke quietly. "What can I say? I guess the last mission just gave me a good scare. It's got me wondering if it's worth it."

"Okay..." he said.

"To be honest, I'm not completely done thinking about it yet," she said. "I can't say for sure."

"Alright," Nick said, sounding understanding and frustrated at the same time, "I can't pressure you. If you're done, you're done. But I need some intel asap so I'm going to have to send someone else." He paused. "Natasha, please reconsider. I would hate to lose you."

"Okay," she said. "I'll be in touch when I have made a decision."

***

The rest of her grocery haul was a blur and she found herself getting so lost in her thoughts, she couldn't focus. What in the hell am I going to do?

Pulling in the driveway at home, she saw Steve walk out of the garage towards her. "Hi babe," he said. He popped the trunk and started grabbing bags. "You okay?" he asked. She knew she wasn't hiding her conundrum well.

"Just a headache," she downplayed it. "You working on another painting?"

"Yeah, it's actually finished. I'm working on building a frame. I thought it would be nice to have something on the dining room wall when we have guests." He laughed playfully but Natasha wasn't joining in. "Sweetie, why don't you go lay down for a while? I can get the rest of the bags."

"Okay... yeah, thanks, I think I will" she said slowly as she grabbed her purse and headed for the house.

The headache part wasn't a lie because the back of her head had been thumping since she got off the phone with Fury. She just didn't know how to approach having this talk with Steve yet.

***

-Tuesday, Thanksgiving Week-

Natasha woke to a sensation on her cheek, which she slowly realized was Steve's nose rubbing lightly back and forth. "Rise and shine, birthday girl," he whispered.

She grinned with her eyes closed and stretched out to reach for him, pulling him down on top of her.

"Wake up, sleepy head," he prodded her. "Birthday breakfast in bed is served."

She opened her eyes and smiled at him and then noticed a plate with a chocolate cupcake and a glass of milk sitting on her nightstand. "Happy birthday, sweetheart."

"Thanks," she sighed. "Big 3-2." He rolled off of her to sit on the bed and she sat up next to him.

"Go ahead, have your breakfast," he said. "I have big plans for you today."

"Share it with me," she said, raising her eyebrow and picking up the plate. She started pulling the cupcake apart, handing him the half with the plate and keeping the wrapper to catch her crumbs. He looks so good this morning, she thought. He was only wearing his boxers and he was painfully unaware of what this did to Natasha.

She looked at him while she licked icing off her fingertip and he smiled. "Aren't you curious about what we're doing today?" he asked.

"Sure am," she said with a sly smile. He must be really excited about whatever he has planned for today, she thought, because he's not catching my hint.

She inched closer to him as he popped the last bite of his cupcake into his mouth. Natasha took a dollop of her icing and slid her finger over his mouth. Steve looked a little surprised. She pulled at his neck to bring him closer and started nibbling the icing off his mouth and then kissing him. Her hands were everywhere.

"Do I get a little something to hold me over until later?" she asked, breathing heavier than normal. "Unless you can't keep up...? You are 98 years old with a 32 year old, after all," she said as she started to tickle the soft skin on his sides.

He laughed heartily as she pushed him back on the bed and he reached out with both hands to hold her face and give her a kiss as she climbed on top of him. "Baby, I don't know how you can make me feel like a little kid and a dirty old man at the same time."

***

"I was going to take you hiking today," he said as they were driving away from the house. "Just a little too cold ...finally." He sounded disappointed.

She patted his arm, "Don't worry, you got some exercise in this morning."

"I think you're trying to make me blush, Miss Romanoff," he smiled.

"Oh I know I can't make you blush. I think sometimes you have a dirtier mind than I do," she laughed.

"Yeah, but not when it comes to you," he smiled. "But I have to admit that I feel like I'm excelling at 'that's what she said' since you taught me."

"It's true, the student has surpassed the master on that one," she said. "So where are we going? Do I get to know yet?"

"Ohhhhhhh, sure, I guess so. How do you feel about the art museum?" he asked, pretty sure he already knew the answer.

"Oh yes!" she clapped as her face lit up.

"...and then I thought we'd stop at Barbara's on the way home and have a nice dinner. Shouldn't be crowded because it's a weeknight."

"Awww, Steve. You're the best. You take such good care of me."

***

-Thanksgiving Morning-

Natasha and Steve woke up early to get the bird into the oven. They'd prepped a lot of food the night before so Natasha didn't have much to do when Steve went out for his run. She walked around the house making sure everything looked neat and gave the bathroom a good cleaning before she got herself ready.

Her nerves had been shot since she'd gotten the phone call from Fury but she was trying to put on a brave face. If she concentrated, she remembered that today would be the first day that the gang was seeing the house and that made her pretty happy.

Steve came back from his run on the phone laughing. It cheered her heart to see that.

"That was Sam," he said. "He still feels bad about not being able to make it. I told him he should be with his family. He can come for a visit some other time." He looked her over. "You look nice today."

"Thanks," she said.

Steve started towards her and put his hands on her hips, having a hard time controlling his thoughts since he saw her. "I'm going to go get cleaned up. Everything good here?"

"We're set for now," she said. "And hurry up and get in the shower before I try to jump in there with you," she laughed.

-Late Afternoon-

Wanda walked around the kitchen, following Natasha while Vision and Steve walked around the perimeter of the property. Nearly everything was done cooking and there wasn't much left to do besides eat. "Wanda, are you sure I can't get you something to drink?"

"Well okay but just water is fine," she smiled. "I really like this place, Natasha. You and Steve have done a great job."

"Well, thanks, we like it," Natasha said, handing her a glass of water.

"How's everything going with you two?" Wanda asked.

Natasha's cheeks started to swell and a big smile came over her. "Really great," she said. She wasn't doing a very good job of holding it together.

"Awww, Natasha. You look so happy!" Wanda threw her arms around her.

"And I'm glad you and Vision seem to be so perfect together," Natasha said, her face burrowed into Wanda's hair. "Come on, you want to help me start putting food out?"

"So where is everyone?" Wanda asked as they started carrying some dishes to the table.

"Sam's with his family, Scott has his daughter for the day and Clint's family will be here a little later. Laura's mom is with them today so they're going to probably pop in after dinner."

Wanda nodded and headed to the kitchen for another dish.

"Can I ask you something kind of personal?" Natasha called out. "You don't have to tell me..."

"Go ahead," Wanda said, hurrying past her with a steaming dish. "I bet I know what the question is."

"How do you and Vision... uh.....?"

Wanda started laughing. "You should see the look on your face!"

Natasha joined in the laughter and they tried to calm themselves down. Natasha pointed in the direction of the back door where they could see Steve and Vision walking back towards the house.

"Well, there are other ways," Wanda smiled devilishly.

"Look at you, lady!" Natasha laughed.

They tried to tame themselves as Steve opened the back door. "What are you two laughing about?" Vision asked innocently.

"I'm sure we don't want to know," Steve said to him jokingly and kept walking. "Babe, what needs to be done still?"

"Time to carve the turkey, chief," she said as she handed him the tools.

Wanda watched them move around the kitchen. "You two really have this cooking thing nailed down."

-After Dinner-

When they were finishing up eating, there was a knock at the front door. Steve got up to answer it but before he made it to the living room, Clint had opened the door and yelled "Hello, everybody."

"Clint, Laura!" Steve said happily. Laura was carrying Nathaniel and Steve reached out to grab him. "Hey buddy. How ya been?" Nathaniel looked happy to see him and said "See."

"Oh he's actually saying Steve," Laura laughed.

Steve looked at him with a big smile. "You saying my name, Nathaniel? That's awesome - good job!"

"Where are my other babies?" Natasha called from the dining room.

"They wanted to hang out with Grandma," Clint said as they all walked towards the dining room. "Grandma promised them a movie."

"Drinks?" Natasha asked. "Beer? Wine?"

"Yes and yes," Clint said.

Steve grabbed a couple more folding chairs and brought them in, still carrying Nathaniel. "Are you guys still hungry at all? We haven't put the food away yet."

Clint shrugged, "I could eat..."

Laura swatted at him. "You have to be kidding me!?"

Natasha handed him a beer and a plate and returned to the kitchen for a bottle of wine. Steve watched her move and interact with everyone. The sound of her laughter was intoxicating and he found himself sitting there with a smile on one side of his face... just watching this amazing woman who he loved.

He snapped to...

"Clint - you want to see the training room?" he asked.

"Sure," Clint said, standing up. The two walked out to the training room with Nathaniel and Steve closed the door behind them.

"Needed to talk to you," Steve said, hurriedly.

"Yeah, I could tell," Clint smiled. "What's up?" Clint reached for Nathaniel but Nathaniel turned towards Steve.

"I want to ask Natasha to marry me and I'd like your blessing."

Clint's eyes bugged out of his head and then his face had a giant smile on it. He patted Steve on the arm vigorously. "You're kidding??"

"Nope, not even a little." Steve's face looked steady and sure but happy at the same time. "I can't live without her."

"Oh man," Clint exclaimed. "Well, yes, of course! Of course!" Clint let out a big sigh. "I'm happy for you, buddy."

Clint looked at Nathaniel. "Watch this, Steve... Nathaniel, fist bump." and Nathaniel put his fist out for Clint to bump it.

Steve chuckled, "Okay, I'm going to have to try this" and he stuck out his fist for Nathaniel to repeat his trick. Nathaniel did not disappoint. Clint and Steve cheered loudly.

"So when's this happening?" Clint asked.

"It's gotta be soon," Steve said desperately. "I've been carrying the ring in my pocket for a month now."

"Come on, we better go back inside," Clint said. "You can put him down, you know... he can walk himself." Clint laughed.

Steve set Nathaniel down to the floor and he walked to the door and pushed. Clint put his hand on Steve's chest as Steve started to walk towards the door. "Play along," Clint said. Steve could see his mind working.

As Clint opened the door he shouted "Yaaaaay, Nathaniel! I told you you could beat Steve!"

"You kicked my butt," Steve said loudly.

They walked back into the dining room and sat down. "Did you see that right hook?" Clint boasted proudly. "That's my boy." He looked at Laura, "Nathaniel just handed Steve his A - S - S." They all laughed and cheered for Nathaniel... except for Vision, who looked perplexed but had chosen not to question their amusement.

"Who wants dessert?" Steve asked.

Natasha got up to help.

"I got it, you relax," he said to her.

"Okay, then I'm going to take this little guy" she said as she snatched up Nathaniel, "and snuggle him!" She sat back with him on her lap. Steve looked at her holding Nathaniel and his heart swelled up. She and Nathaniel were already in their own little world.

Dessert was a hit, especially with Nathaniel who ended up wearing a lot of his pumpkin cake. Steve lured him into the kitchen to clean him up. They could hear Steve's voice from the kitchen. "

"They're best buddies," Wanda leaned over to say to Natasha.

"They sure are," Natasha smiled.

"Well, at least you know he'll make a great dad," Wanda smiled.

Natasha's blood ran cold and she nodded at Wanda. She hadn't told him... and she suddenly remembered she had also not told him about the conversation with Fury. Natasha's heart started to beat fast.

He can never have children with me...

He's going to be crushed. I am such a failure.

Wanda put her hand on Natasha's arm because she could tell that she was upset. The laughter continued and Steve returned carrying Nathaniel. The rim of Natasha's eyes started to sting.

Before Natasha knew it, she was saying "excuse me" and her legs were walking her across the room into the hallway and up the stairs.

Steve looks at them as if to say "what happened?" Laura stood up to take Nathaniel and her eyes were glistening because she was pretty sure she knew what set Natasha off. Steve stood watching her for a moment and she whispered "just go." He ran for the stairs.

"Natasha?" he whispered while he knocked on the bedroom door. Although the door had no lock and he could have walked right in, he wanted to respect her wishes.

"Honey, can I come in there and talk to you?" he asked, trying to keep his voice down. He heard nothing from the other side of the door. Finally, he started to worry and he decided it was time to do something.

"Natasha, I'm coming in," he said gently. He didn't see her in the room but the closet door was open. Walking around the bed, he could see into the closet and there she was, sitting on the floor with her knees pulled into her chest. Her shoulders were shaking and she had her face covered by her hands. When he got closer, he saw that she had a duffle bag on the floor.

"Sweetheart, what's going on?"

Natasha couldn't even will herself to look up at him. All her strength was going to not making sobbing noises out loud.

Steve got down on the floor outside the closet to be closer to her. He rubbed a hand over her hair, trying to be comforting. Natasha didn't budge.

"Nat, I don't know what happened but you can talk to me. You're worrying me."

She opened her mouth to speak. "I... I..." and then it she drifted back into sobbing. Steve was getting an anxious feeling in his chest. The open bag and the crying couldn't be a good sign.

Finally, Natasha took a labored breath and moved her hands to reveal red, puffy eyes and running mascara. She still couldn't look at Steve. "I don't know how to say this," she muttered as she started crying harder again.

Steve was quiet for a few seconds before he nervously asked, "You don't love me anymore?"

"No," she cried out. "I love you more than ever..."

"Honey, just tell me. It's okay."

"Steve," she took a deep breath, "I just don't know how to tell you... I can't get pregnant." She watched his face for a reaction.

His forehead creased. "What do you mean, Tasha? You're on the pill, aren't you?"

"No, I mean... I can't have kids... I'm sterile. It's something they do when you pass your final test in the Red Room..." she sniffled and wiped at her eyes.

"And you wanted children?" he asked softly.

"I never really got the chance to decide," she admitted. "But seeing you with Nathaniel tonight..." she teared up all over again. "You would make the best dad. Being with me takes that away from you."

Steve exhaled sharply as his eyebrows raised again. His heart broke for her right then and there.

"Fury has a few missions lined up and maybe it is best if we don't prolong this and I just go," she said.

He was quiet for a second. "You mean you want to break up?" he asked.

"If I go now, you still have a shot at kids with someone else." She shook her head as she looked down, trying to shake the whole situation away.

"Natasha... you mean I deserve to be happy and have a life but you don't?"

"I.... I don't know..."

"I hope that's not what you mean," he said firmly. She didn't answer. "Nat, I am with you because I love you and that's what's important here. I'd walk to the ends of the earth for you. If we can't have kids, we can't. That doesn't mean I don't want you. I don't want to be with anyone else, I want you."

When she looked at him, her face finally looked calmer.

"And if you go, I'll never get over you," he smiled gently. Then he straightened up his shoulders, remembering her in the hospital. "I watched you almost die, I can't lose you again." Steve's voice choked in his throat, "I held you, lifeless in my arms... that's when I knew I would be lost without you."

He looked at her to gauge her reaction. He couldn't tell what she was thinking but she looked much calmer. Calmer and very tired.

"Nat," he sighed and laid a hand on her knee, "it may not have been the smartest idea for us to have kids anyway. I mean, we have a lot of enemies."

She sniffled. "Yeah, you're right."

"I mean, I hope you realize I'm not looking for the perfect little wife from the 1940's...?" He looked at her questioningly. "You're the person I chose because I know you and look how much we've been through together. You're my best friend."

"You're my best friend," she said. Somehow this one statement of his seemed to lighten her up more than anything.

"I want to take care of you, Nat - and I know you don't need to be taken care of, that's just who I am. And I respect who you are." He paused to gain composure."You're smart... strong... confident... it's sexy as hell. And you're beautiful inside and out. I know you don't need anyone in your life. But I dread the thought of my life without you."

She looked like she was in a better mind frame so Steve leaned over and wrapped his arms around her. He spoke into her hair, "There isn't anyone else who would understand me like you. I think you relate to me better than anyone." He pulled back to look at her. "You do realize I couldn't have a life like this with someone besides you...? You know how to take care of yourself."

"I hadn't really thought of that," she said. She felt like he had made valid points and maybe she just hadn't looked at it hard enough. She tightened up her grip on him and buried her face into his chest while Steve rubbed his hands slowly up and down the length of her back. "I'm sorry, Steve. I'm so sorry," she cried again.

"Honey, it's okay. I told you, we just need to talk about things. I'm with you..." he almost said "til the end of the line" but even though that was true, he thought it was too Bucky to say to Natasha.

"I know, I just didn't know how to tell you," she said, wiping more tears away.

"That's a tough thing to tell," he said gently.

They were quiet for a minute.

"So you are fine with not having kids?" she asked.

Steve thought about how to be diplomatic because he didn't want to hurt her. Too many people had done that to her already. He sighed.

"I thought the guy who wanted stability and a family was gone... maybe he's not gone. Clint has been able to pull it off, maybe it can be done. And if we decide we want kids someday down the line - then there's always adoption." In reality, Steve loved the thought of having children with Natasha. But being with her and having no kids was more important than being with the wrong person just to have kids.

"Steve, I doubt anyone is going to hand two fugitives a kid..." she smiled.

"You and I both know we wouldn't be going through that the normal way. There's always the option of hiring a surrogate." He hugged her tighter. "I should really get back downstairs. Do you want me to say you have a migraine?"

She blew air out of her mouth while she thought about how bad she probably looked. "Just give me a few minutes, I'll be down."

When Steve returned downstairs, Laura and Vision were cleaning off the table and everyone tried their best not to acknowledge what had just happened. "Nat's going to lay down for a few minutes, she has a migraine," he said. Meanwhile, she was upstairs splashing her face with the coldest water she could get, putting drops in her eyes and reapplying her makeup. When she returned, she didn't look much worse for the wear and everyone was sitting in the living room watching football.

"Steve, the Advil wasn't upstairs," she said, trying to be breezy.

"Top left kitchen cabinet," he said.

She went to the kitchen for water and Advil.

"Anyone want a drink?" Wanda asked and got up to go to the kitchen.

Laura looked at Steve who gave her a nod as if to say "everything's okay."

In the kitchen, Wanda hugged Natasha. "I'm so, so sorry, Natasha. I didn't think about it." Though she hadn't been told, Wanda did, in fact, know that Natasha had been sterilized because Wanda had seen Natasha's memories when she was helping Ultron. "I'm the worst friend."

"It's okay, Wanda. Really... it upset me more that I hadn't told Steve yet. He knows now."

"And he's fine, right?" Wanda asked.

"Of course, he's.... Steve. He takes just about everything in stride. I'm more upset with myself than anything."

In the living room, everyone sat on the couch, except Steve and Nathaniel, who were playing with some of his trucks on the floor. Natasha sat on the couch behind him and put her arms around his shoulders. It felt comforting to let herself be that close to him.

Thanks to Clint's ability for being a smartass, there was a lot of laughter that night. Natasha was actually able to relax and enjoy herself. Vision and Wanda left but Clint, Laura and Nathaniel stayed a little longer to visit.

"Nat, can I get the grand tour?" Laura asked.

"Sure, come on," Natasha said and they started up the stairs.

Nathaniel sprung up from the floor and ran over to the stairway "Na-asha!"

"Hey, he upgraded my name," Natasha laughed. "Come on, buddy. You want to come too?"

"You seem okay now," Laura said once they were upstairs in the master bedroom. "It was the baby thing, wasn't it?" Laura was very gentle with her.

"How'd you know?" Natasha asked.

"I saw you watching Steve with Nathaniel... I just knew."

"He seemed to take it pretty well," Natasha said. "I don't know when I will be over it but I'll get there." She took a deep breath. "This is harder than I thought it was going to be. I thought I'd made my peace with it until Steve and I got together... and then I realized I would love to have kids with him."

She looked at Laura and Laura could see how tired her friend was.

"But it's all going to be okay," Natasha said.

***

Natasha carried Nathaniel back downstairs and plopped down on the couch next to Steve. "Seee," Nathaniel said, looking at Steve. Then he rested his head on Natasha and got quiet while the adults watched the rest of the football game.

You don't know what the future will bring, she said to herself as Steve rubbed her leg while he stared at the tv. Nathaniel fell asleep on her lap and she shifted down into the couch and against Steve.

He looked over at her holding Nathaniel and there was a little tightness in his chest. She does want kids... Steve didn't know what he was going to do to get her the life she deserved and wanted but he was going to make it happen.

***

Natasha was laying in bed watching Steve brush his teeth from across the hallway. Her eyes were tired from the crying but she was comfortable and relaxed. She called across the hallway, "I never wished you a Happy Thanksgiving today."

He smiled at her with the toothbrush in his mouth.

When he was finished, he headed towards her and put his knee on the bed while he pulled the covers down on his side. She loved the way he looked at bedtime in his pajama pants and white t-shirt. When he climbed under the covers, he turned towards her and watched her face. "Happy Thanksgiving, baby." He leaned over and gave her a little kiss. "Get some sleep, you had a long day," he said.

She closed her eyes and reached over to turn the lamp off. Steve laid his arm around her stomach.

"That was so much fun today," she said, not even opening her eyes.

"I had fun too," he said, starting to yawn. He buried his face in her neck and sighed, contentedly. "We should do it again sometime."