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There was going to be a Mathematics competition, and schools all around California were busy selecting their top ten candidates. The air buzzed with anxiety and excitement as both the smart and the not-so-smart jockeyed for position. If we were to crown the Math wizards of our generation, no one would forget Bliss Whales. She was quiet, undeniably brilliant, and carried an air of arrogance that grated on my nerves. But if I wanted to participate in this contest, I had to get on her good side.

Did I just say "make friends" with a girl? Nay... I meant to get close to her; that was even worse! First, I had to work on my appearance. She had a disdain for nerds, so I broke my glasses. She liked bad boys, so my shirt was untucked. I thought I knew how to speak to her. "Hello, girl!"—no, that was too weird. "Hi," I settled on.

In class that day, I switched seats to sit next to Bliss, but I hadn’t considered the ramifications of sitting next to Julie. Now she would think I had come for her. "Hi, Sam. You look better without those glasses. Glad you took my advice," Julie said, as if I cared. I turned away, determined to stay focused on my mission. I was here for one reason only: Bliss.

"Hi, Bliss! How are you?" I asked, forcing myself to meet her gaze.

"I'm good. You?" she replied, her tone surprisingly warm. I hadn’t expected her to engage.

"I'm glad you decided to take Julie's advice in removing those glasses," she added. "You looked weird and ugly."

I barely processed her words; I was too busy getting lost in her eyes. "What is happening to me? What about the promises I made to myself? What about the pain and heartbreak I’ve endured? Am I going to forget all that?"

But as I stared into those captivating eyes, a wave of guilt washed over me. I thought of Janet—lying in that hospital bed, barely clinging to life. I could still hear her mother’s cries echoing in my ears, the weight of my choices pressing heavily on my chest. Did I want to throw myself into something new when the ghosts of my past still haunted me?

Bliss noticed my distraction and snapped her fingers in front of my face. "Hey, you were lost. Don’t tell me you were staring at me. It’s normal for boys like you to stare at pretty girls."

What was she saying? I hated giving girls the impression that they were anything special. I needed to set her straight. "Staring at a monster? I’d rather die than look at that mask you call a face," I shot back.

But she didn’t back down. "Oh, yes! Mr. Handsome, call my face whatever you want. At least if I were a boy like you, I wouldn't foolishly fall for Janet."

Laughter erupted in the classroom, and it hit me then: our voices had been too loud. Bliss quickly apologized, "Sorry, Sam." But I wasn’t really upset; it felt good to have someone challenge me.

Yet, beneath the bravado, I felt the familiar pang of loss. I couldn’t help but notice Julie’s gloomy expression. She had switched seats just to show her jealousy, but I was too caught up in Bliss to care. "Thank God she moved," I thought, but guilt gnawed at my insides. Was I ready to turn my back on someone who had once meant so much to me?

"A friend is a friend and should stay within the boundaries set for friends," Julie had once said, her voice echoing in my mind. But now, in this confusing whirlwind of emotions, those boundaries felt more like chains. I wrestled with my feelings, torn between my past and this new potential.

With the competition looming ever closer, I stood at a crossroads. Could I push aside my feelings for Janet and my history with Julie and focus on this new connection with Bliss? The questions swirled in my mind, weighing heavy on my heart. I wanted to escape my past, but the shadows kept creeping back in, reminding me of the pain I’d tried to leave behind.

As I stared at Bliss, I felt a mixture of hope and fear. Hope that maybe, just maybe, I could find a way to heal and move on. But the fear of repeating my past mistakes loomed larger than ever. I had been changed by the heartbreak and loss, but could I truly start anew?

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