I stand in front of Rajah Sinagtala's office, but I feel so happy and excited that I need to calm myself down before knocking. But who would not be elated by this?! Sinagtala says that he's finally allowing me to visit his Collections! That he's giving me access! Finally!

I take a deep breath. Sinagtala is at the other side of the door. Then I knock. As expected, it's Sinagtala who opens the door for me. There's an open smile on his face. It's so bright that I can't help but smile back.

"Hi," I say. His smile vanishes and looks around. Probably, he's afraid that Mainlanders can see us? So I tiptoe and reach up to pat his head. But since he's a few feet taller than me, I did it awkwardly.

I get the reaction I'm waiting for though—his smile widens. He removes my hand from the top of his head and brushes my hair away from my shoulder, displaying the hickeys he gave me in plain sight. These are the same marks I hide underneath my chains of necklaces, afraid that Migo or Aian would see it and ask me questions that I am not ready to answer.

When Sinagtala's fingers graze gently around it, I flush, but I still can't take my eyes off his face. He seems satisfied and secured that it is still there, that I still belong to him. My cheeks feel hotter. I am not his and he's not mine. Who am I kidding? I am not the kind of woman who would give my all to a man, especially after a heartbreak and especially not to someone I only shared a few kisses with. No, not a few, but a lot of it. Still, we don't have a label and we said no promises to each other.

Sinagtala pulls me close and kisses me. I accept it and wind my arms around his waist. When I feel like it's not enough, I pull myself closer to him and deepen the kiss. For a minute, we're locked in each other's embrace.

Suddenly, I hear someone clear his throat. I pull back abruptly, suddenly aware of what I am doing. I look around, anxious if there is someone else watching other than the one who clears his throat inside Sinagtala's room. Then Sinagtala places his hand on my waist and ushers me inside. I start to struggle.

"I don't think that's a good idea," I say. Whoever it is, it will be too awkward to face him, or her.

"Certainly," he answers. Then he shut the door behind him, making me unable to see the person who saw us kissing. He then holds my hands, with his arms brushing against mine.

"I also think that walking with you is a bad idea," I say, frowning. "Maybe you can step a bit further from me?"

He chuckles. "And kissing me passionately by the door is not?"

My cheeks grow hot again. Seriously, with him, I feel like I'll reach my boiling point in no time.

"Who's the one who clears his throat?" I ask, changing the topic. "Besides, is your Collections far from your office?"

Sinagtala grins and says, "You'll see. This way."

We walk half a meter away from each other. If someone sees us, they might think that I am here to serve him. This time of day, there should be warriors prowling around the area yet, we encounter no one. Is it possible that this area is one of the restricted parts while the Mainland people are visiting?

Sinagtala stops. "Here it is," he says, opening the door to his Collections.

Like Sinagtala's room and office, the outside looks ordinary. I have passed this room a couple of times, not knowing that this is the one I'm looking for. The space inside the room is thrice the standard size of any room in his abode, with shelves of books lined up wherever there is space. The books are old but preserved.

I step tentatively into the room. There is no one inside. I hear Sinagtala lock the door from inside, but I didn't care. I can feel his eyes on my back, but this library and all its books are all I could focus on. It is ordinarily wonderful. I feel like I am back in my time and at the same time; I feel like I am in a museum. My hands glide softly along with the very few tables inside, as if it is precious. I can't be more than happy to be here. This is just a library, a single step towards going back to our time, yet why am I drowning in my own emotion?

I turn towards Sinagtala, ignoring the way he watches me and I run to him. I wrap my arms around him and say, "Thank you!" I am breathless with happiness.

"About time you come back to me," he says as he wraps his arms around my body. "I'm getting jealous over the books."

I tighten my hold on him. "Why would you be jealous of them?"

He laughs. "You're so rough with me and you handle them as if they are more precious than I am."

I hide my face in his chest. I am aware of it, aware that there's no softness or timidness in the way I touch him. But there is no need for him to say it out loud.

He reaches for my hair and brings it to his nose. I pull back. "You can't do that," I say as I watch him smell my hair.

"Chamomile. You smell like chamomile," he says. "It's divine."

I am dumb with surprise. He really knows how to catch me off-guard. There's no way I would smell like a flower. There's no shampoo here and all I use is the extract from different mixtures of herbs like aloe vera.

"You do know we are alone in this room?" he asks.

I take a peek at him, finally recovering from my surprise, and grins. "I am very much aware, my dear Rajah."

"You should let go of me now or I won't be able to stop myself."

My grin widens. He's like a child whose playmate is busy, so he's restraining himself. "Sometimes, you're really adorable," I say.

He seems surprised by my response. Being a Rajah, he might not be used to the description. I look up to him. I want so much to stay in his embrace, yet I know that I must start reading the books. I unwind my arms around him and walk around the room. I go from shelf to shelf, browsing through the titles of the books. Everything is in here, science, history, culture, music, and even fiction. Only there is not a single one about technology. We might really be in the past. If so, if I go back to my time, Sinagtala won't be there anymore. I banish the thought away and proceed to scan through the books.

Then I catch sight of a portrait. It is of a beautiful woman. Her chin raised, her hair falling in cascades at her back and her eyes full of wisdom. She holds what looked like a ceremonial scepter with an unfamiliar symbol etched on its head. The symbol has a triangle in it with a bird that is about to take flight.

I look back at Sinagtala to ask about the portrait, but I find him sitting on one of the chairs. His eyes are closed and he's dozing off. I smile and approach him. He looks like a child when sleeping. It might be because he looks so defenseless. I stare at him. If I return to my time, will I miss him? Will he miss me? Probably not. There are a lot of women who will be more than willing to replace my spot beside him.

I feel a pinch in my chest. If he would replace me with someone, hopefully, he'd do it when I'm no longer around. Seeing him with another woman is something I don't want to deal with. Although, right now, he's with me and I know I should enjoy it while it lasts, but still—

I snort. Am I becoming more and more attached to him? Am I becoming addicted to his touches, his caresses, his kisses? And when he's married, what then?

Another pain. When he's married, I won't have time like this with him anymore. No, the woman from the Mainland is here, so I probably have what, at least a week? Why am I being troubled by separation from someone I don't love? Wait, don't tell me he is giving me this access as a farewell gift?

No! I don't want to think about it. I still don't want to separate from him. In the meantime, he is mine alone. I sit on his lap and wove my arms around his neck. I place a light kiss on his lips, my hair brushing against his face. He opens his eyes. His face is only a few inches away from mine. He's scowling at me. Is he the type who gets mad when being woken up from his slumber?

I didn't mind, and he didn't complain, so I touch his cheeks softly. He seems unaccustomed to it and he continues to glare at me. I kiss the part between his eyes and when I look back, gone is the furrowing of his brows. I ignore the way he looks at me. I know what it is now. I know what he wants. I always see that look in his eyes every time we make out and it always took my all to resist him. I continue to touch his face, trailing lightly on his forehead, down his cheeks, to his chin, and my eyes linger on his lips. I've tasted him many times, but somehow, I still always want to kiss him.

Then, his mouth forms into a playful smile. "That's a nice way to wake someone up," he comments.

I ignore his insinuations, and my focus goes to his hair. I touch and play with it using my fingers like how he does to mine. I lean closer and kiss him on the top of his head. He didn't move and didn't speak. He just watches me as my fingers touch the back of his ears and down the side of his neck.

After a few weeks of sharing kisses with him, I have become so free with my touches. In that short amount of time, I've become so perverse. Lately, I can't stop my desire to touch and kiss him. This is why I never want Migo or Aian to find out. This feeling, it is surreal, as if I am dreaming, but I never want to stop.

Yet, I did stop. I touch his shoulders and look him in the eye. "You had no idea how much I wanted to thank you."

I lean closer and hug him. I lie there, my arms on his chest and enjoying the way his heart beats. This situation is too perfect that I never want this moment to stop. Then, he wraps his arms around me and I bury my face in his chest. Whatever it is I find out, I'm glad I met him.