When the Rajah sees my smile, he stops stroking my bare shoulders. He seems surprised. "Too bad," I say. I tiptoe, move closer to him, and whisper, "I am naked underneath." To prove my point, I wind my arms around his neck and press my body to his.

Of course, I am lying. Who in their right mind would go out with only a blanket around them? But when he takes a lungful of air, I know it's working. I unwind my arms around him and am about to check what kind of expression he is making when he grabs my waist and pulls me towards him.

I hear the door closing behind me before I am lifted. I exclaim in surprise, but it is a pleasant surprise. It works! I feel triumphant. Then he drops me on the bed and when he's on top of me with both his elbows and forearms on either side of my head, I start to hesitate. Is this really a victorious moment? Nevertheless, my eyes never waver from his. I want this. If there's someone I'd do this with, I'd rather it be with someone I am physically attracted to, someone that Renz will feel regret for letting me go.

Rajah Sinagtala leans down and his lips meet mine. I accept it and to prod him on; I wrap my arms around his neck to pull him closer. He lets go and smiles down at me. After touching the corner of my mouth, he licks it, as if tasting it. My hold on him tightens. What is that? Renz has never done that before, but it is good.

He kisses me again, deeper this time, his tongue playing around with mine, and I mimic his action. Every time I need to catch my breath, he whispers to me how to kiss him properly and I do as he instructs. It's a novel experience. Kisses with Renz are never like this, not as good as this. The only time I felt this with him was when he was angry and called me a slut.

I stop and pull back. Am I becoming a slut? The Rajah does not notice my hesitation and thinks that I am just catching my breath again. I feel his craving for me. I feel his hands exploring my body. The blanket that I brought with me was discarded on my side.

When he looks at me and sees that I am not really naked underneath the blanket, he whispers, "You liar."

But then his kisses trace from my chin to my neck, and down my collarbones, all the while exposing me further. When he reaches for my chest, his tongue teases my nipple. I jerk from the sensation and push at his shoulders.

I breathe. "What is that?" I ask, loudly this time.

He smiles and traps my arms on either side of me.

"Don't worry, it's part of the play," he says and licks his lips.

"What pla--" I moan when he licks it again.

"See? You like it, so just relax," he says and kisses my cheeks.

After that, he goes down again and continues licking and sucking that my back starts to arch. I moan and groan until my hands reach for his head to caress his hair. It is soft and I like the feel of it on my hands. And when another surge of pleasure runs through me, I feel like I might get addicted to this.

When his tongue goes down further, my emotions have come into a state of disarray. His kisses and touches are startling; new, but the sensation he's giving me is sweet and a bit foreboding. Then he goes even lower, all the while trailing kisses on my body, his hands deft as he opens me to him. I know there will be pain, but after all the challenges we went through, this will be nothing.

Then he stops. My anticipation becomes too much. Is this part of the play? I look at him. He's staring at my stomach, then back at my face.

"What's wrong?" I ask, breathless. I want him so much to continue. "Please," I beg him, as if I am on edge. "Is my body not pleasing enough for you?" I ask.

Then he let go of me as abruptly as he kissed me by the door. I sit up and watch him take my blanket and cover my body with it. He looks tense as he massages his head.

Is he regretting it? Is there something wrong with me? Doesn't he want me as much as I want him now? When tears warn me of their presence, I bite my lips to stop it.

He glares at me. "Who knew about this?"

"Knew what?" I ask, feeling deprived and unsatisfied.

"Don't play the fool with me," he warns. He's back to being a Rajah during the Argentavis task again, as if I don't matter at all. Gone is the passionate man who kissed me moments ago.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Who else saw your body?"

"No one! Only you. You are supposed to be my first!" Am I too dirty that I shouldn't have displayed my body to him?

He's taken aback. He's about to reach for me again when he stops. Instead, he pulls me up from the bed and dresses me as if I am a little child. Then, he places a malong around my shoulders and hides my face in it. Am I too ugly to be seen without it?

"Now go and never come back," he says and pushes me to the door like he's disgusted at me.

But I will not leave like this! I turn around to face him and try to reach for his cheeks, but he stops my hand.

"I just want to touch you!" I complain. He laughs, but now there's something else on it too. I stay my ground. "What is wrong with me that you didn't like?" I ask instead.

"I don't take a pure woman for one night of pleasure," he answers.

"I'm no longer pure."

"Still untouched though."

Somehow, I can't believe that it's really the reason. "You're lying. Tell me the truth!" I insist. My voice is getting louder.

"Fine. I don't like your body. So be off now and don't come back." He opens the door and beckons me to leave.

"Okay! I would leave, but you will never have another chance with me if you throw me out tonight!"

He smirks at me. "Not happening. I will forget you when I wake up tomorrow."

I fume and feel sorry for myself. I fix the cover on my face. I leave the room and walk away. I'm not even a meter away from his room when I feel his hands on my waist, turn me around and pull me for a long, deep kiss that I catch myself reeling and unable to balance.

Then he whispers, "I must warn you, never show your body to anyone."

I push him away and curse at him. When he lets me go, I run, taking the path with no sandigs patrolling. I dash towards the Babaylan's residence. Being thrown out like a common slut, I hate myself more. What's left for me to do? I need something to grab onto, so I won't fall into despair. Please. I stop walking and sit on the side of the walkway. Please, I need some emotional outlet, lest I fall into the pits.