Evelyn had fallen asleep curled up, like a cat, in the chair by Newt's bed. King after Newt had fallen back asleep, she stayed up watching, and sketching. Hephaestus had nestled down in the crook of Newt's shoulder and fallen asleep, Evelyn couldn't help but sketch it, it was too cute.

She slept like that for the rest of the night, it wasn't the most comfortable, but she didn't want to leave either. So when Newt's eyes fluttered open and looked around the sun lit room his eyes fell on the girl curled uncomfortably on a hard chair by his bed.

With a frown of confusion and guilt he watched her for a moment. A strand of her hair fell in her face and it fluttered when she exhaled. Her long eyelashes gently kissed her cheek when they fluttered in her sleep. The strap of her dress had slipped a little, exposing her shoulder. Newt wasn't sure if he wanted to cover her up with a blanket, or run his fingers over her soft skin. He hated the way his stomach somersalted and his heart skipped a beat. Their last kiss floated to the surface of his sleepy mind.

Shuck that was the most alive I've felt all year. His mind recreated it for him, he closed his eyes and savored it. The way she let out a gasp of surprise; how she melted into him instantly, her hands running through his hair; the electric feeling in his hands when he touched her bare skin; how her lips felt and tasted. The soft moan she let out when he pushed her into the wall, kissing her in a way he never thought he was capable of; and the way her body just fit his when he pushed up against her. She made him feel alive. He craved more, he needed more; more of her, more of his guardian angel.

With his heart racing wildly he watched her shift slightly, the strap falling just a bit more. His breathing was picking up and his palms were sweaty. Her shift made the notebook in her lap slide off and it landed open. He propped himself up and peeked over the bed.

The pictures on each page were of him. On one side it was more of a headshot, messy shaggy hair, bags under his eyes, he definitely lost weight, but it was the eyes she drew that caught his attention. She made them so realistic it was like looking at an actual photograph, or mirror. They looked so sad and broken. It made him want to reach out and hug the boy, he felt his heart breaking. He stared at it for a long time. He ripped his eyes from the page and looked at the other one. It was him and Minho, by the fire. Their heads thrown back laughing. Again it was so detailed and realistic he could almost hear the laughter from the page.

He tried reaching for the notebook but an unbelievably sharp stab of pain shot through him he gasped and tears pricked his eyes. He cursed so badly Minho would be impressed. Laying back on his back he panted with the pain, he broke out in sweat as his leg throbbed in pain.

"Oh Newt! Hold on! I'll get you more pain meds!" A sleepy worried voice said.

He didn't acknowledge it, too focused on not throwing up from the pain radiating from his ruined leg. She came back with a needle and a clear bottle of clear liquid. He felt a pinch in his arm and then the drugs flowed through him and he let a sigh of relief out. The pain lessened to an ache. He could breathe normally again.

"Thanks." He muttered.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, sitting back down, her head hung.

"What are you buggen' sorry for?" His question came out harsher than he intended, her head was down so she didn't see him flinch at his own voice.

"I...I tried. I tried my best!" He heard her sniff, and watched as she rubbed her eyes. She glanced up at him, and then back to her hands in her lap.

"It wasn't good enough, and now you have to suffer because I couldn't do enough."

He frowned. How could someone who looks like an angel, who gives her all to everyone leaving nothing for herself feel like she wasn't enough?

Instead he said nothing and shrugged lamely. Looking away from her heartbroken face he stared at the wood ceiling, trying to ignore the silently crying girl beside him. Eventually she picked up her notebook, placing it on the bedside table, picked up the duty cups and quietly walked out of the room. Like last night, he turned back to watch her.

______________________

There was a few gentle knock on the door, and Nick poked his head in.

"Hey, there you are, I thought you were going to actually sleep. In your bed?" He frowned as he came in and closed the door. Leaning on the table he pushed his glasses up.

She gave him a small sad smile.

"Nightmare." She said simply.

He reached out and gently squeezed her shoulder, "I'm sorry Evy. They still happening?"

"Always. Every night it replays over and over. Had to come here ...Good thing because, Newt is awake." 

Nick turned so fast his glasses slid down. Propped slightly up in bed was a very much awake Newt. Nick grinned wildy. Evelyn grabbed his hand quickly.

"He's...still struggling." She whispered.

He nodded, but then turned back to her.

"Hey, why don't you shower and go eat. I'll stay." He encouraged.

She hesitated, not really wanting to leave.

"You're still in your PJs. Go. I'm sure I can handle this for an hour." He shooed her out the door.

Nick closed the MedHut door and turned back to Newt. Newt was eyeing him with apprehension. Nick slowly came over and plunked down in the chair. Groaning he leaned back.

"Hey man." He finally said.

Newt gave him a side eye, fiddling with the mug of tea Evelyn made him. The guys sat quietly, the sun shining into the room.

"How ya feeling?"

Newt shrugged, but then muttered "miserable."

Nick hummed, nodding, "no doubt."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Newt snapped, glaring at him.

Nick raised an eyebrow, "nothing. Means yeah, I don't doubt you feel miserable. You were out for a week, fighting for your life."

"Should have let me." Newt spat, he wasn't sure why his anger was bubbling up, but it was and he was lashing out at Nick, who had done nothing to deserve it.

"Evy wouldn't allow it. She fought for your life. And hard."

"It was a waste of time."

"Did you tell her that?" Nick asked.

Newt looked away, down at his lap, feeling even worse, "Ya." He muttered.

"And how did that go?" Nick asked, folding his arms, his dark eyes watching Newt intently. It irritated Newt that Nick was so calm and collected all the time, and even now, he was so calm. And Newt had a suspension that he already knew.

"How do ya think it bloody went?" He spat.

"I'm asking you, man. I already know her positions on the matter. I watched it. You should talk to Alby or Minho. Especially him...he was with her the whole time, they were there right from the start."

Newt's eyes went wide and his face went pale.

"What? From the bloody start...start of what?"

Nick raised an eyebrow again, like he was asking if he was serious.

"They saw you jump. They saw the whole thing."

Newt's face paled even more, he opened and closed his mouth a few times. That's why he went into the maze, so no one would see or hear, or find him for a long time.

"You need to talk to Alby and Minho."

Nick stood up and with his long legs was out the door in a few strides. Five minutes later Alby walked in, followed hesitantly by Minho and to his dismay, Evelyn. Except Evelyn stayed at the table with Jeff prepping for the day, Alby flopped into the chair and Minho leaned against the wall, his arms folded, glaring at the ground.

"So. You're awake." Alby noted.

"Very observant." Newt snapped.

"Indeed." Alby said dryly.

Newt ground his teeth.

"So. That was dumb." Alby said flatly.

It was so pointed and straight to the point Newt blinked a few times trying to process what Alby said. Minho snorted from the wall. Newt whipped his head up glaring at him.

"Think this is funny?" He growled.

Minho finally looked up at his best friend. He looked terrible, but he was alive.

"What you did was stupid. It was dumb, I agree with Alby. I don't understand why you did it. You shoulda come to talk to one of us, or Evelyn or someone! 'Cause it was selfish and the stupidest most messed up klunk I've ever seen!"

Newt looked away towards the wall, blinking hard.

"Pixy actually snarled at Alby."

Newt looked back at them, his eyes glassy, but scrumpled his forehead.

"True. I was actually kinda scared for a second." Alby nodded.

The two didn't break eye contact or change their stone faces. Newt looked back and forth between the two.

"Why?" He finally managed to ask, his throat was dry. The tiny little Angel out there picking flowers scared Alby? How was the even possible?

"She insisted on going with Minho out into the maze to find you." Alby answered.

"She kept up just fine, she'd make a good runner...but, anyways..." Minho trailed off and glared at the back wall. A dark shadow passed over his face. He looked back at Newt. "You're an idiot." Minho hissed. 

"Excuse me?" 

"You heard me you shank. You're suck faced idiot. What you did...you nearly broke her... me. You really have no clue how much you mean to her...to me. To all of us. And you think what? Ending your miserable life is the answer to your shucken problems?" He spat this all out, his chest was rising and falling rapidly.

"You wouldn' understand." 

"You're right. I don't." He pushed off the wall and turned to Alby, "I can't anymore with this shank. Imma smack him if I'm here any longer. I'll see you after I get back." 

And he left. As he passed he gave Evelyn a smile and wave, and then was gone. Newt groaned and leaned back, leaning his head against the head board, closing his eyes. 

"An' what's your buggen' opinion?" He asked Alby bitterly, "Come on, don' hold it back, no one else is. Tell me I'm an idiot and lets get this bloody over it!"

"Well, I don't disagree." 

Newt scoffed. His heart was heavy, he was feeling an overwhelming amount of guilt, he felt the cold claws squeezing his heart and it was making breathing difficult. I single tear slid down his face. He looked away ashamed he was crying. He heard Alby get up and leave and low voices in the other room. the door opened and closed. It was quiet in the Hut. He felt her presence before she sat down on the edge of his bed. She sat so close his body felt on fire. 

"Newt." Her voice was so quiet and fragile, like any louder and it would make her shatter into tiny pieces. He refused to look at her, hoping she would leave. Her being so close to him was making his head fuzzy, and he didn't like it. He wanted to be angry and moody. She sighed sadly, and continued anyways. 

"Yes, Newt, we're mad. We're upset. We are heartbroken. But we're more concerned for you and why you did it. You made the decision, for whatever the reason...we want to help you. And before you say anything, yes, you are worth it. You're a Glader, a Friend, a brother and-" her voice choked. Newt snuck a peek at her, she had looked away, tears sliding down her own cheeks. "People love you Newt. You don't need to do anything for people to love you, you don't need to prove yourself, or work for their love and acceptance." 

He made a scoffing noise in the back of his throat. 

"It's okay to not be okay. All of us have been through so much, Newt, we're all suffering. And you don't need to do it alone." 

They were both quiet for a minute, she sniffed and then forced the mug of tea into his hands.

"Enough talking. Drink this, and it'll help." She said quietly, getting up she was almost at the door when Newt finally looked back and whispered, making her stop and turnaround. 

"I hate it! I hate it here. I hate this bloody place so damn much!" His breathing was picking up, his anger bubbled to the surface. "I hate it Evelyn!" He yelled, "It's the same shucken bloody thing every single bloody day! The fear and pressures, bein' stalked by monsters, watchin' boys die! I hate it! There's nothin' I can do! These shucken creators do nothin' but watch us die, treatin' us like buggen' mice in an experiment! I HATE IT!" He yelled, his face was twisted in anger and pain, tears fell over his lashes and down his face. "And I wanted out! And you couldn't even let me do that! You shoulda just let me die! Just left me there! But NO! You had to play the bloody shucken hero! I hate you!" 

He screamed the last part and shucked the mug. The mug hit the floor at Evelyn's feet at shattered, hot tea and pottery shards scattered the floor. She flinched when he yelled, but she just looked at him with her big emerald eyes filling with tears. 

"I'm sorry you feel that way." She whispered. 

She crouched down and started picking up the shattered mug. She didn't yell at him, or raise her voice, and that made him more angry. She cleaned up the mess and left without a word. 

_______________________________________

The week went as Evelyn expected. Gally was discharged, he was quiet, and snappy, grumpy, but he seemed to be okay. As okay, as one could be after going through something as traumatic as being stung and the Changing, as they decided to call it. Evelyn knew he would have a lot more phycological damage done, and she wasn't too sure how to help the boy in that way. She was damaged and struggling herself, her healing powers didn't seem to help with the changing or with any kind of mental illness. 

Newt was angry. Very angry. She figured he had to grieve himself. He needed to get through the angry phase. And he had nothing to do but lash out on her. Smashing mugs and throwing the bowls and plates at the doors. Evelyn held it in while she was in the MedHut with him, but when she was alone, in her hut or garden she sobbed, on her knees, her forehead pressed to her knees, hunched over and sobbed. The only two who knew she sobbed was Minho and Nick. They would go talk to him and just sit in silence with him. 

It was lights out in the Glade when Sonny heard heart breaking cries coming from behind the MedHut in the garden. He stopped and frowned. Then crouched down beside the broken girl.

"Who hurt you?" 

"My own heart Sonny. My heart is hurting me." She cried. 

He patted her back, surprisingly gentle. He sat down beside her on the ground, he really was huge, he eventually wrapped his arm around her and pulled her into his side, she cried into his shoulder. She eventually cried herself dry, sniffling and hiccupping, she finally elaborated. 

"My heart has decided it loves a boy who hates himself and hates me. It loves a boy who would rather is own death." 

Sonny growled. 

"I don't know what else to do. There is only so many cups thrown at my head and smashed at my feet I can take." 

"He's throwing things at you?" His voice was deep and sharp now, he looked down at the miserable girl beside him, she had pulled her knees up to her chest, hugging them tight. She just nodded. He narrowed his eyes at the wall of the MedHut and growled. 

"He wont anymore." was all he said.