Evelyn spent the day close to the MedHut. Hoping Newt would wake up. His fever was gone, he wasn't covered in sweat anymore. His stitches were good to come out as well, thanks to her healing. She took extra time and care to remove them. Now without the big white bandage around his head and face, all the blood cleaned away, he could be sleeping. His chest rose and fell peacefully. She pulled the blanket up over his bare chest, the bruising on his side was still there, but the rib was no longer broken and inflamed.  His leg on the other hand...She wasn't sure about. She did her best, she had made sure it was as aligned as she could, and made sure there was no other life threatening complications with the way it broke, but only time would tell. 

Her stomach kept turning all day, she felt jumpy and shaky. She felt her hopes sinking every hour the longer he stayed unconscious. She really thought he would wake up today after his eyes flew open.

But she couldn't force him...this was now up to him. Did he have the will to keep going or would he slowly shut down. She had to keep her fingers busy, so she picked up a notebook, and her pencil...she hadn't sat and drew in a long time. Sitting crossed legged on the chair beside his bed, she started sketching. 

There was a knock on the door. She turned and smiled. 

"About time you showed up." 

Minho stood awkwardly in the door, his hands shoved into his pockets, not really looking at the boy laying on the bed. 

"Yeah..I uh..." He muttered and rubbed the back of his neck, he was shifting from foot to foot.

"He's not going to bite. I might though." She teased. 

"Someone's a feisty little Pixy today."  

She shrugged, she glanced at Newt and her teasing fell, along with her smile.

"I'm trying." She said quietly. 

Minho slowly inched closer, like he was scared Newt was going to jump out of the bed and attack. She got up and shifted to the bed, pulling her legs up under her, so Minho could sit in the chair. He perched at the edge, all his muscles tense. Evelyn took Newts hand again, rubbing her thumb over his knuckles. Minho just sat stiff and stared. 

"I can feel how uncomfortable you are Min. Tell me what's going on." She said quietly. 

He exhaled loudly and ran an hand through his hair.

"I don't even know...I just get a...sick feeling. like yeah this place is the shucken worst...but how can it" he motioned to Newt and his bound up leg, "be better then...then-" He abruptly stopped talking, folded his arms, leaned back and looked away. 

"I don't know Min. I'm trying very hard to understand...but.." She could feel the the tightness in her throat, and the hot sting of fresh tears, her voice became shaky and even quieter.

"I'm hurt and angry. I want to shake him and yell and scream that it was selfish and stupid. But I want to also hold him and tell him everything will be okay, because we have each other, we have friends...were family."

And then she paused, blinking hard, and talking even quieter, "and my stomach twists thinking that horrible death is better then us...than...than me? Am...I not worth living? He kisses me like that and then...leaves me. And I feel guilty and selfish for thinking that...it's gotta be his choice, he has to want to live for himself and not me...but selfishly I want him, Minho. I need him! I'm so confused and upset and broken and...angry."

A tear slipped past the confines of her long eyelashes and slowly made its way down her face, she didn't bother removing it. She let it slide and it fell onto her and Newt's intertwined hand.

"But then...my thoughts aren't as dark and hopeless....I guess." 

Minho just grunted, but nodded sharply. They were quiet for a while again. Finally Minho leaned over and picked up the notebook. 

"So what were you working on?"  

"Give it back!" She yelped.

He waved the leather bound notebook, Evelyn made a wild dive trying to snatch it back from him. "Oooo! Secrets!" He teased, standing up and holding above his head, "Come get it, teeny little Pixy!" 

She jumped, knowing she was never going to reach it. In a huff she sunk to the floor, folding her arms and pouted like a child. Minho patted her head while she swatted his hand away. He chuckled and sat back down. Flipping through the pages his eyes went wide and his mouth dropped open. 

"You did these?" 

She felt warm, and could feel the heat rising from her chest up her neck and onto her cheeks. But nodded anyways. He whistled and went back to flipping the pages.

"Hey! I made it in here! Nice." He smirked, "definitely caught the good side of me. Hmmm...Newt. Newt. Newt again...Newt running. Newt sitting by the fire...Newt's face...lizard, Newt...lizard in the garden...Newt...flowers.."

"Shut up Mean-ho. And he's not in there that many times!" She stuck her tongue out, making him laugh louder. 

"But seriously, these are really good! Like...seriously good! The Glade looks so real, even if it's just black and white! Ever do self portraits?" 

She scoffed. "Oh yeah, I have a full sketch book of just me!" She rolled her eyes, making him laugh again. She pushed herself up and came to stand behind him, leaning over looking. 

"These were from the beginning. Look, flip the page. See George and Jack. This one-" she flipped a page, "Remember this one? When we played tag in the dark?"

"Ha! Nick ran face first into the bathroom wall." He grinned, looking at the sketch. 

"I think Alby actually cracked a smile!" Evelyn giggled. 

They spent the remainder of the evening laughing at the good times in the last year, while they sat beside Newt. 

___________________________________

She woke with a wild gasp, tangled in the blanket from a terrible dream, she was shaking and panting, covered in sweat. Once she was untangled she pulled the blanket around her shoulders and left her hut. Silently pushing the MedHut door open. She quietly fussed making tea and then with a steaming cup in her hands she went to Newt's room and sat at the edge of his bed. Gently placing her hand on his cheek, just to reassure herself he was this there. He was real, and he was alive. Her nightmare was awful, she had to relive his jump, but this time she couldn't save him. 

She felt her lungs grow tight, it was hard to breath, the room felt hot and stuffy. She got up, leaving the tea on the side table and blanket on the chair, she went to the window, pushing the curtain open, and throwing the window wide open, letting the gentle breeze in. The bright full moon bathed the little room in a gentle blue glow and the breeze played with her long golden hair. Taking a deep breath, relaxing her pounding heart and tight lungs. She closed her eyes, enjoying the peace and quiet, the sounds of Newts breathing and the night time chatter of the insects. 

"Am...I in heaven?" 

The voice was paper thin, raspy and confused.

She spun around so fast her hair fanned out, and her heart jumped into her throat. She miss hear, she just hoped, that's her mind was playing tricks on her. Her eyes wide in shock. Both her hands clamped over her mouth. Her voice forgot to work, and her lungs froze, but her heart was beating over time.

The boy on the bed, bathed in moonlight was awake. He was blinking at her, his eyes unfocused and confused. But his eyes were open. And she heard his voice. Tears spilt down her cheeks. 

"Newt." her voice was so quiet, it floated through the air and almost disappeared by the time it got to him. He continued to blink, trying to focus his eyes on her face. 

"Am..I dead?" His tired, confused horse voice made her heart break. She took a few hesitant steps towards him.

"No...no you're not, Love."

He frowned, his eyes focused on her face.

"But..why are you an angel?" 

She made a noise somewhere between a laugh and a sob. She took another hesitant step closer to his bed. She longed to throw herself at him, but she knew this could be a harsh reality waking up after an attempt to take his life. She forced her lungs to breath, her shaking hands twirled a piece of hair nervously. He was still watching her, his frown deepened, his eyes glazed over. She very very cautiously sat at the edge of his bed, clenching her hands tightly in her lap.

"If I'm not dead and you're not an angel in heaven....then..then.." 

His eyes filled with tears and his chin shook, his chest started to rise and fall rapidly, his breathing was shallow.

"It didn't work!" His voice broke

The tears slid down his temples and into his hair. Before she could stop herself she used her finger tips and gently wiped them away. He flinched. She withdrew her hand back to her lap, and whispered a quick, "Sorry." 

"No, it didn't work, Newt. And I'm glad it didn't work!" 

He didn't say anything, just clamped his eyes closed and the tears came faster. She grabbed his hand, he tried to pull it away, but she held on tightly. He turned his face towards the wall, when the sob broke free from his chapped lips. Evelyn scootched closer to him, picking up a leg and bending it under her, she reached forwards, her hand firmly on his check, she turned his face. He tried to fight it, but she was firm, gently but firmly turning his face back to her and held him in place. Bring his other hand, clasped tightly in hers up to her chest; the back of his hand over her heart. 

"Newt." she whispered his name desperately. 

He refused to open his eyes, the tears kept coming. 

"Newt! Open your eyes! Please! I've sat all week praying I get to see them again. Crying desperately, needing to hear your voice; to hear your laugh, to hear you call me Love."

Her voice was just as broken and thin as his. She lifted his hand and brushed her lips on the back of his hand and then held it close to her heart again. 

"Evelyn. Stop. I'm...not worth... How can you not be disgusted?" 

"No." She said firmly, ignoring her tears, her voice was sharper then she intended. "You listen to me. You are worth it! You ARE Newt! I'm not disgusted, at all. Confused, worried, upset, hurt, but not disgusted, never disgusted with you!"

"You should be." He muttered bitterly, closing his eyes again, because Evelyn hadn't let go of his cheek.

She had a sad smile on her face, "Well, I'm not." 

"I can't do anything...I can't even kill myself properly!" He threw all the venom into his dry voice. 

Her heart squeezed when he said that, "Good." she whispered. His eyes flew open and then narrowed. She gave him a small smile, gently caressing his cheek with her thumb. 

"I need you Newt. You can't leave me. I wont let you." 

"No you don't. No one needs me." 

"I do. I need you." She whispered again, the smile slid off her face, and she looked at him, trying hard not to break down completely. 

He frowned, his eyebrows touching in the middle. 

"Newt..." She whispered again, closing her eyes for a brief moment, collecting her self. Her heart was thudding wildly, Newt must be able to feel how fast and hard her heart was thudding. She swallowed, her mouth was dry. She opened her eyes, her bright green eyes locked onto his dark troubled ones. 

"Newt, I love you." 

His frown depend. He stared at her.

"I didn't say it to hear it back. I just need you to know. I need you. I love you." 

He closed his eyes with a hard exhale. She withdrew her hand from his check, and he turned away, yanking his hand from her grasp. She didn't let him see it, but her heart felt like he just stomped on it. 

"I'm going to get you some water. I'll be right back." 

_____________________________

With her back to him, she puttered around, what she didn't see was that Newt looked back the minute she got up. He watched her walk away, and he saw her swipe at tears. He felt guilty for making her cry.

He watched her at the table; his bed was perfectly placed to watch her work at the table. He watched her reach for a cup, the little night dress rising slightly at the back. He was definitely alive, his heart picked up speed. She reached over the table, her golden hair shone in the moonlight as it shifted over her shoulder.

The soft glow of the moonlight reflected off her pale, sun kissed skin, in her white dress...he really thought she was an angel. She was breathtaking. Her golden wavy hair always shone, her bright green eyes, he could lost in them, they sparkled like emeralds. Her cute little nose, the freckles splashed across her cheeks and nose, her thin dainty fingers. He was constantly glancing down at her naturally pink lips, longing to hear her laugh or talk or kissing them. She always smelt like fresh flowers and herbs. But aside from her looks, she was kind, sweet, caring, gentle, but also strong as any of the guys here, if not more so. Stubborn, determined, smart...

Newt loved to watch her, even when he wasn't close to her, and she was across the Glade. He loved watching her; the way her eyes sparkled in the sun, her nose scrunched when she laughed, when she was concentrating she chewed her bottom lip or hummed when she worked in her garden. She was perfect. 

And he was not. He hated himself. He hated that she had told him she loved him. He hated that he loved her back; that was why she was the only one he had said good bye too. She deserved someone better, someone who was capable of everything...he couldn't even kill himself properly. He was such a screw up. He was a failure, he couldn't even do Runner properly, they still hadn't found a way out of this place. He couldn't spend his life stuck here. He knew they didn't belong here, this wasn't a home. 

He also felt that something was missing, there was a hole in his heart and he had no idea how to fill it. Getting wasted to numb the pain didn't work anymore. Ignoring it didn't work, pushing everyone away didn't work. He hadn't told anyone, but he had also stolen bottles of meds, taken them to try numb the pain. When Evelyn got suspicious, the hard narcotics kept disappearing she brought it up with Nick and the Box sent them a lock box, and she was the only one with a key. He had to stop, hiding the withdrawal that week was hard. 

Tears filled his eyes again. He couldn't take his eyes off the angle bathed in moonlight, at the work table despite how much he wanted to close his eyes and fade away. She kept him captivated.

Her lizard scurried onto the table from somewhere and when she smiled her whole face lit up, making her tear filled eyes sparkle. Dammit. His heart fluttered, seeing her bright smile. The lizard scurried up her arm onto her shoulder. Shucken bloody hell.  He felt his breath hitch when he heard the quiet fluttery light-as-butterfly wings laugh that escaped her perfect mouth. She was a literal angel bathed in the moonlight

He knew Evelyn had him. And Newt hated it.