Tuesday May 5th, 2015.

This was a really important day.

so this morning me and my mum had a really big fallout.

it was really bad and we both ended up crying.

i went to school, and i went straight to the bathroom because i was still crying really hard, then i went to go see my dean.

i really like my dean. as i guessed, she was really nice, and my friend sophie took me to class.

first period, i had science, and i had to excuse myself from class because i still couldnt stop and even though it was out of concern, everyones stares were too much to handle and i felt like everything was closing in on me and i couldnt breathe.

my science teacher followed me out of class and gave me a hug, and i told her how i was feeling, and she told me i was having a "panic attack."

i still couldnt manage to stop crying at period 2 and at morning tea i went to see the school counsellor and she was really nice and gave me a cookie.

i told her about my mum and about well EVERYTHING and she was really lovely and supportive.

in fabric tech, my teacher doesnt really like me and im a little scared of her because i am really behind on stuff and she was ACTUALLY nice to me, and so was everyone else.

i still couldn't stop the tears in period 4 and at lunchtime i literally just collapsed and continued crying.

after school i went up the little hill behind my house which is my peaceful place, and i went with my friend hannah and it was so peaceful and beautiful because u could see the whole city, and even though i had been there countless times it was like my medicine.

i spent like an hour up there, meditating (sounds dumb but it really helped) listening to peaceful music, then came back down to my house

when i got home, my dad just had a throat operation today because he screamed too much during the cricket world cup (typical) so he couldn't talk, but i told him about the counsellor and all of the events that happened today.

my mum has been acting normal.

which is good.

i just feel soooooooooooooooo indescribably lucky to have all of my friends at school, and pretty much my entire year level. they were all really nice and lovely and i couldnt have gotten through the day without them.

i hope i dont spiral into depression (which is VERY unlikely) but if i do, atleast i know i have them behind me. and u guys too of course :)

so basically, all im trying to say is,

thank you.

residenthobbit49

Update: It's been one whole year since my first panic attack.

Since then, so many things have happened.

I'm a changed person now. (for the better. I hope.)

I don't get them anymore.

To all that made that possible,

Thank you.

:)