Chapter 49

Squeezing my eyes against the light streaming through the semi opened curtains I wanted to groan as my head spilt in half, literally. It was like I got run over by a tractor.

"You awake K?"

Rolling lazily to the other side I struggled to open my eyes at first but forced my heavy lids to open. Aaron smiled as I squinted against the sun resembling Dracula as I placed my forearm over my eyes as a shield. Glancing around the room I was relieved that I was in my bedroom although I wasn't sure how I got here I do know it had something to do with Tess and Aaron.

Waking into the room dressed in pink stripped pajama bottoms and a tray in her hands Tess offered a soft smile "How you feeling?"

"Like a marching band walked all over me." I croaked

Sliding up into a sitting position I motioned for Aaron to close the curtains in response he chuckled and did as I wordlessly asked. As the light faded from the room I lowered my arm wondering just how much I drink last night if I'm this sensitive to light. Racking my brain I couldn't remember past the forth glass of jack and that included the events of last night as well. Hopefully I didn't make a complete idiot of my self.

Setting the tray down on my lap Tess handed me two aspirins and a glass of water that I greedily snatched and downed in one gulp. My mouth felt like sand paper and like I've been chewing on metal. Shuddering from the spoiled taste in my mouth I grabbed the mug of coffee and took a long sip, wincing as the hot liquid scorched my throat but that didn't stop me from taking another gulp.

"Relax." Tess laughed and lowered the mug from my lips

Dropping like a block beside me Aaron scooted up so he was leaning against the fluffy white pillows, his long legs spilled over the bed and put a smile on my face. Mainly because I've haven't seen Aaron sprawled on my bed in his ridiculous silk pajamas since I was a senior in high school. He always came over with these strange and very expensive pajamas, it was funny to watch him struggle not to drip ice cream on them when we have our junk food mania. Those were happy times before we grew apart. The reminder oddly didn't sadden me like I thought it would, actually it brought a smile to my face thinking back to the days before my life spiraled into a disaster.

"Your smiling that's good." Tess said and pushed the tray towards me

Despite the sudden turn in my midsection twisted as I brought a extra crispy strip of bacon to my mouth with the thought of the grease soaking up the remaining alcohol in my system. The salty flavor coating my tongue had my heart sinking as I recalled the last hangover I had and the nursemaid as well. Mentally shaking him from my thoughts I refused to release that can of worms, mainly because I knew I would feel that same hallow feeling as yesterday and I can't feel that way again. At least not now.

"Why is that?" I asked as I nibbled on the fatty strip

Sharing a look of questioning Tess stood up and walked out of the room without uttering a word whilst Aaron sat up so he was leaning against as small stack of pillows. Swallowing the grease food I felt my stomach churn again, I couldn't tell though if it was from the food I'm forcing down my throat or the sudden look of concern marring both my best friends' faces. As Tess returned I placed the bacon back on the plate along with the two towhee strips and stack of eggs.

"What aren't you two telling me?" I asked as I watched Tess retake her seat. Turning towards Aaron who placed a hand on my thigh and gave a small squeeze as if to tell me to relax.

"What do you remember about last night?" Tess asked me

"I drank,a lot." I answered with a simple shrug

Biting her bottom lip Tess brought her hand from behind her back and placed a magazine on my lap. Puzzled by her action I opened my mouth to question her when the caption on the front page caught my eye. My eyes widened as I recognized my name and snatched the tabloid into my hands as I retread the headline:

Khloe Sparks breaks her silence at last.

"What did I do?" I gasped as I saw the photo of me holding a microphone in my hand at what I think was Stacy's wedding

"Turn to page twelve and see for yourself." Aaron said

Swallowing past the sudden nausea that hit me hard I turned to the page and wished I hadn't. There between my hands was a two page spread of photos of me at Stacy's wedding, a few had me and Aaron and Tess who had her hand over my mouth. The array of photos of me giggling into the mic were in the middle along with a photo of the three of us outside of my apartment. Some and me looking as happy as can be, others were of me looking oddly somber as I faced my family, but most showed just how pissed drunk I was. Shaking my head in disbelief I turned the page and found my heart pausing in mid beat.

One the left page was old photos of my previous relationships. One of Tyler and I at one of my father's election celebrations; I was holding to his waist smiling like the clueless fool I was as Tyler stared aimlessly ahead of us. Looking at the photo now I should have seen the signs then, he never had feelings for me and seeing this photo was the solid proof the younger me needed to understand then. Lowering my gaze to the photo below that one I couldn't help but smirk as I saw a photo of Greg and I. It was at his father's yacht; Greg sat with a glass in his hand chatting with near by guests while I sat an arm length away with my eyes glued to my phone. I remember that night, it was a total bore fest that I suffered through because Greg whined on about how I never want to go out together. Thinking back to that day made me realize how incredibly stupid I was to think that relationship could work. It was obvious that we didn't have any chemistry or any true feelings for the other but I was so desperate to make the relationship work that I didn't notice the smaller details.

Turning my attention to the right page I felt a longing ache in my chest as a sad smile curved my lips. There in color was the photo of Wes and I at Stacy's engagement. Wes being the ass he was at the time had his hand on my butt and a devilish grin as I stared up at him in annoyance. I remember genuinely considering to cut his hand when we arrived at our place. Beneath that photo was of us kissing at the mouth of the den in my parents' home; the day my mother rudely kicked us out after my not so nice comment about my father's infidelity. That was our first kiss and the first time I saw the softer, caring side of Wes and that was the day the dates started. Those dates are the reason I let my guard down, the reason I started to see Wes in a different light and the reason why I started to like him.

"You don't look that upset."

Shaking my head I lowered the magazine "It's nothing the press can't see for themselves."

Brows furrowed, Tess glanced down at the photos "No, I'm sure the press wouldn't have figured out Greg is gay or that your father has been taking money from you."

"How did you..."

Before I could finish my sentence she lifted the magazine and pointed at the article around the photos. Skimming through the article I felt all color drain from my face as I read about my behavior last night. As I read I couldn't believe I said what I did, I wouldn't do that. It's not me. Shaking my head I turned back to the photos of me at the wedding and wished I hadn't as I read the part about my not so accidental spill about Greg's gender preference.

"Tell me I didn't." I groaned as I threw the magazine aside

I can't read anymore then what I have, I mean did I really tell the room full of friends and family that Stacy's marriage is a sham and during the actual wedding! Dropping backwards I squeezed my eyes shut wondering why I would do something so insane! How could I have done this? Mentally slapping myself I knew the answer; alcohol was the encouragement.

"Oh come on Khloe. That Barbie doll deserved to be knocked down a few pegs and that jerk Greg is an asshöle and don't get me started on your shitty ass family."

"What did I say about them?" I asked, still laying down with my eyes shut

The bed dipped as Tess slid closer, her soft hand rested on my bare arm as I regretted ordering that bottle of jack. It was to blame in all of this.

"Well you told your dad off and called him out as the money grubbing bastard he is and that your mom is in love with the dead beat. It was actually pretty funny when you called him out on all his wrong doings, his face was like 'oh shít'." Aaron explained much to my horror

Snapping up into a sitting position I turned to face Aaron to confirm he was talking about my father's constant 'borrowing' but as I did so Tess placed her hand over mine. Stunned by the contact I turned in her direction and found the softness filling her eyes heartbreaking.

"Why didn't you tell me he was asking you for money?"

Lowering my gaze down to our joined hands I felt ashamed that she knew. I've never gold her because over the years we have known each other she has always told me to stand my ground when it comes to my family and caving in after every time he comes around wasn't standing up to them. I was to embarrassed to tell Tess that I was that weak, that one visit had me ripping a check for him or one phone call from my mother has me running to obey her command. It's weak and I shouldn't be bending over backwards to please them yet I still do.

"I was ashamed." I confessed in a low voice "After everything they've done I can't tell them no."

"And you paid for the wedding."

Snapping my head up I turned to Aaron who was now in a sitting position, pillow cradled on his lap as he awaited an answer he already knew. The seriousness of his features was new to me, Aaron isn't the most serious guy in the world so seeing him staring at me looking so somber was strange. Reluctantly I nodded. How much did I spill last night? Did I even want to know?

Sucking in a deep breath I gave a small shake of my head. There is no benefit in sitting here feeling sorry for myself or even regretting last night, it happened that's it. Now I just need to understand the full picture. Putting my big girl panties on I tilted my chin up and met Tess's gentle gaze.

"What else did I say?"

"You told the whole room that Tyler has a tiny penïs and that he didn't please you or any guy for that matter."

"What?!" I screeched and snatched my hand away "What exactly did I say?" I asked fearful of the answer

Biting her bottom lip she dropped her gaze "Well you said that you've never orga$med expect with Wes."

"No." I gasped and turned to Aaron who nodded

"I said that in front of the whole room?" I asked horrified that I actually told a ballroom full of people

Groaning I dropped backwards with my hands covering my face. Never have I ever uttered a word about my problem with sëx; not Tess or Aaron or even Wes. The reason is simple, I didn't want anyone knowing the embarrassing truth about how sëx deprived I have been since first experiencing it. Now I've told my darkest secret to a room full of friends, family and a handful of reporters who were obviously not shy to report the news to the world. How could I have been so stupid?

The bed dipped from both sides but I still refused to open them and meet their gazes, how could I meet anyone in the eye after all the dirty laundry I've aired. A pair of arms wrapped around my shoulders as two small hands peeled my hands away from my face much to my effort to keep them on.

"It's going to be alright."

"How can you say that?" I groaned "I've humiliated myself and now the whole world knows all my secrets."

"Not all of them." she replied with a knowing smirk

At first I was puzzled, what did she mean by not all what was left? Like a sigh of relief it hit me the deal. It's the only secret I somehow managed to keep a secret. Relaxin going against the pillows I couldn't help but feel a spark of happiness knowing during my quick spiral downwards last night I managed to keep one of the most sacred of them all under wraps. I'm not sure if that means anything but it didn't dampen the sense of relief overwhelming me at this moment.

Wes is safe from the paparazzi and that was the most important thing. I would never want Wes to go through half of what I went through when I was the golden story and if this deal ever got out Wes would be dragged through the mud. Even if I explained what really happened the tabloids would burn Wes's image and life down with their prying reporters and bullshit sources. At least I am a Sparks, that meant I still had doors opening for me despite the rumors floating around me but Wes, he's just a normal guy. His life would be turned upside down as they trash his reputation by claiming he is a male escort or worst, a gold digger. All they care about is the story and not the lives they ruin.

"That's what matters." I mumbled softly "He's being kept out of this."

"I'm guessing you are talking about Wes." Aaron said as he dropped his head against the pillows beneath him "He seems like a good guy K and he is kind of hot when he shouts."

My brows pulled together in momentary confusion. As far as I recall Aaron has only met Wes once and it lasted last than a minute and Wes didn't look too pleased to be meeting Aaron. "When have you seen him angry?"

"Not really seen but I heard him. He called last night when we brought you home-"

Snapping out of bed I tucked my foot under me, forgetting the pounding in my head and the churning of my belly "He called? Why didn't you let me talk to him."

Grabbing the sliding tray off my lap Tess slid further on the bed so her round belly nudged my left knee "Honey you were passed out by then."

Pulling a nearby pillow onto my lap, disappointed that I missed Wes's call "What did he say?" I asked softly

"He called earlier this morning to tell you he arrived safely but when Aaron told him you were asleep he freaked and started cursing a storm." Tess explained "I told him you were passed out after a night of heavy drinking, he wasn't to happy to hear that but said to tell you to be more careful and that he loves you."

Swallowing past the lump in my throat I lowered my head in shame. I told Wes I'd take care of myself and the first night we are apart I'm drinking myself dizzy just to escape the hollowness in my heart. The exact same thing I criticized Wes about yesterday and here I am a big hypocrite who can't even remember last night. Running a hand through my tangled hair I winced as my fingers tugged on a large knot and added to the throbbing in my head.

"Are you okay honey?"

I shook my head and pried my fingers out of the knot "I'm not fine. No of this should have happened Tess. I'm not suppose to be fighting a hangover, or reading about my loose lips last night. Wes isn't suppose to be in another country and I shouldn't feel as miserable as I do right now."

"K..."

Refusing to listen to anymore sugar coated words I tossed the covers off of me and swung my feet over the edge of the bed. As my feet touched the ground I stood up and only now realized that I was wearing my pajamas, Tess must have helped me into them while I was passed out. Padding across the room I didn't know why I was leaving or where I was going but I couldn't sit in bed and feel so confused about everything going around me.

"Running isn't going to solve anything Khloe." Tess spoke up from behind me "You've been doing it all your life and you've gotten no where."

"That's not true." I shot back harshly

Spinning on my heels I met her challenging stare with one of my own. Arching a row Tess pursed her lips "Really because last night was probably the first time you have addressed the topic and you had to be drunk and miserable to do it."

"That's not-"

"No, it is true Khloe and frankly I'm tired of watching you destroy your life because you are afraid." she interrupted

"Afraid of what?" I asked

"Of actually getting the life you deserve. Having people surround you who genuinely care for you, scared that a man might actually love you for who you are and not what you have and terrified that the life you are accustomed to is slipping away." she answered as she rose off the bed, arms crossed over her chest

Shaking my head I opened my mouth to tell her that none of that was true but as I did so the words wouldn't come out. In that moment I felt the remainder of the walls I built around myself crumble the rest of the way and expose my inner fears and forcing the sensitive girl to float to the surface. I knew she had a point, I am scared of this sudden change and I have a right to be. Three months ago I would have attended Stacy's wedding in time and smiled through the whole thing, I wouldn't have gotten mixed up with Wes and certainly wouldn't have this ache in my chest just by thinking about him. I wouldn't have had the courage to face Tyler or Greg or even tell my father that he has been using me my whole life. Everything I am has changed in these past few months and it scares the crap out of me to know that.

Even with that sudden knowledge I shook my head in denial "You're wrong."

Her shoulders dropped, she took a few steps so we were nearly face to face. Searching my expression Tess dropped her arms as her eyes softened "Honey you have spent your whole life as a doormat for these people waiting for them to give you that love and affection you crave and when you do finally get it you push the person away because you are scared. And that's because you are unfamiliar with this territory."

Although she spoke in a soft, gentle voice her words felt like needles piercing my chest as the truth finally caught up with me after all these years of running away. Like a brick my heart sank as I continued to stare into her soft electric blue eyes and saw the concern and truth behind them.

"Because of this fear you have spent last night miserable and let a great man who loves you go. When will it stop Khloe?" she asked with a simple shrug "When will you allow yourself to be happy?"

"I am happy." I managed to croak

Tess shook her head "No you aren't."

"Yes, I am."

"You can't lie to me." she replied and took another step closer

Ignoring the stinging of tears I nodded, determined to make her and myself believe that I am indeed happy because I am. There is nothing wrong with my life; I have a good job, I make a good amount of money, I have no worries and no concern for anything. I'm living the life of a single woman. What could be wrong with my life? Yes, I have had a great experience with Wes these past few months and liked the affection and concern he showers me with. Yes, I'm going to miss him this summer. Yes, I wish my parents cared more for me. Yes, I would like to have more people like Tess, Aaron and Wes around me more often but I've gotten use to it.

"I'm happy!" I shouted as if I would get my point across if I was the loudest in the room "I'm happy!"

"Stop lying to yourself! You are miserable without him."

Aaron slid off the bed, eyes swerving between Tess and I who refused to back down. Standing beside Tess he seemed ready to intervene if things should get ugly but little did he knew we passed that road a while back.

Jabbing a finger to my chest I felt a fat tear slip down my cheek "Yes, I wish my family was better and yes I miss Wes like crazy and hate thinking of spending two months without him but...." I paused, finding it difficult to speak past the sob crawling up

"But I'm still happy." I managed to say before bursting into tears

Throwing my hands over my face I couldn't stop the tears from rolling down my face. It was a lie and everyone and their mother knew it. I'm miserable and why shouldn't I be? My life has been turned upside down twice in the past few months, I've finally gotten a taste of what love feels like and now that it's gone I feel like I can't return to the world I grew up in. It felt so good to know the man holding me loves me and wants the best for me, that the friend I'm talking to wants me to be happy.

Two pairs of arms circled me in a cocoon like hug, one pair short and soft and the others long and thin. Drained of any fight I leaned against them more than willing to take their support, both physical and emotional. I am so tired of living this lie, of pretending I'm happy when I'm not. Exhausted of fighting all these feelings off because I'm scared to feel.

"Why can't I be happy?" I sobbed

"You can be honey, you can." she cooed as she squeezed me harder

I wanted to believe her but it was difficult considering moments ago I was willing to push her away too. Tess, the only person who has been in my corner for as long as I've known her. How could I have been ready to loose someone so important to me?

"We love you K, baggage and all." Aaron whispered before kissing my wet cheek

Tightening my arms around them I knew what he said was true because no one else I know would have helped me home last night and stayed until I woke up. No one but true friends like these two. Why they choose to love a messed up nutcase like myself I haven't the slightest clue but I am grateful to have them in my life. Opening my mouth to tell them just how much they mean to me I was interrupted by a loud banging at the front door.

Pulling away I wiped my cheeks clean of tears as Tess and Aaron shared a look I didn't understand "I get it." Aaron said and let the room

"Who could it be at eight p.m.?"

"Eight?!" I exclaimed, stunned by the time "I've slept all day."

She nodded "We debated about waking you but decided you had a rather rough twenty four hours and needed the escape to dreamland."

Shaking my head I couldn't keep from smiling as I recalled the last time I slept an entire day and had different sitter watching me.

"Khloe isn't available right now."

Brows pulling together I took a few steps forward I felt a strange feeling that told me to stay put but upon hearing Aaron tell the person to come back later I couldn't listen. With Tess one step behind me I stepped out into the hall to where Aaron stood with both arms blocking the doorway from the unexpected visitor.

"Who is it?" Tess whispered

Shrugging, I craned my neck in hopes of catching a glimpse of the visitor but as I did I wished I had listened to the voice in my head and stayed in the bedroom.

"I demand you let me in Aaron."

"Mom?"

Both Aaron and my mother turned in our direction, Aaron looking rather annoyed that Tess and I didn't stay put and my mother who didn't look like she came here to check up on me. Her thin brows were pulled downwards, lips pressed together and the all to familiar crinkle between her brows that indicated I was in for a long lecture. Elbowing past Aaron who didn't put up a fight she marched across the room to where I stood with Tess gripping my elbow as if it my mother was here to eat me and only she could save me from her. Halting a foot away she pointed her index finger at me as her hard caramel eyes narrowed into thin slits.

"Now you listen to me Khloe Sparks, I have worked too damn hard to keep this family clean of any scandals even when your father spent a week in the Virgin Islands with one of his interns. I made sure no reporters knew anything and I have been doing that since. So I am not about to let you ruin all my hard work over the years." she seethed

"Wait just a minute." Tess growled as she pushed me behind her as if I needed the protection. Standing toe to toe with my mother Tess showed no signs of backing down even when my mother glared at her as if she wasn't worth her time.

"Khloe has done nothing wrong but you can't see that past your obsession to keep your record clean."

"Excuse me?" My mother said with her nose scrunched up in disgust, oddly she resembled my father in that moment. Snobby and unconcerned for anyone's feelings. "I was talking to my daughter not you."

"Well I'm talking to-"

Placing a hand on Tess's wrist I cut her off and stepped forward so I was no longer hiding from my mother. "It's okay." I assured Tess who shook her head in disapproval

Sucking in a breath I met my mother's hard stare, there is no use in pros spooning this confrontation. Eventually I'd have to deal with the hurricane that is my mother NAND sooner is much better than later.

"I'm guessing your here about last night." I began

Raising her hand up she tilted her face away from me "Don't. You can't even start to explain what you did last night but I'm willing to give you a chance."

Fishing an envelope out of the alligator print handbag dangling off her wrist she held it out, expression remaining the same hard mask as when she first entered. Reaching my hand out I took the white envelope out of her hand puzzled as to what she could be giving me right now.

"I don't have time to explain it all right now because I am on my way to meet your sister at the airport so I'll keep it brief. This is a ticket for Paris, it is scheduled for tomorrow in the morning. There will be a press conference tomorrow evening where you will explain that everything you said at the wedding was a lie and that you were just drunk."

"You can't make her do that." Aaron argued as he joined us in the middle of the room

"Yeah, especially when it wasn't a lie." Tess added with a glare of her own

Glancing down at the unlabeled envelope in my hands I swallowed knowing I should tell her to shove it but I couldn't find the words. It's not that I wanted to obey her no so nice demand but more that I was drained by all the emotions rushing through my veins. There was no fight or energy let within me to even react to her right now so rusher than speak I gave a small nod just so she could leave. Instead of coming here to make sure I'm okay after last night my mother; the woman who gave birth to me came to ensure I follow her schedule and make things 'right'.

It stings to know she still doesn't care after everything I said last night but it wasn't a surprise. This isn't a movie where one dramatic scene causes a person to change their behavior. My mother would never understand my side of the story even if she herself has been in the receiving end of the heart ache, she won't ever understand.

"Good." she said and tilted her chin upwards "I expect to see you at our usual hotel by noon and don't think of creating another scene like that again." she added darkly

Without awaiting for a reply she turned on her heels and without so much as a goodbye she slammed the door after her and as quick as she stormed in she was gone. Squeezing my eyes shut I tightened my fingers over the envelope. Although I expected nothing less than that bitter visit I still held a twinge of hope that she would at least ask if I was okay or even look back one last time but of course not.

"Don't tell me you are actually considering this." Tess growled

"Yeah K, the woman is a bítch with a capital bítch. You can't go to this thing." Aaron added "Right?"

Releasing an exasperated sigh I reopened my eyes and looked down at the envelope "I don't know what I should do at this point." I admitted out loud and I wasn't just talking about my mother

"I think you do." Tess said as she snatched the envelope out of my hands "But are you willing to take that step?" she asked as she dangled the envelope in front of me awaiting my response

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One chapter left and a epilogue left!!!!!! Sorry for the delay guys I was temporarily handicap since I broke my left wrist and sprained the right. I'm okay but writing this chapter and doing my school work was a bítch lol ;)

Love you all!!