Chapter 43

Turning on my heels I caught my bottom lip with my teeth as I paced the long hall once again like a mindless zombie with my third cup of coffee in hand. It was nearly five in the morning and I didn't feel the least bit tired, in fact I had enough energy to run a marathon at this rate and it had nothing to do with the caffeine I've been chugging down like a religious person would holy water and everything to do with Wes who was talking to the doctor yet again.

When he returned earlier after talking to the doctor Wes had a grim expression on, although he didn't speak I knew the news, whatever it may be it was not good. Feeling helpless I once again took his hand finding the situation heartbreaking especially when Wes walked over to his sisters and told them the news. Anna had to be the strongest of the three; her eyes brimmed with tears but she merely nodded accepting the reality of the situation. Poor Carrie burst into tears, her sobs echoed in the hall for all to hear and Marbella crumbled in her seat bawling her eyes out. I watched with my own tears leaking down my cheeks as Wes comforted his sisters while he suppressed his own emotions. He didn't cry a single tear but they were there behind the brave mask he put up; it shined in his eyes like a storm brewing. Still he held it together until both Carrie and Marbella's sobs ceased, kissing all three on the forehead he made his way back to me with his head low and guilt filling his blank stare. I couldn't help in that moment but wrap my arms around his neck, he was hurting and I couldn't help him in any other way than this.

Other than holding his hand that's all I could really do for him and it pains me to see him so crestfallen and have no power to help. He never pushed me away when I hugged him, feeling the moment intensifying I pulled away only to find Wes staring down at me with glassy grey eyes that spoke the words his lips didn't. Each time I met his soft gaze I turned away, reminded of his confession earlier.

Squeezing my eyes shut I felt an invisible hand grip my heart at the reminder. We haven't talked about what he said, we haven't talked much at all and I know the time is nearing. I can't avoid the topic forever although I'd love to forget all about it, but I know Wes won't. He has an annoying habit of making me face my problems head on. Which meant there is no running from this. Aggravated, I tossed my empty cup into the small bin in the corner of the hall. Releasing an annoyed growl I turned on my heels ready to start my pacing again when I bumped straight into Dominic. My hands flew up to my throat as a gasp pulled from my lips.

"I apologize for startling you but you were standing here alone." he explained with his thick Italian accent

My chest fell as I released a soft breath, lowering my hands I felt my heart slow to its normal pace "I thought you were with Anna."

"Anna went to check on the children, Joey was left with all the toddlers and teenagers."

Nodding, I took a seat on one of the many chairs lining the hall. Dominic took the one to my left, his large biceps grazing my arm as he turned to face me. Feeling his stare I reluctantly turned my head in his direction; it's not that I didn't like Dominic that wasn't it at all, I wanted some alone time to figure some things out and having another one of Wes's family members tell me how Wes 'looks' at me differently definitely doesn't help. Especially since my eyes have wandered to the door a hand full of times since I've entered the hospital but I couldn't leave Wes when he needed me, it wasn't fair to him.

"How are you dealing with this?"

Taken back by the question I shook my head "I don't know the man." I replied honestly

He shook his head "I meant with helping Wes deal with this incident, not many people in your position would come running in here the way you did."

Restraining the gasp bubbling in my throat I eyed the older man curiously, wondering if he meant what I was thinking or was this a trick of my imagination. Hoping for the latter I composed myself as if I hadn't just had a miniature freak out that this stranger I've spoken to a few times knew a secret that could ruin me for life if it didn't kill me of embarrassment first.

"I am his girlfriend." I said in a cool tone

The smile that spread along his mouth startled me and brought the fear that he knew back, but he couldn't know.

Shifting closer to my side he scanned the area around us first before speaking in a low tone meant only for me "I know about the deal."

Sliding away from his large figure I felt as if he touched me with coal rather than spoke. My wide eyes raked over him in caution, wondering how he could have known and if he was going to the press with this or even his wife. Panicked I stood to my feet, eyes glued to the man sitting before me. This wasn't good, not in the least. He could ruin my barely intact image and so close to the wedding where I'll be forced to see those snobs who won't mind rubbing the fact in my face. And Wes. The media would trash him if they ever caught a whiff of this, his name would be dragged in the mud as the male prostitute who agreed to assist the lonely, frigid rich girl. They wouldn't care if the information was given to them was even true, those leeches would tarnish Wes's reputation without worrying that they ruined a good man's life.

"What do you want in return for your silence?" I asked coldly

His eyebrows raised as his smile widened "Excuse me?"

Retaking my seat I narrowed my eyes not falling for the clueless act he was using, I've seen this all before and I'll be damned if I let this man be the reason Wes gets dragged through the media like the mistress of a crooked congressman, he didn't deserve this. With that thought fueling my annoyance I found myself leaning closer to Dominic, lips pressed together and suppressing the urge to hit him.

"Name your price and I'll make it happen but if one word is spoken to the media about this or even a whiff of Wes being involved I will destroy you." I warned in a steel tone

"Wow. Talk about being on the defense." he chuckled, sitting up straight he glanced over his shoulder and scooted closer so his knees hit mine "Calm down, I'm not going to tell anyone."

Rather than relax I tilted my chin up not quite satisfied with his response "How do I know that for sure?"

"Firstly, Wes is my best friend and family. I know every detail of his life and vise versa; he's my brother by blood and name."

My hard expression flattered "Wes told you?"

He nodded, amusement shimmering in his dark eyes "Before you go thinking he betrayed you, you should know that he told me the very same day you made the deal. He sounded confused by the whole thing and asked if he made a mistake. I obviously told him yes because no good comes out of a lie especially a relationship but I must admit you both have proved me wrong."

Just like when I spoke to his wife earlier I had the nagging feeling that Dominic would bring up a few details I have turned a blind eye to before and that made me nervous. Weaving my fingers together I attempted to calm the butterflies fluttering in my belly but had no luck as Dominic continued.

"I think it's important for you to know what Wes thought of you before all of this."

"I don't think I want to know." I laughed stiffly

Standing up I rubbed my bare arms feeling a coldness fill my chest, you don't have to be a genius to figure out Wes thought the worse of me and I can't really blame him. In the past I've given him nothing to really think any positive thoughts about me; I've glared at him, judged him, assumed things about him and at one point or another I have to admit I hated him. So if the feeling was mutual I couldn't really hold it against him but knowing so would hurt. This was Wes, the man I can't seem to get a good night sleep without, the man was a gift from above. Walking down the hall I found myself standing by a vending machine fighting back tears when loud footsteps sounded behind me.

"He liked you. Wes thought you were beautiful and strong, something he never seen in women he's been with. I remember the day he moved in to his apartment he came in to work the next day talking about his new neighbor who threatened to cut his manhood off."

Despite the tears stinging my eyes I laughed softly recalling that day, I was exhausted and the prick had the nerve to blast his stereo at ten thirty. I was ready to keep true to my threat when the next morning he met me in the hall asking if I wanted to come over that night. Then I walked off in disgust but now I would jump to the opportunity to be with him, the irony of life.

"He was never use to women other than his sisters resisting his charm or even standing up to him so when you fought him off for so long he grew more fascinated with you Khloe, you were special to him." Dominic continued

"You're mistaken." I denied with a shake of my head "Wes and I never spoke, we only argued."

"Love at first sight isn't true for every couple."

I pressed my lips together to keep from shouting that this isn't love, it can't be.

"My wife hated me for most of her life, I never understood why she did when all I ever wanted was for her to look at me without cringing. It was a sudden turn of events when she came to Italy and I offered to be her tour guide, being Anna she refused immediately and I wasn't surprised. It took quite a while for her to be able to stand my presence and when she did I seized the opportunity." he explained

Twisting around to face Dominic I felt a knot tighten in my chest, I don't want to hear love stories or anything remotely close to them. Not when I'm trying to figure everything out. In the last twenty four hours I feel as if my whole world has been flipped upside down; what with Greg's coming out, Tyler's sudden appearance and now Wes's confession that may or may not be true. It's as if life enjoys toying with me.

"This-" I paused, watching Dominic tilt his head to the left. The curiosity in his dark chocolate eyes was equivalent to being placed under the lens of a microscope. "This isn't love."

He arched a thick dark brow "Then what is this?" he asked in his heavy accent

"It's..."

I've always been quick on my feet and in situations like this I could pull any set of words together to respond but staring at Dominic I found a response difficult. The way he smiled knowingly gave me the feeling that this wasn't the first time he has heard a woman tell him this. Honestly I didn't really have an answer or even a clue as to what this is, did what we have even have a label or is our relationship undefined? I wanted to pull on my hair and scream out in frustration but refrained due to our surroundings, the urge was very strong and very possible if one more person comes up to me talking about love.

"Exactly my point." Dominic spoke up with a hint of a smirk forming

Huffing out in frustration I folded my arms over my chest, I can't do this right now. Glancing over my shoulder I stared longingly at the door I entered from earlier longing to run away from all of this. The urge to run as far away from Wes and this crazy notion of love grew stronger with every passing minute and every time I thought maybe this was real, his feelings might be real but then what about mine? The thought was enough for me to give in to temptation.

"I don't know you very well Khloe other then what the media says but I do know Wes and when he told you he loves you earlier it wasn't a lie. Wes doesn't do or say anything without a reason and he certainly doesn't lead girls on."

"He told you." I asked and whipped around to face him

"No, but after seeing you stare at the door for an hour like it was your only hope I figured something serious went on so I took a guess." he admitted with a grin

I sighed, was I really that obvious? Did Wes notice? Of course not he was too busy dealing with his dad's condition to worry about what I was staring at. Still guilt gnawed at me for wanting to leave when Wes needed me but I couldn't help but feel panicked at the mention of love. The stupid emotion has given me nothing but trouble.

"Why would he say he loves me?" I asked softly

"Maybe because he does."

I shook my head and swallowed past the lump in my throat. Pressing my lips together I tilted my head up ready to explain all the reasons why that couldn't be possible when it spotted Wes heading our way, a faint smile spreading on his lips that only served to fuel my guilt. The shimmer of excitement in his soft gray eyes as he approached us was like a slap in the face. Reeling in the emotions tearing my heart in two I returned his smile finding it surprisingly easy. Dominic moved aside as was reached us allowing him to snake his arm around my shoulder as he pecked my lips.

"Any change?" Dominic asked Wes who's smile widened

"He's awake."

I blew a deep breath out relieved that his dad was okay although I didn't know the man or ever meet him I knew how broken Wes would be if he died.

"He's still fragile and doesn't know what's going on so the doctor said to lay off the visits till he regains some of his memory." Wes continued, his arm tightening around my shoulder

"I knew he'd make it." Dominic laughed "He is after all a Valsero."

The soft chuckle that shook Wes's chest caused a warm tingle to spread in my chest, it was faint but progress. Craning my head up I felt the corners of my lips twitch upwards as I caught a glimpse of a spark in his eyes. It was a foolish thing to get excited over and I didn't understand why I was excited.

"I'll go call Anna and tell the girls the good news." Dominic said, he slapped Wes's shoulder and gave me a wink before walking off

Dropping his grip on my shoulder Wes walked in front of me, his hands resting over mine as he looked down at me with a soft expression. Clearing my throat I pushed my fears aside and spoke "I'm glad he's okay but how are you?"

His lips stretched "Better than I thought I would be." he answered

Rubbing his thumb over the top of my hands he leaned forward and kissed my forehead "Thank you for being here with me."

I had to swallow down the lump in my throat as I nodded, speaking at the moment wouldn't be a good idea. Not when I have a thousand thoughts floating in my head, each centered around a different reaction to his words. His smile flattered as I turned away from him in discomfort and the action didn't slip past him like I hoped.

"What's wrong?" he asked, the concern in his voice only served to raise my guilt but I couldn't help my reaction to him

Shaking my head I attempted a smile as I met his gaze "It's nothing." I lied

What was I suppose to say? I'm freaking out because you said you love me before and I don't think I'm ready for something so serious and definitely not now when I'm already a good five hundred feet out of my comfort zone as it is. The lie was a safer bet than admitting my inner panic.

His brows knitted together, his eyes searching mine for any clue as to what was bothering me. His gaze was like a heat laser, burning a hole through the front I put up for both our sakes. Taking a step back I dropped my gaze unable to handle the softness of those gray orbs that pulled me into their depths, coaxing me to give in.

Clearing my throat I felt the awkwardness settle between us "I'm going to get a coffee, you want one?" I asked without meeting his gaze

The silence that followed my question was unsettling and nerve wrecking as I thought of leaving without hearing his response.

"You're doing it again." he whispered softly

Puzzled, I forgot my nerves and lifted my gaze "Doing what?"

His jaw clenched and unclenched in annoyance "You're running away from me."

"No, I'm not." I quickly denied despite the fact that he was spot on

He didn't seem to convinced by my lie either. Clasping my hands together I felt a twinge of panic as his eyes narrowed, searching my expression for any indication of truth. In that moment I wished I was able to put a mask on to conceal the nerves I knew were leaking out in waves, maybe he won't figure it out. He's been to concerned with his dad to recall what he said.

"Is it because I told you I love you."

It wasn't a question, but more of a statement I wish was wrong. I wanted to deny it but as I opened my mouth to do just that I sighed in defeat and nodded. There was no point of pretending, he would have figured it out sooner or later.

He ran one large bronze hand through his messy ebony hair and released a gust of air through his nostrils "I should have known you'd freak after that." he muttered under his breath

"How could I not?" I asked "Love isn't a word you throw around freely."

Without a word he strolled over to the chairs lining the hallway, he sat down with a sigh that caused me to follow him without second guessing my actions. I sat beside him, hands on my knees wondering what Wes was thinking. He ran a hand through his hair again "I know that. It just slipped out."

"So you didn't mean it?"

He swerved his head in my direction, brows pulled together "Of course I meant it." he said

The two emotions colliding within was like a blizzard meeting a sand storm; both two different and dangerous storms uniting to make a deadly combination that threatened to tear me in two. A part of me that survived the massacre that was Tyler soar with excitement with the knowledge that I am loved by someone, the same part that secretly watched cheesy romantic films hoping to one day find a love like that. Then there is the other part of me that hoped Wes didn't mean it, the same part of me that broke after Tyler and crumbled when Greg took an axe to my sensitive self esteem. The part of me that built walls around my heart to keep another man from hurting me. The selfish part of me that wanted to raise my defenses up again shouted for me to back out of this before I ended up broken and crying yet again.

Wes is different, he cares for you, a small voice argued.

I know he cares for me, he has proven that over and over again but does he really love me?

He twisted in my direction, his knees brushing mine as he sat up jaw clenched and lips in a firm line "Why would you think I said it if I didn't mean it?"

I rolled my shoulders and caught my bottom lip between my teeth "It was a difficult time for you and maybe with all the different emotions you were feeling at once you said it accidentally."

His brows shot upwards "Accidentally?"

"Yeah, with the moment." I shot back

He shook his head in disbelief and leaned back against the chair, the back of his head resting against the wall as he looked up at the ceiling with a blank stare. "Nothing I do will ever be enough for you to believe my feelings for you are real."

"That's not true. I know you care."

"Then why is it so hard for you to believe that I could actually love you?" he argued with his head tilted towards the ceiling

"It's not you." I sighed, knowing it was true

There is nothing wrong with Wes or his intentions or even any doubt in my mind that he does like me and want the best for me. But with my crappy track record it's hard for me to believe any male could really love me especially a man as sweet and tentative as Wes. A man who has shown me that not all man are heartless bastards who's only intentions are to take what they want and discard the unwanted pieces of me aside like yesterday's trash.

Shifting in the metal chair I sat back realizing that I am the problem in this equation, not Wes or even this insane relationship that spiraled into something I would have never dreamed of. My past mistakes with men and how they feel towards me held a firm grip on my decisions with Wes. The fear of getting hurt has dictated my every action in this relationship and kept me blind to what was before me and even know it controlled my thoughts. I want to be able to shake off the fear that this won't take a nose dive and end in disaster but the chance that I might dangled above my head like an axe.

"I've liked you months before this deal Khloe, you are a smart, fierce, strong woman who sometimes doesn't realize just how beautiful and amazing you are but I do."

Unexpectedly he took my hand in his, I swallowed past the lump lodging itself in my throat as I watched his strong fingers weave through my slimmer ones. The difference in size and color was completely unbalanced but I liked seeing his large hand cradling mine, the difference in size gave me sense of comfort and safety. Despite the part of me that protested against it I looked up through a dark set of lashes and found my breath being pulled from my lips at the tenderness filling those stormy orbs that held a shimmer of disappointment that I know was there because of me.

"I love you, although I choose a shitty moment to tell you I meant it and I know you feel something for me."

"I don't know what I feel right now." I admitted in a soft whisper

Briefly closing his eyes Wes leaned his forehead forward so it rested against mine. My heart thumped in my chest as his nose brushed mine, his breath mingling with my own as he clenched and unclenched his jaw.

"How are you sure you actually love me?" I asked when a few seconds passed and he remained silent

He snapped his eyes open and the flare flashing within them told me he didn't like what I said but I had to ask and receive an actual answer, I needed this. Swiping my tongue across my bottom lip I felt the heat of his gaze as I continued "Are you sure it's love or just a spree of the moment feeling that with time dissolves?"

"Are you seriously asking me this right now?" he asked dumbfound by the question I asked

"I want to know this isn't a brief flash of the feeling that will wear off after a while."

His eyes hardened as the fire in those stormy orbs grew with every word I spoke "Why does it not surprise me that you doubt my feelings?"

"I just want to know for sure." I argued

He snatched his hands away from mine, the action felt like a slap in the face as he pulled away so we no longer touched. I fought to keep eye contact when all I really wanted was to avoid the mixture of anger and hurt in his gaze, knowing very well that I was to blame for the emotions.

"You know all this time during this relationship you've been trying to protect yourself from getting hurt but I bet you haven't once thought of how much it hurts me when you compare me to those dìckheads."

"I don't-"

"Yes, you do." he interjected "Have you considered my feelings when you constantly doubt what I feel for you? I asked you a week ago for you to officially be my girlfriend and you couldn't even give me an answer, how do you think I feel about that? I was willing to put my wants aside so you can be comfortable in this relationship but I don't think you ever will be because you don't want to take any steps forward. If anyone questions anyone's feelings here, it should be me."

"Of course my feelings are real." I snapped finding the accusation insulting and infuriating

I guess that's what the old quote means; a taste of your own medicine.

Standing on to my feet I paced away from him, arms wrapped around my middle section as my eyes stung with tears. Sinking my teeth into my bottom lip, I ignored the dragged out sigh from behind me as I attempted to regain control over my rogue emotions.

"I know this is unfair to you but I don't know how I feel right now and this is moving too fast for me." I admitted before the sob that clawed up my chest surfaced

My shoulders shook with the silent sobs that racked my body as hot tears leaked down my cheeks. Covering my face with my hands I felt the shell I've wrapped around myself since high school crack and crumble away leaving the vulnerable, self conscious young girl exposed to the raw emotions I've tried bottling up. Everything I've suppressed since the first day of this deal surfaced and brought along with it an ache in my chest as the emotion tidal wave pulled me below, threatening to drown me in the heavy waters. A pair of strong arms wrapped around my shoulders, without second guessing myself I twisted in his hold and snaked my arms around his waist yearning for the comfort he gave me that both soothed and frightened me.

Wes stroked my hair, the feather like touch fueling my sobs as I cried shamelessly into his chest hating how I complicated this situation with my fears and insecurities. The warmth his body provide was like a blanket in a chilly November night, the musky scent of him invaded my senses as I buried my face deeper into his chest crying my confusing and frustrations out.

"Shhh. It's okay kitty kat." he whispered against the shell of my ear

"I-it's all a jumbled up me-ess and I-I don't know h-how to untangle it." I cried as I grabbed a fist full of his shirt

"I know baby." he whispered gently, lowering his head he kissed the crown of my head "I know." he sighed against my hair