Lan Zhan wanted to die.

It was as easy and simple as that: he truly wanted to die.

Why?

In this world, everyone had soulmates. There were so many signs ranging from dreams, matching birthmarks, scents, tasting what each other was eating--the possibilities were endless...

It was very clear to Lan Zhan that that adorable moron was his soulmate, so why was it, when he died, he didn't die along with him?

Was Wei WuXian not his soulmate?

Was Wei Wuxian not his?

Lán Zhan didn't even want to think about the possibility of having another person as his soulmate. It was irrational and impossible, considering all the clues led up to him. So why was it, when he passed away from this world, Lan Zhan didn't leave with him? Why?

Did Wei WuXian love someone else? Did Wei WuXian somehow got paired with another person that wasn't him? Was the universe playing some stupid joke on him? Was this some kind of karma from one of his past lives?

...

Ever since he was little, Lan Zhan had experienced the taste of eating raw dead animals. He was so angry and annoyed when he first did, thinking it was some kind of curse someone was playing on him, and told his mother. Apparently, it was his soulmate, who was probably experiencing worse things than he was. After all, he was the one who was actually eating those animals.

Lán Zhàn started to pity him, even though he was sometimes annoyed that the disgusting taste would appear on his tongue at random times.

He would look around at places that were not as prosperous as the Cloud Recesses and try to find a kid his age that might be his soulmate, eating dead animals raw. He started eating delicious things--mostly sweet stuff--every time his soulmate ate those inedible things, all the while hoping that his soulmate would taste it too.

And sometimes, Lan Zhan could feel the gratitude and happiness that his soulmate felt...

It warmed his heart that he managed to make the other person happy. It warmed his heart that he managed to be there for them. It warmed his heart that his soulmate was pleased with him.

After a while, Lan Zhan's Soulmate stopped eating that kind of disgusting food. However, his menu changed into something that was just as annoying; spicy food.

Lan Zhan hated the taste of it in his mouth, he despised it. But then again, as long as his fated person felt better, he supposed he could deal with it...

After all, Lan Zhan wasn't the one who experienced eating those inedible things. And now, it wasn't like he had to go to the toilet after his soulmate ate spicy food.

Thinking about it like this, it really gave him release that his Soulmate was finally eating real food.

Lán Zhàn already had vague dreams about his fated person, too. It was the only time he was able to see colors--mostly red, but he didn't know that it was that colour back then. He was colour-blind.

He knew that the person had long black hair, but he still couldn't tell whether it was female or male. He was hoping the latter, though. He wanted a strong soulmate, so he didn't need to worry too much about their safety all the time... Even though he still would. Lan Zhan was an over-protective person, you know?

Though, the dreams were a bit worrying sometimes. It was usually about the person playing the flute, but sometimes it showed that person getting burnt... Lan Zhan didn't like thinking about it.

And then he finally met him.

It was so obvious. When that reckless, shameless troublemaker realized that someone nearby watching him, he turned around and their eyes met-

And the world exploded in colours.

Even Lán Zhan, who was so used to hiding his emotions behind his cold expression, felt his body shudder at the sudden feeling. He looked at this man in front of him--this man that literally smelt like trouble, and yet he felt all his problems melt away the moment that person sent him a smile.

That moment he knew, nothing else mattered.

Everything has lost its importance and only this person, this Wei WuXian, mattered.

But it didn't seem like anything changed for him. Wei WuXian stayed the same. His smile unchanging, his expression still and his posture unshaken. It didn't seem like the world changed for him at all. It didn't seem like he felt the feelings Lan Zhan just experienced, and it didn't seem like he realized he just met his soulmate...

What was happening?

Why was Lan Zhan the only one who felt it?

In anger, perhaps at himself or perhaps at the world, he took his sword and started fighting with his fated person. But, when he heard his voice and his laugh again, all his worry dispersed and he could only think, "Ah, this Wei WuXian is so strong and graceful."

Yet until now, Lan Zhan still didn't understand.

The moment Wei WuXian died, he felt his heart shatter and his whole world tumbled down from the heavens to the underworld. And he felt like he was dying--decomposing from the inside.

The world that was so bright and vibrant lost all its colours. There were no more of that annoying taste of spice. There was no more of those dreams, only nightmares that would probably haunt him forever. There was no more hope-

There was no longer his Wei WuXian in this world.

And the scariest and most depressing thing?

Lan Zhan didn't die with him.

He couldn't even begin to describe how hopeless he felt. He was ready to lash out at the world, to blame everything on everyone around him, and then...

A pair of rabbits came up to him and looked at him with their big eyes. His resolved shattered.

Thirteen years passed.

Thirteen years he waited.

It felt long and empty. Nothing remarkable happened at all, but Lan Zhan could only sigh and buy another jar of Emperor's Smile. He surrounded himself by things that reminded him of his fated person, hoping that his scent would linger longer.

There was no one he felt he could convey his emotions to, but even so, he wouldn't. Because these feelings he felt for Wei WuXian... He would treasure them and not let anyone see. No matter how much it would cost him, no matter how painful or deadly. Those feelings were his and his alone.

Until . . .

He met someone.

And the world exploded again.

In beautiful and vibrant colours.

And Lan Zhan swore that he would never let go of this man ever again.

-