This time he finally kept his word, and I didn't see Eric for a long time - it was strange how much that annoyed me.

"I'm only upset because I missed the wonderful opportunity to drive a stake through his heart!" I yelled into my empty kitchen after burning my cake, while I nervously stared at my new couch, chewing my nails. It had appeared one morning just as suddenly as my car had. Of course, another gift from Eric.

No, you idiot. You let him worm his way into your heart, and now you miss him.

"Oh, shut up!"

You know it's true. I'm your conscience, not your dumb friends who you can easily lie to.

I rolled my eyes.

Indeed, everyone in Bon Temps had been more preoccupied with themselves the past few days than with scrutinizing my strange behavior. Not only had my behavior changed, but so had my appearance. When I woke up the morning after a particularly confusing night, filled with nasty dreams that had me clutching my pearls and went to spit toothpaste into the sink, I dropped the toothbrush in shock.

"What the hell..?!"

My skin was clear and glowing. No stress pimples, no red patches, not even a dry spot. My eyelashes were black and long. My lips were fuller, and my hair, yesterday dry and greasy at the same time, shimmered like liquid gold. It was as if someone had applied an Insta-Filter to my face.

"No side effects. Are you kidding, Sookie? What's next? Am I going to grow bat wings?"

My unfamiliar reflection grinned back at me over my poor joke, and I fled the bathroom, creeped the hell out. It was all too much like  a scene from the horror movie "Mirror."

As I kept avoiding mirrors as a new quirk for the next couple of weeks, for a short time, I was spared from further surprises.

Sookie and Bill were once again strolling hand in hand through the night, while Sam looked like he had bitten into a lemon every time. Tara's newfound friend, Maryann, seemed to throw him off even more for some reason so his attentions eventually shifted away from the couple. Tara was not doing well at all. She had been arrested by the police after a body was found outside Merlotte's, apparently some kind of voodoo priestess for her and her mom. However, Maryann had gotten her out of jail and moved her in with her. From that moment forward, Tara changed for the better, started glowing from within. Maybe, someone finally taking care of her for a change was good for her. As much as the people of Bon Temps seemed to have an eye out for Sookie, they had completely neglected Tara all those years. Still, I shared Sams eerie feeling –  there was something about Maryann that I didn't like... However, that was nothing compared to Sam's hatred towards her. While I was curious about the exact story between them, it was none of my business. And honestly, I had bigger problems.

Like Eric the murdering vampire, James and his stupid Playingcards gang, and the tingling feeling that wouldn't leave me. Plus, Lafayette was still missing! I started to worry, even though everyone assured me that he was probably just touring the clubs with some guy or living his best life on some gay cruise. I hoped they were right. But a club tour for someone who responsibly held down two legal and several not-so-legal jobs seemed unrealistic. And out of character.  So, I worried. And I missed him. The job was a lot duller without his sparkling joie de vivre - plus, he made the best cocktails. And I could really use one (or ten) good cocktail and a sassy, witty friend.

I realized that Jason had been released from prison when I heard a surprised "Damn, Ash!" from the door of Merlotte's. I had been clearing the table for Sheriff Andy Bellefleur, who had been grinding his teeth sitting at the bar when Jason walked in, looking angry and muttering something about "more luck than sense."

"Hi, Jason," I looked around, "all the tables are taken, you'll have to go to the bar!"

I was about to make my way to the kitchen with the dirty dishes when Jason still stared at me with wide eyes and said... nothing.

"Jason?"

What were the signs of a stroke again? Paralyzed face and smelling burnt toast or something? Well, his face was as symmetrical as ever. Pretty as always. As for the smell of burned toast – Terry was no Lafayette. The distant smell of something burned was always wafting through the air. 

I cautiously touched Jasons arm, and he jerked in surprise, a blush spreading over his cheeks. Well, who would've thought. Jason Stackhouse could blush!

"Sweetie, everything okay with you?", I smiled amused.

He cleared his throat, and his lopsided grin was back. "Yeah, all good. You just look real good, Ash, 'is all! You said there was room at the bar?"

Confused, I nodded, and Jason hurried almost to the free bar stools.

Ooookay. Somehow, Jason was also acting weird. He was downright polite and shy. Maybe they should put womanizers in jail more often if that was the result.

I caught him repeatedly watching me, as he had often done before, but it was different this time. Not lecherous or suggestive, but rather curious and admiring. Almost... worshipful? But even apart from his strange behavior, he was different now. Whenever I ran into him now, he seemed to want to quote a verse from the Bible. Unfortunately, he lacked the necessary brains for it, and it sounded about as painful as my short-lived attempt in one of my many, many schools in my youth to become part of the Romeo and Juliet performance. But when he grinned at me afterward with his sheepish look, I couldn't bring myself to tease him about it. That would have felt like kicking a puppy. 

I had thought that a little normalcy was slowly returning to the dreamy little town until one night Sookie was pounding on my door like a maniac. Like the evenings before, I had made myself sit on the less comfortable  floor and watched TV, refusing to sit on the decadent yet cozy-looking couch. It felt like a betrayal to Tom and just another concession to Eric if I were to actually use his gifts.

"Just come in-"

She had already stormed past me and was in mid-speech before the door was fully open. "...real nerve, then to look innocent and force me into a favor. I'll kill him!"

I closed the door behind her. "-side! Another murder? I don't want to interrupt your serial killer tour, but who's the lucky one?"

"That wasn't murder, it was self-defense!"

"Sure!"

"Eric!"

Panicked, I turned around. My heart was in my throat.

"Where?"

Sookie scrutinized me.

"And Lafayette!"

My eyes widened. I knew that vampires were more liberal with their sexuality, but this statement threw me off course and sent my voice at least three octaves higher.

"Something's going on with those two?"

I cleared my throat. Why had my throat suddenly tightened? I wanted to convince myself, that it was out of worry for my friend Lafayette, that my stomach twisted up in knots that had no business being there, but I couldn't. I wouldn't admit it but I knew the feeling of jealousy when it crushed me like a train. 

"What? God no!"

I refused to acknowledge the puff of air escaping my lungs in relief. 

Sookie ran to my fridge and grabbed a beer. Her tossing aside her Southern hospitality, waiting for me to offer her refreshment, troubled me. It was only now that I saw what she was wearing. Or not wearing. All she had on was an oversized red Fangtasia merchandise T-shirt. Period. Nothing more and nothing less.

"Officially gone to the Fangbangers?"

At her questioning look, I gestured to her outfit.

She looked down at herself.

Eric must have liked that. Was there more going on between them than Sookie was letting on?Once again, my chest tightened, and a wave of jealousy washed over me, which made me immediately angry. I shook my head.

"Dammit no, Ash. Not everyone you know wants to jump into bed with Eric like you do!" scolded Sookie. Irritated, she took a big swig of beer from her bottle and then took a deep breath, giving me time to regain control of my face and not stare at her with my mouth open.

"Sorry for my assumptions!" I retorted more snippily than necessary. "Not everyone can read minds like you - and you're making about as much sense in your statements as my senile grandma!"

Sookie let out the breath she had been holding and slumped onto my barstool at my mini-counter.

"Insane 24 hours."

I nodded. Sure. That actually did happen rather often around here.

"But listen to me now. Eric-" she mentioned his name, and immediately I was slapped again with feelings of jealousy and anger, "-had Lafayette in his perverted torture chamber."

My beer slipped from my hand, shattering with a loud bang. Torture chamber? Lafayette? Eric?

Why does Eric have a torture chamber? What normal person even has something like that? And what's it for?

God. Don't be so naive, it's painful. First, Eric isn't a normal person. Heaven, he's not even a person. He's a vampire! When will that finally sink into your stupid, romance-infested thick skull? Borrow Dracula if you need a refresher on what that means. Second, the guy is a thousand years old. He was practically there when torture chambers were invented. The real ones. Not the Christian Grey dungeons... although. Does he use those for multiple purposes?

I saw red, was red, and didn't know what to do with my feelings as my conscience or whatever it was these days, sat snippily in the corner, examining her nails. As if to say: Well, you should have taken your chance when the defenseless vampire was taking up residence on your couch.

I felt miserable. Terrible. Guilty. Yes, it was my fault what happened to Lafayette, wasn't it? I had the chance to do something about Eric. Probably that one chance was now gone forever, and every dead person at Eric's hands would henceforth be my fault.

I looked down at my incapable hands and was surprised not to see them covered in blood already.

The news had knocked me out of my shoes. 

I couldn't just stand here and look at Sookie. She realized that my thoughts were heading in a dark and self-destructive direction, tried to calm me down a bit. With raised hands, she came over to me and motioned for me to sit down. Automatically, I followed her instructions and sat down for the first time since the new sofa inexplicably appeared. Heaven, that was one  comfortable couch! 

Sookie immediately snapped me out of my thoughts as she began to speak. "He's traumatized, but he's back home now! I've... freed him..."

"Soookie," I groaned.

She raised her hands in defense. "I know, oh my, believe me, I know Ash! I have to stop doing business with vampires. But what else could I have done?"

"Not make a deal?"

"Then Lafayette would still be in captivity, and you... dead."

Yes, that was a good argument. But still.

"People die. It happens."

"Spoken like the true cynic you pretend to be!"

I would have liked to correct her, but I was too upset. I jumped up again and paced back and forth in my small living room like a caged tiger.

"Lafayette is okay, right?" I reassured myself once again, trying to calm my heartbeat.

"He's home now!" Sookie's answer was evasive.

"Sook!"

"Okay, he got shot."

Shocked, I brought my hands to my mouth.

"He was chained by his neck to a rotating... thing in Eric's cellar for weeks." Tears filled Sookie's eyes. "God, Ash, it was awful. The cellar stank, blood and bones and who knows what else were on the walls and on the floor. Lafayette must not have eaten anything for an eternity, he was so pale and thin..."

Sookie continued, but I didn't hear her anymore. The rush of my blood and my pounding heart were too loud, drowning out everything else. My fist clenched as images from my own horrid past with Eric, not the civil vampire he had presented us with, but Eric the monster, swirled around my head. I could practically smell the coppery tang of blood hanging in the air as Sookie described the scene where she had found our friend.  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

And everything went quiet.

All the anger, the pain, and the loss I had felt, not only from Tom's death but from childhood, washed over me, and when I could breathe again, only one thing remained. Hatred. The hatred I felt in that moment formed an iron wall around my heart, making me cold and calculating. My previously racing heart took on a steady and powerful rhythm.

And when I opened my eyes again, I saw clearly again. I had momentarily lost focus. Had allowed myself to be distracted by my fellow human beings and feelings and forgotten what my goal had been when I came to this town as a broken girl. Eric's appearance had thrown me off course. His charming yet arrogant manner had pushed exactly the buttons that made him attractive to me. Honestly, I wasn't quite sure yet, if there wasn't anything mystical going on as well, because right from the start, my actions around him seemed off even to myself. 

But that was over now. I was clear enough to realize: Eric Northman had not changed. Eric Northman did not deserve to life. Eric Northman had to die.