"Live life for the moment because everything else is uncertain." -Louis Tomlinson

"Robb?!" Elena yelled and searched the courtyard for him. She had used the little energy she had left to fly to the other side of the wall, trying to make sure Robb was all right.

"Don't worry little Lena, he's here with me." Damon spoke up in her head.

"Is he all right?"  Elena looked around her to find the dark Guardian.

"Your little princess is fine." Damon muttered, sounding bored or either annoyed. 

Elena sighed deeply in relief, some of the stress finally vanishing when she flew down towards the castle. Her body ached and her wings trembled, making her landing clumsy and painful. Elena got up and looked around, more bodies than she could count were lying on the floor, Thenns, crows and many other wildlings. The snow on the ground was red instead of the usual white. Elena's body filled with dread and terror, her limps began to shake and her heart began to thump wildly.

The men that were left were either holding their lost brothers in their arms or sitting on the ground, hopelessly staring in front of them. Elena felt a lump growing in her throat when she saw Jon.

"Jon..." Elena whispered softly and walked closer to him, extending her arm to comfort him. Jon was just standing there in the midst of the courtyard, staring at the bodies in front of him. His black curly hair was messy, sometimes sticky with blood.

"Your brother is all right, Damon just told me." Elena said, the only thing that kept her standing was knowing that she had at least succeeded to protect Jon and Robb.

"This shouldn't have happened." Jon muttered with an empty voice. Elena could see he was holding back his tears. "We should've protected them, like we protect all the other people in the realm."

Elena sighed and bowed her head, knowing he was right. Wildlings were also people, the only difference was that they didn't have the safety of a wall protecting them from the dangers beyond it. No wonder they'd fight to protect their families, their people from harm.

Jon turned around and looked at Elena, all she could see in his eyes was pain but his face was emotionless. "She's dead."

Elena nodded sadly, knowing who he meant. He had been talking about her a lot in the little time Elena and Jon spent together before the battle. He sighed deeply and turned to walk away.

"They should've had a Guardian to protect them, just like us, maybe then she'd still be alive."

~

"Elena!" Robb entered the room she was in, running towards Elena. He was covered in blood, mostly blood of other people. His armour had scratches all over it, sometimes the blade or whatever it had been had slashed the metal till it hit Robb's flesh. There was nothing too serious though.

"Thank the gods, you're all right." He sighed deeply and wrapped Elena tightly in his arms.

"Are you hurt?" Robb pulled back quickly and examined Elena's body, his hands holding her by her waist.

"I'm fine." Elena smiled sadly at Robb. He wasn't unhurt though, a gash covered the side of his cheek, his chest and another his left arm. "Sit down, I will take care of your wounds."

"I'm all right." Robb protested and grasped Elena's wrist when she walked away to get a cloth for his wounds.

"Please, just... Sit down." Elena sighed deeply and closed her eyes. After all that had happened that day she couldn't have any other things worrying her. The terror still filled every fibre in her body, waiting till she finally broke down completely to show itself.

Robb immediately sat down on the bed in the room, staring at her face. He saw the bags under her eyes, the way she almost couldn't stand straight anymore because she was shaking so bad.

"What happened?" Robb asked, looking at Elena while she was retrieving the things she needed to patch him up.

"What didn't? We've lost and killed numerous of people. All our resources and weapons are destroyed while there's still an army out there and-"

"Elena." Robb spoke with that demanding tone of his. He knew that that wasn't what was truly troubling her mind.

"We've lost one of our guardians..." Elena stated, a single teardrop falling down her face. She hadn't known Santana but she had fought for her side, aided her in battle even though she actually wanted to go home.

Elena blamed herself for Santana's death, she had been the one to convince her to stay and fight.

"She ignored Steve's order and attacked a giant by herself." Elena closed her eyes and leaned against the desk to steady herself. "Another giant got her, crushed her in his hand until there was no bone left unbroken."

"She didn't die for nothing." Robb said. Elena sighed deeply and walked towards Robb, kneeling in front of him between his legs so she could take a better look at his injuries.

"Damon loved her, I could see it in his eyes." Elena said, remembering the look in his eyes when Damon saw Santana dying. It had been a brief moment that she saw it for Damon transformed into the black dragon immediately.

"How many of your men have you lost?" Elena changed the subject. She just kept seeing the image of Santana's crushed body, making her nauseous. The image only fed the terror inside her, she knew that soon her walls would break. Elena was afraid of what would happen when it did.

"Glover said around 147 men." Robb stated. In theory it wasn't much, they still had around 9000 men left. In his mind though, every soldier he lost was like a stab in his stomach. He knew he couldn't afford to lose more men now, not when he has to defeat The Boltons and the Lannisters still.

"Why are we even doing this." Elena closed her eyes and looked down. "They only want to be safe behind the wall, just like us." She sighed deeply, trying to get herself together.

"What would you have us do?"

"Let them through and be done with it." Elena looked up at Robb. She knew that even though Robb was king, he didn't have any power here in castle Black. The men here didn't care about who was king and who was not, they had their own leader and their own rules.

"You know it's not that easy." Robb stroked a strand of her white hair behind Elena's ear. She nodded, deciding she should just forget about how she thought about the Wildlings.

Elena silently took off Robb's armour and shirt so that she could take care of the gash on his chest. The blood was dripping down from the holes in his chest where the arrows had hit him back at the Red Wedding. The battle must've reopened the wounds.

"Don't move." Elena commanded and dipped a cloth in water and then cleaned Robb's chest. She sat down on his lap so she could reach it better.

The three wounds reminded her of what had happened that day. Catelyn, Walder Frey, Roose Bolton. Those weren't even the names that popped up first in her head. Elena immediately saw Talisa there lying on the floor with a swollen belly.

"That's cold." Robb closed his eyes. He reopened them again when he felt Elena's soft hand tracing the lines on his chest, her brows furrowed. Her white long hair was messy, dirt and blood covering some strands. There was a cut on her cheek, a single line of blood dripping down her jaw.

"It is always your eyes." Robb chuckled softly as he softly traced the shapes of her face with his hand. He saw that Elena was thinking about something else, something that was still troubling her.

"What?" Elena frowned and looked up at him, trying to contain the violent shivers.

"Your eyes, they've always been the thing I love the most about you." Robb whispered as he looked at the different shades of green in her eyes, his hand now resting on her cheek. "They always have this certain spark in them."

Elena kept silent, looking back at Robb. Only then she realised that it hadn't always been her who Robb talked to like this, not anymore. She sighed deeply and diverted her eyes away from him, continuing to clean his chest from the blood.

Blood, the blood flowing out of Talisa's belly where first Robb's unborn child had been before it was killed. Elena closed her eyes and sighed deeply.

Elena felt selfish for being jealous of Talisa. Robb was with her now and before. He had apologized, explained how it happened and why. He had told her how much he loved her still and yet Elena couldn't get the image of Robb being with another woman out of her head.

Soon though Talisa's body faded and was replaced by Gillian's, his eyes staring up at her while blood leaked from the gash in his chest. Elena pushed her eyes shut, trying to contain the building terror in her body.

"Will you ever forgive me?" Robb whispered, a lump growing in his throat when he saw the look in Elena's eyes. His words startled her, waking her up from her illusions.

"Forgive I can." Elena said with a single tear flowing down her cheek, looking back up at his blue eyes. She knew she wasn't talking only about Talisa. No, it went far deeper than that. Still the faces of the people whom Elena had lost haunted her every second.

"Forgetting is something else." Elena's voice broke midsentence. She had tried so hard to get the images of Eddard, Catelyn, Santana and Gillian out of her head but they just wouldn't go.

Robb nodded and closed his eyes. He didn't regret falling in love with Talisa because he knew he couldn't have known Elena had been alive the whole time. One thing he did know was that he had always loved Elena, no matter what. He knew that he would still do everything in his power to win her back. They had been through enough already for them to separate now.

Robb's eyes snapped back open when he felt Elena's soft hand on his cheek, her cold lips pressing down on his. He wrapped both his arms around her instinctively, pulling her body closer against his.

His hand waved through her long soft hair while the other positioned itself on her waist, holding her tightly while his lips traced hers delicately. His hand slowly moved down towards her upper thigh, sending goose bumps all over Elena's skin. Robb tasted salt on her lips but he didn't acknowledge that it was the salt of Elena's tears falling down her face.

She wasn't the only one who Robb had touched like this, Elena remembered. With that she realized what consequences love like this could bring, love like Robb's and Talisa's that had killed thousands of Northerners.

Elena's eyes snapped open while his hand was still moving down and his lips still attacking hers. The images and voices now appeared clearly and evidently before her eyes, whatever she tried they just didn't go away anymore. The terror build up in her body.

"Don't." Elena stopped him by grasping his hand. Robb frowned and looked at Elena, their faces only inches apart. She bit her lip while a tear escaped from her eye and rolled down her cheek, barely containing herself. "Make it stop."

"Elena-" Robb protested and tried to get his hand out of her grasp.

"Please make it go away..." Elena whimpered, pushing him away from her. He didn't let her, he freed his hand and grasped her waist so she couldn't get away.

"They won't leave me alone." Elena let out a cry and started pounding on his chest in desperation, the pain of his betrayal filling her. It all filled the building terror, she felt her walls tumbling down inside her body.

"Elena, stop it." Robb demanded while trying to get her to calm down, his hands now trying to hold hers. Elena's breath came out in quick and raspy puffs, her body shaking and trembling.

"Make them go." Elena cried, her heartbeat racing while struggling still, he wouldn't even let her get off of his lap. Robb trapped both her hands in one of his while the other held her head so she'd look at him. It didn't matter though, her body still shook with every breath she took, she still felt like she couldn't breathe.

"They're all dead." She couldn't even see what was truly before her, all she could see was dead bodies.

"No, please no." Elena sobbed and placed her hands before her eyes. She had lost control over her body and mind, the terror was consuming every part of her body.

"Elena, look at me." Robb said softly, trying to calm her down. She was having a panic attack, that he knew for sure when she started hyperventilating.

"Leave me alone." Elena cried and gasped for air, her body lacking oxygen. Her heart was pounding wildly, her chest heaving up and down in an abnormally quick pace. Elena whimpered while struggling to breathe. "Please."

"LOOK AT ME!" Robb suddenly yelled, making Elena's eyes widen, her attempts of freeing herself stopped. Due to the shock the images disappeared before her eyes, hers finally finding Robb's.

"That's it." Robb sighed while stroking the fallen tears out of her eyes. Her breath was calming down, her heart slowing when she looked into his familiar blue eyes.

They held so many memories, bad ones and happy ones. Even though there were more bad than happy ones now, in that moment Elena remembered the times she'd laughed with him, played and chuckled with him back in Winterfell. The times when they still teased Greyjoy and rode into the Wolfswood together hunting deer.

The times when she sometimes followed the septa's lessons together with Sansa while Robb was looking at her the entire time with a smile on his face. The times when they'd secretly meet in the Godswood at night, talking till they fell asleep in each other's arms. The times when Robb rolled his eyes every time he saw Gillian, making Elena chuckle every time. The times when they'd fight but laugh about it afterwards. The times when everything was fine and everybody was safe.

"What's happening to me?" Elena whimpered, the memories that his eyes held calming her down. She clutched herself onto Robb, her hands holding his arms tightly.

"It's okay." Robb whispered and pulled her against him, his arms wrapping tightly around her back and his face buried in the crook of her neck.

"Everything is going to be alright." Robb whispered. Elena closed her eyes, trying to get lost in the happy memories they'd shared in the past.

After a while she opened her eyes again, knowing that she shouldn't dwell on the past. She'd have to make new memories, new memories she'd remember later.

Elena knew from that moment that she had to forget the past to survive the present. Robb pulled her a top of him while he laid back on the bed. Her head was resting on his chest while his arms where holding Elena tightly. They fell asleep like that, Robb listening to every breath she took while Elena listened to his steady heartbeat.

~

"Lady Elena!" There was pounding on the door, making Elena wake up, get up from Robb and run towards the door.

"Sam?" She saw Samwell there when she opened the door, his hands were leaning on his knees as he was trying to catch his breath. He'd obviously had been running. "What is it?"

"It's Jon..." Sam mustered out between his gasps. Elena immediately looked at Robb who looked back at her with worried eyes. He immediately got out of bed and ran towards Sam and grasped his shoulders.

"What is it?!" Robb asked worriedly.

"He... He." Sam was still catching his breath. "He went to the other side of the wall... He..."

Robb looked at Elena, their eyes meeting each other immediately.

"He went to kill Mance Rayder." Sam added quickly.

"I will go." Elena quickly said, knowing Jon was walking towards his death. How in hell did he plan to kill Mance Rayder? He still had an army around him where Jon would have to go through if he'd wish to only see the man, let alone kill him.

Robb nodded at Elena, knowing this was their only chance of saving his brother. She immediately put her armour back on, Robb aided her quickly.

"Bring him back to me." Robb whispered while he leaned his forehead against Elena's. She nodded and closed her eyes.

Soon Elena left, jumping out of the window and immediately flapping her wings. The cold air bit her skin but she felt nothing of it.

"Damon." She called out mentally. "Get the others, there is going to be another fight."

Author's note

Hellooooo there. It's been a long time, hasn't it? So here it is finally: the chapter you've been waiting for so long. At least, that's what I hope xd I know that it has been a bit longer than 3 weeks, but I had a hard time picking this story back up. I also have to work a lot in the coming weeks, but I will hopefully update every week.

Sooooo last chapter I said that the one who made me the happiest would get a dedication this chapter. Stupid me, dammit. You all make me happy. It's been so hard to choose someone, you have no idea. So I just basically wanted to thank you all so much. Your support has been absolutely incredible, the total reads on this story is already at 8,24 k which is like 2k more than when I left for vacation. The vote amount is already at 337 which is about 12 votes/chapter and that is also absolutely incredible. But the most amazing part for me is that you guys comment like crazy. It's so much fun to read your guys thought's on every chapter, it's really what makes me the happiest.

I wanted to specially thank @AGNight (you're such a great person, you're the one who made me continue this story when I was having a hard time writing it) , @targxryen (for always making me smile, you're amazing) , @Blue_Topaz_ (your comments are always so fun to read, I really really like you already even though I haven't met you xd), @Livy_Balloon (your support has always been amazing and @Ilseexx (because you're a great friend ) aaaaand of course @saraadam23 for her rain of votes last week!!

So I actually can't even choose one of you to dedicate this chapter too. So sorry if you really wanted a dedication but it's toooo hard for me to choose, okay? :S sorrrrryyyy!!

This has been an incredible long author's note so I'm gonna stop here.

Thank you guys and see you next chapter!

(the one who votes last will get a dedication)