When the lights came back on Sarah switched on the TV to catch the local news about the storm. She needed to assure herself that the power failure was a natural phenomenon and not any attempt by Jess or anyone else to disable her house. It angered her that she had to think this way now, but also realized it would have be the way her mind would work, living under so much uncertainty.

After her long awaited conversation with the man she once trusted and considered she was in love with, she was not sure she felt better or worse. She had been so suddenly convinced he was an evil person, and immediately now did not buy into his story about Derek being solely responsible. Yet, thinking about his improbable alibi, she felt guilty not to consider the outside chance that he might be being truthful about being blackmailed. If so, did he really deserve the terrible accusations she had leveled at him and for the most part believed? There was no question his bizarre friend Derek was capable of such a perverted thing—her female intuition had warned her about him from the beginning, but it somehow did just not match up with Jess' makeup, his sophistication and lifestyle.

He tried to be so convincing on the phone, Sarah thought. Though she knew this was his character type—immense charm. It was that very charisma she had fallen in love with. Such ability was talent, and she now realized when in the wrong hands it could be the perfect ingredient for a predator or criminal of any kind. Still, she fought with her emotions and her logical mind over the conversation. How easily it would be for her to just go on believing what he was saying. Going on loving him was dangerously inherent in her caring heart. But for that to happen now, it was truly was too late. She had been severely shaken and hurt.

Sarah fought to remain convinced that even uncertainty alone was good enough reason to get out of her relationship with Jess. To just move on, all the wiser about men. She also knew, as the weather report spoke of power outages across the coastal cities, that is was best to now relax and gather her strength and wits. She had to go on with her routine no matter the fear or how her heart was hurting. Still exposed to potential danger, she knew she must return to work and not let this avoidance of shadows get the best of her. Nevertheless, as she went around her apartment and tested all the lights, she knew it was also time to contact her friend Carrie to bring her up to speed on the night's terrifying event. It would be best to bounce Jess' pathetic alibi off her as someone trained in the behavior of liars and criminals.

Yet there unfortunately remained inside Sarah that little desperate voice coming out of her innocence and romantic heart that truly wanted the whole sordid affair to be blamed on another to totally release Jess from it. Why couldn't he just be a normal, caring person, she lamented sadly? The way she had once begun to accept him? The hardest part was that she truly still had him under her skin emotionally,  and could not totally let go of the memories of their most affectionate moments—those amazing and exciting outings he had shared with her.

And there was also the love-making. An essential element to her life which had now been closed off completely. She feared she might never again feel like being sexually intimate with anyone again. Trust, she realized, was such a huge part of sexual attraction and satisfaction for a woman, at least as Sarah had come to know it.

She sat on her sofa and with her landline phone, dialed San Francisco. It was answered immediately.

"Hi . . . Carrie?  . . . Can we talk?"

"That you, Sarah? Of course we can. I'm just doing some shitty paperwork. My most un-favorite part of this job. I'd rather be out tailing some psycho bomb-maker than writing this BS report for the agency."

"He called, Carrie."

"Yeah? Mr. Perv?"

"A little while ago."

"So . . . what was his temperature?

"Sort of apologetic . . . but big on excuses. Claimed it was the owner of the estate who set it up. That Derek guy. On his own. Jess said it was to blackmail him . . . for money he owed the creep."

"Wait. . . Jess owed this guy money?"

"I guess a lot of it. He didn't believe Jess was good for it . . . or so he says. Then, and get this . . .. Jess paid him . . . and . . . he says even a lot extra to get the videos of us destroyed. To protect me."

"Come on, Sarah. That's total bullshit! Those video clips exist somewhere. Hopefully not in circulation yet on every porn site in cyberspace."

"Oh God, Carrie!"

"But we'll never know that. What we have to determine is that they do exist somewhere. And that Jess was in on the planning to have them being made."

"Carrie, of course . He was right there. Jess was on top of me most the time. And then I was . . ."

"Please, sweet one. I don't want to picture this."

"OK."

"Well, I have to tell you . . . this creep Jess' alibi could hold up in court. That is if it's established it was Derek had a motive, the reason to do the deed and Jess was oblivions, as you were. So you said before that you saw the clips on his tablet, right?"

"Unfortunately, yes."

"And the email message to him from Derek? What did it say, exactly?"

"Something about . . . a fine job. For his clients . . . check it out for yourself. It sounded to me Jess was very much involved."

"Well, without those clips, Babe . . . and that exact message in our hands . . . it's all just hearsay. At least in a courtroom."

"Oh."

"Anyways. The whole situation smells really bad . . . and I  personally believe from what you've told me that the guy is a totally  perverted piece of shit whom you should avoid like the plague.

"Well that I plan to do, Carrie." 

"OK. So unless or until he verbally or physically threatens you, Sarah . . . there's nothing the authorities can do about this. There's just no evidence of a crime so far. Let's not forget, you were consensually with him . . . sexually. And that would unfortunately be established in court."

"Jesus, Carrie. So now I have to wait until he . . . or anyone else . . . tries to hurt me before I can get protection?"

"Look. Did he use any threatening language or make you feel intimidated on the phone?"

"No . . . But I just knew he was lying. I really don't want to believe he was, Carrie . . . This is so difficult!"

"Forget that, now, Sarah! He's no good for you. Plain and simple. You've got to distance yourself from him. And be watching for any signs he's following you . . . or trying to threaten you in the slightest way. You got that?"

"I know, you're right."

"I've seen these creepy types. You may not be out of the woods yet. He'll probably try to get you to tell him you'll not proceed with a complaint. And he'll definitely try to charm you back into his graces . . . and his bed . . . if you're  really so foolish to go back with him.  . . . I trust you're not."

"I'll try."

"No! You'll do exactly what we've discussed! Avoid all contact with him now. And just let me know immediately if you see him anywhere near you . . . or if he makes the slighted threat. OK?"

"Alright."

"Look, Sarah. You're going to want to have things the way you thought they were. But they just aren't anymore. Face that. You'll get through this. We're all living through s shitty times for women. As usual, many men are not worthy of us. Technology and our baser instincts have brought out the worst in people. We just have to be aware they're out there. Right?"

"OK, Carrie. True. So true. And thanx. I'll call you again. If anything happens."

"Well I hope it's before that, silly. We have to meet again for dinner. How about you coming up here next . . . to the City. Got some great spots to show you around the Bay. And maybe even to meet some decent guys."

"Oh no, Carrie. No guys. I'm totally swearing them off Maybe forever."

"Get outa here! . . . You're going to bounce back . . . and all the stronger from this."

"I don't know, Carrie.  I just don't know."

"Call me soon."

"I will. But hopefully not very soon."

"Take care, Hon."

"Bye Carrie. And thanx again."

As Sara closed the phone, she wasn't so sure the call made her feel any better. For she realized just how alone and truly helpless she was in this world. She thought about calling her mother and telling her the whole story, just for more comfort. But she knew that would only send her back to her high school misery of dependence and further helplessness. She did not want to ever go there again with her parents. It would just have to be a vigilant and stronger life for her now. A world without comfort, safety, and worst of all, without the caring companionship of a trusted lover—all luxuries she had lost so very suddenly.

* * *

Text and e-book copyright © 2015 Califia Montalvo

All Rights Reserved