'Why did you stop me?' I don't remember how many times I asked that question to Parin.

My toes are crumbling and my heels feel like they weigh more than ten pounds as I run across the vast training ground of the palace. My feet are bare and they burn when they hit the sizzling sand dust. Many soldiers and guards train inside the circle I'm running in, our sweat glistening like jewels against the bright sun. 

It was for your sake. Parin replies.

'Ok, I don't understand how it was for my sake. That poor man died.'

So?

'You're asking 'so'? I could've saved him!'

But that would've saved your father. At least people got a glimpse of how he rules his kingdom.

I want to groan but it comes out as a frustrated breath. After whatever happened, Father is not getting out of his office even at night. For a whole week, he was busy signing apology letters to the guests who came for my coronation. He is still figuring out how to mend his broken reputation again.

"You're not only incompetent but also a coward."

It's impossible to forget Divya's words as they revolve my mind twenty-four-seven. Every time her voice echoes in my ears, it drowns me into a sea of guilt.

It was not your fault. You didn't take responsibility for saving everyone's lives, did you?

'But then what's your grudge with my father, huh?'

I reach Guruji before Parin replies. I pant heavily with my hands on my knees.

"Quick Arasi. Now!" Guruji commands.

I pull myself back up and try to concentrate on the dummy doll. I raise my hands, expecting a giant water storm to emerge from within and take the doll down. But as life is an expert in crushing my expectations, only a string of water squeezes out. 

Guruji shakes his head in dismay. "This is disappointing, Arasi. You've done this ten times already."

"I don't know... I just..." I flail my hands at my sides, helpless. Apparently, Guruji wanted me to be able to use my powers even when I have run miles. Knowing how to tackle enemies when on a run is an important life skill– especially for me. However, it's hard to concentrate when there's no energy left in your body, your throat feels like a desert devoid of any water, and your mind is already somewhere else.

"You need to collect yourself together. Where's your concentration anyway?"

I don't reply as I try to catch my breath and gulp down a bottle of water. The sun, which is on the top of my head is also thirsty as he is sucking all my energy for his drink.

"I want a break," I say.

Guruji snatches the bottle from me and looks at me with stern eyes. "No break for you unless you drop down that doll."

I groan. "No way! I can't– like this ground is so big, like bigger than the palace itself."

"No excuses. Get back on the tracks." His pitiless tone left no room for negotiation, making my shoulders slump. I start running again with legs whose bones are melting inside.

'Sometimes I feel what you say about me having great powers is delusional. I can't even concentrate properly.' I mutter in my mind.

When the time comes, everything will be set right, my dear. Parin says with a convincing voice but I'm still left unmotivated as I drag myself around the tracks.

Suddenly, I see Father walking in the corridors with one of the ministers by his side. My mind erupts with a whole lot of questions. For a week, Father didn't have time to talk to anyone except grinding himself at work. We didn't even eat together. If we had at least one conversation that day, I would have asked what exactly happened. Who was the man? What was the issue he was talking about? And... How did he actually die?

I see the minister bowing to Father and walking away. I glance at Guruji in the back and see him instructing the soldiers. This seems like the perfect opportunity for me to talk to Father. So I turn to his direction and make a run towards him, forcing every possible muscle in me to work faster before he gets out of sight.

Fortunately– and unfortunately– I crash into him.

"What in the world Arasi?! Where are your ethics?" He yells.

I pant. "Sorry. I... I want to talk."

"What? What do you want to talk about?" The bags under his eyes look puffier than usual and the blood veins in his eyes glare at me.

I reconsider if I should say my thoughts out loud. Father is already frustrated with whatever is going on. Would my questions trouble him more? Father starts to walk at my perplexed stance making me catch up with him.

Just ask. Don't care about the outcome if you really want to know.

I follow Parin's words. "Father, what exactly happened at the party? I didn't really understand."

"No one's able to understand either."

"But why did the commoner attack you?"

"People act impulsively and that ruins all my plans. Do you know how many kingdoms withdrew the ties I was going to establish on your coronation? Nivaan could have more traders and more supply of goods. But no! And don't even ask how many misperceptions the guests would be having about me. My reputation is now tainted with bad blood."

I can guarantee that those misperceptions aren't actually false.

"But what issue did the commoner have? Did you inquire about that?"

Father stops in his tracks and turns to me. "Do you care about the Kingdom's reputation or that commoner?"

Kingdom's reputation or yours?

I look down at my feet. "Of course, the kingdom's reputation."

He continues walking. "That man is another trouble. The least he could do was die."

My head snaps up at him. "He didn't die?"

"No. The guards could have easily killed him there and then, if there wasn't that unexplained underground explosion."

A smile of relief spreads across my face as I feel a weight being lifted off my chest. "So you're also unaware of the explosion?"

We come to a halt at the entrance to the palace. "I bet it's the Marhalis who have schemed this against us. It was probably a death trap. Or else why would there be an explosive right in the middle of the hall?" He grits through his teeth. "I can't wait for the day I destroy that kingdom."

Father's hate for Marhali was generational. It was ingrained in each family member to hate that Northern kingdom. It feels that hate still has to come down to me. Because I don't want to hate that kingdom just for a piece of land that won't be even useful to us. Marhalis can manipulate Earth and when peeping in the past, I got to know that the Dhulaj soil is as important as river Amrit is to us. I don't get why our ancestors were all buzzed up about snatching the soil from the people who actually require it.

"Anyways, are you looking after Divya?" Father asks.

I forgot about her but I can't say that. I'm ready to lie when out of nowhere, a hand is pulling my ear. I wince and try to remove the hand that is twisting my ear nerves. I know it's Guruji even before he speaks. Only he pulls my ear when I don't comply with his orders. 

"What are you doing in the middle of your training?"

I rub my ear. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to talk to father."

"Without my permission," Guruji states. "I was thinking about giving you a break. But now, that's out of option."

"What?" I look at him in disbelief.

"Now, do it until you drop the dummy."

"And you need to check up with Divya as well." Father reminds me. "If I get any complaints from her, you will be in big trouble."

And with that, they both walk away. I stay still for a few minutes, letting it settle inside me of how much I have to do. And then I carry on. It's better I do it fast because I have a hunch that talking to Divya again would be a hideous and difficult task to accomplish.

—

When I'm fully clothed with fresh garments after a peaceful bath, I try to prepare myself to speak to Divya in front of the guest room. With a deep breath, I knock. One of the maids opens the door and walks away after greeting me.

"What're you doing here? Trying to ruin my morning?" Divya asks with furrowed brows, sitting in front of the mirror all dolled up.

"When did you become so rude?" I ask genuinely. "The last time I remember was you trying your hardest to befriend me."

"I only befriend people who are good."

"So you think I'm not good?"

"Not after seeing you stand there doing nothing in the hall. Are you even the Crown Princess?"

My nose flares. "I was trying, okay? I couldn't just interfere in things. Father was doing his work."

"You mean killing people?" Her words hit too close. I look away at the bay window because she is too right for me to argue.

And the worst part of it all is that you're still backing your father.

"The man's not dead," I tell. At least that would lessen the hate that's growing in her for me.

"I know."

I turn around to look at her, flabbergasted. "How... How did you know?"

Divya gets off the chair and sits on her bed with one leg up. "Your father, that is the Maharaj, gets sad when he doesn't get what he wants. And when that guard shook his head, I knew that the man wasn't dead."

I chew my lip. "So... now what?"

"Now, you go out of that door and leave me alone."

I snort. "It isn't like I want to be here with a pretentious girl like you. I'm just following my father's orders."

"It seems like you've specialized in following your father's orders." She chortles.

I groan for the hundredth time. Divya clearly doesn't know how much burden it is on me to not disappoint my father again. He is the only person I share blood with and if I can't make him happy then how will I be a good daughter? The moment I got my powers, I saw a ray of hope shining on me that Father would finally express the love that he has for me. But that was just for a fleeting moment before everything messes up. Now he doesn't even have time to look at me.

I bet Divya could never understand all of this.

"You know what? I really don't have time to indulge in this silly conversation. Father has told me to take you out and it's okay if you don't want to come." It will be so much better if I get to go to school instead of handling this girl.

But her lips contort in a smile–a sly smile.

"That'll be better. It's boring to be stuck in this palace." She gets up from the bed and walks to me.

My jaw drops. "What? You want to come with me now? You just said you don't want to be friends."

"When did I say we'll be friends? You're the babysitter."

And then she walks out. The fact that Divya is doing all this just to piss me off feels like sprinkling salt on an open wound. I admit, she's the most irritating person in this world. I calm down my nerves before following her outside the palace. We take a carriage with us and of course, the guards tag us along.

"Where do you want to go?" I ask. 

"River Amrit."

"You know about River Amrit?" Appa had informed me that she was Sheena's second granddaughter, the child of her second son. But even though all of them are Nivaanians, they hardly spent time in this kingdom. They mostly stay in foreign kingdoms as most of Sheena's family is involved in charity work and trade.

Divya chuckles as if it's the most stupid thing I've ever asked. "Of course. That's something everyone outside of Nivaan knows too. It's your holy river right?"

I nod my head, stiffly. I direct the coachman to the river Amrit as we sit in silence I craved from the moment I met Divya. But it's still hard. 

We are on the two ends of the seat, yet, I can feel her presence as warmly as an afternoon sun in Nivaan. She has so much perfume on and I feel nauseous around such people. However, the fragrance of jasmine flowers that waft off her only makes my stomach giddy for the very wrong reasons. 

After several minutes of sitting like a rock, I tilt my head a little to glance at Divya from my peripheral vision. I catch her looking at me. We both look away at the same time, as I squirm in embarrassment.

'Did you see that? Was she looking at me?'

Does it matter though?

I sigh internally. 'Yeah, no, it doesn't matter.'

We arrive at the banks of the river. There aren't as many people as I had expected to be. Generally, many worshippers, farmers, and other workers pass by and keep this place crowded. But then I notice some teachers lining the coast of the river and realize that it is probably empty for the ten-year-olds to have their first meditation underwater.

"Is it true that this river is important? Like the myths?" Divya questions as we near the river.

"Firstly, it's not a myth. The Nivaanians and the Marhalis did fight a war. Secondly, without river Amrit, we basically can't survive."

"Why's that so?"

"Because after unlocking our second souls, we've to like... have a maintenance of our powers. It's said that having regular intervals of meditation in river Amrit gives us more strength."

"I guess every power has its own maintenance."

"You're asking questions as if you haven't unlocked your second soul. Wait, have you?"

Instead of answering, her face contorts in shock as she urges me to look forward. "What's going on?"

When I chase after her gaze, I see black bubbles surfacing river Amrit. People around head towards the shore. A strange boy makes a run to the river instead, subsequently making a dive. I rush to the shore as well, Divya behind me. The teachers are shouting out the names of children to come back up but not going in themselves to save them. At the time we reach, the boy who jumped in swims back with the children towards the shore. We help the children up on the grassy coast, the area around us becoming excessively crowded.

Sheer restlessness hits me when I see blood spilling out of the mouths of these children. How did this happen? I breathe deeply over and over again because I can't seem to have much air around me. It's the panic inside me, I guess, that's stopping me from breathing.

"Hey, hey kid. Wake up!" Divya pats the cheek of a girl but her efforts go in vain. Some more men jump in to bring back the kids as the boy from earlier swims back to the shore with another child.

"Take them to a physician. Quick!" He shouts.

I can't breathe anymore. It's as if all the air is sucked away from me and others are using it and not sparing anything for me. But I don't let that affect me as I pick up a coughing girl in my arms and lay her in a cart that speeds up towards the hospital once it is full. Coughing, I make the second round but my eyesight goes hazy and I can't see anymore.

Stop, my dear. Or else you will die. Parin whispers.

'But I-I want to save them. I can't can't repeat the same mistake.'

I don't see a rock in my way as I stumble and fall over. "What's happening to me? Why can't I... Why can't I..." There's no energy in the words I utter as I helplessly look at the unconscious children being carried away.

When I can't even help myself, how can I help others?

"Arasi, what happened?" Divya comes by my side as she holds me by my shoulders.

I fall in her arms, unconscious, as an answer.

***