Once upon a time there existed a fart knocker.Anytime he would knock on a door, he farted. It did not matter when or where,if there was a door nearby, and his fist touched that door, you better be certain that he was ripping ass. Oh yes, he ripped ass all over town, haunting all of the citizens with immense feelings of terror anytime they heard a knockat their door. He terrorized their sense of smell and perturbed their psyche, filling them with worry.

The phrase knock on wood was even abandoned due to the infamous fart-knocker. He would say, "knock on wood," and proceed to discharge out a loud, stinky, rambunctious fart. In fear of having to deal with the smelly consequences of the fart-knocker, the citizens went so far to even vote that phrase to be illegal and punishable by fine and jail time.

Eventually an adversary of the fart-knocker decided to invent a new device that he called, the doorbell. He invented this device in the hopes that the fart-knocker could no longer terrorize his victims. In the past, the fart-knocker would proceed to knock on a victim's door, continually farting until the homeowner would open the door and to their dismay, they would walk right into a revolting and stomach-churning fart cloud. The repulsive smell would torment the victim's nostrils and generally cause the victim to vomit with great disgust and revulsion. With this new doorbell, the homeowner would no longer answer to the knock but would await for the bell to ring.

This new device worked quite well in its early adaptation, the fart-knocker was completely perplexed as to why no one would answer the door when he knocked. He decided to knock even more loudly and violently, attempting to lure out his prey, but his attempts proved frivolous. The fart-knocker went so far as to even use a battering ram to produce a thunderous knock, but still to no avail. The fart-knocker was stumped.

He began to do research, he quickly found out that homeowners were only responding to doorbells. So one day he succumbed to ringing the doorbell and then proceeded to fart, but by the time the individual reached the door, the fart had dissolved into the atmosphere. The smell still lingered, but it just did not have that same vicious punch as when it first expelled out of his asshole. The fart-knocker was beginning to feel defeated and doleful.

One day a devious idea came forth in the mind of the fart-knocker. He decided to test this idea out and it proved extremely successful. This success resulted in him terrorizing the town once again.

So you see, the crafty fart-knocker would ring the doorbell of a home and listen for footsteps. When he heard the sounds of footsteps nearing the door, he would then release a juicy and disgusting fart. The unsuspecting homeowner would then be horribly greeted by a nauseating smell. The smell typically induced the homeowner to scream in agony and then vomit. The fart-knocker would stand there proudly, basking in his glory and in the smells of his victory.

Eventually homeowners stopped answering the door because their fear of the fart-knocker. The fart-knocker's adversary refused to be defeated, so he created a new innovation, the video doorbell.

This video doorbell allowed a homeowner to see who was at their door through their cell phone. They would refuse to answer the door if they did not know who the person was. The infamous fart-knocker was now done for, for even his disguises were no longer effective. As time passed, answering one's door soon became taboo.

The fart-knocker, whose treacherous deeds were now thwarted, retreated back into his lair of farts. Now that his life had no meaning or purpose, he began to suffer from severe depression.

He tried to alleviate his depression in numerousways. For instance, he would DutchOven himself. A DutchOven is defined as, the act of trapping someone underbed covers and releasing vile ass fumes, creating a heinous gas chamber. This wasone of his favorite pastimes, but even this glorious deed could not assuage hisdepression. He also farted into a small desk fan, and then immediately turnedaround and stuck his face directly in front of the fan so that the fan wouldblow his repulsive farts right back into his face, but once again, this stilldid not mitigate his depression. The smells of his powerfully rancid farts didat times burn his nose hairs off, so that did provide his heart with somewarmth and pride.

When all seemed lost, and the fart-knocker was planning on giving up all hope, a genius idea from the great unconscious popped into his mind. The fart-knocker got dressed and then dashed to the town hall meeting.

The fart knocker arrived just in time, the citizenswere in the middle of asking questions to the city council. The fart knockerraised his hand to ask a question, and was soon handed a microphone. The fartknocker boldly stood up, knocked on a wooden table nearby, placed themicrophone directly underneath his asshole, and ripped ass like he had neverripped ass before. The fart was thunderous! The fart caused ripples in theatmosphere! Some scientists noted that the fart altered the Earth's wobble.This roaring fart generated shock waves, turned over tables, and even liftedsome individuals out of their seats, causing them to crash to the floor!

The smell was not from this world. It smelt like something that came from the depths of hell, quite possibly from the ass of Satan himself. The smell was absolutely vile and offensively repugnant. A few of the citizens who were ripe in age choked from the odor and died. Numerous citizens puked, and others had their eyes burn and bleed from the hellish smell. Even more had their nose hair follicles fall out and their nasal cavity bleed. Many citizens had to get surgery for their noses afterwards, due to their mucus membrane being completely ripped apart by the impressively noxious fart.

After this monstrously wretched deed, the fart knocker passed out, shit himself, and died with a satisfied smile on his face. Happy and mirthful because he was able to generate mass terror and hysteria once more before he passed on to the other side.

The End