This is the true story of Moses, Aaron, Miriam and the 300 Israelites. The chosen people of God, who were led out of slavery in Egypt by the prophet Moses and were heading to the promised land known as Canaan. These Israelites escaped slavery through the power of God, using Moses as a vessel and his trusty staff as the tool of God. Plagues were brought onto Egypt until the Pharaoh finally decided to let the Israelites go, in order to appease his people and stop all of the horrific plagues that were killing his Egyptian people.

When he finally agreed to let them go, his trusted staff of advisors called the Pharaoh a weak male who should be ashamed of letting these people flee and not taking vengeance upon the people whose God killed his first born son. Additionally, the Egyptian aristocracy were vehemently upset due to the loss of their slaves. Who would plow their fields?! Who would fan them on hot days?! Who would make them iced tea and biscuits?! This could not happen, how would they endure? Thus, the Pharaoh called his army into duty and led his troops in pursuit of the Israelites.

The Israelites, led by Aaron and Moses, were at the Red Sea perplexed about how they would cross. They did not have a boat, nor was there a bridge and a majority of them could not swim, and there were not any life floaties laying around for use. To make matters worse, an Israelite who wandered off into nature to a secluded hill spot in order to take a piss in private, spotted the Egyptians heading towards them. This Israelite in particular had an enlarged prostate that caused urinal problems, therefore he had trouble pissing which made his pee-time duration vastly longer than the norm. After a few valuable minutes passed, the Israelite ran down the hill as fast as he could run, maybe 5 kilometers per hour (he was not particularly fast), and began to shout to his fellow Israelites about the pursuing Egyptians.

The Israelite in a panicked tone shouted, "The Egyptians are coming! I repeat, the Egyptians are coming. And by the look of their faces, they look very unhappy."

Upon hearing this warning, fear infected the entire tribe and they all entered a state of intense perturbation. They called out to Moses in order to help them. "Moses! You got to do something. The Egyptians are coming and we have nowhere to go. We are trapped."

Men, women and children began to sob and weep as they began to reflect on their possible death or return to enslavement.

Moses swiftly called out to the Lord and said, "What shall I do my Lord? How are we to cross? I failed to recall the fact that we would need to cross the Red Sea. I am not sure how all of the leaders failed to recognize this inevitable hindrance but that is not to be debated nor reflected when time is of the utmost essence."

The Lord answered Moses' call and commanded him to hold his wooden staff over the sea and informed him that he would part the Red Sea.

Moses obediently listened, he firmly gripped his wooden staff and held it over the waters. Then to everyone's great amazement the sea began to part and the sea floor was revealed.

By this time, the Israelites were hard to amaze for they were experiencing miracles every single day, thus they did not truly comprehend this event as something fantastic. They were just greatly relieved. Some even complained, for the sea floor was wet and they were wearing cloth moccasins that would become unwearable and full of mildew and mold after the walk. Some were upset that the wind and water were doing a number on their hair.

Moses led the way with his brother and sister following near. The 300 other Israelites trailed behind. The walls of the Red Sea extended high into the sky and were suspended in order to prevent a collapsing of the two segments.

The Pharaoh and his army were shocked by this sight. Some of the soldiers turned around and fled back to Egypt. They realized that the Israelites' God was powerful and they did not want to die that day because their favorite show was airing a new episode that evening that they have been waiting to watch.

The Pharaoh was in a state of absolute delirium due to the loss of his first born brought by the God of Israel in the last plague which was the killing of the firstborn. Thus, he was no longer startled by anything. He continued his pursuit and demanded that his troops do the same. The ones that were loyal stayed with the Pharaoh.

Moses and the Israelites crossed the Red Sea safely and the Egyptians were still in the process of crossing when Moses lifted his staff once again and called upon the powers of God. The God of Israel released the suspended walls and the waters came rushing over the Egyptians killing them all, including the Pharaoh, who was Moses' half-brother.

The Israelites cheered and celebrated. They were free from their oppressors. They popped champagne and held a feast and dance that evening. All was merry for that short time, but that merriment would be short-lived.

Months passed since the parting of the Red Sea, the Israelites had been wandering in the desert: tired, hungry and thirsty. In other words, they were terribly displeased with their current situation and made sure their bitter complaints were heard any chance they got.

Dave the Israelite was known as a bit of a blabbermouth, he was one of the first to speak up, "You know what, I miss Egypt. It wasn't that bad. I don't know about you guys, but I sure could go for some Egyptian barley and grapes."

Many other Israelites agreed with Dave. Dave, encouraged by his fellow Hebrews, continued with his nostalgic words, "I quite miss all the beautiful Egyptian structures. I miss the festivals, the wine. Oh, and of course all the beautiful Egyptian women! By golly, gee-whiz, life was pretty swell in Egypt, wasn't it? I guess you don't know a good thing until it's gone."

"Let us go back to Egypt!" Shouted another Israelite. Many were in agreeance and exclaimed, "Yeah! Let's head back."

"I miss Egypt." Shouted another.

Moses, full of rage and pushed to an extreme level of vexation, reprimanded his people, "How dare you be so ungrateful for your current circumstances! You wept and lamented over the harsh punishment of the Egyptians. You despised being a slave, you dreamed of a promised land and you dreamed of being free, and our Lord gave us that opportunity! Now here you are, all complaining and yearning to return to slavery! Have you all gone mad?!"

"Madness may have been induced due to the sun perpetually beaming down on us." Rebekah cleverly stated.

"Yeah! Not to mention that there is nothing to eat or drink in this hellish landscape. I thought you were taking us to the Promised Land, not to hell! If we would have known this, we would have never agreed to come with you." Dave exclaimed and the Israelites agreed with fervor.

"Look, if you want to die in this desert that is your prerogative, but I am heading back to Egypt. Screw you guys, I'm going home." Bob picked up his things and began walking in the other direction.

"I'm coming with you!" Shouted another Israelite.

"Stop it!" Exclaimed Miriam. "You don't even know where you are going. Please just let Moses call out to God, and God will heed his call like he always does. Have faith." Miriam reassuringly stated and looked at her brother Moses.

Moses took a deep inhalation and exhalation and shook his head at Miriam to show that he agreed and knew what to do. "I will be right back." Moses told his brother. "I will ask God for assistance, food and water."

An Israelite who was standing close by interjected, "If you are asking God for things, may I suggest you ask him for an Xbox?"

Moses gave him a deathly glare.

"Fine, a Playstation? I'll even take a Gameboy at this point."

"You need electricity and games, and a television." Another Israelite said.

"You don't need electricity or a television with a Gameboy, and Simon has batteries I could borrow."

"You still need games to play."

"You are right, hey Moses can you also ask God for Pokemon and an assortment of Mario games all compatible with a Gameboy?"

Moses was fuming with rage and glared through their souls. Both of the Israelites were frightened and retreated.

As Moses marched away from the camp, the Israelites clamoured and talked amongst each other. Some showed a sense of calmness and patience, while others were inciting bitterness and strife.

Moses walked about 95 yards before falling to his knees and calling out to God. "My Lord, the people are discontented and suffering immensely, please can you help us?"

God instructed Moses to strike some nearby rocks with his staff, and water would shoot out of the rock as if it was a beautiful fountain. He also informed Moses that he would make it rain a nutritious and delicious type of food called Mana, within the hour.

Moses thanked the Lord and headed back to his people.

"Everyone, our good Lord informed me that he will be making food called Mana fall from the sky, therefore get some baskets prepared and start a fire. Furthermore, grab your canteens and follow me to this pile of rocks."

The Israelites did as they were commanded, and Moses struck the rocks with his staff, and just like the Lord promised; crystal clear, refreshing, cold water spouted out.

This brought the Israelites immense pleasure and while they were greedily drinking the water, Mana began to fall from the sky. They were all so very pleased and in the happiest of moods, even Dave was satisfied.

"Hey, this Mana stuff is the bomb-diggity." Exclaimed Dave who had the biggest smile on his face. 

End of Act 1